He laughed, but just then, Meredith heard the scattering of gravel in the drive as Jamie’s truck pulled in. She looked at the time on her laptop. It was after eleven.
“I need to go,” she whispered. It wouldn’t do for Jamie to find her still awake so late. Especially if he’d been out drinking with friends. He always came back horny when he’d been drinking.
“After class tomorrow, will you be here?” Gray asked.
“Yes.”
“Promise?”
“Yes, I promise. I have to go.”
Gray frowned at her. “Why are you whispering now? You look scared. Are you okay?”
“Jamie’s home,” she said, closing her laptop and standing with her phone. “I have to get into bed.”
His gaze on her sharpened. “Why? What will happen if he finds you awake?”
Shit. She hadn’t meant to go there. “I have to go. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Without waiting another second, she tapped the red button and ended the call.
She was pulling her ear buds from her ears when the front door opened, and Jamie staggered inside. He gave a surprised jerk at finding her in the middle of the living room, and a lazy smile came to his lips.
“Hey, bae… you’re up late.” He swayed a little in the open doorway, and Meredith couldn’t help her grimace. Jamie still wasn’t twenty-one, but he never had any problem getting into bars with his fake ID. His size and his weathered skin from roughnecking made the phony age of twenty-four believable enough.
But how he managed to avoid a DWI, she’d never know.
“You’re drunk,” she hissed, knowing she should just let it go and get into bed.
He gave her a slow nod. “I been drinking. But I’m about two shots shy of drunk, Mered. It’s all good.”
“A DWI costs ten grand. You have ten grand?” It was stupid to pick a fight with him when he was like this. Better to bring it up in the morning in front of Leona. She’d let him have it if she knew.
“If I did, I wouldn’t tell you.” He scowled. “Just like if you did, you wouldn’t tell me.”
He was right about that. If she had ten grand, she’d be gone.
At that moment, her phone chimed, and she knew it was Gray.
“Who’s that?” Jamie scowled at her phone, and she let her face go blank as she made a point of looking at the screen and keeping it out of his line of sight.
Gray: I need you to tell me you’re okay.
“It’s Brooke,” she lied.
Jamie made a rude noise. “What’s she want?”
Meredith typed as fast as she could. “She wants to have coffee tomorrow after class.”
Meredith: All good.
“She probably wants to tell you what it’s like to ride a raghead.”
Meredith shot him a dark look. “You’re disgusting,” she seethed. “Rajan is a prince of a man compared to you.”
Her phone chimed again.
“Raaa-jaaaan?” Jamie drew out the name, sounding astonished, and then he started to snicker.
Meredith ignored him and looked back at her phone.
Gray: I don’t like him.
Meredith: Me either.
“A prince of a man,” Jamie mocked, making his voice go high pitched and girly. “Maybe you’re hot for ragheads, too. Maybe you want a three-way with your bestie and her brown boy.”
“I’m going to bed.” Meredith turned on her heel instead of spitting in his face. But he caught her by the elbow and wheeled her around.
“Wa-wa-wait,” he said, smiling, looking entirely too pleased with himself. She pulled, trying to jerk her arm free, but his fingers dug in.
“Jamie, let me go. I’m going to bed. I have class in the morning.”
“Class—” He bit off the word, yanking her to him.
His breath beat against her face. She could smell Skoal, beer, and something darker.
“You think you got class. You think you the shit. You think you’re too good for me now.”
Meredith held her breath. He’d said such things before, showing her his insecurities, but never when he’d had too much to drink. For the first time, she felt a little afraid of him.
She put a hand to his chest to push him away, but he wouldn’t budge. “Jamie, I don’t like this.”
“Say it. You think you’re too good for me. You. The girl who practically begged me to fuck her in the back of my truck. On a fucking school night.”
She hadn’t begged, but the shame still stung. Meredith couldn’t deny that she’d wanted him then.
“That was a long time ago, Jamie. Everything’s changed.”
“And now you’re in college, and I’m on a rig, and suddenly I’m not good enough to get into your pants, right?” The animal curl in his lip erased any beauty he may have had. What she saw now was hideous.
