“Sit down, James,” Sarah said calmly. “I’ll get you a plate. Lynda, you sit still and finish your food. I can fix James’s for him.”
James hung his hat on a hook. “I went to our cabin first—figured you were all over there,” he said, trying to make pleasant conversation. “How come you’re making supper tonight, Lynda?”
Lynda met her young brother’s eyes, also sensing the tension between Caleb and the boy. “It’s a celebration. I am going to have another child.”
James grinned at first. “Hey, that’s great.” Then he sobered. “But . . . we won’t be able to go to California, will we?”
Caleb met his eyes. “You want to go?”
Sarah set a plate in front of James and he stared at the food. “I just want to get out of here—away from . . . things.”
Caleb frowned at him. “Yes, I suppose you do. I don’t need to guess what the ‘things’ are you’d like to get away from. I think they’re called Cheyenne.” He set aside his fork and rose while everyone looked at him in surprise and James reddened. “I’m going out for a smoke. You care to join me, Jess?”
Jess sensed the man’s need to get out of the room. “Sure, Caleb.” He patted Lynda on the shoulder and rose, getting his hat. Caleb moved to the door, turning and looking at his family.
“Several things have happened lately that seem to be designed to try to tear this family apart, but it’s not going to happen. Cale may leave us, but we won’t ever really be apart, because he is a fine, proud young man who is following his heart and who loves his mother dearly for understanding. We can only be proud of him. Lynda is going to have another baby. We’re gaining a new member in the family, and that is always something to celebrate. As far as California, it apparently will just have to wait. We’ll just have to trust Tom to our prayers. And no matter what James decides to do with his life, it will be his decision, just as Cale has made his own choice. I will not let whatever any of you do interfere with the fact that we all are Saxes and we are family, and wherever any of us goes in life, the love we share will give each of us the strength he or she needs to survive, and we can all be together—in spirit.”
He turned and left, and Sarah gazed after him, realizing something very moving had prompted the speech he had just given. She glanced again at James, who sat staring at his plate, and it pained her heart to realize the rift was deepening between her son and his father. Young John climbed down from his chair and ran around the table to climb onto the lap of his bigger Indian half brother. James watched Cale as he picked the boy up.
“What really happened to you, Cale?” he asked sarcastically.
Cale met his eyes challengingly. “That’s my business.”
“And my father’s? Everybody knows how close you are,” James quipped.
“James, that will be enough,” Sarah spoke up, a quiet anger evident. “You and your father could be even closer, if you would let it happen. That is no one’s fault but your own.”
James said nothing. He picked quietly at his food for a few minutes, wondering what his father meant by “losing Cale.” Life might be a lot better for him if Cale would stay out of the picture. “You going away, Cale?” he finally asked after swallowing a piece of chicken. “For good, I mean?”
Cale handed his little brother a piece of meat. “You don’t have to try to act like you care. You know I am going to take part in the Sun Dance. You heard—out by the barn.” He accented the words as though to remind James of something more, and James glanced at his mother’s discerning eyes. He looked back at Cale.
“So? What about it?”
“So I will probably stay with the Cheyenne after that.”
James took a bite of biscuit and swallowed. “We all knew you would. You think you’re all Indian. You might as well live with them.”
“And what are you, James?” Cale asked in a near sneer.
James scooted back his chair and rose. “I am James Sax.” He leaned closer. “See this face? You see any Indian in it?”
Cale held his eyes steadily. “No. But there is Indian in your heart, and in your blood! One day you will realize that and you will be very sad that you pretended it was not so.”
James snickered. “I highly doubt that. And the fact that you see no Indian in me answers your question. You asked what I am. I am white. You made your choice, and I made mine.”
Cale nodded. “Yes. Why does that mean we can no longer be the good friends we once were, James? I miss the fun we used to have.”
