She bent to brush the dirt from her jeans, and Cade saw a grimace flash across her face. But when she faced him again, it was gone.
Cade took one look at her proud stance and decided to change his tactics. He pasted on a goofy smile. “Excuse me, Ma’am, but that man over there just called me a hundred-pound weakling.” He pointed at George, who was, of course, paying no attention to them. “Would you help me prove him wrong by allowing me to assist you in mounting your horse?” He winked at Annalisa. “It would do wonders for my self-esteem.”
“Well, if we don’t want him to kick sand... er... dirt in your face, I suppose I’d better.”
Rejoicing in her response, even if it was in play, he helped her up on Bubba and pretended not to notice that she trembled. Instead of handing her the reins, he held them in one hand and pointed at the clouds with the other. “Looks like we might be in for some rain.”
“Really?” The tremor in her voice told him she was as terrified as he’d suspected. “Soon?”
He bit back a grin at her hopeful tone. “We should have time to get in a little bit of riding.”
“Oh... good.”
He glanced casually around at her, not wanting to give her a reason to get all prickly again. “You know what I just remembered?”
“What?” She was definitely speaking through gritted teeth. He had the feeling that the pain and the terror combined were almost too much for her to bear. Why didn’t she just say so?
“I think Bubba does better if you walk him a bit before someone rides him.” This was true of all the horses here, since they were usually being ridden by inexperienced riders. Leading the horse was the perfect way to set the rider at ease, as well. But, if she suspected it was for her sake, Cade couldn’t see Annalisa agreeing. “Since you’re already on, would you mind if I just walk him around with you in the saddle?”
“I suppose that would be fine.” Her tone suggested that placing her hand in a hot waffle iron would be preferable, but Cade was pretty sure she considered this the lesser of two evils.
He walked Bubba around the yard as Annalisa held onto the saddle horn with both hands. Halfway around he stopped and looked up at the woman who sat so stiffly. Instead of returning his gaze, she stared at her hands as if willing them not to let go. He glanced back at the boys, who with George and Marta’s help, were walking their horses. Making a decision, he led Bubba out of the yard and behind the barn to one of his favorite spots.
Inside a small picket-fenced area, a big oak shaded a wooden swing. Someone, probably his grandmother, had planted roses and other blooming bushes around to make an almost private garden amidst the hustle and bustle of the ranch. A hitching post was conveniently located at the entrance. Cade’s grandparents were in Florida now, but it was easy to imagine the romantic couple sitting here watching the sunset.
When he stopped, he looked up to find Annalisa’s eyes squeezed shut, her fingers in a death grip on the saddle horn.
“Annalisa...” He moved around to the side and touched her leg. She flinched, and he wondered again how bruised she was from her earlier fall. “Let me help you down.”
She opened her eyes and offered a defeated nod.
“You did great.” He eased her off the horse, taking care not to hurt her.
“Great?” Sarcasm laced her voice, but she didn’t jerk her hand away from his, even though she was safe on the ground.
He led her over to the swing, and they sat in silence for a few minutes. “Want to talk about it?”
“About what? My fear of horses?” Tears filled her eyes, and she swiped them away with the back of her hand. “Or the fact that I’m a first-class idiot?”
“Well, let’s start with your fear of horses. Why didn’t you tell me?” A telltale tear trickled down her cheek, and he reached out to brush it away.
“I wanted to. But I hated to let you down. I’ve already been such a problem to you, not to mention a disappointment.”
He sensed there was more but, in light of their newfound peace, he hated to push. “You may have been a problem at first, but your skills are invaluable here, and you certainly haven’t been a disappointment.” He stopped himself from telling her how much he’d come to look forward to seeing her every day. “Why did you pretend you weren’t hurt from the fall?”
She stared at him for a minute, without answering. Cade had the feeling she was peering into his soul, somehow measuring him. Would she see his darkest secrets? Be privy to his deepest fears? He caught himself silently praying he wouldn’t be found lacking.
