by Atticus Lish
I heard some sound. I think like somethings falling on the ground. You think someone is there?
Apparently he did think so. She asked who he thought could have done such a thing. Skinner asked if she remembered how he had been having things disappear—a magazine, some medication, his six-pack of beer? He thought the guy who was stealing from him was spying on them as well. Skinner knew he came down in the basement because he had seen him under the sink.
He’s been in my room to fix the boiler. Right after that, Mrs. Murphy complains about my room to me. Remember how I cleaned it up? That was him. So I know he’s down there, he’s seen everything. When I go out, when I come back, there’s always something moved like he was down there. And none of this ever happened before him. This all started happening after he showed up. The other day, I saw him out here and it’s like there’s something on between us. Like something’s gonna happen.
Why he does this things to you?
I don’t know what his problem is. You ever see this guy? He’s like this pretty big dude, real tall, walks up and down like he’s going boing-boing on springs, like he wants to kill somebody. He’s got a little beard right here.
Yes, she said. I know him.
You do?
One day I come to find you and you aren’t here. He open the door. I think it’s him.
Really? You serious? You know it was him?
She said she thought so.
What’d he say to you?
He try to invite me inside.
What’d you do?
I say no. I go away. But he try to convince me.
He came onto you?
Maybe, yes, I think so. Skinner’s face contorted. But, she told Skinner, it didn’t mean anything to her. It wasn’t the only time a man had tried to talk to her in Flushing. A lot of man try to trick the woman.
Like who?
This one boy, he call me Ma. It’s very funny. I think, You call to your mother?
What was he, a black dude?
He is black. Hey, Ma! he say.
What’d you say?
I have to go.
What was that, on Main Street?
Yes, in Chinatown. Nothing happen. I think he just look at me as I walk away. Say some things, Ma! like he call his mother.
I mean, I can understand that. That’s normal cause of how you look and everything.
She asked him if he felt all right, and he said he just felt tired.
When they got home, they were teetering on the edge of sadness again. He asked her if they could lie down on the bed together and hug each other until she had to go. They held each other for quite a while, keeping the bedside light on for comfort. Do you love me? he asked. She said she wouldn’t be lying in his bed with him if she didn’t love him. His jaw flexed, his eyes squeezed and a pulse of tears ran down his nose, a thin stream that dried sixty seconds later. She held his head, rubbing the back of his neck where his haircut ended.
I love you, he said.
She did not respond and he wondered if the words sounded as empty to her as they had to him. He stroked her back and hip. There was nothing he could say that was equal to the curve of her hip.
No man can touch me except you.
That’s right, he said.
At eleven o’clock, he sat up suddenly and said wait a minute. Went and grabbed his boots, told her not to move. Stay right here, I want to see something. Before he left, he got the gun and then he ran upstairs, leaving her distressed and confused.
He ran around the house and came up the alley on the other side to the grating above their window. She stood on the bed and whispered, What you doing?
I’m looking at our privacy. Can you see me up here?
No. I barely see you.
All right. Just a minute. I’m coming back.
He came back around the house. She heard him locking the house door after he came back in, then thumping down the stairs in his boots and checking everywhere: the bathroom, the kitchen, the closet, all the corners.
What happened?
I heard something.
She asked him please to put the gun away. She was really upset again.
I know I heard something outside. With the bedside light on, it isn’t good. You can see everything from up there.
46
IT WAS A LONG ride and she had to transfer twice to get to the Bronx. The white people got off and the blacks and Spanish got on and stayed on. The train filled, got dark with dark people, and smelled like coconut skin-sweat and cherry incense. From Westchester Avenue, she took a bus east to Soundview. The bus traveled down an eight-lane avenue overlooked by project housing on a human-dwarfing scale. She rang the bell and got off. Each tower looked like a battleship planted in the ground and sticking up in the sky, rusting, and she counted twenty of them. She asked directions of a Haitian woman wearing church shoes. Go on down pass, she said. The woman had a deeply seamed face. A concrete staircase led down a dusty hill to where there were low, flat-roofed buildings, forklifts in the street. At the bottom, she found the address she was looking for, a factory.
There were bars over the windows and ripped dresses over the bars, so you couldn’t see inside. Strips of ripped fabric were tied everywhere, to the grates and wire mesh, the handle of the door covered in Spanish graffiti. The walls inside were written up in magic marker. Looking for a way in, she went inside a hallway like a cattle chute that ended in a steel mesh door. On the drop ceiling, she saw the writing: Viva Ei. There was no way in—the door was locked. Through the holes in the steel mesh, she heard the fans blowing and the machines running and saw the boxes, the piles of fabric in different colors, and the women at the tables. Going back outside, she passed a flex gate through which the interior was visible, but it was padlocked. A starved man with the cancerous sun-beaten skin of a farmworker was taping up boxes, cutting the packing tape with a tape-handled razor. He didn’t look at her when she asked the way in.
Around the corner, she found another barred entrance that had been left ajar. Chinese was written in magic marker all over the plaster. It said: This factory’s phone number is—and the numbers were crossed out, and there were more numbers and more names and messages in Chinese. Outside an alcove, beneath the pipes, someone had written: You cannot have a bowel movement in the toilet or you will be responsible for cleaning.