Some of the arrogance left James’s eyes and he looked somehow deflated. He turned around. “I miss it, too. But things were different then. We were in Texas and we had a good life there. It’s all different now.” He looked at Lynda. “I’m glad about your baby. And I’m sorry I spoiled supper. It seems as if I’m always spoiling things.” He turned back to Cale. “Is Pa still going with you?”
Cale nodded. “Yes. You could go, too. Grandfather would like that.”
“I doubt it. He’ll be with the Indians. I don’t know him when he’s like that. Besides, he likes being alone with you. He and I don’t have much in common anymore.”
“James, that’s enough,” Sarah said sharply. “You go back to our own cabin and wait for me there, do you understand?”
The boy glanced darkly at her, then looked down at the table. “Yes, ma’am.” He hurried out, slamming the door.
In the distance Caleb and Jess stood against a fence, smoking pipes. They watched James storm toward Sarah and Caleb’s cabin.
“You had words again?” Jess said quietly to Caleb.
Caleb nodded, puffing his pipe a moment. “I can’t talk to him at all anymore, Jess. I swear I’d rather have the kind of problems you and Lynda have with Cale than the kind I have with that boy. At least Cale loves and respects you both. I have no doubt how much James loves his mother. But he doesn’t seem to hold much for me anymore. I was very tempted earlier today to hit him for something he said. I don’t like feeling that way about one of my own children. I guess that’s the Indian in me. They never hit their children. Pure shame over doing something wrong seems to be enough punishment. But I went wrong somewhere with James. And he doesn’t seem to feel any shame at all when he insults his own father and his own blood.”
“You’re wrong there, Caleb. That boy all but worships you and he doesn’t even know it. He keeps his true feelings buried way, way down deep. You can’t do a damned thing about it, and you shouldn’t feel guilty or wrong for that. You’ve done nothing but love him. He’s just got a lot of learning to do before he begins to understand what’s really important in life. We’re losing Cale to the Indian world. And I think you’ll lose James to something else—a search, perhaps. But he’ll come around.” He sighed deeply and turned to rest a foot on a fence rail. “Thanks for what you’re doing for Cale. I’ll watch the women. James can help me there. Maybe I can bring in one or two men from the fort. There are always men around who’ll work for a meal.”
Caleb nodded. “I’ll try to get back as fast as I can. Depends on how Cale is.”
Jess frowned. “How bad is it, Caleb? He’ll be all right, won’t he?”
Caleb kept watching the house, where James had gone inside. “I’ll make sure he’s all right. But it’s a very difficult ordeal. Most grown men wouldn’t think of going through it. Personally I’d rather he waited. But he’s been shamed and he’s anxious to make up for it.”
“What really happened to him?”
A faint grin passed over Caleb’s lips. “You’ve got to promise not to tell Lynda. The boy would be devastated.”
“I wouldn’t think of telling her.”
Caleb sighed deeply. “It would be humorous if it wasn’t so serious to Cale. I’m afraid he got caught doing a little peeking at some young maidens who went to the creek to bathe. He was taken before the council, and it was decided the women themselves should do the punishing. And believe me, Indian women can be real vicious when they choose to be.”
Jess
contemplated the story for a moment, then began to grin. “Cale was peeking at naked women?”
Caleb grinned more. “I’m afraid so. Sounds like a pretty normal, red-blooded boy to me, wouldn’t you say?”
Jess began to snicker. “I’d say so.” He laughed more then. “Women did that to him?” His laughter became more uncontrolled. “Jesus Christ, now I know where Lynda gets that temper,” he said between laughs. “I sure hope I don’t ever make her that mad! I’d hate to say I was beat on by a woman!”
The picture it brought to mind made Caleb laugh even harder himself. It felt good to laugh, for deep inside he wanted to cry. He watched his own cabin as the refreshing laughter moved through him, wondering when the last time was James had laughed. The more he thought about it, the more he realized he could not remember the boy laughing, even in the good years. He had always been so serious, even as a child. Jess’s laughter helped him push away the agony he felt over James. Jess was laughing so hard by then he could hardly get his breath.