But she answered him carefully. “I want a better life for Oscar. I always have.”
“For Oscar, but not for us,” he spat.
Her voice shook as she spoke, but she spoke all the same. “Jamie, there is no us. You know that as well as I do.”
Between them, her phone pinged again, and Jamie looked murderous.
“What the fuck is wrong with her?” With his free hand he snatched at her phone. She tried to wrench it away, but Jamie shook her once, and she gave it up with a yelp. Her heartbeat went into overdrive as she watched him squint through his haze of alcohol to read past her cracked screen.
“Who’s Gray?” he asked, his voice going cold. “And why the hell is he asking if you’re in bed yet?”
Meredith swallowed.
Jamie hauled her up onto her toes. “Answer me.” His fingers bit into her arm. She’d have bruises. He’d never left a mark on her before.
“H-he’s my boss. Jamie, let go. You’re scaring me.” She heard the fear in her voice, and he must have too because with a shove he flung her onto the couch.
“Your boss?” His eyes went back to her phone, and she watched him scroll through their messages. Meredith knew he was not going to like what he saw, so she got to her feet. Too late. “Sweetness? Your boss calls you sweetness?”
He flung her phone to the floor. In one movement she was on her back crushed into the couch with Jamie on top of her. He shoved a knee between her thighs and pinned her with his hips.
“Jamie!” She pressed against his shoulders and strained to move from under him.
“Does he know we have a kid?” He grabbed her wrists and hauled them over her head.
“Shit, Jamie, stop it!”
“Does he know we live together?”
She brought up her right knee to push him off, but he jerked his hips and forced himself between her thighs. And panic squeezed her lungs.
“Jamie, please—”
“Does he know you take my dick whenever I want?” He thrust his pelvis into her, and she felt his erection like a weapon. She looked into his eyes and saw rage and vengeance and — what scared her most — wounded pride.
“Get off me.” Her voice shook, but she didn’t take her eyes off his. “Don’t do this.”
His look became one of stone, and above her he clapped one hand over both her wrists. The other he brought to her left breast, pinching her nipple through the cotton of her tank top.
“Ow! Jamie, stop.” She tried to jerk her arms down to free her hands, but his grip only tightened. Bucking her hips, she worked to dig her heel into the couch to find purchase, but his weight was too great. He ground his pelvis into her again.
“Nah, I know if I just work you a little, you’ll give in like you always do.”
He yanked down the top of her tank, exposing her breast. Adrenaline spiked in her blood. And then his mouth, slick with saliva, closed over her.
She slammed her eyes shut and tried to crawl into her mind, away from the sensation.
He sucked at her nipple and pulled free of her flesh with a pop. “Yeah, you’re not too good for me.” He breathed against her face before his tongue slid out and swept her lips.
/>
She clenched her teeth tight, but his hand soon found her jaw, and he squeezed until tears came to her eyes, and she opened. When his tongue stuffed inside her mouth, she felt a crushing sadness. Her last kiss had been Gray’s, and now that was tainted.
Jamie’s mouth left hers. “Yeah, bae. That’s it. Not too good to take everything I have to give you. My bed…” Kiss. “…my money…” Kiss. “…my dick…” Kiss. “Keep taking it all. Soon, you’ll take my name.”
Meredith opened her eyes. “No.”
She wanted nothing from him. Nothing but his absence.
Jamie frowned down at her, surprised at the word. “No?”
What the hell am I doing?
Her eyes scanned the room. She was on her back beneath a man who sickened her in a house she hated. Jamie was right. She kept taking what he gave her.
Why?
Was it because she thought she had no choice? Or was it because she thought it was what she deserved?
But she had a choice. She could go to Brooke’s. She could go to Gray’s. Hell, she could go to a shelter. For a little while, anyway, she could even swing a hotel.
You put yourself last, Gray had told her.