She dropped her gaze, and as the heavy curtain of brown curls fell down over her face, her voice became muffled. “My dad always taught me to be tough. To show pain is to show weakness, and weakness is unacceptable.”
Cade’s chest constricted at the words. Hadn’t he lived by that motto himself the last six months? He reached out and eased Annalisa’s hair back with his hand. “Honey, weakness is human. We’re all weak. Don’t you know only God is all powerful?” When had he forgotten that?
“Sure I know that. But knowing doesn’t make me forget what I was taught.”
“How bad are you hurt?”
“Just bruised.” She spoke quietly, still looking down.
“You sure?” He released her hair and tilted her face gently toward him.
Her large brown eyes still shimmered with tears, but she offered a small smile. “Nothing’s broken, Cade. Unless you count my pride.”
They swung in silence again, but this time the quiet was more companionable. More like Cade could imagine his grandparents sharing. Had God brought Annalisa here for something beyond her own agenda? To his amazement, Cade realized he was at least willing to explore the possibility.
He pushed himself to his feet, then offered his hand to Annalisa. “Pride or no pride, I’ll tell you what we’re going to do.” He pulled her to a standing position. “You’re going to march right into that kitchen and get some ice packs out of the freezer. Then you’re going to go upstairs to your room and lay down with ice on the sorest spots for at least fifteen minutes.”
When she opened her mouth to protest, he held up his hand. “If I sound bossy, there’s a very good reason.”
She raised her eyebrows in silent question.
“You know the reason.” He smiled to take the sting out of his words. “I am the boss.”
“I guess I can’t argue with that.” She flinched as she moved, and he knew she was already stiff. Her smile was genuine though. “Thanks, Cade.”
He ushered her out of the little gate and watched as she gingerly walked to the house, then he turned to Bubba with a sigh. “She sure keeps us on our toes, doesn’t she, Boy?”
Chapter Seven
“It’s time.”
Annalisa dropped the dishrag into the soapy water and spun around to face a smiling Cade. “Time?” She swiped at a stray curl, then immediately regretted it when Cade’s grin broadened. “I got soap in my hair, didn’t I?”
“Just a little.” He stepped forward and gently brushed her hair with his hand.
When he moved back, she was embarrassed to realize she’d been holding her breath. This isn’t a romance novel, she mentally chided herself. Why had she gone weak in the knees half expecting him to kiss her?
She bit her lip and met his scrutinizing gaze. “Time for what?”
“Your first official lesson with Bubba.”
Her knees stayed weak, but all thought of kisses fled from her mind. “Cade, I can’t.”
“Yes, you can. The dishes are done. It’s the perfect time.”
“That’s not what I mean, and you know it.” She glowered at him, but his grin never faltered.
“Run up and get ready. I’ll be waiting at the barn.”
“But, Cade—”
“Hurry.” The last word drifted back as he let the door close behind him.
Annalisa had a feeling if she didn’t hurry, Cade would be back to throw her over his shoulder and tote h
er out to the horse like a sack of potatoes. With that embarrassing image branded on her mind, she rushed to her room to change.
Ten minutes later, she emerged into the sunny day and started for the barn.
“Annalisa! Over here.” Cade waved from the open door of the bunkhouse, and she redirected her steps.
“Come in for a sec and see what Marta has done.” Cade stepped back and allowed her to enter.
When her eyes adjusted to the light, she grinned. “Marta, you’ve worked wonders here.”
The older woman blushed, but Annalisa could tell she was pleased with the well-deserved compliment.
Marta had given the bunkhouse an amazingly homey touch. Matching blankets covered the boys’ beds and the tan couch was adorned with coordinating pillows. Beside each bed, small braided rugs stood out against the shiny hardwood floors.
“Did you do all this by yourself?” Annalisa asked, her eyes taking in the log walls tastefully decorated with Native American art.