“Hell, if I had the opportunity, I’d peek, too,” he told Caleb, wiping at tears of laughter.
“And I’d be right beside you.”
He continued to laugh along with his son-in-law, but he was watching Sarah walk briskly toward their own cabin.
Sarah walked into the cabin with a determined sureness, turning and closing the door behind her. She held James’s eyes as the boy stood at the table facing her.
“Don’t you love me, James?”
The boy frowned. “You know I love you, Mother.”
“I find that hard to believe. Don’t you realize that every time you hurt your father, you also hurt me?”
James sighed deeply, fingering the back of a chair.
“You had words with him again, didn’t you? What kind of disrespectful things did you say to him this time?”
James looked at her with tear-filled eyes. “He loves Cale more than me. He always has!”
“That is nonsense! My God, James, after all this family has been through, how can you not see how much Caleb Sax loves every member of his family, especially his son. He has lost so much. So much! And I will not stand for your hurting him any more than you already have!”
“But he’s the one who has hurt us—especially you. It’s all his fault.”
She stepped closer, never more tempted to hit her son. “How dare you suggest your father would ever deliberately hurt anyone he loved! None of the things that have happened are his fault. It’s the fault of society—of prejudice and hatred and war! Your father has no control over those things. The only thing a man can control is his own choice in life, and that is what you must also do, James. If you don’t want to admit to being part Indian, that is just fine. Your father has told you to do what is in your heart to do. We have always given you that freedom. But I will not stand for your insulting or hurting your father again—not in any way, word, or deed!”
James stared at her, frowning at the firm, determined look in her eyes. She was different this time, angrier, stronger. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled.
“Sorry is not enough. If you want to continue living in this house with your mother and your family, you will apologize to Caleb, and you won’t tell him I know or said anything to you. And you will promise me never to hurt him again with your selfish, spiteful words!”
“What do you mean, if I want to continue living here?”
“I mean exactly what it sounds as if I mean! You are my beloved son. I would die for you, and so would your father, I might add. But that doesn’t mean I have to allow you to keep disrupting this family and hurting your father. Your father works hard for you and has even denied himself things that he needs in order to put money aside so that you can further your schooling, something we both know you want very much to do. You will repay that with respect for your father, or you will leave this house and this family and make your way alone, without the money we have set aside for you!”
The boy watched her green eyes and saw firm determination there. He swallowed, realizing she meant every word. “Father . . . set aside money for school?”
“Are you going to do what I have told you?”
He sighed deeply. “Yes, ma’am.”
“And you will also apologize to Cale. You had no reason to speak to him the way you did tonight. You will wish him luck at the Sun Dance, much as you might detest what he is doing. It is his choice and in his mind an honorable thing to do. It’s important to him, just as your schooling is important to you. And you will stop this ridiculous jealousy you feel for him. I am ashamed of the selfish and childish way you have acted.”
James blinked, his eyes tearing slightly. “I don’t always mean . . . sometimes things just come out wrong, Mother.”
She wanted to soften, as she usually always did. She wanted to embrace him. But at the moment being firm seemed the only solution. He had to believe she meant it when she said he would not be allowed to live with them if he hurt his father again.
“That happens to all of us at one time or another, James. But we don’t repeat such things over and over as you have. I will remind you that you are still riding a beautiful Appaloosa—the horse your father brought to you when we had to flee Texas. He bought that horse from Mr. Handel with money we needed very badly, just because it was a pet and you missed that animal dearly. I will never forget how happy you were when you saw that horse, or the way you looked at your father. What happened, James? What put all this bitterness in your heart?”
