As if he cradled a great treasure, he held the bottle in his hand the entire way home. After she opened the back door and set down the grocery bags, she asked if he wanted to drink the pop. With a shake of his head, he disappeared down the hall.
Quickly returning with a piece of paper, it became apparent he’d attempted to spell a few new words.
“What do you want to spell, Jacob?” she asked, trying to decipher what he’d written. The first word might have been “love.”
Curious what he wanted to say, she sat at the table, took the pencil he held out, and showed him how to spell the word.
“Love, is that the word you wanted?”
He nodded his head and pointed to the second word on the page. She couldn’t decipher it and gave him a questioning glance.
“What’s this one, buddy? I can’t make it out. You’ll have to give me a clue.”
Thoughtfully studying her for a moment, he ran into the living room. Promptly returning with a framed photo of Tate and Kenzie with Gideon, he pointed at Kenzie then at Kaley.
“Mother?”
Jacob shook his head.
“Woman?”
Another shake. Jacob pointed to himself then to Gideon.
“Oh. Friend. Is that it?”
Jacob nodded and pointed to his paper.
“Here, you take the pencil and I’ll help you spell it.” She guided Jacob’s hand and sounded out each letter as they wrote it. “There, you did it!”
Jacob smiled and gave her a hug before running down the hall to his room. She didn’t think any more about it until Cort came in just before dinner from doing chores.
“Everything looks good out there. One of the stock tanks was overflowing, but other than that, the boys did a good job of feeding.” Cort removed his outerwear, rubbing his cold hands together. They were bright red, even though he’d been wearing gloves.
Kaley started to go over to rub warmth into them then thought better of it.
“I fixed the tank but got wet in the process. That water is cold.” Cort washed his hands at the sink then glanced around the kitchen. “Where’s Jacob?”
“In his room.”
He’d been unusually quiet while she made dinner. Kaley stepped around the corner into the hallway, calling to Jacob to wash up for dinner.
He ran into the kitchen with the bottle of pop he’d gotten at the store. A piece of ribbon adorned the cap, and he’d made a card to go with it.
Proudly handing it to Cort, he grinned broadly.
“Is this for me?” Cort hunkered down by Jacob.
The little boy excitedly nodded his head.
Cort admired what appeared to be a cowboy and an animal on the front of the card. “Is that me, wrestlin’ a steer?”
Jacob nodded his head again.
Although he’d mentioned his former career to the boy when they attended the Round-Up in September, Jacob heard plenty of tales the past three days from Tate, as well as their friends, about Cort being a champion steer wrestler.
Jacob ate up the stories. Cort felt like a real hero when the boy gaped at him with his eyes full of admiration.
Enthusiastically opening the card, Cort worked hard to fight back the emotion threatening to swamp him.
In his childish scrawl, done in red crayon, Jacob wrote:
Cort
You r my friend
I love you
Jacob
“Aw, partner, you’re my friend, too.” Cort hugged Jacob to his chest and kissed his head. “And I love you so much.”
Jacob’s response was to squeeze him tighter.
“Thank you for this card, Jacob. I’ll keep it forever. And thank you for my favorite pop. Do you think your mama would mind if I share it with you?”
“I think that would be fine.” Kaley turned her back to retrieve two juice glasses from the cupboard and hide her tears. No wonder Jacob was bugging her about spelling “friend” and “love.” She cherished his sweet little spirit and tender heart.
Cort looked at the two glasses she set on the table. “Don’t you want some?” he asked, pouring part of the soda into the first glass.
“No, thank you.” She placed a hand on Jacob’s head and smiled at him. “You boys enjoy it.”
Dinner was quiet. Too quiet, Cort thought as he studied the woman across the table.
Kaley didn’t seem at all like herself. She appeared every bit as sad and broken as she had the first day he’d met her.
Jacob’s disappearance was frightening, but it wasn’t like the little guy had done it on purpose. The experience scared him half to death. However, no harm came to the boy and dwelling on the what-ifs wouldn’t help anything. For no other reason than making sure Jacob felt safe, Kaley needed to snap out of it.
