by Lucy Coleman
It’s too late for Reid to pull out of the project to please his ex-wife and I get no sense that he wants to, but clearly he’s worried she’s going to cause problems. Thinking back over the last week or so, Leonor hasn’t responded as quickly as usual and I’ve had to chase her a couple of times.
‘I know it’s a ridiculous situation to find myself in, Seren, but if you have any problems, I would be grateful if you could let me know immediately.’
‘Of course, I will. And anything you say to me is in confidence, I can assure you. If there is anything I can do to ease the situation, please do not hesitate to let me know.’
He can see I mean well, but his frown shows the full extent of his concern.
‘I can’t risk inflaming Beatriz in any way. My daughter has a mind of her own, but her mother exerts total control over her for the time being. Beatriz has recently severed all links between Ana and my family in the UK and that has come as a total shock.’
It’s obvious he’s concerned about what’s happening and when we were at the house I did think it was odd when he said his ex-wife wasn’t speaking to him. It sounded petty, but I hadn’t appreciated the full impact with regard to his daughter.
Despite my reservations, I reach out and place my hand on his arm, as it rests on the table. ‘It’s tough enough for two parents raising a teen, I should imagine, so it’s not an easy situation to find yourself in. Is it possible to call on a third party to help get you and Beatriz talking again?’
‘Tomas is a go-between at times, but he’s growing tired of the constant battles. Other than to constantly give in to Beatriz’s demands, there’s little I can do,’ he replies.
‘You have a voice as a father, Reid, and you also have the right to live your life the way you choose.’ The moment I finish speaking I regret my words, thinking it’s none of my business and it sounds like I’m judging him.
‘Wise words,’ Reid utters, his voice low.
‘And easy to say. I’m sorry, you are in an impossible situation.’
‘Hmm. That sums it up, perfectly. A part of me can’t believe that I’ve allowed it to come to this, but Beatriz will always have power over me and she’s made that very clear. I fear I’ve ruined enough relationships for one lifetime to risk doing any further damage, even though that’s tough to accept.’ He trains his eyes on me and I feel a jolt, like a surge of electricity running through my veins. Am I that transparent, I wonder? ‘When you stepped into my life, it was a pleasant surprise in the midst of a dark phase for me. You remind me what it’s like to feel inspired and hopeful, when I’d become jaded and I was simply going through the motions.’
His words make my heart constrict. How terribly sad.
‘But you must never give up on life. Moments of pure happiness need to be grabbed before they pass you by. Some things in life aren’t meant to be forever, but that doesn’t make them any less important, or special.’
To my surprise, my hand edges down his arm until our fingertips are touching and when we look at each other, they intertwine as if it’s the most natural thing in the world.
Was Reid asking if I find him as attractive as he finds me? Well, now he has his answer. And so do I.
‘This wasn’t planned, Seren, please believe me. Quite the opposite. I had no intention of taking advantage of you by sharing my personal woes, other than to put you on alert. Being with you like this… well, it makes me think about the life I saw ahead of me, once – a long time ago now. But it didn’t quite turn out as I’d hoped. Beatriz is well connected, and it doesn’t pay to get on the wrong side of her. I pulled you into something you can’t possibly understand by inviting you to dinner and now this happens, today. It was wrong of me to be so cavalier and I can’t even begin to apologise.’
His remorse is purely down to his concerns for my well-being and any potential fallout. Doesn’t Reid think he deserves a happy life if he can find the right person to be with? Lying in my bed, wrapped in his arms, the sincerity in his voice tells me it’s not a rejection. The passion between us has been simmering since the moment we first met and yet we both fought it. Or tried to ignore it. But now it feels so right, even though I could list endless reasons why this shouldn’t have happened.
For a few glorious hours, just knowing we were giving ourselves to each other freely and without any underlying motive felt honest; that need to be wanted, desired, and treasured, I suppose. And Reid has more than satisfied that emptiness within me, he has made me feel whole again when I didn’t even know there was something missing. No promises and no expectations for a future – just a magnetic attraction that came from a place within me I didn’t know existed. How can I explain that away?
