by Adams, Kira
Ciera changed me in ways I never dreamed possible. She inspired me. She taught me to live life to the fullest because you never know what tomorrow might bring. Because of her, I savor each and every small moment in life. I miss her every day. I miss her wide sapphire eyes that immobilized me. I miss her smile that could light up a room. I miss her innocence.
I hated the person I was before Ciera. I had given up on life. I thought that was as good as it could get. Before her, I coasted through life on my good looks and popularity. I let it define me. I let people’s expectations define me. She showed me that in the real world, looks and popularity don’t mean jack shit. She showed me that the most powerful expectations are those that we carve out for ourselves.
I don’t take anything or anyone for granted anymore.
I feel her everywhere. I know she’s watching and proud. I see her in everything: the sun, the sky, flowers. It’s as if part of her is spread amongst it all. She was cremated, and Ms. Nelson and I scattered her ashes along the Oregon coast. I go back from time to time to visit. To talk with her.
I look forward to the day we meet again. To the day I get to feel her smooth skin and touch her soft lips. I know she is waiting for me, wherever she is.
Topher,
I wish I could tell you that it is all going to be okay. But you know I’d be lying.
When I first found out about my tumor, I cried, I lashed out, I couldn’t understand why it had to be me. I found the unfairness in all of it. I was too young. I didn’t get a chance to enjoy life to the fullest. And then I spent time with you, and I couldn’t understand how someone who had everything could be so negative, could be so cynical. I envied you for the life I knew you were going to have, a long one full of love, laughter, and even heartbreak.
And then I met the real you, the person inside just dying to get out. You were full of life and you pushed me to experience more, to do more with the time I had left. I wasn’t anticipating you, but I embraced all of it. You’re a much better person than even you give yourself credit for.
I know it’s going to be difficult these coming weeks without me, but please don’t be afraid to embrace those feelings. Sometimes, you have to be fully broken in order to piece yourself together again.
Please watch over my mother, Rose, and Wesley. Make sure they are going to be okay. Don’t be afraid to reach out to your father. He loves you and I have no doubt he will be there for you in this difficult time. I want you to take the necessary time to grieve me, but I don’t want you slipping back into your depression. I don’t want you to fall back into your old ways. Being numb isn’t any better than being sad, it’s just easier. Sometimes the easy route isn’t necessarily the best one.
You always say I am the best thing that ever happened to you. But you’re the best thing that ever happened to me. In all honestly, I feel as though you were brought into my life for a reason. I wasn’t strong enough to go through it all on my own, but you helped me find my strength. Thank you for helping me finally live.
Remember that just because you can’t see me anymore doesn’t mean that I’m not there. I’m always going to be watching over you, protecting you in any way I can. Remember that what doesn’t kill you, only makes you stronger.
I will love you all the days of my life.
Until we meet again…
Yours,
Ciera
List of Things to do Before I’m Gone:
Fly a kite at the beach
Go skinny dipping
Go camping
Roast marshmallows
Explore a cave
Play miniature golf
Write a book
See a shooting star
Hike Mt. Hood
Ride a horse
Go sledding
Have a snowball fight
Make love
Fall in love
Sing karaoke
Go to the zoo
Ride the Max
Dine and ditch
Meet my father
Drink champagne
Get a tattoo
Get a piercing
Find my muse
Go to Winter Formal
Go to a theme park
Sign-up for a 5k
Get my diploma
Find a sand dollar
Try ice skating
Go to a haunted house
Sneak Peek of the second book in the Infinite Love series, My Forever:
One – Self Destruction at its Best
Madalynne
I had only ever experienced the feeling once before. The gripping terror, the beating of my heart ferociously against my chest. I was swallowing loudly in an attempt to clear my ears.
There was no way.
I heard the scream before my body registered and went barreling towards the noise—towards my mother’s crumpled body in the door frame.
I glanced out to the porch, a male and female dressed in full military gear were staring back at me, their sad expressions hard to miss.
My legs became jello.
“He’s not…” I gripped the doorframe for support. Suddenly, I felt arms reach underneath my armpits. I looked back thankfully at my best friend.
“Ma’am, may we come in?” The rugged looking male spoke finally, a look of sympathy plastered across his face.
Between my mother’s sobs, my stilted breaths, and the ringing that was piercing my ears was when I knew nothing was ever going to be the same again.
* * *
Three Weeks Later
“Honey,” my father’s voice came into my darkened room.
I didn’t respond. My room had been my safe haven since…
I was surprised my father was even home; ever since the news, he had been doing his best to stay as far away from my mother as possible. The only reason I knew was the slamming shut of his car door and the loud roar of his engine every time he peeled away.
It was always the same.
