by Tera Shanley
“But what if I decide I don’t want children? And now there will be all of this pressure. Or what if I can’t breed after all and the werewolf nation is forever disappointed by my failure?” She turned a furious gaze to him and the muscles in her clenched jaw twitched. “And now it is your job to protect me? You knew this and you didn’t say anything about it?”
Sure, he’d kept it from her, but he’d been waiting for the right moment. “You just Changed back a couple of days ago, and it was a lot for you to deal with. I didn’t want to bring it up until you were feeling better.”
“Save it,” she said angrily. “I’m a freak, and you let me walk around thinking what I’ve been going through is normal for a werewolf. The way everyone looked at me tonight--all wolves will have that reaction. Won’t they?”
“No,” he snapped. “They can’t find out you are a silver wolf or you will be in danger, and Lana will be in danger because she has the same genetics. Wolves will want her Turned.”
“No! Never.” Her fury rocked him back. “She is only a baby. She isn’t meant for this. Now she could be hurt because I have stupid purple eyes and white fur? I didn’t sign up for this, Grey.”
“I’ll keep you safe,” he pleaded. “You haven’t been claimed, which puts you at risk, but we’ll get married and you’ll be mine. I can keep you safe. I was tethered to Wolf for a reason, and it has to be for this.” He stood, fighting the panic that dumped adrenaline into his veins. “We were meant for each other, can’t you see it? I’m this way so I can keep you and Lana safe. I’m it. I’m your best chance at survival.” This wasn’t coming out right, and the more he fumbled, the hotter Wolf seethed inside of him. He wasn’t good with words like other people. Every sentence he spoke, she only looked more hurt, and the more he tried to fix it, the more she withdrew from him. Dammit. Raking his hands through his hair, he closed his eyes against a building headache.
Her gaze dropped to the ring, so newly a part of her. “Is that why you proposed to me? So you can keep the silver wolf safe? You are the best man for the job, so you’ll fulfill your duty accordingly?” Her gaze was bright and accusing.
“Damn right I’m the one for the job, Morgan. I think we’ve both established I’d give up my life for you without a thought. Who else is going to do that for you? For Lana? Call it what you want, but I’m it for you.” Wolf pressed, snarled, unfurled raging words that widened her eyes with each syllable. Still, he couldn’t stop himself. “You’re a silver wolf because of me. I brought you here, exposed you to this, and the responsibility of protecting you from this curse destroying your life completely rests on me.”
Her lip trembled and she clenched and unclenched her fists at her sides. She slid the ring from her finger and set it on the railing of the porch. “I need time,” she said simply.
A pair of tears, shining like the gem she’d discarded, spilled down her cheeks, but he couldn’t do more than stand there with his arms outstretched. What had just happened? He needed to say something to change her mind, but nothing would come out. Now Wolf had nothing to say? His head was filled with churning black waters of dread.
“Morgan,” Rachel pleaded, following her inside. “He didn’t mean it like that. You’re taking it wrong. No one loves you more than--”
“Just stop, Rachel.” Morgan’s voice was muffled, and the jangle of keys sounded as she lifted her purse to her shoulder inside. “I said I need time to think, and I can’t do that until I’m alone. Lana, come on, baby. We have to go.”
Slick anger twisted in his gut. Had she not heard anything he had said? He stepped off the porch and gripped the bed of the truck. She wouldn’t leave until he explained away this obvious misunderstanding. He wouldn’t let her.
Pain slashed through him and he yelled at the sudden ripping burn. No, please, no, not now. Not when Morgan was about to leave him.
The Change, fueled by his anger and loss, came on so fast he didn’t have time to do more than gasp and claw at the ground as if it would keep him in his own skin. He fought it, but his defiance only slowed his transition from human to wolf. Unable to think, instinct urged him to the dark shadows near the house, where the others wouldn’t see him in between forms, the grotesque existence between his two anatomies.