‘You didn’t talk me into this, Reid, and I hope you know that.’
I’m well aware of the implications of this afternoon for us both, but I can’t hide how happy I feel. And I can see Reid is happy too, even though his thoughts are now in turmoil.
‘This is the last thing I wanted… well, expected – of course I wanted it since the moment I first set eyes on you. It’s rare to meet anyone as refreshingly honest and straightforward; these days everyone has an agenda. I could tell you don’t, Seren, and there’s something so damned attractive and mesmerising about you. Just hearing your voice or being in your company lifts my spirits and pulls me away from the negativity that is stifling at times. But it’s unfair of me to drag you into my complicated life.’
‘I did have an agenda,’ I remind him.
‘I mean a personal agenda and not a business one. You know what I’m trying to say,’ his voice softens as he leans his head against mine.
‘Well, for my part you captured my attention in a way no man has ever done before. That’s a good thing, isn’t it?’ Having voiced my thoughts, it sounds defeatist, as if I already know what Reid’s response will be.
He groans, nuzzling his chin into my hair. ‘No. It’s a bad thing. Ten years is a big age difference, Seren, believe me. It’s not something to take lightly. When I was twenty-five years old, I thought nothing would stop me achieving what I wanted. As each year passed, things began to weigh me down. Marriage, a demanding wife, even the birth of my beautiful daughter added a pressure I couldn’t even have imagined previously. Fifteen years later and I’ve never felt less sure of anything. I’ve regressed. It’s all become too much, too demanding, too impossible to sort out and I’m at breaking point. You, well, you are on the brink of discovering where your potential lies and nothing, and no one, should hold you back from that. Including me.’
A part of me feels more alive than I have ever done before, but if I tell him that, then I become another pressure to add to his burden. In a perfect world, our future would start here, but I know that’s unlikely to be the case. Our paths are crossing for the briefest of moments and I have no choice but to accept that this can’t go anywhere long-term. It’s a little ripple in time, a glorious moment caught in the folds of life. A secret to remember forever, that can never be shared.
‘It’s not as if we’re hurting anyone though, is it?’ I ask, trying not to sound desperate. I’m grasping for a tenuous thread to tie us together because I can’t help myself.
Reid pulls back to look at me in earnest. ‘My conscience won’t allow me to rob you of the future you deserve, Seren. The last thing you need is some jaded artist dancing to the tune of a bitter ex-wife and the daughter he failed. Those are my burdens to carry, alone. But this, today, is a memory I will treasure forever. Some people live their entire lives without having a moment like this and it will live on in my heart.’
I want to cling onto him, but I know there’s no point. His mind is made up and there are too many obstacles in our way. A bitter sensation of numbness hits my stomach where moments ago a warmth was flooding through me.
The hours pass as we lie in each other’s arms, savouring every second we have together. I talk about my childhood and then Reid shares a little about his early years as an artist. I begin to understand just h
ow instrumental Beatriz was in the beginning and, given her connections, still is in many ways.
When, eventually, Reid takes his leave, it’s dusk and as we reluctantly part, he turns to kiss my temple.
‘I’ll see you next Saturday?’ I ask, fervently, hoping he hasn’t changed his mind.
‘Of course, my lovely Seren. But if you have second thoughts, I understand. I’m leaving you here with a heavy heart, but, believe me, it’s for your own good. I’m past saving and I can’t be a part of your future. Everything is about to happen for you and the bitterest pill in life is to look back with regrets. Trust me.’
Knowing that Reid is walking away depressed and dispirited after our afternoon of heart-stopping passion tears at my heart. I see it clearly now. He has it all wrong. It was meant to be, for whatever reason. Maybe an angel looked down and felt pity for two people struggling to put their lives back on track. How I wish I was on the same track and I can only hope there are no repercussions for two lonely people giving each other the comfort they so badly needed.
