by Adams, Kira
I know how amazing I feel now, but I know the feeling can’t possibly last. I can only guestimate how it will be when we return to school on Monday. Will we go back to simply existing alongside one another or will he finally acknowledge my presence in front of our peers?
He releases me quickly, and begins setting up his newly purchased tent on the highest part of the sand, back amongst the rock wall. After we’ve finished setting up our sleeping quarters for the night, he runs off to find wood to make a bonfire. Never in a million years would I have guessed I would be tackling my bucket list alongside one of my biggest tormentors. It’s funny how much can change in such a little amount of time.
I know I will have to face reality again soon, but in the meantime, I decide to embrace the experience. No one has ever made me feel so special. Reality can wait. I’m planning to live out my fantasy for a couple more hours tonight.
Soon, we are seated on the sand, roasting marshmallows just like I’ve always dreamed of. We have everything we need to make s’mores, but we find ourselves lost in conversation instead. “What’s your favorite color?” Topher asks.
I giggle. “Don’t you think it’s a little late to be asking that? I mean, you’ve already had your tongue halfway down my throat…”
He chuckles, wiping a bead of sweat from his forehead. His eyes are illuminated by the flames, and I feel myself getting lost within them.
“It’s never too late to learn more about one another.” He smiles widely back at me.
The problem is, I don’t want him getting any more attached than necessary. It’s just going to be more difficult when I’m gone. I know it’s unfair of me to pursue anything with Topher…but I fear that we are already too invested at this point.
“Green,” I reply simply. “What about you?”
“Blue.”
“Typical.” I pull my marshmallow out of the flame, lightly touching it with my fingers.
“What?” he asks, clueless.
“Isn’t blue like every guys favorite color?” I tease him, sticking my tongue out.
He smiles wider. “Fine then, brown.”
“Boring…” I continue to have fun with him.
“Oh, you’re going to get it!” He drops his stick along with the marshmallow to the sand before hopping up and chasing me. I stumble up as well, dropping my stick, and race toward the opening to the tent before I feel his strong arm wrap around my body, and he tackles me down onto the sleeping bag.
We are out of breath from laughing when I realize this is going to be the first time I’ve spent the night with a guy…ever. From kissing to sleeping together, I’m sure moving fast. My heart begins to beat wildly against my chest. Topher’s facial expression changes to concern. “I’m not going to pressure you to do anything you aren’t ready to do.”
I swallow, some of the tension dissipating from his statement.
“I mean, I was your first kiss. I know how nervous you must be,” he tosses back.
I nod lightly, averting my eyes.
He gently moves my hair out of my face. “You’re so different than what I thought.”
I lock eyes with him and try to read his intense gaze. “Is that a good thing?”
He smiles lightly. “So good. So much better.”
I can’t help but return his smile, blushing.
“You act like you’ve never received a compliment before…” he murmurs, nestling his mouth into the crook of my neck, sending tingles down my spine.
I sigh.
He jerks his head upright immediately. “Wait, what?”
I shrug. “It’s because I really haven’t.”
His eyes get a hint of sadness to them. “Ciera…” he trails off.
“It’s okay,” I interject quickly.
“No, it’s not,” he says firmly, pulling me up to a sitting position with him.
He continues to tuck my hair behind my ears gently, his eyes raking over my face with care.
I close my eyes when I feel his warm breath next to my ear. “Open your eyes.”
I oblige and he is staring intently into my eyes. “I am so sorry,” he says softly, his eyebrows creasing. “I am so sorry for being such an asshole to you. I am so sorry for standing idly by while my friends made your life a living hell. Even though I never noticed you before, it’s not because you were any less of a person…it’s because I was. You have the most beautiful heart. You are an incredible person, Ciera. I’m sorry it took me so long to realize this.”
I run my fingers gently across his jawline, looking at the handsome boy in front of me. Why now? Why are you saying all of this now? I pull his face close to mine, and close my lips upon his softly, my heart hurting. It’s happening…and pretty soon, I’m not going to be able to stop it. I can feel myself falling for Topher with every brush of our lips, every slight touch or deep stare we share. It’s unfair to him, I know this. But what seems more unfair is the possibility that I could pass away without ever knowing the meaning of true love. Maybe all of this is happening for a reason? Maybe it’s finally my turn to really live.
Nothing is ever certain. Life is simply a mixture of possibilities and choices. I’m choosing to embrace this change. I know I am going to have to be honest with him eventually, but for now, I am going to enjoy the ride for as long as possible.
