by C. M. Owens
“What’re you doing?” I ask him as he sniffs and wipes his nose.
“Taking Bananas back to Ian’s house. I need to ask Maverick if he wants her back,” he answers in a rasp.
My heart hurts just hearing his pain. I was wrong to let him get so attached to this place. I thought it’d warm him a little more, but I was kidding myself. Losing the things you love hurts so much that you can’t help but grow a little colder.
“I’m going to leave early. Do some unplugging and rebooting while the movers get everything of ours out of here. Do you want to come with me? Or do you want to wait until I come back to get my truck?” I ask him gingerly.
He cuts his tear-filled eyes toward me, anger there instead of pain.
“No. I don’t want to go with you and I don’t want to see you when we get to Georgia.”
I blow out a breath. “Sean, I know you’re hurting, but—”
“Just shut up, Salem. I’m eleven, not five. You don’t have to hover over me every second of every day. I don’t want you there. If you come, I won’t see you. And you know Mom won’t make me.”
Angrily, he jerks the strap of the bag over his shoulder.
He’s lashing out. I’m familiar with this. But he’s also doing all he can to keep me from feeling like I have to go. Because my brother, by some miracle, has his own warmth.
“Maybe I’m not going for you. Maybe I’m going for me. Because I don’t want to let you go, kiddo. That’s what happens when you love someone.”
He narrows his eyes, even as his tears start to drip. “Love me from here. Because it’s pointless for you to try and love me from there when I won’t see you.”
He lifts Bananas inside her carrier and shoulders by me, not looking back. I let him go, simply because I know he needs a little space.
It’s crazy that a selfish woman managed to have four kids who all love each other so much they’d do anything to keep the other one from suffering. Give up everything.
He’s willing to let me go just so that I don’t have to let go of the home we’ve found.
That’s how I know my influence isn’t all bad.
Maverick…
How do I tell him this as I’m leaving town?
I pause by the fireplace, smiling weakly at the Samurai sword hanging above it, and fondly thinking back on the world’s most ridiculous fight. Then I move to the kitchen island as the car pulls away, Sean tucked away safely inside, and I pour a large glass of wine before going back to the bedroom.
Staring blankly at the wall, I drop to the edge of the bed, sipping the wine as I try to numb myself. I need a little numbness to make through these next twenty-four hours.
Draining the glass, I put it down on the floor and lean forward, taking deep breaths.
The sound of the door slamming startles me, and Maverick’s voice as he calls for me has me quickly wiping at my face, slowly putting on my mask. He’s not the kind of guy to go down without a fight.
And I don’t know how much I can be his opposition when I want to fight for the same thing he does.
“In here,” I finally say, thankful the words come out stronger than I expected.
He immediately pops into my room, eyes raking over me as he keeps his distance, his stance defensive.
“One look at you, and I can already tell you’re about to say goodbye,” Maverick says quietly, an edge to his tone.
“We’ve known this was coming, Maverick. I told you in the very beginning this was coming. I gave you every opportunity to walk away without getting attached. It sucks, but you’re too great not to be okay,” I say without stumbling over the words or crying, mustering all my strength to bury my warmth for just a second.
“Just like that? You want me to believe this doesn’t hurt you?”
My false bravado wavers, and I know he sees it, despite how desperately I try to cling to it.
His tone softens. “Salem, there’s a way to fix this. I’ll talk to my dad and find out what he’s not telling me. Trust me, he’ll fix this. He married her, and that does mean something to him.”
The first tear slips. “I don’t think this one had anything to do with what the man wanted this time. Mom wavered—and that’s the thing she fears the most. Now she’s not risking a slip. This has only ever happened one other time, but it just goes to prove that Sterling men know how to touch even the coldest of hearts.”
He sags a little, but still looks so determined. “I can’t accept this as it. Don’t stand there and say ‘goodbye’ like you don’t feel anything.”
“I knew it was coming, Maverick.” The tears finally win and start slipping free, but my voice stays even. “If I could have done something, I would have already done it by now.”
“It’s like you’re saying this was all for nothing. I never wanted any of this until you, damn it. For the right person—”
“You’re the right person, Maverick,” I say, barely containing the sob on the tip of my tongue as the tears continue to fall. “You may even be the only person.”
His look softens as I angrily bat the tears away.
“But just because you find the right person, it doesn’t always mean you find the right time,” I go on brokenly.
He takes a step toward me, reaching for me, and I stumble back. His hand closes into a fist before he drops it away, looking hurt. If I touch him, I’ll lose my resolve. I’ll be selfish. And I’ll never forgive myself for it.
“Sean needs me more than you do,” I go on, watching as Maverick tries to close himself off, and I’m unable to simply watch it happen. “He’s just a kid. And if I’m not there to keep him warm, he’ll go cold.”
Emotion clouds his eyes as sympathy pools.
“I almost went cold,” I tell him, choking on the words. “Tyler kept me warm. He kept me from turning into her. His father and stepmother were so warm, and he shared it with me. Connor had two cold families, but I kept him warm just as Tyler did for me. I passed it down. But when it was his turn to do it for Sean, I couldn’t let him do it. He had such an amazing future ahead of him, and I couldn’t let him give that up. He would have. Instead, I stayed with Sean, taking another turn. If he’s alone, he’ll go cold.”