A deafening roar filled his ears as Morgan’s truck door creaked open. The jangle of Lana’s car-seat harness was eclipsed by Rachel’s pleading. The engine stuttered to life and Morgan drove away. A series of pops filled the yard as his bones broke in the last seconds of transformation. He got up as soon as he could move and tore out after her. Panting against the pain, he pushed his body faster and faster until his paws barely felt the gravel road beneath him. Her taillights were still visible, but she was going too fast for him to catch up to. Even when it was no use, he kept running until he was to the front fence line.
A howl of despair ripped through his body and he closed his eyes against the pale moonlight and dark blue sky. He shut out the clean breeze that brushed through his thick coat like it was trying to comfort him. It was no use.
His family was gone. His pack was gone. Everything that mattered would just be an untouchable memory.
* * * *
Morgan could see the black wolf with the golden eyes running after her. She wiped her tears and pressed the gas pedal harder. He didn’t want her for the right reasons. He’d explained it with such little emotion, as if he’d accepted his duty. He cared about her, she didn’t doubt that. Their months together had filled her with a sense of safety, not just physically, but emotionally. But she wasn’t the same woman she’d been before the turn. God, she loved him so much it hurt with every passing inch she put between them, but he hadn’t proposed for the right reason. He and Dean had discussed her future without her, and Grey had accepted this huge responsibility for her and Lana’s welfare out of some twisted sense of duty. He was kind to do so, but she had watched her mother stay in a marriage of convenience and couldn’t do the same to Lana. To herself.
“Where’s Mr. Grey?” Lana asked from the back seat.
“He’s not coming with us, baby.” She gritted her teeth against the sob that clawed its way up her throat as she lost sight of Grey in the rearview.
She was no one’s obligation.
Chapter 2
The world was colder and darker. Shadows stretched longer, like the depths of a bottomless sea. Grey shook his head slowly in denial. Morgan would think about their conversation and realize she was mistaken. She would come back to him. He just needed to give her a few days. That was all. A stifling panic built in his gut. How had the night gone so wrong? He’d been engaged to her only a few minutes before. It made him fight for breath as if he had been punched in the stomach and couldn’t catch his wind.
“Grey, she needs space, but she’ll come around,” Rachel reassured him when he was close enough to the porch to hear her.
He lumbered up the porch stairs and paused in front of the railing with Morgan’s ring on it. The faces of the pack blurred and moved against the window panes and he gritted his teeth against the nausea that hit him in the gut. Their sadness would drown him.
Just let go, Wolf pleaded quietly inside of him. I’ll dull the pain until you are strong enough to bear it.
How could he ignore such a tempting escape? Wolf would know what to do. He would be logical about the damage done that night. He could be the drug that blurred the edges of the pain. All Grey had to do was give the beast his body. And suddenly, he couldn’t see any other answer, as if it were a crumpled note pressed into his hand with the key to his survival scribbled across the folds. He would let Wolf have the reins until he could reason again.
He stumbled off the porch, unbalanced and uncertain, but Dean followed. Grey let out a soft warning growl, but Dean still stayed in step behind him.
“They still need protection, Grey. You can’t leave them alone. Not now.”
Spinning, he snapped, gnashing his teeth behind a feral snarl. “Don’t
you get it?” The words sounded strange coming from an animal’s throat, in the deep tenor of a wolf’s snarl, but so what. What opinion could possibly matter after his reason for existence had been stripped away? The good in his life had driven off with his soul, leaving the devil in its wake. “She doesn’t want me!” He took a menacing step toward Dean, and the alpha slowly backed up, his hands in the air in surrender.
Nothing sounded better than ripping apart someone strong; someone challenging. Anything to lift the sear of his loss. For even a few second’s relief, the prospect of shredding Dean was alluring.
He relaxed his curled lips and sighed. Violence against his friend wouldn’t fix anything. Even Wolf could see the logic in that. He turned and ran. The land that would be his in two weeks’ time beckoned him like it already belonged to him. The wind rushed against his fur, urging him farther, faster. He didn’t stop running until he’d slid under the barbed-wire fence that separated Dean’s land from his.