* * *
The weekend passes and we stay fully wrapped up within one another. On Sunday, Topher takes me to a very fancy restaurant where we end up crossing another item off my list by dining and ditching. I’ve never felt more alive. He also takes me to my first haunted house, and I grip onto him tightly like my life depends on it.
I’m starting to wonder how I went through life without ever knowing this Topher. How we knew of one another, but didn’t really know one another. Everything seems better with him around, brighter. I’m smiling until my cheeks hurt, laughing until my sides are sore. I still have a small knot in the pit of my stomach wondering how school will be. Wondering if any of our feelings can translate into his world…but I know I can’t live my life in fear anymore, I don’t want to.
So when Topher offers to pick me up for school on Monday morning, I don’t hesitate in agreeing. I make sure to dress in the yellow sundress Madalynne bought me. It’s cold outside, but I know Topher will appreciate the effort I make. When he picks me up he is grinning from ear to ear.
“Hey you,” he says softly as I enter his car. Goose bumps are already rising up on my exposed legs, but I can’t be sure if it is due to the chilly weather or due to the look he is giving me. Almost as if he wants to devour me whole. “You look nice,” he says as he gives me a quick peck on the lips.
His hands comes to rest on my upper leg, and fire surges from his fingertips throughout my body.
“Thanks,” I say.
As we near the school the knot seems to only expand within my stomach.
“What’s your middle name?” Topher asks randomly.
I look over at him. “Grace, why?”
He returns my gaze, his teal eyes warm, before he shifts them back to the road. “Just curious. Ciera Grace Nelson…very pretty.”
“Thanks,” I reply. “What’s yours?”
He shrugs. “I don’t have one. I guess my parents thought Topher was unique enough.”
He pulls into the parking lot and exits the car. I’m frozen, fear taking hold of me. I know I should be climbing out as well, but I can’t move a muscle. I can already feel countless eyes on the car. Our peers already invested in what is about to take place.
I hear Topher close his door and then moments later, I feel mine being opened. He crouches down so that he is at eye level with me. “Hey, you okay?”
I glance at him quickly, and then down to my hands. “I don’t know if I can do this.”
His face softens and he takes one of my hands in his, squeezing it lightly. “I’m right here with you.”
Just hearing him say the words alleviates some of my fear. I force a smile on my face as I slowly climb
out of the car. Our peers are huddled in various groups around the parking lot, staring. I can feel the eyes burning my skin. I look up at Topher quickly, and he gives my hand one more reassuring squeeze.
“Wait.” He pulls me up and gives my hand a tug before I stop him from moving forward. “We don’t have to do this. I mean, I had a lot of fun this weekend…more fun than I’ve ever had, but it doesn’t have to translate here. We can go our separate ways…” I’m still rambling when he crashes his lips to mine in front of all the prying eyes around us, quieting me. He presses me up against the car lightly, continuing his assault on my mouth. By the time he breaks off the kiss, I can’t even remember what the hell I was talking about.
He rubs his finger across my chin gently. “I’ve never felt more alive than when I am with you. You awakened something deep inside my soul. I can’t explain it, but I’m not letting you go. At least not without a fight.”
I swallow deeply before pinching myself lightly. Nope, not dreaming. I take a deep breath and then begin making my way toward the school alongside Topher.
The whispers and stares only accelerate as we get inside of the building. We are making a statement and it’s on everyone’s radar. Peers are trailing their eyes up and down my body, and I’ve never felt more violated or judged in my entire life. We break apart briefly to open our respective lockers when I hear Sophia’s obnoxiously loud voice.
“Well aren’t you just precious?” she asks snidely as she comes to rest right next to my locker. She is wearing next to nothing, and her boobs look like they might pop out of her halter top at any moment. It’s almost as if she went the extra mile today as her hair is curled into loose curls, and her makeup is extravagant.
I sneak a peek over to the other side of the hall, and notice Topher is in a heated discussion with Joe. It’s not loud enough for me to eavesdrop, but I know he won’t be able to come to my rescue. I guess I am just going to have to learn to stand up for myself.
“Don’t you ever get bored?” I ask, closing my locker.
“Excuse me?” she exclaims, throwing her hand onto her chest dramatically.
“You heard me. I’m starting to wonder what Topher ever saw in you,” I whisper under my breath.