Wracking his brain for something to do to cheer her up or break the tension, he glanced around the kitchen. Jacob hadn’t checked the advent calendar since they arrived home and was three days behind on his treats.
“Hey, partner, you need to check your advent calendar after dinner.” Cort inclined his head toward the wall where it hung.
Jacob grinned and quickly finished his dinner, drinking the last of his soda before looking to his mother for permission to get up from the table.
“Go on.” She offered him an indulgent smile.
Jacob hurried to the calendar and removed three circles. He brought back his treats to show Cort and offered the man one of the two pieces of candy he received.
Cort shook his head. “No, partner, you better keep that candy, but I’ll show you how Silly Putty works.”
Jacob nodded and skipped off to the living room.
Kaley didn’t say a word as Cort helped her clear the table. Uncertain whether he should say something or leave her alone, he opted to wait until later to talk to her.
Laboriously limping to the living room on his aching knee, he dug through the box of newspapers Kaley kept by the fireplace and found an old set of Sunday comics.
Cort pushed aside the decorations on the coffee table and spread out the newspaper. Slowly lowering himself to the floor next to Jacob, he helped him rub the rubbery pink substance over a picture. Jacob grinned broadly when he lifted the putty to find the cartoon image transferred on the surface.
He held it out to Cort and looked back at the newsprint.
“You want to do it again?” Cort asked.
Jacob nodded, waiting while Cort worked the putty in his hand until the image disappeared before rubbing it over another cartoon.
The little boy giggled when Cort showed him how to make it bounce.
“Just don’t get it in your hair,” Cort cautioned.
Jacob gave him a quizzical look and pointed to Cort’s cropped black hair.
Cort grinned. “When I wasn’t much older than you, I discovered it’s impossible to get out.”
Nodding his head, Jacob returned to rubbing the putty over cartoons.
Cort flipped on the television and found a Christmas cartoon to watch. Stiffly rising from the floor, he sat on the couch with Jacob snuggled against his side.
When the little boy fought to keep his eyes open, Cort suggested it was time for bed. Jacob climbed on his lap and gave him a big hug before shuffling tiredly toward his room. Cort followed behind, wondering where Kaley disappeared after dinner.
He instructed Jacob to brush his teeth then put on his pajamas while he ventured to the room at the end of the hall. Light shined brightly from beneath the door as Cort lightly tapped on it.
“Come in.”
Warily opening the door, his gaze went to Kaley before taking in boxes and storage tubs filled with what appeared to be craft items.
She sat at a sewing machine working on a Christmas quilt. At least Cort assumed it was a Christmas quilt by the blocks covered with snowflakes.
“That’s awesome,” he said, stepping into the room. Although he began to reach out to touch the fabric, he thought better of it and leaned down to get a closer look. Alternating blocks fea
tured cream and silver snowflakes in tonal patterns. In the center of each block was an intricately quilted snowflake. Cort could only imagine the time and talent that went into creating it. “You do amazing work.”
“Thank you. It’s a gift for Tate and Kenzie, for all they’ve done.” Kaley snipped a thread and turned off the sewing machine. She tried to ignore the warmth of Cort’s presence and the delectable masculine scent of him as he stood next to her chair.
“Where’s Jacob?” Rising to her feet, she glanced behind him. The only way she’d been able to keep from holding Jacob to her and refusing to let him go was to retreat to her craft room. Jacob didn’t need to know how terrified she was to let him out of her sight so she tried to act as normal as possible after dinner.
“He’s getting ready for bed. I think the poor kid is completely worn out.”
“I’ll go tuck him in.” She rushed out the door.
Cort studied Kaley’s craft room as he attempted to figure out what bothered the woman. It wasn’t like her to be so withdrawn and reserved around him, at least not since they’d gotten to know each other.
Tired of trying to guess what upset her, Cort sauntered to the kitchen where he heard a cupboard door bang shut.
