by Paul Kelly
***
Bossyboots busied himself around the cafe whilst Daniel and Alison sipped their drinks in silence for quite some time before either of them spoke.
"You told me your name was Alison. Is that right?" asked Daniel and Alison was delighted that he remembered her name when she had only told him casually when she thought he might need some help when she first saw him in the cafe on that 'fateful' night when he didn't want to know her.
"Yes," she replied "And you told me your name was Daniel, yes?"
"You have a good memory," he commented without making any suggestion that he too was rather proficient in that score.
"Thank you, Alison," he said, "and I do appreciate what you are trying to do, but with the greatest respect, you are wasting your time."
Alison dried her lips with her serviette.
"I am sorry," she said, making her apology softly, "I thought I would be able to help."
"But you don't know anything about me, as I have already said."
Daniel was about to leave the cafe when he said that, but Alison put her hand on his arm.
"There is something deeply troubling you. I know that much from the state you were in when I first saw you and anyone would have offered to help."
Daniel looked into her eyes.
"I have multiple sclerosis," he said slowly, "And probably that's why you thought I was drunk a short time ago, but I don't want any sympathy. Lots of people suffer from this ... this disability. It is not a disease."
"I have a friend who suffers with the same ... disability, but she can laugh with me and she doesn't push me away," added Alison as she shrugged her shoulders giving the impression that she couldn’t have cared less what Daniel had.
Daniel got up to leave, but he tottered slightly as he stood and Alison put her hand out to help him. He shook his head slowly.
"It is strange that a female should offer to help me. I would never have expected that," he announced and Alison raised her eyebrows.
"A female," she enquired, Why? Why do you say that? Are you gay?"
"No ... no," he replied, "It might have been better if I was gay."
"I don't understand."
“As I have said I have MS and my condition has been greatly aggravated by a female on two occasions, that's why."
Alison rose from her seat and Mr. Humphries came rushing over to the table.
"Sir," she said to him as he approached her with a serviette draped across his arm, "Sir, I am no longer able to work today. It is essential that I stay with my friend and I will return tomorrow, if that is alright."
Humphries looked perplexed for a few seconds, before he nodded and smiled his agreement, without telling Alison that he had been listening to everything that the pair had spoken.
Daniel left the cafe and she followed.
***
As they walked together along the road, Daniel didn't speak, but Alison noticed that he wasn't walking entirely straight and had a slight wobble in his step. It was only after a few moments that she realized this gait may be something to do with his MS.
"Do you want to come home with me to my flat?" she asked, daring any rebuke he might make, as she was expecting anything.
"Do you mind if we take a seat in the park, as it is a lovely day?" he asked and Alison was delighted with that suggestion, as it was more than she had ever expected.
"That's fine," she replied, "I'm a little tired of walking anyway. I spent some time jogging this morning and I may have gone too far,"
Daniel smiled.
"Jogging ... It's a long time since I did anything like that." he said and then as they went into the park, they spotted a seat quite near the entrance.
"This is fine," he said, but if you'd rather ... "
"No, no, this is fine really, but would you mind if I asked you a question? It's something that 's been bothering me since you told me you had MS."
Daniel looked gravely at her for a few moments.
"That's something I don't talk about unless I absolutely have to," he answered and Alison felt as though she had truly been put in her place.
"It's not important," she said softly and folded her hands on her knee, but he continued to speak
"I've had the condition for the past nine years ... if you really want to know. Well that's when I was officially diagnosed, but I think I had some tell tale signs before that; say about three or four years before."
"You are doing remarkably well considering,"
"Well there are varying degrees of this thing and I understand mine is not as serious as some. I have known people who have had to have wheelchairs for the rest of their lives."
"Don't tell me anything you don't want to Daniel ... May I call you Daniel?" Alison asked rather shyly and he nodded.
"I don't really mind you asking me anything that you think you should know about me, although I find it strange that you should even bother. I'm not worth it."
Alison shuffled in the park seat. She wanted to touch his hand and tell him that she felt very differently about what he thought of himself.
"I have been thinking since you told me of your condition that perhaps that may have been the reason for your accident," she said, hesitating in the knowledge that he might be annoyed again at what seemed to be her interference.
Daniel smiled again, but his eyes were sad.
"I didn't want to come round, you know," he said slowly and Alison looked at him, trying to understand what he meant.
"I don't understand," she said and he sighed deeply.
"After the operation where they did things to my head, after the accident ... .I didn't want to come round. I know that's selfish as I have serious responsibilities that I must consider, but ..."
"But what, Daniel?" she asked.
"I wanted to die," he said and Alison gasped.
"You can't mean that surely," she said and took his hand in hers but he pulled away.
"I did, but I see now it was a selfish thing to want ... It's just that I was so low."
