There was silence after Jeremy went back inside. Brady watched the street below them slowly come to life. The occasional jogger ran past. A couple walked hand-in-hand with their dog on a lead beside them. A woman in pyjamas carried a toddler out to collect a newspaper from the front lawn before heading back inside. The sights and sounds of everyday people living everyday lives. Brady had thought he’d be one of them, with a wife and children and all that went with that kind of life—until everything went to hell.
“If you were reluctant to go out with me before,” he said, his voice rough, “last night really put the nail in that coffin, huh?”
Trina stared at him, sadness clouding her expression. “Are you sure it’s me you want to be dating?”
His eyes locked with hers and he swallowed hard. “Don’t do that. Not you.”
She sat forward, resting her elbows on her knees. “I’m only suggesting you consider the possibility.”
“No, Katrina.” Anger burned low in his gut as he fought to keep his voice down. “Don’t try to tell me who I am. Don’t insist I’m gay. Don’t tell me I’m faking my attraction to you. And don’t throw dick jokes at me. They’re not fucking funny.”
Trina stared at him with wide eyes, her mouth open. “Brady, I would never do any of those things.” She placed a hand on his thigh, her warmth seeping through the thin cotton of his pants. “Who hurt you like that?”
He gave a heavy sigh as he took her hand between both of his and pressed his lips to the back of her fingers. He wished he could always hold her like this. He would give anything to make her stay.
“Brady, talk to me.” She pulled her chair closer so she could slide her free arm around him, stroking the bare skin of his back. “It’ll be okay, I promise.”
“I suppose it can’t get any worse,” he reasoned. “You’ve already proved more loyal than my fiancée ever was.”
She jerked back, pulling her hand from his. “You have a fiancée?”
“Damn, what did I miss?” Ceramic clinked together as Jeremy came through the door with three enormous mugs of coffee clutched precariously in his hands. “What fiancée?”
“I don’t have a fiancée,” Brady insisted, sitting back in his chair. “Not anymore.”
After putting down the mugs, Jeremy dropped cross-legged into a chair and clasped his hands under his chin. “Tell us everything.”
Brady frowned, he really didn’t want to get into it. He looked at Trina, saw Jeremy’s interest reflected there. Rolling his eyes, he released a sigh. “All right, I was supposed to get married last year. Her name was Deborah. The whole thing was planned, right down to the seating chart. Last month would have been our first anniversary. Then it all went to hell and we broke up. The end.”
“That’s all we get?” Jeremy cried, throwing his arms wide. “But what went wrong?
Trina reached again to place her hand back on his arm. “It’s all right. You don’t have to talk about it.” The keen sense of curiosity was still there in her eyes, but he knew she would never push him to share more. She never did. He also knew, if he wasn’t completely honest with her, he would never have a hope in hell of gaining her trust.
“Yeah, I do,” he said finally. “I’m done keeping things from the people I care about. And I care about you.”
She smiled, leaning forward to press a light kiss to his lips. “I care about you, too.”
“Yes, everybody cares.” Jeremy rubbed his hands together with glee. “Now can we finish the group hug and get back to the story, please?”
“It’s not an exciting story,” Brady assured him. “Everything was fine until the weekend before the wedding. Deborah and I had arranged to have our buck’s and hen’s parties on the same night. We booked apartments at the same hotel in the city and we were all supposed to meet for a group breakfast the next morning. It was pretty standard.” He took a sip from his mug to ease the sudden dryness in his throat. “On the morning of the parties, Deb told me she didn’t mind if I wanted to…” he paused to clear his throat, “to break a few rules while I had the chance. As a last hurrah sort of thing.”
Jeremy barked out a laugh. “She wanted to go out and snog a few blokes before she tied herself down, right? This was her way of doing it guilt free.”
“That’s what it amounted to, yeah,” Brady said. “I didn’t like the idea of her making out with some wanker on a club dance floor, but I figured there was no real harm in it. She wanted one night to go a bit wild. What would it matter when we’d be together for the rest of our lives?” He glanced at Trina to see her watching him with a thoughtful expression. Looking away, he forced himself to go on.