And she had. She’d never gone to her parents’ door and demanded that they do right by her and Oscar. She’d never walked away from Leona’s disdain, and she’d never, not once, told Jamie no. She put herself last, which left the door wide open for everyone else to do the same.
“No,” she said again.
Jamie narrowed his eyes at her. “You don’t say no. Not to me.”
“I’m saying it,” she said. “Get off me, Jamie.”
“Bullshit,” Jamie said, reaching for the band of her sleep shorts. “Quit fuckin’ around, Mered.” He gave the shorts one tug.
And Meredith lost it.
“No!” she screamed at the top of her lungs, bucking wildly beneath him. “Get the fuck off me!”
His hand left her shorts and clamped over her mouth, his eyes wide and vicious. “God dammit, shut up! You’ll wake my parents,” he hissed.
Meredith thought he’d stop then, but he released her hands to reach for his fly. His right elbow pinned her left arm, but with her right, she struck. She slapped. She scratched. She pushed. He didn’t stop. He yanked down her panties. Her muffled screams died in his palm.
Oh God. Oh God.
She pulled his hair as nausea pooled in her belly. Meredith shut her eyes again when she felt him touch her. Then they flew open.
Eyes.
With a prayer of thanks to Gray and his Alex Booth, she balled her fist and punched Jamie in the eye. It wasn’t a hard punch, but his head snapped back.
“Aah! Fuck!” The hand at her mouth disappeared before he smacked her across the mouth, but she was already screaming.
“No! No! God, help me!”
A door opened across the house. The hall light came on. “What the hell is going on?” Leona’s voice came through the kitchen.
Jamie shifted above her, blocking her from view. His hand slammed over her mouth again. “Nothing, Ma… Mered and I are just messing around. Go back to bed.”
But this time the heel of his hand met her teeth, and she opened her mouth and bit down hard.
“Ow! You fucking cunt!”
“Help! Help me, Leona, please!” Her screams tore through the house.
“What in God’s n— Jamie, what the on earth are you doing?” Leona stood in the doorway in her nightgown. Her eyes took them in, and her hand flew to her mouth. Big Jim crowded in behind her.
“Jesus Christ, son! Get off her! Can’t you hear her saying no?” Big Jim’s voice rumbled over the room.
“Get up! Get up!” Leona said, hooking her son by the elbow and pulling him off her.
Big Jim ducked his head and turned away as Meredith tugged her clothes back into place. She tried to stand, but her legs went rubbery beneath her, and she stumbled against Big Jim’s La-Z-Boy.
“Well, it’s a misunderstanding,” Leona said, pulling down Jamie’s shirt to cover his open fly. Her voice trembled “I-It’s just a misunderstanding.”
Big Jim’s eyes narrowed on her “Leona—”
“Quiet, Jim,” she snapped. And for the first time, Meredith saw that Leona McCormick was terrified.
“But, Ma, she owes me—”
Leona’s hand shot out as she smacked her son across the face. “Hush now, Jamie,” she scolded, glaring at Jamie who now wore a stunned expression. “It was a misunderstanding, and that’s all.”
Meredith gripped the back of the recliner, shaking beyond control. She wanted to throw up. She wanted to start crying. She did neither. Instead, she drew in as much air as her lungs would allow, which didn’t feel like much, and she turned her gaze to Leona McCormick.
“It was not a misunderstanding.” She pinned Leona with her stare until the woman looked away, but not before an unspoken understanding passed between them. “Oscar and I can’t stay here anymore.”
Big Jim bowed his head. Leona covered her mouth with both hands. But Jamie only blinked. Meredith knew at that moment that he would never fight her for custody, and the knowledge was like a pardon, unexpected but life-changing. Her next breath went a little deeper.
Uncertain if she could trust her legs, Meredith steadied herself against the couch as she crouched down to retrieve her phone. When she stood and began to walk past them, Leona held up a shaking hand.
“Wait…” Emotion choked her voice and pain rounded her eyes. “Y-you can’t just leave. Where will you go?”
“With friends,” she said, and she walked out of the living room. But Meredith soon heard Leona’s quick steps behind her.
