“Thanks ladies for helping me think through this and giving me other things to think about,” she said as she raised her eyebrows at Kensi. “We’ve been dating a couple of months now and things are moving pretty quickly. Now again, he is talking a lot about marriage, and I’m concerned that he has never invited me over to his apartment. Besides, he has been to my place on numerous occasions,” Raegan explained, and has even stayed overnight, she added to herself.
“Really? We’re all thirty-somethings and have been in quite a few relationships. There is obviously something wrong with this picture!” Kensi said emphatically. “Rae, how can you even consider marrying this dude and you’ve never been to his place? Does he even have a place? For all you know, he may be living with another woman.”
Raegan’s body stiffened at the thought of Rico betraying her in such a way, especially after everything she’d shared with him – her time and her body.
“Maybe he is trying to move into this nice big place you have,” Michelle said giggling, as she raised her hand in a gesture to show off Raegan’s lovely home.
“Yeah…that’s what bothers me. It just all seems so weird. I’m almost in one of those he’s too good to be true situations,” Raegan said as she mindlessly tapped the table. “I suppose I’m still dating his representative. He is doing a very good job at portraying who he would like me to think he is. I guess I really need to think more critically about him and get the hearts out of my eyes, huh?” she said darting her eyes at Kensi who she knew would have something to add.
“What?” Kensi asked while taking a sip of her glass of wine. “I didn’t say a word. Rae, you’re smart and you already know what you need to do. You don’t need any of us to tell you that,” Kensi said, waving her hand around to each friend. “I will say this though. Be smart about it. Don’t get so caught up with all of the sweet things he’s whispering into your ear. See the relationship for what it is because right now, all he’s giving you is lip service. He is telling you he wants to marry you but he hasn’t actually done anything to show you that. I know you’re all in love with him right now and you’re probably not even hearing anything I’m saying to you, but stay on your toes,” Kensi said and sipped her wine again.
“Well,” Tammy said. “Kensi just about summed it up for you. If you’re having doubts about him, don’t be so quick to accept everything he is saying to you. I know you started off being tough with him, but you started to ease up when you thought he was the man that God sent to you. Even if that is true, he still has to work for you. He still needs to prove himself. You need to take the time to get to know buddy, because something in the water isn’t clean and it’s bound to reveal itself soon. I just hope your eyes are open sweetie,” Tammy said as she walked around the large granite island to give Raegan a hug.
“If this is the real deal, we are all very happy for you; just don’t ignore the red flags. Trust your intuition,” Michelle said. She could attest to relationships going wrong fast with three failed engagements under her belt.
CHAPTER 13
∞
As the ladies placed their plates in the dishwasher and refilled their wine glasses, Michelle shared her failed engagement with her friends to air out her feelings.
“Jason and I are now finished. Raegan and I work together so she already knows the story, but I will share my problems anyway,” Michelle said as they all left the kitchen and gathered into the living room to recline on Raegan’s sage green sofas and La-Z-Boy chairs.
“Against my better judgment, we moved in together. Things were going great in the beginning, of course, but one day he came back to the apartment after work with such a nasty attitude. It was the first time I’d ever seen him like that,” Michelle said, flailing her hands in the air. “I swear it seemed like he had lost his mind,” she continued. “Every little thing was setting him off. For example, while I was cooking, I burned the dinner rolls. They were still edible but he fussed about that. I asked him to help me out by washing the dishes after dinner. He fussed about that. He was bringing my mood down so much that particular night that I decided to go to bed early. That was just the beginning of everything turning sour. During one of our pre-marital counseling sessions, he admitted that part of his issue is that we stopped having sex. That really pisses me off because we mutually agreed to stop having sex shortly after we became engaged,” she paused to take a sip of wine. “I thought we were both on the same page with trying to live better lives before God but obviously not! Ugh!” Michelle said, exasperated.
“Hold on, wait!” Tammy interrupted. “Now you know that you can’t give dude the cookie before you get engaged and then just decide to take it away,” Tammy said giggling. “I mean, seriously. You can’t blame him too much for getting upset about that. Here you were, having sex with him, get engaged to marry, then you snatch the cookie away as if you were using it as bait. Guys love sex, honey, and they generally feel like they’re moving backwards if you’re taking it away, even if you’re about to get married.” Tammy snapped her fingers to solidify her point.
Raegan’s stomach twisted into knots at Tammy’s reasoning because of how she’d let herself go with Rico. She was already feeling guilty enough about what happened between the two of them and now her friend was sitting here saying there was no going back. But Tammy wasn’t Rico, she thought.
Echoing Raegan’s thoughts, Michelle sat up straight on the couch and interjected, “Well hold on for a second now. So you’re saying that if a woman slips up and says yes once, twice or lots of times, then she can’t ever say no? What if she decides that it’s wrong and she wants to do the right thing by waiting until marriage? Then what?”
“A woman is certainly allowed to say no whenever she wants but you should understand that a guy may feel like he’s moving backwards and that usually doesn’t end well unless he agrees that the sex should wait until marriage,” Tammy said to clarify her point.