And there, time stretched like the shadows that had consumed his life the moment Morgan fled. Days and nights flitted by in dependable rhythm. The days no longer mattered when he was Wolf. And with each sunset, he lost a little more of himself to the animal. The human in him became an irritant, easily ignored, and pretty soon, he didn’t care if the softer parts of him were present at all. If he was going to survive the heartbreak, it was Wolf who would have to carry him.
He lived as Wolf, not giving in to that obtrusive human emotion that made him weak. Nothing he could do as a human would make any of the pain better. Wolf was the only one who understood his loss--the only one who could help.
No more family. No more pack. No more purpose.
The more time that passed, the easier it became to let it go, for it held no meaning to Wolf if it didn’t involve the changing of the seasons. Night turned into day and then turned to night again. He slept when tired, hunted when hungry, and drank when thirsty. The only time he cared about was the rhythm of his body and its needs. He explored every square inch of his new territory and claimed as much. It was the place where he would grow old, and it gave him consolation-prize comfort. At least he had a place to defend.
This land, cloaked in a dangerous beauty, offered a new start for a monster destined to be alone.
* * * *
A relentless pulsating woke Grey. It was no longer the ignorable offense that had started as a drumming ache days before. The burn was throbbing through every bone, every muscle fiber, singing its discontent with his choices. It was hard to get up, and when a back-cracking stretch didn’t help, even Wolf conceded it was time to change back. As much as the beast inside dominated his life, he still wasn’t meant to be in one form for too long. He limped slowly back to the edge of Dean’s property and back under the wire fence separating the property lines. Not even the sting of the metal barbs claiming a chunk of skin and fur could override the pounding in his build.
Dean’s backyard made the perfect place to Change. The transformation took ten minutes before he slipped into human skin once again, eternity as each bone broke and reshaped. When he was finished, he lay there waiting for his body to feel like his own. Clenching his jaw, he shoved himself upward and staggered on his feet. What a strange sensation, walking upright again. His fingers were clumsy and useless and his feet didn’t work efficiently. His balance was unsteady as he moved toward his truck. On the porch, he found his clothes washed and folded neatly on the railing. Leaves littered the top layer like they’d been lying ready for some time. He dressed slowly, careful of skin that still sparked with an uncomfortable sensation at the slightest touch. He pulled himself into the driver’s side of his truck and closed the door.
His patience thinned as he inhaled. Where he’d expected leather and the tree-shaped air freshener that dangled from the rearview mirror, something soft and feminine filled the cab instead. “Marissa, get out.”
“I can’t stay here.” Her voice shook and she smelled of sorrow. “Logan and Jason are coming over later today, and I don’t want to be here when they get here. They won’t leave me alone.” Misery drenched every word.
Grey sighed heavily and leaned his head against the steering wheel. He got it. He really did. She was way too young when she’d been Turned, and now she had two wolves waiting on her to become old enough to choose a mate. That was a lot of pressure, and she hated being around them. And for whatever harebrained reason, she thought she was safer around Grey. A youthful mistake or desperation or, hell, he didn’t know. But right now, he was two breaths shy of a colossal meltdown and he didn’t need witnesses. “Kid, I’ve got nothing left. I am the last person on earth that has an icicle’s chance in hell of fixing anyone’s life for them right now.” He rolled his head toward her and let his exhaustion show. “Surely you can see I’m not myself.”
“I don’t want anything from you but a ride, Grey. I don’t want to talk either. Just ignore me if you like. Mr. Brennan called here asking for you. He said you weren’t picking up your phone. Go figure.” She handed him a handwritten list from her position in the back seat. “He said you need this stuff to close tomorrow. The meeting is at two o’clock. The address is on there too.”
Shit. He had been out for two weeks? No wonder his body hated him. He tried to get a feel for Wolf, but the animal inside of him had apparently been sated with running the woods so long and was content and quiet. Maybe he’d understood the importance of closing on the land they’d made an offer on. Eric Brennan, his realtor, had explained there was another interested buyer. If he had stayed a wolf just one more day, he could’ve lost the place his instincts said was his. He shook his head at the churning thought that Wolf could keep an appointment. Up until now, he’d thought his beast mindless.