7
Popping the Champagne Cork, but Where’s the Fizz?
‘Seren, the samples have arrived! Senhor Ferreira’s secretary just phoned through to say the boxes are in the boardroom. Our presence has been requested.’ Carolina makes no attempt at all to hide her excitement.
‘I was hoping reception would send them up here first, so we could take a quick look before the unveiling,’ I groan. I’m still on my first cup of coffee and I always have at least two on a Monday morning before I’m ready to face the day.
‘Take a deep breath, boss. I’m just going to find Antero and then we’ll meet you up there.’
I stand, nervously smoothing down my skirt and running my hands over the crumpled areas. Grabbing a lipstick and a compact out of my bag, I carefully apply a thin film over my lips and then run my fingers through my hair. Everything hangs on Bernadette’s ability to bring Reid’s artistry to life in a way even he never imagined. Am I nervous? No, I’m terrified, and as my feet make their way to the boardroom my head is somewhere else. I have no idea when I’m going to see Reid again and our next contact is going to be awkward, to say the least. What if one of the directors suggest we find out if Reid is available online to witness the unboxing?
‘Ah, Seren, come in. Are the rest of your team on the way? I’m sure everyone is excited this moment is finally here. You will do the honours?’
I cast around, wondering how I’m going to open the sturdy boxes, when there’s a sharp tapping sound before the door swings open and both Antero and Carolina enter. To my relief, Antero immediately steps up to the side table and produces a knife to begin slicing open the boxes. Carolina very carefully starts lifting out the individual parcels, each encased in bubble wrap.
Carrying the first two across to the large conference table, the directors draw close as my fingers nervously lift the tape. Inside the first parcel is a folded length of fabric and the moment I gaze down at the print, a huge weight lifts from my shoulders. It’s exquisite and, holding one corner tightly, I launch my arm into the air, letting the fabric unfurl and fall in folds on the table in front of us. Antero and Carolina immediately begin helping me to spread it out, as we all stare down in awe.
With an offset, half-metre pattern repeat, a flock of birds fly gracefully above the delicately drawn shoreline. In a dark grey against the white slightly silky fabric, the sky is tinted the lightest of blues and little streaks of green hint at the grasses along the banks of the river. The merest suggestion of colour here and there brings the scene to life and having seen the painting that inspired this, I know Reid will be thrilled. It’s reminiscent of a pencil drawing and yet the depth, detail and trace of colour draw the eye.
Senhora Veloso reaches out to touch the fabric and runs her fingertips over it, approvingly. ‘That slight sheen is wonderful, Seren. Is this the fabric for the fashion show or for the soft furnishings?’
I’m already opening the second, bulkier package and that answers the question, as it’s a small, rectangular cushion in the same design.
‘This is curtain fabric and the cushions are a slightly heavier weight. The gowns will be much bulkier as we want the fabric to hang without draping in folds. It won’t have a practical use for anything else as it will be heavily starched on the day. The models will also wear specially constructed hoops, similar to those worn under wedding dresses.’
One by one, Antero, Carolina and I reveal the series of designs and I couldn’t be happier. They would look as good in a contemporary setting as they would in a rural, country cottage. The lightness of touch to the printing is perfect and the scene is a true representation of Reid’s artwork. Reminiscent of the vintage French toile designs, Bernadette has succeeded in pulling off the perfect transition from canvas to cloth. I spot some marsh sandpipers in amongst a sand dune on the shores of the river Tagus, which is represented as a hint of pale blue, like a ribbon blowing in the breeze, and the pointed beaks of the birds peck at the ground beneath their feet. Nothing distracts them from the search for a tasty morsel.
Carolina becomes a mannequin, allowing me to unroll the heavier fabrics to give an idea of what the model’s gowns will look like.