“I went out to dinner with a few mates and my brother. Deb’s brothers came with us as well. We drank too much, talked a lot of bullshit, it was a good time. After dinner, we went to a club. It was dark and crowded to hell, but it had good music and a couple of pool tables. Somewhere around one in the morning, I went up to the bar by myself to get another drink and… there was this guy.” He stopped for a moment, unsure how to explain what happened next. “He was hot and I was drunk. When he came onto me I thought, what the hell? Deb had given me her blessing and everyone with me was still hanging out by the pool tables. No one would ever know.” His hands clenched together as he stared out into the distance. “I dragged him into a corner, as far away from the others as we could get. And I kissed the hell out of him.”
The silence was absolute. When he glanced up, Trina and Jeremy were staring at him. They didn’t seem appalled by his behaviour. If anything, they were wrapped up in his story, eager to know what happened next.
“And?” Jeremy asked, confirming his suspicion. “How was it?” There was a hint of flirt in his question and Brady shook his head with a rueful laugh.
“Nice,” he said with a vague nod. “I enjoyed it. Then it was over.”
“Only it wasn’t over, was it?” Trina asked. She’d drawn her legs up onto the chair in front of her, wrapped her arms around her body as she listened.
“No.” He kept his gaze on his hands as he spoke. “One of Deb’s brothers, Keith, had followed me to the bar just in time to see everything that happened next. He freaked out. I tried to explain, but he was as drunk as I was and in no mood to listen. He hit me, damn near broke my jaw. We were thrown out of the club after that.” The story fell out of him now, in a tumult he couldn’t have stopped if he tried. “He called Deb, but of course she wasn’t answering. We went back to the hotel. Keith wouldn’t tell anyone why he was pissed at me. He preferred to stew in silence, waiting for his sister to get back. I was sobering up by then and my face hurt like a bitch, so I went to bed. Deb woke me a few hours later by throwing water in my face.”
Trina rose from her chair, hands on her hips as she glared at him. “She can’t have been angry at you. It was her idea and there’s no way she wasn’t doing the same thing,” she added, wagging a finger at him.
“You’re right,” he confirmed. “She told me in great detail about the many men she made out with.” If he’d thought he would be okay with it, he’d been wrong. Jealousy had torn at his gut with every word. But then, she probably never would have told him how wild her wild night had gotten if she hadn’t become intent on shoving it in his face.
“And yet, she broke up with you over one kiss?” Trina threw her hands in the air in disgust. “What a hypocrite.” She looked to be on the verge of a full rant, but stopped when Jeremy called her name.
“Let the man finish,” he told her, urging her to sit back down.
“Right, sorry.” She lowered herself back to her seat and placed her hands in her lap. “Please continue.”
“Deborah didn’t leave me because I kissed someone else, Trina.” Though he loved the way she’d jumped to his defence, ready to go to battle on his behalf. “She left me because I kissed a man.”
Trina’s face was blank for a long moment, until understanding dawned. “That’s why…” she began, and he knew she was remembering his assumpti
on she’d disliked seeing him kiss Jeremy.
“The thought of it repulsed Deborah. As far as she was concerned, I was a lesser man for it, and she’d realised it in the nick of time.”
“But you were getting married. How did you even get to that point without her knowing who you really are?” There was no accusation in her voice, only a need to understand.
What could he say? That he’d been used to living a life based on subtle deceptions? That he’d been hiding that part of himself for so long, he’d convinced himself it didn’t matter? Or perhaps, if he was honest with himself, he could admit a part of him had known his fiancée wouldn’t want him if she knew the truth.
“She called off the wedding?” Jeremy urged, moving past the question Trina had left hanging in the air.