Before Marta could answer, George stepped through the doorway. “She sure did. A neighbor gave her some goose feathers, and she even hand-stuffed the pillows.” His pride was so obvious it almost hurt Annalisa to see it. What would it be like to have a husband so admiring? Her father’s compliments to her mother had always prefaced some favor he needed.
“Cade, Bubba’s ready.” George’s words brought her back to the present with a jolt.
Bubba may be ready, but Annalisa’s not. Annalisa bit back the caustic comment and followed Cade wordlessly out of the cabin. When they’d walked a few steps, he gave her ponytail a gentle tug.
“Get that scared look off your face, Girl. Don’t you know I’m not going to let anything hurt you if I can help it?”
“If that were really true, you’d help me find Amy.” Annalisa said the words without thinking, but the pain in Cade’s expression pricked her conscience. Before she could apologize for her outspokenness, Tim approached, leading Bubba.
“Here you go, Mr. Cade. They’re all done except him.” He handed the reins to Cade.
Cade doffed his hat at the boy and motioned for Annalisa to follow him into the barn.
When they stopped, she gritted her teeth and closed her eyes for a moment of silent prayer.
“Here.”
She braced herself and opened her eyes. To her surprise, instead of the reins, Cade handed her a brush.
“What’s this for?”
“Bubba’s had his morning ride. Now it’s time for grooming.”
“I’m supposed to groom him?”
“That’s the general idea.” Cade’s smile returned. “I thought it would be better for you to get used to him on the ground at first.”
Relief flooded her, and she had to restrain herself from throwing her arms around the thoughtful cowboy.
Thirty minutes later, Annalisa was tired, but her spirit had lightened. Cade had gotten her started on grooming Bubba, then gone off to check on the boys.
Even brushing the big animal had terrified Annalisa at first, but the horse had so obviously enjoyed the attention that she’d soon calmed down.
“That wasn’t so bad, was it?” Cade asked from the doorway of the barn.
“No. But that doesn’t mean he won’t throw me off again if I get on him.”
The corners of Cade’s mouth twitched, and Annalisa glared at his obvious attempt to contain his amusement.
“Okay, so maybe he didn’t exactly throw me off... ,” she conceded reluctantly.
Cade snorted, then broke out in laughter, the deep sound resonating through the barn. “If you could have seen yourself. . .” He collapsed on the barstool and swiped at his eyes. “I don’t think Bubba moved one inch. When you flew over his back, he must have thought...”
His gasping hilarity proved contagious and in spite of herself, Annalisa felt mirth bubbling up. Soon, she was leaning against the wall of Bubba’s stall, laughing so hard she could barely breathe.
“He must have thought I was a lunatic,” Annalisa finished for Cade when she could speak again.
“I’m sorry. It wasn’t remotely funny then, but now that you’re all healed up and claiming poor Bubba threw you off...” Cade grinned. “It’s been too long since I’ve laughed. I’ve forgotten how good it feels.”
“Yeah, me too. Thanks for starting it, even if it was at my expense.” Annalisa gathered her courage. “What happened to make you lose the laughter in your life, Cade? I told you my secrets. Now it’s your turn.”
As the emotions played across his chiseled face, she thought he wasn’t going to answer. But he motioned her to grab a stool from its resting place against the wall.
She took the seat and settled it next to his.
“As you know...” He raised one eyebrow sardonically. “...my office sort of specializes in finding missing children.”
“Yes, you have a knack for that kind of investigation. I wondered why you gave it up.”
“I always considered that knack a blessing, really, until lately. I can think like a kidnapper and follow a trail that everyone else sees as cold. But last year...” His expression grew pensive, and he stared at the tack hanging on the wall as if seeing something she couldn’t.
“Last year, a woman hired me to find her four-year-old son. Her ex-husband had taken him and fled to parts unknown. She was desperate to get her boy back, and I was eager to help. Abductions by non-custodial parents are fairly common, but that doesn’t stop the heartache that comes with it.”
He turned to look at Annalisa. She nodded, afraid if she spoke, he’d stop.
