Jesse brought in my bags last night so I grab the one I need and make my way into the bathroom. Nothing more than a few candles, pretty bath soaps and huge fluffy brown towels have been added here. It’s a beautiful space. The sunken tub, glass shower and his and her walk in closet are awesome.
I stare at myself in the mirror and sigh. My face is red and splotchy. My eyes are swollen from crying. My lips are swollen too but from Jesse’s kisses and that has a smile sneaking through my lips as I run my fingers along them.
I quickly brush my teeth and hair and make my way down the hallway to find Jesse. It feels right and wrong being here. I don’t want to allow myself to get too comfortable because I know he isn’t serious. I stop to take in some framed photos lining his hallway’s wall. Some are from his childhood and he’s adorable. In most of the photos, even when he was young, he had a hint of a smirk. I giggle knowing he was probably a handful back then. There's photos of him and his brothers and sisters playing at a lake. In one he’s holding a ski, and in the next picture he’s on the lake skiing. Some are of him in uniform with his brother Jake. There are candid shots of him hanging out with his friends. I find myself staring at one picture in particular, Jesse and some other guys are in. It could be the cover photo for a movie about soldiers on R&R. Six handsome muscled guys in shorts and t-shirts, all of them with nice tans and standing in front of a tiki hut bar with drinks. Jesse is front and center smiling. Not smirking. They all have their arms around each other smiling for the camera.
Jesse walks up behind me but I don’t turn to him. I keep staring at the picture, mesmerized. He looks so happy here. He looks happy now, but this is a different. It feels like it was freer. He points to two guys in the picture I now know why. “That’s Rossey and James,” he mutters. I reach back and pull his arms around me. He instantly pulls me to him and holds me tight.
“I’m sorry, Jesse.” I’m not sure what else to say.
He turns me around so I’m facing him, leans down and kisses me. Now that we’re both past our emotional evening, I almost anticipated it feeling less intense but clearly I was wrong. It’s more intense. The kiss grows deeper and Jesse's hands began exploring me, pulling me closer.
“We need to hurry and get ready to go,” he murmurs against my lips, not breaking our kiss yet.
“Hmmm.” I just want him to keep kissing and touching me.
“We’ll have plenty of time for that. Come on. Stop trying to distract me.”
“Me?” He pulls me towards the bedroom easily overpowering me as I struggle against his pull. “What? Why?” I'm still thinking this whole marriage thing is a fluke of emotion or a joke.
“Today’s our wedding day. I need to get the rings. Then we’ll head down to the courthouse.” He finally lets me go when we’re standing in bathroom and he pulls off his shirt.
Now who’s trying to distract who?
I narrow my eyes on him but lose all focus as he continues to undress. “Then we need to go see your parents.” He opens the door to the shower and turns the water on. When he looks back at me, I’m still standing frozen. Looking at Jesse in all his glory has me wanting him more than words. Add in the thought of seeing my parents, and I'm paralyzed with fear. I’m also shocked he’s still planning on going through with this wedding. He begins to pull off my clothes. “I’d ask you exactly what’s bothering you but I’m sure it could be any of the things I just mentioned. I’ll add that they're all still going to happen, so let's not rehash what we’re doing today. Okay, baby?”
“K.” Words are impossible as I stare at who appears to be my future husband.
Halfway through our shower, I begin to come to my senses and explain why we can’t do what he plans. When Jesse hands me the soap and points to his back, I again lose all sense. I rub my hands and body against Jesse’s losing myself. We kiss and touch and he’s definitely reacting, but every time I reach for him, he stops me.
“Blue and Jaycee are to meet us at the courthouse. We need two witnesses. I called Blue early this morning while you were still asleep. Be warned though, since Jaycee knows, by now my whole family knows and will probably show up too.” He’s talking like this is a casual conversation and no big deal. My heart thumps against my chest as he turns me around and soaps my back.