She stepped over cardboard boxes piled next to the breaker boxes, a copy of the minimum wage law taped to the bricks, and the whirring became louder and she saw the rows and rows of tables, the women back to front, working barefoot, pressing the pedals, operating the lever with a knee. Someone’s radio was playing and you could barely hear it in the pervasive hushing of the fans. The sewing machines clicked like telegraph machines. At the far back of the room, under the rafters, next to the padded ironing boards used to flatten the garments before they were boxed, there were piles of empty cardboard boxes and other junk, old sewing machines and metal chairs with strips of rotted fabric tied to them like sodden headscarves, and more garments piled in canvas bins, property of the postal service.
The factory smelled like old wood and cardboard. There was cardboard under the machines down with their bare feet to catch the oil from the Juki sewers furred in dust, strips of lucky red fabric tied to the spindle bobbins.
There were about seventeen women working, a few in their twenties or thirties, most appearing older. A large number of them wore glasses. They did not look at her, keeping their eyes on their work, backs hunched, the impression of a brassiere strap visible across their hunched backs. It was hot and they favored sleeveless rayon blouses or t-shirts. She saw them going gray.
One who was still young got up to go to the filthy refrigerator, apparently to look at her lunch in its red plastic bag, and her t-shirt showed a cartoon of someone sleeping next to the caption: Wake At Your Own Risk. She wore knee-length shorts like Zou Lei, was very thin, almost red-skinned, and had a jutting jaw and short wild hair, tripping along when she walked in her plastic sandals
. She went into the bathroom you couldn’t use for a bowel movement and came out with a wet paper towel, which she rubbed over her skinny arms to cool off in front of a fan. She glanced at Zou Lei and gestured, spoke, gestured, barely able to be heard over the fan, saying:
Behind you, the man. See him.
Zou Lei turned and saw a man leaning back in an office chair with his feet up on a desk with an unplugged rice cooker on it. The wall above him had Ms. Asia Swimsuit Beauty contestants cut out from the paper taped to the bricks. The white-skinned women posed in one-piece bikinis, one hand to their 1960s hairdos, one hand to the hip. The man was wearing distressed jeans that were nearly iridescent.
He looked at her sideways and took a call on his cell phone. When he was done talking, he stood and felt his pockets for a lighter, picked up a pack of White Cotton cigarettes off the desk, put one in his mouth, felt his hips again for a lighter, and took the unlit cigarette out of his mouth and scuffed his way to the office, his long arms hanging from his spine like wet laundry, as if everything was too much for him in this heat.
She followed him into the office, which was a small shed, and it was ice cold. There was an air conditioner set at sixty degrees blowing frigid air into the closet-sized space. He sighed and rotated his lighter in his hand, tapping it on the desk and rotating it with his fingers. His pinkie finger had a long sharp nail. He never looked at her directly. They were surrounded by boxes of main labels to be stitched into garments and tubs of machine attachments, needles, Pegasus bobbins and screws, fan belts, a jug of 80-weight gear oil, rolls of thread in black, white, blue, and glint, a fax machine with its green light winking, and a mini fridge. He spoke Toisan Cantonese; Mandarin annoyed him. She agreed with everything, even the things she couldn’t understand. She kept the military training to herself.
He asked: You a seamstress?
Naturally, she said.
He didn’t seem to care. He ran the different departments down for her: Lak gwat. He switched to English, annoyed she didn’t understand. Marrow. Baby hem. Binding. Pearl. Fifty cent a piece. Maybe ten cent. It depend. The different department grab the bundle. Sometime work overnight if they have to push the order out.
There were no days off. If you didn’t show up, you didn’t earn, that was all.
Any question?
She had no questions that she could ask him. There was no final statement made as to whether she was hired or not, or whether she would report to work tomorrow. This was neither asked nor answered. The conversation ended when she realized that he wasn’t going to say anything else to her.
One last thing happened. As she was trying to leave the building, she saw a man pulling the gate shut and putting a bike chain through it, locking them in, and she started yelling involuntarily: Hey! What’re you doing? I’m leaving!
He was an older guy, a bachelor type in an undershirt, the kind who knew the way things worked and didn’t have a problem with it. He gave her a look of crafty amusement.
Relax. The other door is open there, he said.
I wanted to speak to you about something, Skinner.
What’s that?
A prostitute from Flushing came here looking for you.
What do you mean? When?
I’m not sure of the day.
Wait a minute. I’m kind of confused. I don’t know any prostitutes from Flushing. I’m trying to figure out who it could have been. Was she Asian-looking?
I don’t know. My son said he spoke with her.
And he knows her how?
My son said he recognized her from Flushing.
You say he recognized her?
That’s correct. He recognized her. Coming to this house, looking for you.
Skinner had no reply to this.
I just thought you should know.