He watched as she dunked a tea bag in a cup of hot water then stirred in a spoon of sugar. Quietly stepping behind her, the aroma of the steam rising from the cup made him think of Kenzie’s Christmas tea.
“I like that scent,” he said, making Kaley jump. Tea sloshed out of the cup onto the counter.
“Oh! You scared me.” Hurriedly grabbing a dishtowel, she wiped up the spilled tea. “You shouldn’t sneak up on someone like that.”
“I wasn’t sneaking.” He didn’t appreciate her snappish tone or the glowering look she sent his direction. “We need to talk.”
“Yes, we do. Do you want a cup of tea?”
Cort shook his head. Kaley carried what remained of her tea to the table and took a seat.
He joined her, apprehension rippling through him. Something about the way she refused to meet his gaze and nervously fiddled with her cup made him uneasy. Leaning back in his chair, he waited for her to speak. And waited.
Unable to take the silence, he sat forward and took one of her hands in his.
“Kaley, what’s going on? You haven’t been yourself since the whole thing with Jacob last night. You can’t keep beating yourself up over it. No one blames you. It’s just something that happened.” Cort rubbed his thumb across her palm in a gesture meant to be comforting.
Instead of calming her, the simple touch made her more agitated. She tried to jerk her hand away, but Cort held on, pressing it gently between his. “You need to let this go or you’re going to frighten Jacob.”
With a narrowed gaze, Kaley stared at him, considering his words. The blue of her eyes turned ice cold as she yanked her hand from his grasp.
“I can’t do this, Cort. I just can’t. Jacob is my one and only priority. He has to be first, always.” She didn’t know how to make Cort understand what she was saying, particularly when she didn’t understand herself. She just knew she had to push him away.
“I know that, Kaley. I’m not asking you to put him anywhere else. He’s a very special boy.” Cort had no idea what Kaley was getting at, but he was sure he wouldn’t like whatever it turned out to be. “In case you missed it, I love that little guy.”
“He loves you, too, with his entire being.” In many ways, all the ways that counted, Cort was Jacob’s father. In the few months he’d been at the ranch he’d given her son more love, more encouragement, more joy than Dean ever had.
She just wished she were different so they could be a family. Because of her inability to focus on her son when Cort was around, she had to let that fantasy go.
“Then what, exactly, is the problem?” Cort brushed a hand over his head in frustration. He patted his pocket for a toothpick then remembered he’d run out that afternoon and hadn’t replenished his supply. “I just want to take care of you and Jacob. What’s wrong with that?”
“Me.” Kaley jumped to her feet and walked around the table. She took the mug of tea to the sink and poured out what remained. The dark brown liquid swirled down the drain, just like her dreams swirled away from her into the darkness.
The warmth of Cort’s presence settled behind her. Everything in her wanted to lean into him, absorb his strength, accept his love, and live happily ever after. However, it wasn’t meant to be.
As she strengthened her resolve, she straightened her shoulders and turned to face him. It was a huge mistake to gaze into those silvery eyes where questions and confusion mixed with love and longing. A battle warred within her, but she forced herself to speak.
“This thing between us, whatever it is, has to stop, Cort. You’re one of the most decent, caring humans I’ve ever met, but we can’t get involved.” Kaley grimaced as pain caused by her words etched itself into Cort’s handsome face.
“It’s a little late for us to not get involved.” He kept his voice low, so they didn’t disturb Jacob, although everything in him wanted to shout. “We’ve been involved from the moment I knocked on your door, Kaley, and if you’re too stubborn to admit it, that’s your problem. You love me as much as I love you so don’t pretend otherwise. I know you do.”
“It doesn’t matter what I want or what I feel, I have to put Jacob first and I can’t do that with you.” When he wrapped his arms around her, she pushed against him, refusing the comforting embrace he offered. How easy it would be to accept the comfort, accept him, and lose sight of her son again.