‘What?!” I burst out, scared and envious. I plead with him to explain. He runs his fingers down my back, palms my butt, squeezes then runs his fingers back up giving me chills. My body is reacting. He steps close and wraps his arms around me. I push back against him, and he groans. He kisses my shoulder, licking at the drops of water on my skin. I have only a moment of sanity and turn around and look into Jesse eyes and let him see I’m torn and scared.
“Jesse, if your family is going to be there then maybe I should call my parents?” I sigh. “I don’t know what to do. I want them there, but I don’t know if they’ll come. If I don’t call them and we do this without them, I might hurt them. I don’t want to hurt them anymore.”
“Only one way to find out. Call them, baby.”
Like it’s that simple. It’s been two years since I’ve seen them.
“But…” He cuts me off.
“Call them, Allie. Even if they say they won’t come, we’re still going to see them eventually. We won’t give up.” He gently cups my cheeks and kisses me.
“Okay,” I concede with my heart in my throat.
We get out of the shower; I throw on some make-up and dry my hair trying to avoid the phone call for a little while longer. I stare at my reflection rehearsing in my head the perfect words to say so they’ll forgive me. So he’ll forgive me. I know my time is up when Jesse walks and hands me my phone.
“Call them,” he orders. “Tell them to meet us at the Guadalupe courthouse at three o’clock.” As fast as he walked in, he walks out giving me privacy.
I stare at my phone for a few moments before I finally hit the button. It’s now or never. I put the phone to my ear and close my eyes.
My heart is pounding as the phone rings. I almost hang up but then my dad’s weary voice answers. I know he saw my number on caller ID.
“Hello,” his voice is hesitant.
He sounds different. Since Jesse it’s all different. He sounds like my beautiful dad, not the monster I made him out to be.
What have I done?
I open my mouth to beg his forgiveness but nothing comes out. I try again. I need to explain everything and tell him how sorry I am. Beg him over and over to forgive me. But all those words are lost in my shame and I can’t speak.
“Allie, I’ll get your mom. Hold on,” he surrenders on a whisper of hurt.
Then it happens. After two years I remember.
“Dad! No! Wait!” I burst out. "You. I need you,” I sob.
“What’s wrong, baby? Tell me where you are,” his voice is full of fear.
“Dad. I was wrong. So wrong.” I admit through tears. I sit on the edge of the bed before I fall from my legs shaking so bad.
“Please tell me where you are, Allie. I’ll come to you,” he begs.
I try but I can’t answer through my tears. Jesse is somehow by my side and pulls the phone from me and waits. I look up at him thankful and nod. He begins talking to my dad, filling him in. He stands next to me, holding me. I feel his body vibrating with his words but I hear nothing.
It’s finally happening. Good or bad, things are in motion.
Jesse hangs up the phone, takes my hand and guides me into the living room. He sits on the couch with me on his lap and holds me tight.
“Allie. Your dad is coming. He’ll be here soon. Do you want me to leave and give you some privacy?” He senses my panic and holds me tighter, comforting me, enveloping me in his warmth.
“Now?” I manage to squeak out. He nods. “No. Jesse. Don’t leave.”
“Of course, baby. Whatever you need.”
My body is shaking. I can’t stop it.
“Allie, breathe.” He pulls my face to his. "This is your dad. He’s a
lways been your dad.”
He’s right.
I finally began to settle when there’s a loud banging on the door and my body locks.
“Baby, calm down. It starts now. No, turning back and no more running away.” He sets me on the couch and walks down the hall to the door.
I stand up and follow him but stop at the end of the hall and watch him open the door. My breath hitches when I see him. My handsome dad, standing tall and just as big as I remember. He’s wearing blue jeans, boots and a blue jean button down shirt rolled up to his elbows. I keep studying him and notice a tattoo on the inside of his forearm and that surprises me. I never thought he’d be the type to get one. His dark hair is now longer and mixed with a gray. He also has a light beard. I stare, thinking how odd it is to see him like this as he talks to Jesse who’s almost as tall as him. I can’t hear what they're saying, but they both turn around at the same time and look at me. My dad’s deep green eyes find mine. When his eyes turn glassy, that’s it. I can’t hurt him anymore.