‘Ah, I see what you mean, Seren,’ Senhor Ferreira joins in, walking around the table to get a better view. ‘The patterns will distort if the fabric settles into folds. And the shape will be that of the Cristo Rei statue itself?’
‘Exactly, Senhor Ferreira,’ I confirm. ‘When the models twirl, they will outstretch their arms and the fabric becomes the canvas.’
‘Outstanding, simply outstanding. Congratulations and please pass on our thanks to Bernadette Brodeur.’
‘Of course, and she will be delighted to hear such glowing feedback. The next video meeting is arranged for the day after tomorrow and I know everyone involved will be delighted with the results.’
‘This calls for a toast. This is truly a milestone for the project. You have all worked so hard and it’s fabulous to see it paying off.’ Senhor Ferreira’s delight is evident, and it fleetingly crosses my mind whether there is a hint of relief in his voice.
Antero is charged with opening the champagne and when we chink glasses, the atmosphere in the room is electric. All I can think of is that I can’t wait for Reid to see the samples in person, because I know he was a little apprehensive. Leonor still hasn’t responded to his invitation to the video meeting on Wednesday, but I want him to see these beforehand. I manage to convince myself that my motive is purely a matter of professional courtesy – well, almost.
Truthfully, though, there’s a little place in my heart that feels empty now. I need to see him, and this is about as legitimate an excuse as I can come up with.
‘Hey, girl, it’s late. What’s up?’
The sound of Judi’s voice cheers me no end. I need her advice, but I’m nervous about what she might say, so I choose the coward’s way out.
‘I’m chilling with a glass of wine as I’m feeling a little homesick. How’s life with you?’
‘Everything is fine, actually.’
There’s no hint of a sigh or any hesitation, which is a good sign. While I’m gathering my thoughts, Judi jumps in.
‘Did you get my email confirming the flight times?’
‘Yes, I did. That’s partly why I’m calling. I’m sad you won’t be staying with me, but at least you’ll be here. Who’s coming with you?’
‘It’s been a nightmare. I made the mistake of mentioning it when we were all in the pub and the hands flew up. I mean, who wouldn’t fancy a trip to Lisbon? We ended up putting names in a hat and Claire was thrilled when her name was drawn.’
‘Ah, one of our old posse at school. I haven’t seen her for a couple of years. That’s nice. A real girls’ trip.’
‘So, what’s your latest news?’
‘The fabrics arrived on Monday and today I had a video meeting with the designer and the photographer.’
What I leave out is th
at there’s no sign of Reid and he hasn’t responded to my texts, or emails, even though he suggested I contact him directly if I have a problem. Leonor doesn’t seem to know his exact whereabouts – a claim which I find hard to believe.
‘It’s all beginning to come together, even though it feels like a never-ending project.’ I manage a breezy little laugh. ‘I’m ringing to ask your advice.’
I can’t help squirming around in my seat and I take a big gulp of wine in the intervening seconds.
‘Ask away. I can’t imagine there’s much I can say that you don’t already know.’
‘How did you get around your little problem with Alex? You don’t mention him at all any more. Have the feelings simply gone away?’
She sighs. ‘It was a taboo subject for a while and I’m sorry for not sharing. We went for a drink the day before I started my new job. Alex and his wife have lived separately for almost nine months and he was upfront about that, but she persuaded him to have one last attempt at fixing their relationship. He broke the news that he’d agreed to see a marriage guidance counsellor. That was the reason he was avoiding me, so I had no choice but to put a lid on my feelings.’
‘And yet he felt the same way you did, at least for a while?’
‘Yes. But, given the number of people with whom we come into contact in our daily lives, it’s unlikely that there is going to be only one person we feel that instant sense of attraction with, is there? It was me believing all this crazy soulmate stuff. Lust isn’t love, is it, and I don’t know if I’d want to be with someone who gives up too easily when the going gets tough. It’s too reminiscent of my family, so I’m always going to be cautious. Why?’
