by Raye Morgan
She was giving up. Her hands slid down from his neck and a hurt look filled her eyes. He couldn’t stand that, and without letting himself think, he lowered his mouth to hers.
Hot buttered rum. That was what she tasted like. Smooth and creamy and slightly intoxicating. And addictive. Once the kiss started, he wasn’t sure he was going to be able to stop it. She was so soft, so sweet…Desire rose in him like a sort of madness, threatening to take away his ability to reason.
As he struggled to pull away, the thoughts came anyway, fast and confusing. He didn’t want to feel this sort of urgency, this need to take her in his arms. But it had been so long since he’d held a woman and his body wanted hers so badly. At the same time, he had to hold himself back. He wasn’t free to do what came naturally. He had to remember…
“I’m sorry,” she was saying.
He looked down, startled. Her gaze was still troubled.
“I shouldn’t have pushed you into that,” she said. “I know you didn’t want to do it.”
His mind was still too thick to process coherent thoughts. Pulling back away from her, he rose on his elbow and watched her for a moment.
“This isn’t going to be easy for either of us,” he said at last. “What we’re planning to do will go against all our basic instincts.”
She nodded. “I know.”
Rolling over, she sat on the edge of the bed and looked back at him. She was reeling from that kiss, but working hard to keep that information close to the vest. But, oh my! Her lips were still vibrating. She’d never been kissed like that before. In fact, she didn’t know it could be that way. And worst of all, she was dying to feel that way again.
Should she tell him? Should she warn him that she might not be able to keep the sort of distance they were planning to maintain in their marriage? Maybe she should let him know. He had a right to that information.
But before she had a chance to say anything more, Rosa called from the stairs, letting them know that lunch was getting cold. They both rose from the bed, pulled their clothing together and started down to the lunchroom. And Callie let that moment slip away.
The lunch was delicious—tortilla soup and taco salad. As they ate, they both seemed to gradually lose the edgy sensitivity they’d picked up on that bed, and before long, they were talking and kidding again, instead of feeling that strange sensual connection.
“So tell me,” Callie said as they started on their bowls of ice cream for dessert. “On the level. What is the truth about you?”
“About me?” He shrugged as though it hardly mattered. “Hard to say. It’s probably about halfway in between what you were thinking and what I was saying.”
“Oh.” She thought for a few seconds. “Well, I guess that’s helpful. In a way.”
“Okay, here’s the real truth,” he began, waving his spoon at her.
“As opposed to the unreal truth you’ve been telling me so far?” she teased.
Giving her a superior look, he ignored her comment and went on.
“Unfortunately it’s a very boring story. I had good parents, a great sister, friends and extended family. I did well in school, but I wasn’t the best. I got into a good college and did well there. I met a wonderful girl….”
His voice suddenly seemed to fail him. He’d meant to go on and tell her about Jan, she was sure, but right now, he just couldn’t do it.
“Anyway, just a normal American upbringing,” he said instead, avoiding her gaze as he put his napkin on the table.
“Sure,” she said, trying to sound casual after an awkward moment of silence. “With a little more money than most, a little more background, a huge Texas ranch and a major business in the family. Let’s face it, Grant. You are one of the blessed.”
He nodded slowly. “Yes. You’re right. I had a lot of advantages. And I’m grateful.” His voice got rougher as he added, “But I’d give it all up if I could change a few things.”
With a nod to her, he rose and walked out of the room, leaving it at that.
Callie looked around the room and wondered how often Jan had been here with him. It was obvious he was feeling the emptiness she’d left behind right now—that he was fighting off heartbreak. She wished she knew how to help him, but she was afraid that was a wound that just wasn’t going to heal.
Could she live with that? She was going to have to. Either that, or back out of this project. Because Jan was going to be the third member of their marriage, from what she could see. And she couldn’t say he hadn’t warned her.
The next day, Callie took her lunch hour to go to see her mother-in-law from her first marriage. Marge Stevens lived in a twilight doze most of the time, but she always brightened when she realized it was Callie leaning down to give her a kiss on her withered cheek. Thanks to Grant, she was in a better nursing home situation now, being cared for every minute by loving attendants.
Still, Callie thought how lucky Grant’s grandfather was to still be well enough to be living at home, even if he wasn’t very mobile any longer. It was just too bad he couldn’t see the wedding he was so interested in having take place.
And then, she had an idea. She stopped by Grant’s office when she got back to work.
“Grant, I know your grandfather can’t come into town for our wedding. But listen. Why don’t we take it to him? Why don’t we have the justice come out to the ranch? Would he do that?”
Grant thought it was a great idea and she could see that he appreciated her thinking of his grandfather that way. She had a warm glow for the rest of the afternoon.
But in the end, it turned out she should have left well enough alone. The plan had been to have a quiet, private wedding in the justice’s chambers with two witnesses. That was it, just a quick transaction, shake hands and off everyone would go. Instead, now that they were having the wedding at the ranch, everything was turned on its head.