His hands dropped to his sides, clenching into fists. “Why? Why can’t you make room for me in your life? I won’t ever come between you and Jacob. Are you even listening to me? I know he has to take first place and I’m okay with that.”
“That’s because you’re such a good man.” Kaley surrendered to the desire to touch Cort’s face one last time. Her index finger traced the indent in his chin before she released a sigh and turned her back to him. “It’s not you, Cort. It’s me. I just can’t do this.”
“Why, Kaley? Explain it to me. Is this because of Dean? From some misplaced guilt you own about his death?”
“No. That’s got nothing to do with it.” Kaley wrapped her arms around herself to keep from flying apart when Cort’s hands began massaging her shoulders.
She jerked away from his grasp, putting much needed distance between them. “Please, Cort, please don’t make this any harder on either one of us.”
“I’m not the one who isn’t making any sense. At least give me the real reason why you don’t want to be together, why you won’t let us be a family.”
“Because I love you too much.” She spun around, tears splattering her cheeks while desperation filled her eyes. “Because I love you more than I ever imagined loving anyone. Because I want to love you with all that I am. When we’re together, I forget about everything else. I forget about everyone else, including Jacob. I can’t and won’t do that to him.”
Kaley ran down the hall to her room. Cort heard the door click behind her with unwelcome finality.
Briefly considering going after her, he decided she wouldn’t welcome him now, maybe not ever.
Dropping into a chair at the table, Cort bowed his head and prayed.
Chapter Eighteen
Tired of hiding out in the shop, avoiding Kaley, Cort got in his truck and drove to Tate and Kenzie’s place.
After giving a perfunctory knock at the back door, he removed his outerwear and washed his hands at the deep sink in the mudroom before walking into the kitchen. Kenzie and Tate sat at the table with Gideon.
“Tort! Me Tort! Hi, Tort!” Gideon pounded his fists on his highchair, sending the remnants of his lunch flying.
“Hey, there, little man.” Cort ruffled Gideon’s curls as he sat down next to Tate.
“Have you eaten lunch?” Kenzie asked. One look at Cort’s face made it clear something was wrong.
Slum
ped against the chair, he shook his head. “No. I didn’t even realize it was noon. Sorry to intrude.”
“You’re never an intrusion.” Kenzie rose from her chair and filled a plate for Cort, setting it in front of him along with a glass of milk.
“Eat something then you can tell us what has you looking so down in the mouth.” Tate motioned to the food on Cort’s plate.
“You guys know me too well.” Cort mustered a weak smile for his friends. As he ate his lunch, he briefly told them about the conversation he had with Kaley earlier in the week. Since that evening, they ate meals in silence and avoided each other as much as possible.
“Poor Jacob is aware that something isn’t right, but he doesn’t know which one of us to support. Out of loyalty to his mother, he’s been spending a lot of time with her. I miss having him tag along with me.” Cort finished his sandwich and emptied his glass of milk. “I don’t know what to do.”
“This is all on Kaley. She’s got to work through this on her own,” Kenzie said, wondering if she should pay a visit to the woman. Sometimes it helped to have another female to talk to and Kaley didn’t have anyone.
“I agree, but it’s hard. And it hurts,” Cort admitted, leaning back in his chair. “Do you have any idea how awful it is to sit through three quiet meals a day with her refusing to make eye contact with me? I’d just leave, but she needs the help and I don’t want to be away from them.”
“What are your options?” Tate asked, wanting to help Cort examine the available choices.
“I can stay there, pretending I don’t love them and continue being the hired hand.” Cort didn’t care for that alternative in the least. “I can find someone else to do the work, leave, and forget this ever happened. Mom and Dad would let me stay there a while.”
“You could do that? Just up and leave and never look back?” Kenzie asked, not believing Cort would walk away without a fight.
“No. Truthfully, I couldn’t. You might as well rip out my heart and nail it to the Hanging P sign at the gate because that’s where it’ll stay.”
Wrestlin' Christmas: (Sweet Western Holiday Romance) (Rodeo Romance Book 2) Page 23