“Can it really be serious enough to throw our relationship away?” Michelle asked as her eyes began to water, becoming frustrated again.
“I’m sorry honey, but I don’t make the rules. If you want to wait until you get married, you can’t give it up at all,” Tammy said as she moved over to sit next to Michelle. She could see that her words were really getting to her. Tammy rubbed Michelle’s back as the tears fell. Tammy continued, “Guys are like this. They simply want the cookies. If we give them up, they are going to expect to keep getting them. To them, they are receiving mixed signals if we give it up and then take it away. I know it’s hard to wait, but you have to make a choice. We’ve all had this conversation before. We want God’s blessings on our marriage whenever we get married, so we are trying to hold on to the cookies until then. Establish the boundaries up front and stick to them like our girl Rae over here,” she said as she winked at Rae.
Rae avoided making eye contact with any of them at that moment because she wasn’t sticking to her guns these days. Instead, she repositioned herself in the chair to help alleviate the awkwardness she felt in that moment.
“I understand all of that, but I felt like we had a connection. Another reason why I wanted to stop having sex is because I didn’t want to pretend like I was already his wife. He was receiving too many marital benefits without us yet having tied the knot. I was cooking for him, laundering his clothes and rolling around in the bed with him at night. I was just beginning to feel like we were doing too much. The pastor confirmed my feelings during our pre-marital counseling session when he stated that we were putting marital pressures on our relationship by living together and acting like we were married,” Michelle explained.
“Wow. I like the way he expressed that. That’s good info right there,” Kensi chimed in. It made her think of some of her own failed relationships. Although she had never lived with anyone, she had played the role of a wife.
“Yeah, so marriage counseling helped bring out a lot of sore spots in our relationship. We broke up after that particular session. We just fel
t like we didn’t have what it took to make a marriage work. We weren’t apart for long. Two days after breaking up, Jason called me at work, apologizing and wanting to work through our issues. I love him so I decided to take him back without question,” Michelle said, as her friends stared intently at her, coaxing her with their eyes to continue.
“We went to the park to talk things through but that didn’t end well at all. Our conversation quickly turned into an argument as I asked him to set a wedding date. He just could not commit to a date and I was getting so frustrated with him. His indecisiveness was driving me insane. The more we talked, the more the conversation began to get heated as he expressed how he only agreed to stop having sex just to please me but he couldn’t deal with it. It was something about the way that he said it that gave me pause. The next thing I knew, the palm of my hand met his right cheek! I knew right then that he’d cheated!!”
Michelle’s admission was quickly met with questions from her friends as to how she knew Jason was cheating and if she ever confirmed that it was true.
“Yes! I was so pissed. So Tammy, I guess your theory is right. He had to have it; his shameful tail just couldn’t keep his stick in his pants. It was officially over then. I threw his ring at his head and it landed somewhere along the bike trail. Who knows and who cares? But as quickly as they go, they come.”
“What do you mean?” Raegan asked mid sip.
“You know exactly what I mean. I’m over it. I’m glad I didn’t marry his cheating behind. I’m taking a time-out on relationships to focus on what Michelle wants.”
“Just slow down the next time you get into a relationship, OK?” Raegan said. “You just ended your third engagement. What are you doing to these guys to get them to propose anyway?”
“Rae, you know the answer to that question,” Kensi said chuckling. “She is giving up the cookie. I guess you can’t be an Indian giver with the cookie. It’s not working for Michelle.” The room erupted with laughter and it was just what everyone needed to lighten the mood.
“Ah, hush girl,” Michelle said to Kensi while playfully tagging her with a sofa pillow. “So who are you not giving the cookie to these days?”
“First of all, can we stop saying cookie? Secondly, I’m not really involved with anyone. My efforts these days are focused on becoming editor-in-chief!” The job would go to either her or her colleague, Michael. Kensi felt as if she had to work twice as hard being a woman, so she did just that. She covered the best stories and stayed on top of any training that she could get.
“Y’all know I spend most of my time traveling for work. I don’t have much time for anything else these days and that is all right with me,” Kensi said pointing to herself. Kensi had been fully focused on her career since her relationship failed with Zach. Zach was Kensi’s first love. The only reason they broke up is that they accepted jobs in different parts of the country and didn’t work hard enough to make their long distance relationship work.
She had dated a few guys since then, as her way of acting out her frustration with Zach, but nothing serious. When she saw that none of those relationships were going anywhere, and her life was spiraling out of control, she decided to make a change for the better; that is when she and Raegan made their celibacy pact.
CHAPTER 14
∞
Tammy was once married for one year to her college sweetheart, Joshua. They married during their senior year in college, while on Christmas break. Both were young and hopeful that their relationship would last forever, but without marital counseling or more mature married couples to mentor them, their relationship did not make it through the fire. Unlike some couples who were still experiencing the honeymoon phase during the first year of marriage, it was a time of turmoil and heartbreak for Tammy and Joshua.