"I had thought that perhaps your ... your condition could have made you a little unsteady when you fell in front of that car."
"You are thinking of how unsteady I am on my feet, aren't you?"
"Oh! no, not at all, but I have told you I have a friend who has the same condition and she is a little unsteady on her feet, in fact ..."
"Some body thought she was drunk," added Daniel instantly and she wanted to laugh.
"You've guessed it," she giggled, but I think that is very cruel."
"Yes, that's right, but it is laughable if you don't know, isn't it?"
Alison was surprised when after that breakthrough he suddenly changed his manner of speaking and became quite abrupt.
"Alison," he said solemnly and she waited for some grave correction in her demeanour to follow. "Alison, I don't mind you asking me questions. I have already said that, but please. If I may be so bold. You are a very attractive young lady and . ."
He stopped talking at this point
"And what?" she asked ... "And you can be as bold as you like."
He smiled again.
"I don't want to start any relationship ... If you know what I mean. I have had troubles in my relationships before and I don't want to start something I would regret afterwards."
"I understand," she said, but in her heart she was bitterly disappointed. She knew that with each moment that passed, she was beginning to see Daniel Roberts in a very different light to anyone she had even known before. She reflected quickly on how she felt when she first met Ken, but it was nothing like this. Daniel was a giant of a man for all he considered himself to be worthless. "I understand perfectly," she went on and perhaps I should have told you before that I have been married and am now divorced, so I a
m not some young thing who imagines that she is in love simply because she is sitting on a park bench with a handsome man."
Daniel looked at Alison with startled eye.
"I too have been divorced,” he said” and perhaps now you will understand why I am thinking as I do. Actually I have been married and divorced twice, so you will see that I have no intentions of going through all that again."
Alison was surprised when Daniel told her that. He was such a lovely person. She failed to understand how any woman would want to leave him, but then she thought again about Ken. Everyone thought Kenneth Royle was a lovely person.
"My divorce was partly my fault, "Alison confessed silently, hoping that Daniel wouldn't hear and yet she knew she should tell him. "I wasn't as worldly as my husband thought I should be and he very soon sought consolation elsewhere ... and he became rather violent too, but I suppose that was partly my fault again."
"Why do you speak as you do. No man should ever strike a woman, no matter what she is ... or isn't, as you seem to infer."
"I was brought up in a rather strict household and I married when I was nineteen, so I suppose I was too young and too inexperienced for the man I thought I loved, but at that age, you think you know everything there is to know about marriage."
"I am sorry Alison. I am truly sorry, but my first marriage was something like your own. I was the stupid person in that relationship, but I thought it was the right thing to do, to work hard to make a home and hope for a family."
"And do you think now that you made a mistake there?" she asked and Daniel sighed heavily.
" I am a professional musician. I teach the violin and I may have been working too many hours for a marriage to work, but my wife then didn't work at all, although she was a very gifted artist. I just got very weary coming home each evening and there would be no dinner. Not even a sandwich and I wondered what she did all day. Then she fell pregnant. I have a little son. He is nine now; nearly ten, however the relationship could never have lasted. We argued from morning till night and I felt it was impractical to go on that way and we separated."
"And you married again after that?" enquired Alison, realizing now that Daniel was more able to talk about his problem than he was when she first met him.
"Yes. I fell in love with a fellow musician and imagined that life would be perfect with the musical background between us, but I was very wrong. I was only married for about eighteen months when I learned from some of our friends that she had been having affairs for some considerable time, even before and after our marriage. I should have listened to the people who told me this before I married her, and warned me of her fickle nature, but love is blind ... or so they say."
Alison was deeply touched when Daniel told her his story. She looked into his eyes but he turned away.
"I suppose that is the reason why you don't want to start another relationship, isn't it?" she said, hoping that he might not answer her, but he did.
"I will never ever get married again," he announced as though several people were listening to him. "Never, never again."
"Did your wives know about your condition?"
Daniel looked up into the sky for a few seconds when Alison asked him that question. "I wasn't diagnosed until after my first divorce," he said, but I think I had been affected with this thing some time before that. My second wife knew about it, but she told me it didn't matter and love would conquer all ... We actually lived together for nearly two years before we married ... My God, that was longer than the marriage lasted ... but it DID matter. I was ill for about three weeks after my second marriage and I tried to do everything for myself without troubling my wife, but she wouldn't have done anything for me anyway. She told me I was drinking too much and that I should get a hold of myself. She went on working in a school teaching the piano to children and it was in this time that she was having her affairs."
"Affairs, you say, Daniel. More than one then?"
Daniel laughed and Alison could see his teeth perfectly for the first time.