She couldn’t blame anybody but herself. It had been her idea. But once the setting changed, things started spiraling out of control, and before she knew it, she was being asked what sort of wedding cake she wanted and did she want to have finger food or a sit-down dinner, and did she mind if the cousins from Redmond came? They would stay quiet and in the background, but they were older and had loved Grant as though he were a child of their own and would be so hurt if they found out they hadn’t been included.
So suddenly they were having the wedding of the year, out in ranch country at any rate. When everyone you met was just so excited about the wedding, how could you keep them away?
“I don’t even have a decent dress to wear,” Callie fretted as the whole thing loomed like a curse just a day away. “I mean, if we were really doing this right, I would have a hair appointment and a dress and veil and all the other things a bride expects to have. And here I am, going into a big wedding with little wedding outfits and preparations.”
“I thought that was what you wanted,” Tina said.
“Sometimes I want dumb things,” she said, frowning her frustration. “I’m getting a very bad feeling about this. Is someone trying to tell me something? Is this a sign that I’m not prepared for this marriage? That I’m doing something recklessly without considering all the ramifications?”
“Oh, calm down,” Tina said, trying to reassure her. “You’ve just got the jitters. Everything will be fine tomorrow. You’ll see.”
Callie tried to calm down. She took a long shower. She washed her hair. She packed a case of things she was planning to take out to the ranch to use in the wedding. Then she repacked the case she’d prepared to take to Grant’s apartment after the wedding. Then she repacked it again. Then she put a new shade of polish on her toenails and redid her fingernails.
But the whole time, all she could think about was Grant. How could she marry a man who was still in love with his first wife?
She was getting married for the second time. Was this her second big mistake? She’d married Ralph, her first husband, because he and his mother had been good to her whe
n she was desperate and she was grateful. And now—had she fallen into the same trap again? She was marrying Grant because he promised to take care of all her problems and make life smooth and easy for her. How was that so different from the reasons she’d used to talk herself into marrying Ralph, another man she didn’t love?
Why couldn’t she seem to learn from her mistakes? Was she one of these people who kept falling into the same pattern again and again and ruined their lives?
“It’s different this time,” she whispered to herself.
Yeah. Right. That was what those sorts of people always said, wasn’t it?
“No, really. It’s different. Because this time, I understand what I’m getting into. I’m not expecting marriage to make everything perfect.”
Perfect? This might not even end up normally average, forget perfect.
She went back over all the steps in her head, reminding herself of how this was a business deal first and foremost. That they were both in this for something other than the usual love thing. That they both had to keep cool, calm and collected if this was going to work for them.
No emotions. At least, not so anyone would notice.
But she just wasn’t sure if that was going to work in the long run. In fact, she was afraid she already liked Grant a little too much. Should she tell him? If not, could she keep a secret like that for the rest of her life?
This was agony. Maybe they should just forget the whole thing. Maybe she ought to call him and…
It was late when Grant picked up the phone. He heard Tina’s voice on the other end.
“You’d better get over here fast,” she said.
He tensed. “What’s wrong?”
“We’ve got a bad case of cold feet developing. You might want to come over and try to nip it in the bud.”
Funny, but he’d been expecting this. In fact, he’d faced a bit of the old frigid feet thing himself, wondering how he could possibly be contemplating doing something so contrived and difficult to bring off.
“If you still want to marry this woman tomorrow,” Tina was saying, “you’d better come and make your case.”
“Again?”
“Again.”
He sighed. But what the hell—maybe trying to convince her would firm up the crumbling edges of his own confidence.
“Okay,” Tina was saying. “I’m going to take Molly and go grocery shopping. You will have about an hour and a half before I get back. Put it to good use.”
Good old Tina. He’d gotten to know her better over the past week and understood why she and Callie were so close. He was glad she was on his side. If she were working against him, he wouldn’t have a chance.
He was at the apartment in twenty minutes. Callie was home and she let him in, looking curious but not particularly surprised to see him.
“Tina called you, right?”
“She said your resolution was wilting. I came over to give it life support.”
She gave him a tragic look, turned and led the way to the couch, where she flopped down, pulling her legs up under her. He sat down in a chair facing her and spent a moment enjoying the way the lamplight played with her golden hair.
“You’re not going to desert me, are you?” he asked her softly.
She met his gaze and held it for a long moment before she slowly shook her head. “I don’t think so,” she said doubtfully.
He could have asked for a little more positive spin on that less-than-ringing endorsement. But at least she wasn’t calling him names and throwing things.
“Tell me, Callie. What is it that’s making you feel uncertain tonight?”
She closed her eyes, took a deep breath and opened them again.
“Oh, I don’t know. This whole thing. I mean, this started out being a small business deal. Remember that? Now we’re stuck with this gigantic wedding with all sorts of people coming, lots who I don’t even know. This wasn’t supposed to happen. It’s all gotten out of hand.”