“I’m so sorry I forgot, Dad.” I rush to him. He opens his arms just in time to catch me. He holds me through my crying and I hold him just as tight through his.
“Forgot what, baby?” he asks against my hair and I can feel his tears falling against my cheek and hear his sniffles as his body trembles with emotion.
“I’m so sorry I forgot you love.”
“Jesus, Allie. I’m so sorry. I let you down. I let you all down.” He pulls me from our embrace and looks at me.
"No, Dad. I’m so sorry. Jesse helped me to see things I refused to see through my pain. Cody leaving us was not your fault.” I pull him close again needing his arms around me.
“Cody,” he murmurs his voice full of emotion. “It was my fault.”
I raise my head and look at him. “No, it wasn’t. He was fighting something. I don’t know what happened but it wasn’t because of you.” His gaze slides away. “Dad?” I pull him back to me. “You want to come in?” It’s then I see my mom standing behind him. I run the few steps between us and pull her into a hug.
“Baby.” She cups my face and kisses my cheeks and forehead.
“Mom. I’m sorry.”
“Stop. Okay?”
I nod and reluctantly let go of her. Jesse leads us to the living room and we sit down.
My mom is so beautiful. Her hair is long and pulled back into a sleek ponytail and her blue eyes are watching my dad. She reaches over and takes his hand and they interlace their fingers. My heart warms seeing that through everything, they still have their connection.
My eyes travel to her other hand that’s at her neck and fidgeting her necklace.
I guess she’s a nervous as me.
“You two look beautiful.” I glance back and forth between them. Both try to smile but they can’t, and my mom looks away. “I’m sorry.” I softly offer my apology looking between them. “I shouldn’t have said the things I said that day and I shouldn’t have run away. I hope you can forgive me.”
My mom’s head snaps back to me and tears fill her eyes. My dad pulls his hand from my mom, drops his face in his hands and shakes his head.
Oh no. Is it too late?
"Sweetheart...” Her voice is just an agonized whisper. She stands from the couch and comes over to me, taking my hand and tugging me to my feet to embrace me. When she finally releases me, I look at my dad who hasn’t said anything.
“Dad?” My eyes are brimming with tears as I wait for his forgiveness.
“Allie, come here, baby.” I don’t hesitate. He pulls me into his arms. His embrace says it all. “I let you down and I’m so sorry. Mom and I drove up to Lubbock all the time to check on you.” I pull back from him shocked and look up into his face, then at my mom and she smiling sadly. “We kept our distance,” he explains. I close my eyes briefly in guilt before looking back at him. “We just needed to make sure you were okay, baby. We’d watch you working in that ridiculous get-up at DJ’s.” He chuckles sadly. “So many times I almost walked through the door, but fear stopped me.” He looks away for a moment. “ I was too scared to approach you. Too worried I’d see hate in your eyes.” He cups my cheek. “I missed you so much. Your mom and I, we knew you needed space so each time we came back here, without you. I missed you so much, Allie. So, so much! It’s time to start healing. Cody didn’t want this,” he whispers.
“No he wouldn’t,” I whisper back.
“Hi, I’m Tara.” my mom says.
“Jesse McGinty, ma’am. Nice to meet you,” Jesse responds.
My dad pulls back from me but keeps me by his side.
“Jack Holloway.” My dad extends his hand.
“Yes, sir. Nice to see you again, sir. I mean, I’ve seen you when you visited our brigade. Not so much you’ve seen me,” Jesse tries to explain as he reaches over and shakes his hand.
“You’re still active?” Dad asks.
“Yes, sir. Just made a permanent transfer from Fort Bragg to Lackland. Going to be working with the joint bases. Accepted a position representing the Army’s Wounded Warriors. Hoping to finish up here and retire since this is home,” Jesse explains.
“How much time you have left, Jesse?”
“Just hit fourteen, so at least six. Just about to make Master Sergeant, sir. Hoping to become a Sergeant Major, like you, before I retire.”