He shakes his head, clinging to the hope for the impossible. “No. There’s something we can do. There’s got to be a way, Salem. I’m not okay with just being done. I can’t say, ‘Oh, well, that sucks. It was fun knowing you.’ I just can’t.”
Just over three months—that’s how long it took for my world to shift. A fourth of a year. Three months can change absolutely everything you ever thought you knew. Three months should be such an insignificant amount of time in the grand scheme of things. A blink of an eye in life.
So tell me why it feels like I’ll never get through another three months without looking back at this moment, this exact blink in my life, and know with devastating certainty this is when I blinked wrong.
The problem is, there’s no right way to blink.
“I’m sorry, Maverick. There’s no other way it can be.”
“Stop acting like you’re already finished without even thinking about it. We can just get a lawyer and you can get custody of Sean. She can’t keep using him against you like this,” he says so reasonably and with so much conviction that it physically hurts me to be the one to show him reality.
“Why would they take him away? He has the finest clothes. He’s always supervised and well cared for. He’s perfectly healthy and sees the doctor for regular checkups. He makes incredible grades at some of the best schools in the nation. She even pays for the finest dance teachers and goes to his showcases. She’s always involved in the school and constantly keeping him focused on his studies, as well as making sure he’s clean and well. Maverick, she’s not a bad mother. She’s not a monster. She’s not even really a bad person. And on some very terribly sad level, she even genuinely cares for us. She’s just…” I can’t say another word, so the sentence just trails off.
“Cold,” Maverick
says quietly, finishing the sentence for me as his eyes drop to the ground and his shoulders slump in defeat. “Then I’ll come with you. Go where you go,” he says, tearing my heart right the hell out of my chest.
“And leave your friends? Your family? The home you love so much? I’d never let you do that, Maverick. Not for me. A Sterling is nothing without Sterling Shore—those are your words. You’d resent me one day, and I wouldn’t blame you.”
“Now it just sounds like you’re actually ready for it to be over,” he says accusingly.
It’s better if he’s angry. It’ll be easier for him to be angry than to be in pain.
“Maverick, I’m sor—”
“We still have two weeks,” he interrupts, glossy brown eyes meeting mine. “We have two weeks to figure something out. Right now…I just…I need to go right now. I’ll see you in the morning, okay?” he asks through strain, backing toward the door.
“Okay,” I manage to say.
He hesitates, starting and stopping, then looks at me again. “Salem, I l—”
“Please don’t say it now,” I interrupt on a near whisper, more tears leaking from my eyes. “That wouldn’t be fair,” I add as he tightens his lips, sparing me. “Because that would change everything.” Exhaling steadily to calm myself, I stare into his eyes. “And I wouldn’t be able to walk away from that, no matter what.”
Cursing and fisting his hands, he turns and walks out, punching the wall on his way. I blow out a pained breath, trying to steady my legs.
All of the sudden, he bursts back into the room, and my breath leaves as he stalks toward me, grabbing me before I can stop him. His hand painfully shoves into my hair, angling my head back before his lips crash down on mine.
My tears fall, sneaking into the kiss as I kiss him back, telling myself it’s a proper goodbye so that my heart doesn’t try to convince me it means something else. I kiss him hard, holding him to me as the kiss turns almost punishing. Angry.
Finally, he releases me just as abruptly, turning and walking out again without a backward glance. I jump a little and close my eyes when I hear the front door slam, punctuating the end.
Getting my breathing under control, I slowly open my eyes, steel my resolve, and shakily prepare for the wrong blink.
Reaching beside the bed, I grab the handle of the suitcase he never saw, and I start walking toward the door.
Obviously I don’t look back. It just makes it worse to be looking behind you at everything you’re giving up, when the pain hits you from the front, making sure you never see it coming; maximum impact.
You look forward for the simple act of self-preservation. Life doesn’t go for the knockout. It goes for the kill.
Chapter 36
MAVERICK
Since this morning, I’ve been doing everything in my power to try and figure out a way to get custody of Sean transferred to Salem, but it’s like a punch in the gut to realize just how right she is.
Hell, Kelly is a fucking saint compared to what it takes to be declared an unfit mother.
I’m still not ready to give up.
Fuck that. I can’t just let her leave.
If I have to, I’ll leave with her. Go to fucking Georgia. I don’t give a shit what she tries to say. This is not the damn end. Can’t be. We’re just getting started.
And I don’t just fall in love every-fucking-day. I’ll never have this again, and I know it. Salem is it for me. All there is.
I know she doesn’t want to leave, and neither does Sean. They’ve built a life here. So that’s Plan A; find a damn way to keep them here.
I rub my chest, finding a hollow ache there, trying my damnedest to ignore it. It’s trying to tell me it’s over, but I know it’s not.
Seeing her so defeated was too much to be around. I couldn’t stand there and watch the fight be zapped out of her. But she’s spent her life in this fucking cycle; her mother always dictating how life is lived, and Salem forced to go along for the ride because she loves her brothers.