“No, it hasn’t,” he said, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, all calm male confidence and optimism. “Callie, the wedding as a party means nothing. Officially joining our lives in the pursuit of a baby—that’s what’s important. All the rest is frills.” He shrugged. “If you want, we’ll cancel it and go back to our original plan.”
She stared at him. “We can’t do that.”
“Why not?”
She bit her lip. “Everybody’s so excited about it.”
“Great.” He smiled at her. “Let them have the party without us. We don’t have to go.”
She smiled, thinking of it. Most of them wouldn’t notice the bride and groom were missing until halfway through the day. She could imagine the scene.
“Really?”
“Sure. It doesn’t bother me.”
She laughed softly, looking at him. Why was he being so nice and understanding?
Because he doesn’t want to lose his chance at having his baby. Well, yes. That was true. Still, she liked that he didn’t just come in shouting like some men she’d known.
“But it’s not just the wedding is it?” he said.
Her smile faded. “No, not really. It’s this whole strange situation we’ve gotten ourselves into. I’m not sure we’re doing the right thing.”
He nodded. “Is it your first husband? Do you feel as though you’re betraying him in some way?” This was a scenario he knew only too well, so it was the first thing that came to mind.
“What?” She looked surprised at the suggestion. Betray Ralph? Hardly. “Oh, no. Not at all.”
He was glad it wasn’t that. Still, maybe there were deeper emotions here than she even realized herself. When you came right down to it, he didn’t know much about the man she’d married before. And what he did know was baffling, to say the least.
“Why don’t you tell me about him?”
“Ralph?” She wrinkled her nose. “Now?”
“Sure. We’ve got to do it sometime. Why don’t we get it out of the way now? Tell me why you married Ralph.”
She looked down at her hands, folded in her lap. Taking a breath deep into her lungs, she held it for a moment, let it out and looked up at Grant, smiling.
“Okay.”
She settled back into the couch. “I told you that I spent many of my teenage years in a group home. You had to leave when you turned eighteen. Ready or not, out you went.”
He nodded, his blue eyes dark in the shadows.
“Tina is a year younger than I am and she stayed on. But I had to go. I had to find a place for myself in the world. They gave us classes and counseling and all that, but you get such outlandish expectations when you’re young. I thought I could do anything.”
She smiled, remembering. “I was going to get a fabulous job and start college and find a boyfriend. It was all going to be wonderful. And when reality slapped me in the face and I couldn’t get a job that would pay enough to let me rent a decent place and still have money left over for food, I felt very lost and cheated for a time. I really struggled.”
It had been harder than she could express to him, harder than she would want to express to anyone. But it had helped make her into who she was today, she had to admit.
“And then, I saw an ad in the paper for an older woman who needed a paid companion. The job didn’t pay much but it came with room and board and would give me time to start taking college classes.”
She paused, smiling as she remembered. “Marge Stevens was…is…a wonderful person. She became a second mother to me in many ways. Without her, I don’t know what would have happened to me.
“Ralph was her son. He was in his thirties at the time. A lot older than I was. A pleasant, good-looking man. He traveled a lot, but came home at least once a month to visit with his mother. She adored him. He seemed to adore me. He helped me and taught me a lot. One thing led to another, and before I knew it, I’d agreed to marry him.”
“Just like that?”
She nodded, suppressing a smile. Yes, G
rant, just like that. Just the way I’m jumping into marrying you, too. See what an idiot I am? I just keep doing it.
Sighing, she went on aloud. “They’d both been so good to me and they both wanted me to do it so badly. I sort of felt like I owed them. If it hadn’t been for Marge, I would never have been able to get through as much college as I did. She helped me a lot. And at the same time, Ralph seemed very ardent and I thought maybe this was love, for me, too.”
“Naive,” he muttered.
She leaned forward earnestly. “Listen, try to understand. Ralph was pretty much the first man who’d been good to me. My experience with men over the first decades of my life hadn’t been real positive. First there were my mother’s boyfriends who came and went and treated her horribly when they weren’t trying to hit on her little girl behind her back.”
She paused for a moment, swallowing hard. She’d never hinted at that before to anyone but Tina, and now here she’d casually told Grant. She looked at his eyes, but she didn’t see condemnation. Squaring her shoulders, she went on.
“Then there were the administrators of the group home. One man in particular enjoyed making sure we understood how worthless we were and how much we owed to him and his staff for all we got. And finally, the few guys I dated in college all turned out to be jerks. So when Ralph treated me as an equal, as someone worth talking to, I was just so happy to find a man like that, it helped to win me over.”
His eyes flashed and she wasn’t sure if it was with anger or something else.
“And you regretted it?” he asked, his voice rough.
“Oh, yes. I definitely regretted it. Not that Ralph ever did anything horrible to me. Not physically. But once we were married, that sweet, considerate man turned into a control freak suspicious of everything I did and everyone I talked to. He couldn’t let me go to the grocery store alone. He was sure I was seeing someone behind his back. It was crazy.”
“Hmm. What did he do for a living?”
