She leaned against his chest, smiling lovingly. “What a nice thought for you to have. Thank you, Caleb.”
They rode on quietly as he headed into the trees. It was dark, and this could be a dangerous land, but she was never afraid when she was with Caleb Sax, never doubting his ability to handle himself and protect her if the need, arose. She felt suddenly excited as a young girl. They were alone, and she was with her man, the man she loved with the same passion as the young, handsome half-breed who had swept her away so many years ago.
He reached the place he wanted and halted his horse, dismounting and lifting her down. But he didn’t put her on her feet. He brought her close, meeting her lips in a searching kiss. She knew Caleb was deeply worried about Tom. It seemed that when he was worried more than usual about someone he loved his passion increased. But she would not mention Tom. She would simply enjoy the moment.
He slowly lowered her, and she met his eyes in the moonlight that filtered through the trees. It was early autumn and the mosquitoes had nearly vanished because of an early frost they had had the week before. But now it was warm again, the night perfect and romantic, with a full, luminous moon.
“It never really changes, does it, Caleb? We’ve been through so much—so much pain and loss. And yet here we are. The love has never changed. It’s just as wonderful and sweet as when we first realized it was there.” She ran a hand over his strong arms, breathing deeply, feeling exhilaration at the realization that he could so easily hurt her but knowing he never would. He could be as wild and vicious as the most uncivilized warrior, yet here she was in his arms. “In my whole life I’ll never forget how you looked that day you came to see me in St. Louis. You look hardly any different, Caleb.”
“And neither do you.” He kissed her forehead.
“Oh, Caleb, sometimes I’m half crippled like an old lady. You must tire of it.”
“I wouldn’t tire of you if you couldn’t even get up out of bed. But you’re better now and tonight we will celebrate.”
He let go of her and took a blanket down from his horse, spreading it out on the grass. Then he took a bottle of wine and two glasses from his parfleche. “I bought this at the fort the other day.” He held out the bottle.
“Caleb Sax. You know I don’t drink.”
“Oh, you’ve taken a nip or two for pain. What’s wrong with some for simple pleasure?”
They sat down on the blanket and he uncorked the bottle, pouring some into each glass, handing one to her. “The man at the fort assured me this is good stuff—imported from France and shipped here from St. Louis. I paid a pretty penny for this stuff, so drink up, woman.”
She laughed lightly and took a sip. “Do you think we’ll go to California next spring, Caleb?”
“Who can tell? It’s hard to plan anything anymore. We’ll see how you and that new baby do over the winter.”
She breathed deeply, drinking more wine. “This is good wine.”
Caleb grinned to himself, pouring her a little more. He knew she still had the pain in her joints, and he wanted her to feel no pain tonight—only pleasure. He kept her talking, never mentioning the past—only the future. He drank a little more himself, but filled her glass faster than he filled his own, until finally she was giggling.
“Caleb, this is so crazy, coming out here in the middle of the night.” She laughed. “What if someone comes along?”
“Out here? What’s going to come along? A deer, maybe?”
She laughed again. It was not like her to laugh so readily, and he knew the wine was having its effects. He leaned forward and kissed her in the middle of a sentence, and she returned the kiss with great passion, laughing while her lips were still on his and pushing, making him fall backward. She lay on top of him, still balancing her glass, then quickly gulped down the rest of the wine.
“Caleb, do you know what I want to do?”
“What,” he answered with a grin.
She sat up, pulling her dress from under her, sitting on top of him as he lay there on his back. “Something I’ve always been too bashful to do.”
He just stared at her lovingly. He could see her well now in the moonlight, which made her even more beautiful. She took the pins from her hair and let it fall over her shoulders, then unbuttoned her dress. Neither talked anymore. She opened the dress and pulled it to her waist, then stood up on unsure feet, removing it the rest of the way. He sat up and took off his shirt, then eased out of his buckskin pants and his loincloth. He lay on his back again, watching her take off her underclothes and toss them aside, the wine she had drunk taking its effect.
“Am I terrible?” she asked.
“No,” he answered, his voice husky with desire. “You’re beautiful—and wonderful.”
“You’ve done this to me.” She smiled and sat down across his legs. “You purposely got me drunk, Caleb Sax.”
He ran his hands over her slender thighs. “You’re exactly right.”
She tossed her head. “Well, I don’t care. It feels good.” She leaned forward, kissing him like a wanton woman. He returned the kisses gladly, moving his hands over her bottom and massaging her in places that brought out all her passion and removed all inhibition. It was always hard for her to do something daring and different. She was too much of a lady.
“Caleb,” she whispered, leaning farther forward and offering her breasts. He cupped one in his hands, leaning up and gently sucking on the full nipple, making her gasp with the pleasure of the lovely sensation that brought to her whole being. He moved to the other breast, gently taking emotional nourishment from it.
A sigh of passion exited Sarah’s lips as she moved her mouth back to meet his. She felt his hands searching, exploring, then guiding himself into her. She groaned with the pleasure of it, sitting up and moving with him rhythmically. In her light-headed, ecstatic state she thought to herself that she was riding her grand stallion, galloping across the plains on the most beautiful horse that ever existed. Her mind reeled with a mixture of Caleb and the horse—both wild and beautiful. She rocked in ecstasy as his hands moved over her thighs, massaged her belly. In minutes she felt the splendid pulsations of her climax that pulled at him in gentle desire. She lay over him.