"Many more than one, my dear lady," he said and laughed all the more. I must have been naive. She would leave the house at 6.30 am and tell me she was teaching ... and like a fool I believed her. Teaching some guy how to have sex, if he didn't already know. I learnt later that she had several older men as her clientele."
Alison touched Daniel's hand, but he quickly withdrew from her.
"Please don't Alison. You are a very nice girl and I respect you, but I just can't take a relationship any further than friendship. I am grateful for your friendship and you can dump me any time you want, but as for anything else ... NO, A very firm NO."
"I understand ... Yes, I understand perfectly," she replied, but her heart was sorrowful. It wasn't simply sex she wanted with Daniel, as it was totally sex and nothing more with Ken and she realized that now, but she wanted more than that sort of life where she was only wanted in bed. She saw Daniel as a truly kind and generous person and she wanted to share her life with him at any cost ... but would he be prepared for that?
Daniel rose from where they were sitting and held out his hand to assist Alison to follow him.
"We could have lunch ... or dinner if you prefer," he said, "I owe you that for giving up a day's work for me."
Alison grinned. She felt happy. It was more than she had anticipated and she would play it by ear and let Daniel get his mind clear of everything that disturbed him before she would expect any more What a comparison to Ken, she thought as they walked out of the park. Ken had nothing on his mind, but sex. He was happy as long as she was obliging, but if for any reason she couldn't oblige, he was off to someone else's bed and Alison knew that. She had learned, by bitter experience that when there is infidelity in a marriage, it was always bound to come out somewhere or other and she had lost many a friend who had sympathised more with Ken than with her. Tea and sympathy, she thought. Call it what you like, but Ken knew all about that art, where instead of tea it was whisky ... and sometimes even drugs.
She wished she could take Daniel's arm, or hold his hand at least, but they walked together as two units until they came to a restaurant and Daniel opened the door for Alison to go inside before him.
Chapter Six
It was three weeks before Alison met Daniel again. She had given him her telephone number and her address, but it made no difference and she concluded that their affair, if you could call it that, was over.
Rosie kept making remarks about the 'boyfriend' to find out all she could about the meeting, but Alison had no energy to supply her with any information.
However, it was one afternoon, when Alison was on the evening shift and working on her own, that she saw Daniel again. The cafe was quiet and Alison had only half an hour more before she could lock up and go home.
He came into the cafe and sat down and nervously she approached him to take his order. It was almost as though they were strangers again; the way he sat there so lonely looking and staring into space. Would he remember her, she thought as she coughed and startled him.
"Oh! Hello Alison," he said softly, but that was enough for her as she drew up a chair and sat down beside him.
"Daniel, I thought you had forgotten about me," she said nervously. "I thought ..."
"You think too much," he said and forced a smile.
"Can I get you a coffee?" she asked and he nodded.
"Black with a little sugar as always," she added and he sat back in the chair with his eyebrows raised.
"You remember?" he asked and Alison nodded enthusiastically ... If only he knew how much she remembered ...
"I have thought about what you told me many times and wondered how you have got on," said Alison but Daniel didn't seem to register at first to what she said. It was only after a few seconds that he blinked and shook his head.
"I'm sorry," he said, "I didn't qui
te catch what you said."
"I have wondered how you have been since I saw you last," she repeated and he shook his head again.
"Please don't think about it. Why should you have a headache over my troubles," he concluded but Alison would have none of it.
"But I want to help. I have said that so many times and you must believe me."
"Alison," he said softly, "I can offer you nothing. "You must know that. It is not that I want to hold myself in reserve. It is just the way things have made me. I cannot move forward until this matter is cleared in my mind and only yesterday I found that things could be much worse than I thought them to be."
Alison looked hurt when he said that.
"Worse?" she enquired, "Worse than things were before?"
"Yes ... It may be that I will lose my home if Frieda has her way in the divorce."
"Frieda ... Is that your wife's name?
"My second wife's name. The first was Rene, but we divorced amicably, although I took Dillon to live with me. Dillon is the son I told you I had and who is with me now. He's quite a young man now; nearly ten. He was the child of my first wife. I had no children by Frieda, thank God and Dillon never liked her. Strange that he felt that way about her as soon as she came to visit the house, long before we thought of getting married. She was the one who wanted the divorce before I knew anything of how she felt in the marriage. She just left the house to go to school one morning and handed me a letter."
"A letter? Just that? how long had you known Frieda before this and did she know about your condition?"
"Yes, I told her about my problem and she understood as far as I could understand. After all she lived with me for two years before we got married."
Alison found what Daniel was telling her, very hard to believe.
"Do you mean she told you what she wanted in a letter without even discussing anything with you by conversation?"
"Yes, that's how it was done. I thought everything was fine between us. In fact, we made love the night before she walked out .. and what was more hurtful, she left me to go with a much older man who taught at the school where she was teaching music."