“Everything went smoothly, a routine investigation, really.” He shook his head. “People are creatures of habit. The boy’s father loved baseball. I knew the general area in Florida he favored. All that was left was to watch the T-ball teams.”
Annalisa nodded, puzzled. “It sounds like you did a great job.”
Cade laughed, but the contrast between this cynical chuckle and his earlier gleeful laugh sent pain shooting through Annalisa’s heart. Whatever had happened had wounded this gentle man deeply.
“The mother thought so. She was thrilled to have her son back. The boy... Well, the poor little guy was unsure how to feel. He loved his mama and his daddy. In a perfect world he could have had them both.”
Cade stopped speaking, and the silence stretched between them so loud it echoed off the rafters of the old barn. The morning sun shone through the big door, and Annalisa thought she saw a hint of moisture in Cade’s eyes.
Dear Lord, please help him to heal of this great pain. Give him courage to overcome the past.
Cade swallowed loudly. “The father was arrested by the local police and held for questioning. They didn’t realize how upset he was at losing his only son. Needless to say, they were shocked to find him hanging in his cell.”
“Oh, Cade.”
He looked up at her, and the deep emotion in his eyes shook her to the core. “I have pictures of them laughing together, Annalisa. Photos of a loving father teaching his son how to hold the bat, how to position his glove.”
“But that wasn’t his right. . .”
“What made me the judge and jury? Maybe the courts were wrong. Maybe the child would have been happy with his father.” He lifted his cowboy hat off his head. His next words were spoken so softly she had to lean forward to hear them. “Nothing I can do will ever make that little boy’s life any better. I killed his father.”
Annalisa slid off the stool and put her hand on Cade’s arm. He looked up at her and she put her arms around him. They embraced in silence, while Annalisa prayed for words of comfort.
“Cade, you did your job. He broke the law, and he knew the risk of getting caught. That was his choice. And you know what else? He could have gotten a lawyer and fought. But he chose to take his own life.” She pulled back and met his troubled gaze. “What if he had gotten laid off or something down the road and decided to commit suicide then? What if his son had found him? You don’t know what
the future held for them and because of his actions—not yours—no one ever will.”
“Thanks. I know you’re trying to make me feel better. But I know what I have to do. If I can use this ranch and make a difference in these boys’ lives and in the lives of others like them, it won’t make up for what happened to Joey’s dad, but maybe I’ll be able to have peace.” He stared at the ceiling as if searching for the words. “Two things I know—I can’t allow this ranch to fail. And I’ll never ever be responsible for taking a child out of a home they’re happy in.”
Biting back the tears at this unbelievable impasse they’d reached, she nodded to show her understanding of his position.
“I’m sorry I can’t help you, Annalisa. All I can do is pray that God gives you peace.” He reached out and brushed an errant curl away from her face. “But I will tell you a secret. I’m awfully glad He brought you to Circle-M ranch.”
Annalisa’s knees went rubbery again, and it had nothing to do with horses. Life wasn’t a romance novel, but he was definitely going to kiss her. Even though he’d just gently crushed her hope, she was helpless to resist the feelings she had for him. As he lowered his mouth to hers, she admitted something she’d been fighting the last few weeks. She was falling in love with Cade McFadden.
“Cade?” Before their lips touched, George’s voice caused them to jerk apart.
They glanced toward the doors as the man entered the barn. “What can I do for you, George?” Cade asked.
“It’s Tim. I think he’s having an asthma attack. He’s having trouble breathing.”
Chapter Eight
Cade dashed out of the barn, with George close at his heels. Annalisa hurried after them. Breathing hard from her unexpected sprint, she reached the bunkhouse only seconds after the men.
Tim sat on the sofa, with Marta kneeling in front of him. She looked up when they walked in. “Since he used the inhaler, he’s breathing much better.”
Cade strode across the room and sat down beside Tim. “Hey, Bud. You doing all right?”
In Search of Love Page 6