“She did more than that,” Brady said with a bitter smile. “She singlehandedly called every person who had been invited and told them exactly why it was being cancelled.” That was when Brady had stopped trying to win her back, when he’d found out what she’d done. He’d loved Deborah. Losing her had broken his heart. But the callousness of her actions, the pain and embarrassment she’d caused his family, that’s where the real damage had been done. By the time she was finished, his identity and sense of self had been torn apart. He’d spent the past year trying to reclaim the pieces and put them back together, but they didn’t seem to fit right anymore. It wasn’t until he met Trina and Jeremy, that he realised they never would.
Jeremy swore a blue streak as he rose from his chair to pace the length of the small balcony and back again. He leaned back against the railing, his arms crossed over his chest. “Your family,” he said. “How did they take it?”
“They were confused. They couldn’t understand why I didn’t tell them I’m gay. When I denied it, they refused to believe me. It’s been a year and they’re still waiting for me to admit it.” It sounded so ridiculous he started to laugh—a bitter, halting sound that burned his chest. “My mother thinks I’ve ruined my life. She’s terrified I’ll come home with a boyfriend one day. My father refuses to talk about it and acts like I was never engaged in the first place. My brother’s taken to making jokes about me being so far back in the closet I’m living in Narnia—”
Jeremy snorted, drawing a glare from Trina. “Sorry,” he muttered. “That joke always cracks me up.”
Brady gave him a wan smile. He’d thought it was funny too—the first time.
“Wasn’t there anyone you could talk to?” Trina asked.
“I had my Uncle Ben, the old bugger who left me this place.” He was the only person in the family who seemed to get his head around it. Brady remembered the many conversations they’d had in the months after the breakup, and his heart ached with loss. “He was never keen on Deb, reckoned kissing that bloke in the pub was the smartest thing I’d done in years.”
“I’m with Uncle Ben,” Jeremy grumbled as he plonked himself back down at the table. “Your fiancée was a bitch.”
“That’s why you moved, isn’t it?” Trina asked. “To get away from your family.”
Brady nodded. “After a while, that sort of shit starts to get to you. I started wondering if they were right and I was living in denial. The doubts were driving me crazy. I didn’t know who the hell I was anymore. I had to get away for a while so I could sort my shit out.” He took a deep breath, felt his body start to relax as he let it go again. “I quit my job, changed my phone number, moved out of my apartment. Granted, I didn’t move far. I could be on my parents’ doorstep in under an hour. I send Mum an email every couple of weeks so she doesn’t worry about me being dead, but they don’t know where I’m living. It’s enough for now.”
“What about your friends?” Trina asked, horrified.
He shook his head. “I left everything behind.”
“Let me get this straight.” The light of mischief was back in Jeremy’s eyes. “You ran away from home to escape your doubts about your sexuality and then you moved in beside the two of us.” He gestured to himself and Trina, his face the picture of appalled astonishment. “We who started lusting after you the second we laid eyes on you?” He threw his head back, a deep belly laugh rolling through him. “You must have loved that.”
Brady shook his head, cringing. “Not really.”
“I told you fate put you here.” Jeremy was still in the throes of his amusement. “How are those doubts holding up?”
Taking a moment to think about it, Brady answered as honestly as he could. “Maybe I’m a little closer to bisexual than I thought.”
Jeremy raised his eyebrows at him, smiled widely. “Maybe you are.”
“But I know what I want for my life. I’ve always known.” He turned to Trina as he spoke, taking in every curve and feature, and the longing inside him grew ever stronger. “That’s never going to change.”
Her brows drew down as she watched him. There was warmth in her eyes, and a deep compassion, but also a wariness that reminded him why he’d told them his personal tale of woe in the first place. He wanted her to know him, all of him. He wanted her to take a chance on him anyway. With the way she looked at him now though, he didn’t hold out much hope she ever would.
Chapter 21
“Earth to Ms Carrigan!”
Trina jumped as the voice of her boss interrupted a particularly vivid daydream about a naked Brady and a single cube of ice. “My apologies.” She shifted in her chair, hoping like hell her face wasn’t turning red. “My mind must have wandered.”