“I want you on top,” she whispered.
Caleb grinned, rolling her over. He moved with hard thrusts, and she panted with the same rhythm, groaning his name over and over until he could no longer hold back the glorious release, pouring his life into the woman he loved beyond his own life.
The rest of the night was a wave of sleeping and making love. Morning came all too soon, and Sarah fussed at the fact that she had drunk too much wine. Caleb teased her about her headache and told her she had better “sleep it off.” She quickly dressed, embarrassed to be outdoors and naked, and the whole time Caleb continued to tease her.
“Personally, it was one of the most enjoyable nights I’ve ever had.”
“Caleb, stop it,” she said almost bashfully, buttoning her dress.
He loaded their things and helped her walk on unsteady feet to their horse.
“Caleb.”
“Hmmm?”
She faced him but hung her head. “I remember. . . doing something very brazen. Did I really, or do I just think I did it?”
He chuckled, lifting her and plopping her on the horse. “You did it,” he said matter-of-factly. “And I wouldn’t mind doing it again. Moments like that don’t happen often. You were wonderful, wild as the most wanton woman could be.” He mounted up behind her, putting an arm around her and noticing she wasn’t smiling. “Hey.” He peeked around to see her face red and her eyes teared. He kissed her cheek.
“Sarah, don’t make such a thing of it.” He sobered. “I love you. You’re my wife and my life. It was beautiful. I couldn’t help teasing you. I’m sorry.” He gave her a squeeze. “What’s wrong with giving your man pleasure, and taking your own, when we love each other as much as we do?”
She managed a smile, putting her face against
his chest. He kissed her hair. “I love you, Sarah. Thank you for a wonderful night.”
“I love you, too,” she whispered.
He rode forward, noticing James riding out to meet them before they even reached the cabin.
“Oh, my God, Caleb, our own son! He’ll know what we’ve been up to. I’m a mess!”
“Jesus, Sarah, he sleeps right above us at home. Do you think he doesn’t know we still make love?”
“Pa! Pa, a man brought a letter! It’s from Tom!”
Caleb’s heart pounded and he kicked his horse into a harder run to catch James quicker. James handed him the letter. “We didn’t open it yet. Hurry up, Pa!”
Caleb stared at it a moment, seeing his son’s name in one corner, his eyes tearing.
“Oh, Caleb, he’s alive! He’s finally sent a letter!”
James studied his mother’s disheveled look and red eyes. Never would he understand why his beautiful mother put up with the hardships loving a man like Caleb Sax had brought her. But he respected the love they shared and felt a little embarrassed at the obvious reason they had been at the river all night.
Caleb dismounted, lifting Sarah down and quickly opening the letter.
• Chapter Seventeen •
Caleb read Tom’s letter silently at first, then looked at Sarah. “Something isn’t right.” He looked at the letter again.
“Read it to me, Caleb, before I die of curiosity,” Sarah told him.
“Yeah, Pa, hurry up and read it.”
Caleb frowned. “The news isn’t very good,” he told them both before he began reading.
“Dear Father, I am sorry I took so long to write. There has been a lot of trouble in California. The Galvez ranch where I was working has been taken over and divided up by the Americans. El señor Galvez was killed and my Juanita was abused in the worst way men can abuse a woman. She is recovering at a mission in San Francisco, and I go there often to see her. She is slowly getting better.”
“Oh, dear God,” Sarah groaned.
“I am working here and there, trying to stay close to her,” Caleb continued. “I pray for the day Juanita and I can marry and that somehow you and Sarah can meet her.
“I hope this letter finds all of you well. If it were not for Juanita, I would come home to see you. But I am sure you understand why I cannot come. My grief for Juanita is great, but please do not worry about me. I am fine physically.
“I am sorry, but I cannot tell you where to write me. If I give you the name of the mission where Juanita stays, I am afraid you will come looking for me, and that is not necessary. I myself wander from job to job, so have no address. Please believe me when I tell you not to worry. When all is well again and Juanita and I are settled, I will write and tell you where I am. I ask only for your prayers now, not your presence. Pray not for me but for Juanita. I fear she may never get completely well. It was a terrible thing for her. She was so young, just a child really. I am sorry to bring you such sad news, but I hope to write you with better news soon.
“I do not think I could have gotten through this terrible thing without the knowledge of what you yourself have been through, Father, and how you survived; nor without the strength your love gives me. I thank you for the things you have taught me about strength and survival.
“Please give my love to everyone. My thoughts are with you always. I will write again. Love, Tom.”
Caleb lowered the letter, meeting Sarah’s concerned eyes.
“My God! Poor Juanita,” she said in a near whisper. “The poor child!”