“Well, that good. Sounds like a solid plan. But don’t aim to be like me.”
My heart breaks at those words. My arms are still around him and I feel him deflate and weaken when he confesses that.
“Sir, you were and are an inspiration to the troops. I’d be glad to have half the career and respect you have,” Jesse counters.
“Jesse, thank you for the words but that’s all they are. On paper my career may look impressive but in real life, I couldn’t save my own son. So don’t look at me as a role model.” He releases me and walks out of the house.
“Oh, my God. I told him that.” I look down in shame. My heart feels like it just died and my body goes weak.
“No, honey. He's blamed himself before the day Cody left us. Dad saw him slipping away. We both did.” She shakes her head as she makes her way to me. “We tried everything we knew to reach him. Your dad, he was willing to pull some strings to get Cody back home so we could get him some help, but Cody told him he was going to see his deployment through and then he’d get help. We reluctantly agreed. The last one, it was bad.” She takes a deep breath. “Patrick, he’d talked to Cody the night before and heard something in Cody’s voice that worried him. Said the way he was saying things. Something about his guitar and wanting you or Patrick to have it. He went to work in the morning and explained his concerns to his commander who told him to take a couple of days off and see to his brother. Patrick made the drive down that morning. Dad had left for work and I had a doctor’s appointment and you’d left for classes. Patrick told us he saw Cody’s car in the driveway and went in the house, calling out for him but Cody didn’t answer. Patrick started through the house, said he had a bad feeling. It was too calm. Too still and quiet. He stopped outside of Cody’s room and even before he opened the door he said he knew.” When she finishes, her body is jerking with emotion. She starts crying, and Jesse holds her for a few minutes before helping her to the couch.
“Why? What happened?”
My dad comes back in the room and answers.
“He lost his best friend and blamed himself. Cody never really told me what happened. I saw the official report he filled out.”
“But what happened?” I repeat.
Concern and doubt filling his expression and I know he's struggling with how much to tell me.
“I don’t understand what could have happened for him make that choice. I need to understand. Please.” I beg.
"Cody was out doing patrols with his troops. His unit patrolled after sunset to conceal their movement. They could see much better at night with their optics than the enemy could. Cody was the Bradley commander. That night the
y were used as dismounts, since the actual assigned dismounts had been injured during a shoot out from a previous mission. They split Cody's crew up into two different vehicles. Cody, Cooper, and McGowan rode in the same Bradley. Their orders were to patrol their area and ensure safety for the civilians and seek out hostile behavior. The area consisted of mostly run down market and housing areas so they could usually patrol from the Bradley using the vehicle heat sensing optics. But there was one building they couldn’t clear from the safety of their moving armor. McGowan reported unusual movement in the area that needed to be checked and secured. He called down to Cody through his headset and briefed him. Cody gave the order for everyone to "prepare to dismount."
"As the Bradley ramp lowered, McGowan and Cooper exited on opposite sides to provide security while Cody gathered the rest of the dismounts to brief them. Cody wasn't the only dismount leader, though. Another NCO was on the ground with his own team. They planned a recon route and radioed to the platoon leader that they were starting their approach to the area of interest. Immediately after entering the tight alley, a clanking metal sound echoed close behind them. The words "GRENADE!!!!" ruptured through the quiet air and everyone hit the ground. After the blast Cody picked up McGowan and they scooped up Cooper but the other two soldiers...they weren't moving. Not even making a sound. Cody took off running towards them when small arms fire screamed through the alley. McGowan and Cooper both grabbed Cody and pulled him into cover. They were pinned in a bad spot. Cody peeked out from cover to see if he could get an accurate count of what he was up against but his night vision had been damaged in the blast. It didn't matter, though as soon as he stuck his head out, gunfire broke the silence again. McGowan's radio started to go off constantly. Cooper was pulling security trying to get a good angle on whoever was shooting at them. McGowan began to ask Cody what they were going to do.
His Forgotten Love (A McGinty's Of San Antonio Series Novel Book 4) Page 7