“Will you… Can I… You can’t take him away from—” Her voice broke on a sob, and a muffled keening followed.
Meredith reached the bedroom door and turned to face her. “I can’t be around him.” She nodded toward the living room. “Never again.”
Leona’s eyes went wide, and she pressed a knuckle to her lip, sniffling. Tears fell unchecked, the sight the most surreal Meredith had ever seen. Leona struggled to speak.
“What if… what if you didn’t have to? C-could I still see O-oscar?” Her face crumpled on his name, and Meredith couldn’t help it. She never thought she’d feel sorry for Leona McCormick, but in that moment, she actually did. And despite how Leona had treated her over the years, she wasn’t completely surprised. Meredith knew Oscar was the light of her life.
And as much as she disliked the woman, Oscar adored her, and she didn’t want to take that away from him. Not when he had so little family to claim.
“Yes, Leona,” she said gently. “You can still see him. We’ll figure something out.”
Leona nodded rapidly and wiped her eyes. “Yes. I can come get him and watch him whenever you need,” she said in a rush.
A part of her was grateful, but too many other emotions warred for her attention. She gave a brief nod, turned the knob, and slipped into the bedroom she and Jamie had shared for two years. She closed and locked the door behind her and sagged against it. The room was completely dark except for the outline of light coming from the closed closet. Meredith always left it on until she came to bed so she wouldn’t bump into anything and wake Oscar on her way.
She looked at the sleeping form of her son. Somehow, he hadn’t woken through the whole, awful scene, and for this, Meredith was almost weak with gratitude. She picked up her phone and called Brooke.
Her best friend answered on the third ring. “Jesus, God, what’s wrong? It’s almost midnight,” she gasped.
At the sound of her voice Meredith’s composure crumbled. She held her fist over her mouth as she broke down, crying as quietly as possible.
“Oh my God. You’re crying. What the hell.” Brooke said, the anxiety in her voice ramping up.
Meredith sniffled and swallowed noisily before she could speak. “I know it’s almost midnight, but c-could you please come to the McCormicks’? I need you.”
> “Yes. Yes. Of course. Shit, Meredith, you’re scaring the hell out of me. Are you okay?”
Meredith tried to breathe slowly. “I will be,” she said in a squeaky whisper.
“Oh, Jesus. Honey, Rajan is with me. Should I bring him or send him home? Do we need backup?”
“Um… I wouldn’t turn down backup.”
“Oh, man. If that asshole hurt you—”
“Just get here, Brooke,” she said, not ready to go into it. “And bring a suitcase.”
When she hung up with Brooke, Meredith saw there were five missed messages from Gray:
Gray: Are you in bed yet?
Gray: Why do I have a terrible feeling you aren’t okay?
Gray: Meredith, please text back.
Gray: You live on Dean Street, right?
Gray: I swear, if I don’t hear from you in the next five minutes, I’m coming to find you.
Meredith checked the timestamp and saw he’d sent the message six minutes before. At once she called him.
“Meredith.” His voice was sharp and angry, but the anger was just a cover. Beneath it, the fear was unmistakable.
“Don’t you dare drive.”
“Are you okay?” The hard edge still filed down his words.
She swallowed hard. He did not need to know what she’d been through. Not yet. “I’m okay.”
“You don’t sound okay. I’m in my car. I’m pulling out of the driveway—”
“Then stop,” she ordered. “Stop right now. Brooke is on her way. Oscar and I are leaving with h—”
“Fuck!” he swore. “I knew it. I knew something was wrong. What happened? If that asshole did anything to hurt you, I will—”
“Gray, please,” she begged. “I can only deal with one crisis at a time. Please go back inside. I’ll call you when I can explain.”
“No. Come to me.”
Meredith shut her eyes. She wanted nothing more than to go to him. The circle of his arms might be the only place where she’d stop shaking.
“I don’t know if I should,” she whispered. “Please understand.”
She heard him sigh. “You have to stay on the phone with me until she gets there.”
By some miracle, Meredith found that she could still smile. “I can do that.”
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