Scrubbing a hand over my face, I walk out of my home office and grab my keys. I’m going to make Salem want to fight. Maybe I can’t do anything on my own, but the two of us together have to be able to figure out something.
I hesitate by the den, seeing Dad lying on the couch and staring at the TV, though I don’t think he sees anything. Blowing out a heavy breath, I reach the door, and stumble to a halt when I see three Sterling uncles about to knock.
“He’s in the den,” I tell them before weaving through their bodies and heading to my car.
I drive through town a little faster than necessary, returning to the beach house, and frown when I see Rain, Dane, Tria, and Ethan sitting outside like they’re waiting on someone. Then I spot Rye and Brin as they come around the side, their feet coming to an abrupt halt when they see me sitting in my car.
They watch me as I get out, heading toward the door.
“What’s going on?” I ask, confused.
“Just waiting on you,” Ethan says with a tight smile.
I cock my head. “Why?”
Brin clears her throat as she does something on her phone then hands it to me. A text box is pulled up, but my eyes zero in on the last message.
SALEM: Be there for him. Please.
I read it five times, maybe more, before my vision starts to blur.
“She’s gone, isn’t she? Just like that?” I ask quietly, not looking up to see the pity I know will be on everyone’s faces.
“Maverick,” Rain starts, her voice oozing sympathy, but I wave her off before she reaches me as I shove Brin’s phone back at her.
As soon as she takes it, I stalk back to my car.
“Mav!” Ethan shouts, but I crank my car and squeal out in reverse, punching my steering wheel even as I gas it down the street.
Her phone goes to voicemail five times in a row before I throw my phone to the floor, gripping the steering wheel tighter as I take another turn.
I drive to Dad’s house, get out of my car, and burst through the doors.
Sean jumps when I barge into the living room and find him sitting on the couch with Bananas sleeping in his lap.
“Where is she?” I ask him, my jaw grinding.
His red-rimmed eyes water as he looks back down at the cat.
“She left. She needed to unplug. No phone. No internet. Nothing. She said she’d see me in two weeks when Mom and I get there. Connor or Tyler will be coming to get her truck.”
I turn and stalk out of the room, jogging up the steps and start calling for the bitch from hell.
“Kelly!”
She comes out of a room, eyes wary when she sees me.
“You can’t just fucking let them have something, can you?” I snap.
Her eyes go icy, her shield coming up.
“This has nothing to do with you, Maverick. I’m sorry for the personal inconvenience this might cause you, but—”
“Personal inconvenience?” I ask around a humorless laugh. “Really? I’m sure having my heart ripped out of my chest can be described a little more vividly than a personal inconvenience.”
She bristles, thinking about her words.
“Salem is choosing to leave. I’m not making her go.”
“Then leave Sean with her and you go. Do something fucking right for your kids for once!”
Her jaw tics. “I realize you’re in an emotional state right now, but that gives you no right to assume you know anything about the complicated relationship I have with my children after only knowing them less than four months.”
I take a step back, shaking my head in disgust as I look at her, feeling sorry for the shell in front of me.
“I know that the only two who still even speak to you won’t be around for longer than seven more years. I hope you treasure those seven fucking years. Because the second Sean’s able to break away from you, they’ll both be gone. And then what will you have?”
A flicker of humanity crosses her eyes, along with a hint of pain, b
ut she backs away.
“Believe it or not, I am sorry for you and Salem.”
“I’m sure you’re real sorry,” I bite out angrily. “Sorry that Salem is nothing like you. I’m sure it sucks like hell to see how hard she fights every day to make sure Sean turns out better than you, too.”
With a trembling bottom lip, she turns and shuts the door, and I fight back the hot tears trying to prick my eyes as I turn and storm back down the stairs.
Sean is leaning against the wall when I reach the bottom of the stairs, his head down, likely having overheard all of that.
“I need a way to contact her,” I say to him.
“I can call Tyler if there’s an emergency. She’s staying at a small cabin on his property. But he won’t take her the phone unless it’s an emergency.”
“Tell him it’s an emergency, because I really need to talk to her.”
Sean looks up, that same defeat in his eyes that was in Salem’s, all the fire gone from his usual mischievous self.
“She won’t come back. I tried to make her stay. I’m sorry. It’s my fault she won’t stay,” he says, tears leaking from his eyes. “And she’ll never let you come be with her. Because she loves you,” he adds on a whisper.
He wipes his tears roughly, looking away from me.
“None of this is your fault, kid,” I say quietly, turning to leave. “None of it.”
I feel like all the wind has been sucked out of me, and I almost function on autopilot. I don’t even remember the drive home. Dad’s gone, probably being glued back together by my uncles.
It seems Dad left behind two bottles of whiskey, so I grab one, taking it to the kitchen and pouring a glass. Restless and agitated, I take one sip, staring at the fucking pie crusts lined up on the counter.
She was going to make pie for Bella today to celebrate Isa.
Then we were going to go the vineyard and spend the day with Raya and Kade.
Tomorrow, after she got off from work, we were going to go with Britt to see this LARP thing she’s gotten into.
We had plans that went on for months. Plans that we made with the certainty we had all the time in the world.