Their eyes held a moment, and she saw the anger in Caleb’s. “Bastards,” he muttered, turning away. “He’s lying, Sarah. He’s not working and just sitting around waiting for her to get better.” He faced her again, his eyes ablaze with a wild vengeance. “He’s his father’s son. He was angry before he even left! He’s making sure people pay for what happened to Juanita. Tom is not the kind of man to let something like this go so easily. He’s part of those outlaws who have been attacking Americans in California. I know it! I just know it. It all makes too much sense!”
She put a hand on his arm. “Caleb. At least you’ve heard from him and you know he’s alive and you know what is going on. He has asked you not to worry and not to go there. Whatever he’s doing, it has to be his own decision. He has to find his own way.”
His eyes suddenly teared and he turned away. “He has to be going through hell, Sarah. If something like that happened to you or to Lynda, I’d be crazy with vengeance! And if he is part of those outlaws—”
“Caleb, you spent more than half your life protecting Tom, clinging to him because he was all you had, worried you’d lose the last bit of life and love you had left to you. But he’s thirty-five years old, Caleb! You can’t go out there and protect him again. Whatever is going on, he has decided what to do, and in so many words he has even asked you not to interfere. Stay out of it, Caleb. Stay out of it and wait until you hear from him again. For God’s sake don’t . . . don’t go there and leave me here to worry if you’re alive or dead!”
Her voice broke and she turned away. Caleb frowned, turning around and putting his hands on her shoulders, the letter still in one hand.
“I’ll leave, Pa. I’ll go tell Jess and Lynda what was in the letter.”
James rode off and Sarah broke into tears. “I’m sorry, Caleb. It sounds so selfish. But for so many years I’ve worried about losing you again. I’m terrified of your going off for a long time. Maybe it would be . . . like the last time. Maybe you’d never come back. I know it’s terrible of me to come between you and Tom.”
He sighed, reaching around and crossing his arms over her breasts, hugging her from behind. “You aren’t coming between us. And you’re right to tell me not to go out there. He doesn’t want me there.”
“All we can do . . . is pray he’ll be all right,” she sobbed. “And that poor girl.”
He sighed and kissed her hair. “Maybe next spring we’ll be able to go there—all of us. It would be good for him to have all of us there. Maybe by then Juanita will be all right.”
She turned and hugged him. “Oh, Caleb, I’m just tired, from Lynda and last night and all. I didn’t mean it. If you think you need to go—”
“No. You’re right. And I’m needed here too much. Besides, we made a promise never to be apart again for a long time.” He lifted her chin and kissed her lips. “Everything will be all right.” He put a hand to the side of her face. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Their eyes held and she reached up and touched his handsome face. “Poor Tom. He finally found someone to love, and now this.”
Caleb pulled her close, his heart heavy for his son. But Sarah was right, and that was the hell of it. He could only wait and pray that somehow Tom Sax would find peace and happiness and rise above the hell he had to be going through now.
The raiding continued through the winter of 1847-48. Ranches, supply trains, everything that aided in American settlement became a victim. Crops and barns were burned, and there were even bank holdups. The name Los Malos began to strike fear in the hearts of American settlers, especially those in the more remote areas. Their only comfort was that women and children were always spared; although, as happens in any panic situation, untrue rumors of atrocities against women began to circulate, putting an even uglier brand on the renegade californios. The rumors were started from crimes committed by outlaws with no particular mission other than to rob, rape, and murder, allowing The Bad Ones to be blamed. And so, although the vengeful men led by the painted Indian were responsible for great destruction to the Americans, more hideous crimes were blamed on the renegades.
No one doubted that Los Malos were the culprits behind every crime against the Americans. Settlers began to unite. Law and order came to several communities. And meetings were held, where plans were made to try to capture Los Malos and end the murder and destruction for which they were responsible.
All the while, a well-groomed and handsome Tom
Sax made regular visits to the St. Christopher Mission to see Juanita, who was slowly recovering. No one recognized the handsomely attired young man as the wild, painted Indian who led the dreaded Bad Ones. The contrast was amazing, but Father Juarez was highly suspicious, although he would never reveal those suspicions to another human being. His heart went out to Tom, who had suffered so greatly, and who now suffered from bitter hatred and the useless determination to find his revenge.
It was January, 1848, when Tom visited again after a two-month absence, during which the raiding had been more heated than ever, reaching as far south as Los Angeles. Father Juarez greeted him in the sanctuary of the mission, where Tom sat alone in a pew, looking lost and lonely in the great room with its statues of the Mother Mary and Christ and its domed ceilings, painted with biblical scenes. The graying and rotund priest quietly approached him.
“Hello, Tom. It is good to see you, my son.”
Tom looked up at him with red, watery eyes. He immediately rose. “Hello, Father. I am sorry I was gone so long this time. How is she?”
Though they kept their voices low, their words still echoed in the huge sanctuary.
The priest smiled, motioned for Tom to sit back down. He moved into the pew to sit beside him. “You will be surprised. She is almost normal. She is speaking, and she remembers it all now.” He sobered. “It was a terrible few days for her when it all first came back to her. But the sisters have stayed with her faithfully, praying with her, loving her, helping her see that none of it was her fault and making her realize God still loves her and she has nothing to be ashamed of or for which she needs to be forgiven. She is much stronger now, and she has gained a little weight.”
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