When he was lying in bed, he had a dream that someone was outside his window grating wearing MOP gear, releasing sarin down into the basement, that the gas was dripping all over him in his bed and he was breathing it in, and that by the time he woke up, it was already too late to save him. He gave himself both atropine shots to no avail. The green camouflaged figure came down into the basement in hood and gas mask and took Zou Lei away into the other room where Skinner couldn’t see what was happening. He was dying, paralyzed. He could hear her screaming and the table banging. Then she was brought back in with her head hanging. The figure straddled her like a goat on her hands and knees and began to strangle her with a hose. This went on for an extended period of time, punctuated by rests, during which one of the things she said was No. Then her air was cut off and her face went purple and her legs straightened out behind her. Skinner began weeping in his sleep. Stop, he sobbed. Don’t do that to her.
He watched the man apply pressure until she stopped shaking, and then continue it far past that point, jamming a broom handle in the garrote to torque it. The man jammed it in and left it tight for several minutes. Her personality, her personhood were long lost. The garrote made the head bloated. A distorted face that was not the way she had ever looked before when it was her.
When Jimmy was with his crew, they saw Skinner coming and they waited until he got close. Guado was prepared to say something or do something. The point was to keep him guessing. What they said might be friendly. Have a good day, guy. Or they said something you could barely hear and half a block later you knew it was an insult. Sometimes just a word. Your brain would unfold it while you were walking. Or, depending, they would let you know you were being sized-up, and when you showed the slightest reaction, tensing up your shoulders or the way you walked, somebody would yell, Don’t fuck with me! all crazy.
Skinner got closer and Guado murmured, He ain’t shit. Then louder: What’s up, big boy!
Nothing, Skinner said.
Jimmy: A little fuckee suckee. And then Jimmy watched Skinner’s face as he kept walking.
It was perfectly true that Jimmy had a few things that did not belong to him and that one of them was a Hustler that had been purchased at a PX on a military base, the PX being next to the pharmacy where you received your Zoloft, Ambien, Valium, Risperidone, your psychotics and your anti-psychotics.
One of the girls bore a rough resemblance to her in that she had brown hair, the same small build, though she was perhaps a little airbrushed. Either way, she had not heard his footsteps on the basement stairs when she was getting done. Based on how she sounded, he thought she was uneducated and lower class. A beautiful feminine lady of an exotic arousal. The vet, her boyfriend, was a punk.
Once, the kid had tried to confront him, so to speak. Jimmy was prowling around the basement and the knothead came out of his room and started whining about how I know you took my shit.
But there was no nothing behind it, which is what Jimmy expected, so he did more little things as little tests, just as games, feeling all along, if you can’t take it, you shouldn’t be living here. You can’t even show your woman a good time.
On his stairs, Skinner found a business card for an escort service. It said Outcalls Only, there was a phone number, Flushing, New York, and the picture was a tan Asian woman in a thong, black-and-white palm trees. For Perfect Ass, it said.
Skinner kept it as evidence, storing it in his assault pack thinking, After I waste this motherfucker, I’ll show them.
47
FOR A SERIES OF days on and around July 4th, when Monroe was at family picnics having roast pork with relatives he disdained, they let her work the front. By sometime in the afternoon, her feet would hurt from standing up all day and she would check the time, hipshot and bored in her tight jeans and the always-dirty food-encrusted uniform shirt. She dug the ladle into the rice, folded the rice over and glanced out over the counter, barely hearing the monotonous roar of the customers ordering in Chinese, the trays clattering, the kitchen racket, the syrupy pop songs. Only her predicament existed to her. She went round the elements of her life again: Skinner, papers, cops, marriage, lawyer, money, job, housing, Skinner, his illness, money. E
very planet in the orbit was another unknown. At night, she turned the fan on in the hot plywood shed and couldn’t sleep until the room cooled off toward morning. Her head hurt. Periodically, day or night, she suffered a jab of panic: What if someone locked her up again just because he thought it was his job? And then she saw the cell. She tried to breathe and think of what to do. You will at least try to do something, she told herself. You will go with Skinner and get married. But should I get an ID in my legal name first? A good one? This reintroduced the problem of arrest. Or getting robbed or ripped-off. And money. Money. She was running out of money. If I can’t pay rent, then what? She lifted her foot and held the instep of her sneaker to stretch her thigh and a tremor such as you might see on a horse’s flank shot down her leg.
Above all, she wanted to do something she could control. She wanted to reject every solution that involved going through a government office. It wasn’t realistic, but she wished she could reduce everything to the simple physical test of running away.
That evening she went to see Skinner and he met her in a state of paranoia, pacing back and forth in the sunset shadows on the corner. The buildings across from the train tracks cast walls of gloom over the avenue. He greeted her by looking around her at the empty street, the train tracks, the sniper positions in the windows, the roofs, hitching up his beltless jeans and saying come on, let’s get inside. Then he went around the basement checking their perimeter, looking in the bathroom, peeking around the corner into the kitchen area, opening his closet and gazing at the boiler.
To her horror, she saw he had the gun in his hand, and she told him to put it away or she would leave.
He had taken something that made him manic, she thought.
We have to try to take it easy, she said, to make the right decision. She told him she had decided that, if he was still willing, getting married was probably the best thing they could do to ensure that she wouldn’t be deported and that they shouldn’t delay any longer. What did he think?