“Don’t let it happen again.” The older man dropped a stack of paperwork on her desk. “The rest of us would like to get some work done.”
Trina seethed as he walked away. She’d already worked late three times this week and hadn’t taken a real lunch break since last Thursday. Surely a single five-minute daydream wasn’t worth a fuss. Checking her watch, she sighed. One more hour and she’d be able to leave. She’d arranged to leave early in lieu of payment for some of the overtime she’d been putting in. She would have preferred cash but, unfortunately, that hadn’t been an option.
Ten minutes later, her phone buzzed with a new text message and she reached into her handbag to sneak a peek. The text was from Brady.
I need to see you. Meet me for a drink after work?
Her stomach flipped a somersault that would have made the ten-year-old gymnast she’d once been proud. Fingers flying across the screen, she replied.
Sure. I’ll be off at 3. Is everything all right?
When her phone buzzed again, less than a minute later, she grabbed it.
All is well. I have news to share.
Her heart warmed at the thought Brady would go out of his way to share his news with her. She had no idea what it could be, but hopefully it was good. They made plans for where to meet and then Trina slipped her phone back into her purse. Not wanting to give her boss any excuse to delay her departure, she forced herself to focus on work for the next fifty minutes, managing to accomplish more than she would have normally. It turned out meeting Brady was an excellent source of motivation.
At a few minutes after three, she headed for the nearby pub where they’d arranged to meet. Brady waited for her out the front and gave her a wave when he spotted her from across the street. His smile lit up her insides like a damn Christmas tree. As she stepped up onto the curb, he drew her into his arms, enfolding her against him. She revelled in the easy way she fit against his body, her head tucking perfectly beneath his chin. She stayed there, taking in his scent and the warmth of his body against hers. For a moment she imagined they were like any other couple and he would never want for more than her. She already knew she would never want for more than him.
Swallowing down the sudden lump in her throat, she pulled back. “What’s your news? It’s good I hope.”
“Better than good.” He gave her a long, lazy kiss, before taking her hand in his as they entered the pub. “Let’s get a drink, then we’ll talk.”
They ordered a cheese platter and a b
ottle of wine before finding a small table in a cosy corner of the pub. The instant her butt hit the seat, Trina tapped her hands against the surface of the table in a light drum roll. “Tell me now. I can’t take the suspense any longer. What’s going on?”
Brady laughed at her demanding tone as he poured the wine and handed her a glass. “Actually, it’s not my news I want to share, but yours.”
Trina’s brow crinkled. “What are you talking about?”
“I got an email from Mary a couple of hours ago. She loves the cover you made for her book and she wants to buy it.”
Trina gasped, slapping her hands over her mouth. “No way.” It had taken her a couple of weeks to finish the cover to her own satisfaction. When she was done, she’d tentatively mentioned it to Brady. He’d gotten all excited, insisting on sending it to Mary straight away. There’d been a rush of excitement and terror as she’d watched him send the email with the image attached. That had been just a few days earlier. She hadn’t expected to get a response so fast, and certainly not an unqualified yes.
“There’s more.” He leaned forward, his eyes sparking with enthusiasm as he continued. “Mary is part of a writer’s group and she’s got a couple of friends who are interested in purchasing your services.”
Heart thundering, Trina tried to keep her cool. “Are you kidding me?”
“Not even a little bit,” he assured her. “I’ll forward the emails to you tonight, but I wanted to tell you in person first, so I could see the look on your face.”
She ducked her head, at once embarrassed to be the focus of so much attention and impressed he would come all the way into the city to give her the news. He could easily have told her over the phone, or simply forwarded the messages. It meant a lot to her he’d taken the time to tell her face-to-face. “And was the trip worth it?”
“Hell, yes.” Reaching out, he traced her jaw with the back of his fingers. “I’d do anything to see that smile.”
Her lips stretched impossibly wide at his words. “Thank you, for believing in me.”
Everything We Need (Finding Forever Book 4) Page 13