My mother blamed my father for Mason’s death, basically insinuating he pushed Mason to join the army.
Mason was my older brother, he was five years older than me…but still my father’s baby. He would never have harmed a hair on my brother’s head.
So what if my father had urged Mason to join the military…was it a crime to want something better for your child? And plus, I knew how much it had always meant to Mason—he loved making us proud.
“Parker is here,” my father whispered into the darkness. I had almost forgotten he was there.
My breath caught in my throat—my heart beating wildly, it’s funny how just hearing his name had such an effect on me.
He can’t see me like this.
I remained still as ever, my back turned to my father, attempting to steady my breathing. As much as I had loved Parker, I didn’t know that I could handle him—so I pretended to be asleep; a total wimp.
Finally, I heard my father sigh heavily before footsteps followed and then my door closed.
I felt terrible turning Parker away, but I was positive I looked like death.
Quickly, I turned my bedside lamp on, illuminating my small room.
I headed for my vanity mirror and the reflection staring back made me wince.
My once lively chocolate eyes were anything but. They appeared dull and lifeless. My normal bouncy brown curls were greasy and flat; sticking to my forehead.
My eyes looked sunken in from my near constant sobbing. No one deserved to see me in such a state—least of all, Parker.
I ran a hand tiredly through my ratty and uncombed mess of hair when I heard my phone vibrate. I picked up the phone and stared at the screen; it was a text message.
I know you’re not asleep.
Way to go Captain Obvious, I thought to myself.
Another came in. But I know what you’re going through—I’ve been there and I forgive you.
Parker Grant. My boyfriend of three years. Best friends since we were babies. We had seen each other naked even…when we were five.<
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While I always knew Parker was the one for me, it took him just a bit longer to develop romantic feelings for me. It wasn’t even until the end of eighth grade that he came upon the realization that he didn’t like the idea of me with anyone else. And we had been together ever since.
I remember the night like it was yesterday. The surprise of Parker crashing my group date—the violent thumping of my heart against my chest as he finally, after what felt like an eternity, gave me the one thing I had been wishing on and hoping on forever…him. When he lowered his lips to mine the first time, fireworks took over my vision. It was everything I could have imagined and more. Nothing was the same after that; it was better.
But we had problems like any normal couples; the deaths in both of our families not only bringing us closer, but pushing us apart in other ways. Not too long after Parker and I became an item I found out an online friendship he had begun with a female from another state named Jacqueline.
Parker had kept their relationship from me, fearful of how I would react to it. I didn’t let it go lightly. In fact, it almost tore us apart. But Parker meant more to me than losing him to some online relationship with a girl he had never even met. I knew my worth; I knew Parker was my soul mate. So I fought for him. He explained to me all the ways Jacqueline helped him through his grief after losing his brother, Bo. I always wished I could have been the one there for him through that tough time, but was thankful for her, nonetheless.
I allowed the friendship to continue in hopes that it would bring Parker and me closer; allowing him to be honest with me about their relationship. And it did; a new trust was formed, tightening our bond with one another.
You caught me, I typed back timidly.
Please don’t push me away.
My face fell. That was the last thing I wanted but I was angry with the world—I didn’t think I would benefit being around anyone.
I never imagined I would ever be the one pushing Parker away…I had nightmares of it going the opposite way nightly—I woke up in sweats worried I would never be good enough for him.
But losing Mason was like being sawed in half. I lost a huge part of myself the day he died. I wasn’t even sure of what I wanted anymore. Life had lost its appeal.
It’s almost as if I thought that if I tore my life up and fucked up everything good I had going for me it would bring a spark back into my life, a flame. And so that’s exactly what I did.
Purchase My Forever Now
Acknowledgements
Kristen, if you hadn’t given me the idea for a prequel to My Forever, this book would have never came to fruition. Thank you so much for that.
Melissa, for being an awesome street team member, beta reader, reviewer, and overall friend. You gave me the confidence I needed to finish this book. You showed me that it was worth it.
I’ve always wanted to write an “ugly cry” novel. I just never knew if I had it in me. You guys showed me that I do. You showed me that I can do anything I put my mind to.
Thank you for always giving me the motivational pushes I need.
Remember that it is never too late to follow your dreams. I firmly believe that if you’re not doing something you love, you’re not really living and I follow that mantra each and every day to the fullest.
Kira Adams
About the author:
Krista Pakseresht has always been a dreamer. From the first time she opened her eyes. Creating worlds through words is one thing she is truly talented at. She specializes in Young adult/New adult romance, horror, action, fantasy, and non-fiction under the pen name Kira Adams. She is the author of the Infinite Love series, the Foundation series, the Darkness Falls series, and the Looking Glass series.
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