Joshua was their university’s basketball team’s MVP. Most sports analysts predicted that he was a sure pick for the NBA draft. After marrying during the Christmas holiday, his final collegiate basketball career was in full swing and he vowed not to allow anything or anyone get in the way of him achieving his dream of making it to the NBA. He was sure that Tammy was on board with him achieving his dream.
Just as everyone predicted, Joshua went on to the NBA, but he lost Tammy in the process. In Tammy’s eyes, his lack of attention to her needs, constant traveling and total disregard for her own dreams almost immediately tore their relationship apart when his NBA career began. Tammy decided early on that their marriage would always be about him and what he wanted and that they should end it before things got ugly.
From Joshua’s perspective, separation was not the answer. He loved Tammy and thought they were planning to build a life together. He thought she would be able to handle his career and what it would require of him, especially as a rookie, but she remained selfish and wanted more time with him as newlyweds. He didn’t think the NBA was that much of a change from the amount of time required from him in school, except that once he received the contract, more traveling would be involved than before. He had even gone through the process of purchasing a house so that they could begin building their life together. Instead, she chose to move to Texas while he went on to pursue his career in Boston.
Some days, she regretted being immature and bailing on her marriage. She hadn’t thought that being the wife of a pro basketball player would be so difficult. She always thought that when they were married, he would spend his time doting on her. Part of her understood that his career would be demanding, but a greater part of her wanted to be more important to him.
“I don’t have nearly as much going on in my life as the three of you. I talk with Josh from time to time and that’s about it. I still love him but I don’t want to fight for his attention,” she said, moving down to the floor in front of the fireplace with the rest of her girls. “I’ve known him half of my life already. We dated through high school and college, and he is really the only guy that I have ever wanted to be married to.” But at what expense? Why do I have to be the one to give up everything while he gets to live his dreams? she thought.
“On a much more serious note, I’d like you all to please be in prayer for my granny. She has been diagnosed with lung cancer.” Knowing the possible outcome, Tammy became saddened. She pulled her knees to her chest and rested her chin. Her friends sat in silence as she made her request.
She reflected on the conversation she had while visiting with her grandmother earlier that week and that gave her a smile.
Tammy’s grandmother said, “Just know that Granny has always loved you and I am so proud of the woman that you have become. Too bad that handsome lil’ boy didn’t stick around. He is still my grandbaby, even if things didn’t work out between you two.”
Her grandma was always bringing up Joshua, but she pretended as if she didn’t know who Granny was referring to. “Who are you talking about, Granny?”
“You know exactly who I’m talking about. Josh. When is the last time you talked to him?”
“It’s been a while. But let’s not talk about him; I want to make sure you’re okay,” Tammy remembered saying.
“Oh, don’t worry about me honey. Granny has lived and loved and you need to do the same. Promise Granny that you will call my grandson.”
“Okay, I will,” Tammy promised, not knowing when she would call.
“No, call him right now. I want to talk to him,” her grandmother said as a way to make sure that Tammy would keep her promise. She knew that Tammy was stubborn and would probably never reach out to him although he made contact with her from time to time.
“Really, Granny? This is what you’re worried about?” Shouldn’t you be more concerned about your health? she thought.
“Get him on the phone, her grandmother said sternly.”
Obeying her grandmother, she called Joshua. As soon as he picked up and they exchanged hellos, her grandma motioned for her to pass the phone.
“Hey baby.”
“Hey Granny Rose. You don’t sound very well. Are
you okay?” Joshua was concerned.
Ignoring his question, she jumped right into the reason she wanted to talk to him.
“Honey, take it from me. You don’t want to waste time being angry and upset and waging war about who is more important. It is time out for all of that. You two need to come to your senses and start working this out. She still loves you.” Her grandmother had held her peace the entire time. Since she was now coming to terms with her mortality, she couldn’t hold her tongue anymore. Someone needed to tell them to get their acts together, and she was just the right person for the job.
“Granny, we—” Tammy said, starting to interrupt her grandma, but she thought better of it when Granny gave her a sideways glance. She knew not to interrupt her grandmother when she was talking. She only wanted to say that they hadn’t made any sort of plans to work anything out and she didn’t know if they ever would.
Granny’s words boosted Joshua’s confidence. He wanted to work things out with her and see if they could ever get back to the point of being husband and wife again. He was glad that Granny Rose shared his thoughts.
“Tammy was the best thing that ever happened to me. The time apart has been rough on me, you know. Although I was able to build my basketball career, it was tough not having her by my side. But I promise I am going to do all that I can to make things work soon enough.”
Granny smiled and said, “Thank you dear; that is all that I ask.” Tammy couldn’t hear what Joshua said to her Granny, but it must have been satisfactory because she was smiling. Her grandmother handed the phone back to her and she ended the call.
Tammy’s thoughts were interrupted by the comfort of her friends. “We’re so sorry Tammy,” her friends all echoed.
“If there is anything that you need us to do, just say the word,” Raegan said, having lost one of her grandmothers to lung cancer as well. “How is she doing?”
Love, Lies & Consequences Page 6