There is a fire burning behind her eyes, and before I know it, she is pouncing on me with claws out. We go crashing to the floor roughly before my head starts to pound with a vengeance. I grab it with my hands, but I feel as though someone is gutting it from the inside out. I curl up in the fetal position as the pain surges through me. Soon my vision and hearing go along with it, and all I’m left with is darkness.
Chapter Twenty One
Topher
As I open my locker, Joe appears beside me. “You know, you’re not fooling anyone,” he says under his breath.
“What the hell are you talking about?” I growl.
“Ciera fucking Nelson? I know Sophia cheated on you man, but at least have some standards.” He has a condescending smile playing across his lips.
“Shut the fuck up,” I warn him, taking a step closer so that I am in his face.
“I’m doing you a solid, man. You still have time to save your reputation.”
I grab the collar of his polo, gripping it firmly. “I don’t give a shit what anyone thinks, least of all you. Get the hell out of my face.”
I’m still revved up when I hear the sound of a struggle across the hall. I turn my face to where Ciera’s locker is, and notice Sophia is on top of her, a fistful of Ciera’s hair in her hand. I shove Joe roughly out of my way, when I see Ciera curl up into a ball, her hands covering her head. Sophia looks utterly confused. I can’t tell if she hit her or what. I rip her off Ciera as quickly as possible, pushing her out of the way. “What the fuck is going on here?”
“I don’t know,” Sophia says shakily. “We were fighting and then all of a sudden she curled up into a ball and stopped moving.”
I touch Ciera’s shoulder gently. “Ciera, are you okay?”
When I turn her over so I can see her face, it is obvious that she is unconscious. My heart begins to race rapidly as I look around the hall at my peers. “Get help!” I scream with enough force that it sends people scurrying in every direction.
Joe inches closer, his face contorting as he looks down at Ciera’s still body. “What’s wrong with her?”
“I don’t know,” I answer dismissively.
No one is moving quickly enough for my liking so I reach my arms under her body and lift her into the air. I carry her all the way to the nurse’s office. By the time I make it, my arms are needing a reprieve, so I gently lay her down on a cot in the middle of the room. Nurse Gregory comes rushing over. “What happened to her?” she asks frantically.
“I don’t know,” I reply helpless. “She just fell to the floor clutching her head, and now she’s unconscious. Is she going to be alright?”
Nurse Gregory’s face takes on a look of concern. “Thanks for bringing her in Topher, I can take it from here.”
I look up at her incredulously. “I’m not leaving.”
Her expression softens. “Listen, you have to get to class. Let me do my job. I will make sure you are updated as soon as she wakes up.”
My stomach dips as I realize I am not going to win this fight. I nod slowly, and then take one long look at Ciera before I leave. I feel like the biggest asshole in the world, but I know Mrs. Gregory is right. I end up in first period fifteen minutes late, but I can’t focus one bit. I keep glancing at Ciera’s empty chair in the front, and my stomach continues to eat itself alive from the nerves.
Mack looks back at me through his thick black framed glasses, and I know he’s heard the news by now. It’s not surprising that by the time the bell rings, he is headed straight for me. “What happened to her?” he asks in an accusatory tone. I know he is only worried, but it’s not helping.
“I don’t know,” I answer honestly.
“Where is she?” he asks.
“At the nurse’s office. I’m headed there now to check up on her, want to come?” I offer.
He nods stiffly. As we walk down the hall together I can see the tension in his shoulders. “Whatever you have to say, you might as well say it now.”
He looks over at me through narrowed eyes. “What is going on between you two?”
I sigh. “Look man, I know you told me to stay away from her…but it’s not that easy.”
He glares back at me. “Sure it is, you just go back to treating her like she doesn’t exist…it can’t be that hard.”
I stop walking abruptly. “I was an asshole. I did a lot of things I regret. To the both of you and I’m sorry.”
“Were?” he basically spits out.
“I’m doing the best I can here, man. But you gotta let me try.”
I’m not sure if he’s satisfied with my answer but we walk in silence for a few moments before he speaks again.
“So, are you two like together?”
I open my mouth to answer before realizing I’m not even sure what we are. We never established that. I know I like her, and she likes me, but I don’t know if there is a title to what we are yet.
I inhale deeply. “I’m not sure what we are.”
This seems to anger him. “Oh, great. You’re going to lead her on, and then break her heart. Ciera is not like the other girls you’ve been with.”