The boy shrugged and swallowed. “I don’t know. I guess it just didn’t change the fact that we had to leave in the first place—because of our Indian blood. All those bad things that happened—those men who hurt you and my sister and killed my dog.” The boy blinked and swallowed again. “And then those men who stole our horses and shot you. It’s always because we’re Indian. I just don’t understand how Pa can keep being proud to be Indian and be so excited that Cale wants to live with the Cheyenne and take part in that pagan ritual.”
“Then I suggest you start at least trying to understand, James Sax. And even if you can’t, you will show some respect for others’ feelings and the way they choose to live. Your father would much rather be with the Cheyenne himself, but he gave up that life for me. I won’t have you making it all more difficult for him by adding to his problems with your inconsiderate ways. Do we understand each other?”
The boy sniffed. “Yes, ma’am.”
“Good. Now you can go outside and bring in some wood. I’m almost out.”
The boy turned and went out, and Sarah gasped with repressed sorrow, breathing deeply to keep from breaking down. She didn’t want James to see her being weak, not at this crucial moment. Moments later he came back inside with the wood and she ordered him to get more, going outside herself and calling out to Caleb as he approached the house. She put on a smile for him.
“I made a cake for Lynda. Let’s take it back over,” she told him. “There have been enough words between us this evening. Lynda wanted this to be a celebration, and we will make it one.” She hugged him around the middle and Caleb glanced at the doorway, from which James had emerged. The boy hesitated before speaking.
“You got any chores for me tonight, Pa?”
Their eyes held, Caleb wondering at the changed attitude in his son. He looked down at Sarah, who was smiling but also pleading with her eyes to leave well enough alone. He leaned down and kissed her cheek, then looked back at his son. “No. Just get that cake your mother baked and carry it back over to Lynda’s. We aren’t through celebrating.”
James managed a smile and went inside. Caleb looked down at Sarah. “You all right?”
“I’m fine,” she answered with sureness. “Just promise me you’ll come back after you go with Cale to the Sun Dance. Don’t set your eyes on some pretty little Indian maiden. I know all about how older warriors often marry the young girls.”
He grinned, bending down and kissing her lightly. “I’ve got my own young girl right here. And
how could I not come back? I’m only happy when we’re together.” He embraced her tightly. “I’m sorry I didn’t get a chance to talk to you first.”
“Just be careful out there, Caleb. It’s so dangerous for the Cheyenne now. That’s my biggest worry with Cale. Life just isn’t the same for them anymore. They’re a hunted people and things are only getting worse.”
“I know. But don’t worry about old Blue Hawk here.” He looked up to see James coming toward them with the cake. The boy came closer, looking up at his father.
“Let’s go surprise Lynda,” he told his parents.
Caleb kept an arm around Sarah and put a hand on James’s shoulder. “Don’t you dare drop that thing.”
James managed to grin as they walked back toward Jess and Lynda’s cabin. Caleb looked down at Sarah, his mind full of questions. But he sensed those questions were better left unasked.
• Chapter Fifteen •
Crickets screeched into the night air as Caleb sat near Cale, watching Buffalo Boy’s mother carefully paint his grandson’s entire body with colorful flowers. Both Cale and Caleb wore only loincloths in the hot night, and Caleb had painted his face with stripes in his prayer color, white. Buffalo Boy’s family had agreed to help Cale prepare for the ceremony, and Snowbird watched quietly and proudly from the shadows beyond the light of the tipi fire as her mother painted nearly every exposed area of Cale’s body, using clays and flower pollens for color.
In spite of several days of fasting and a loss of weight, Cale’s body still had a hard, strong look to it. He was taller and broader than most boys his age. Snowbird could see he got that build from his grandfather, whose white father’s blood had given him his height. Her family had been glad to aid Cale, for he had become like another son to them, and since his grandfather was the legendary Blue Hawk, they felt even more honored to sponsor the boy. They were anxious to see Cale make up for the disgrace he had suffered at the hands of the Cheyenne women and to have him fully accepted into the tribe, for Cale and Buffalo Boy were very close.
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