The stiff leather of the seat squeaked as he relaxed into it and scanned the scribbled list. Most of the paperwork he needed was from the bank, but since he was paying cash and not taking a loan out, it was doable to get everything done before tomorrow. He’d have to meet at Stewart Title Company and sign the papers tomorrow, and if all went well, he’d own the land he’d become so connected to in less than a day. Nervous that the people he had to meet tomorrow would see what a fraud he was and give the land to someone else had him clenching the small list with a shaking hand. This had to go right. A hot shower and big dinner would have to wait a while longer. “I have errands to run. You can come along if you want, but on one condition. You call Dean right now and tell him where you are and why you want to come with me.”
With a muttered, “Yes, sir,” she made the call. After she hung up, she handed him the wooden box he’d carved for Morgan with the black velvet ring holder inside. “I kept it safe for you.”
He nodded and shoved it into the glove box and rubbed his eyes. It had been a grueling change and they were dry. With a quick glance at the girl in the back seat, he shoved the truck into first gear and eased his foot onto the gas.
If he’d been in a laughing mood, he would have at least cracked a smile that Marissa felt safe enough around him to skitter closer when the growing line at the bank caved in on her. The damned line was out the door and people were trying to escape the winter chill by crowding the place. He put on sunglasses and swallowed a growl for a man who elbowed Marissa by accident. Eventually, he gave in and shoved her in front of his body to keep the line from pushing.
Holding the door open for her as they left, he asked, “Did you eat lunch yet?” The paperwork he held clutched in his hand fluttered in the breeze as he climbed into the truck behind Marissa.
“Yeah, earlier, but I’m hungry again,” she admitted.
“What do you feel like?”
“Food. I don’t care. Whatever you want.”
He pulled into the parking lot of a burger joint and ordered a couple of cheeseburgers each and fries with soft drinks to wash it all down. They carried the bags of food to a picnic table out behind the restaurant. It was chilly, but he could rarely eat inside of restaurants. The smell of
fast food and grease was so overpowering, it was hard to smell anything else. Eating outside kept Wolf’s pissing and moaning to a minimum.
Marissa ate in silence and looked anywhere but at him. When she had swallowed her last bite of burger, she cleared her throat feebly. “Morgan has been to the house a couple of times. She brought Lana with her.” Her green gaze darted to his and then away as her freckled cheeks colored in a soft pink blush. “She tries to act tough, but she is broken.”
The mention of her name gutted him. “I don’t want to talk about it anymore. She made her decision and there is nothing I can do about it. Let’s go.”
Heading to the truck, he hopped in before Marissa had even thrown her trash away. Whatever she was playing at, he wanted no part of it.
The small grocery store near his apartment was a ghost town at the odd weekday hour. Grey hadn’t been back to his place in a month, and any food he did have would be long spoiled by then. Marissa didn’t say much as they shopped. She held on to the side of the metal cart until her knuckles were strained and white. He wanted to ask if she was all right, but every instinct in him said she would run if he pushed her to talk about whatever was bothering her. What would cause a child so young to clam up like this?
He opened the door to his apartment and the smell of Morgan hit him like a thick fog. Overwhelmed, he set the bags of groceries down. If it smelled like her, he couldn’t stay here, so he set to work. He removed the sheets, still messed up from Lana jumping on the bed, and threw them all in the wash. Marissa sat on the couch and watched him silently as he removed the pictures of Morgan and Lana from the refrigerator and shoved them in the bottom drawer of his dresser. When he opened the refrigerator, an awful smell hit him directly in the face. Alexis’s bunny gift was where Morgan had put it the month before, rotting despite the cold air. This was where it had started. The beginning of the end for him and Morgan. Alexis, that conniving she-wolf, had brought him a gift all wrapped up in pretty packaging. Inside had been a rabbit she’d killed as a wolf. She’d been brazen about her intentions with a present like that. Alexis wanted him as her mate. It wasn’t a coincidence that she’d given it to him while Morgan was there. Everything that woman did was calculated to cause the most destruction. The smell assaulted his sensitive nose and made his eyes water.
