by Trina M. Lee
He sat up, leaning down over me so that I looked up at him. When he kissed me, the emotion behind it said more than his words. He trusted me with all that he was. I couldn't let him down. I had to do something about Harley, come clean or forget it entirely.
“I have to get going. Sunrise isn't far off. Get some rest, beautiful.” He started to pull back, stopped and just held me instead. My guilt skyrocketed.
When at last Arys dressed and made his way from my room, I buried my face in the pillows on my bed and gave a frustrated sigh. The Harley situation had been so much simpler when Arys was threatening me. He'd really thrown me for a loop this time. I'd have assumed that he would be pissed about me spending any time with Harley, livid, even jealous. I never would have guessed that he would be hurt.
Chapter Seven
If I'd come to Kylarai seeking reassurance, I wasn't going to receive it from her. She listened quietly while I filled her in on the recent events of the past few days and then she promptly told me what a dumbass I was for going to Harley so soon after the confrontation with Arys. Thank God for best friends.
I hadn't brought Shaz along, wishing to speak with Ky one on one. I also wanted to take a little tour out back, in the forest that started a mile from her backyard. We ran there often on our own and as a pack during the full moon. I was aware that Zoey had been roaming the woods, and I wanted to see if I could pick up her scent.
The two of us alone wouldn't be as intimidating to Zoey as a small pack if we did come across her. I didn't feel it was necessary for Shaz and Julian or anyone else to accompany us at this point. Thus, Kylarai and I now trotted through the trees side by side.
I didn't have much of a plan. If we did find her, I doubted she would stick around long enough for me to attempt to communicate. This was going to be harder than it sounded. It was the thought of a strange werewolf roaming around my forest looking for her that really made my fur stand on end. The wolf inside me was defensive and territorial at the thought. I wouldn't allow it.
I watched as Kylarai loped on ahead, pausing here and there to sniff something out.
Her sleek brown fur shone beneath the starlight. My fur, the same color as my ash blonde hair, didn't reflect the fiery orbs quite the same. She made a striking wolf.
Half of the moon was lit up brilliantly, and I raised my voice to the wind in an inquisitive howl. I knew that Zoey would hear it if she was within a few miles, perhaps farther. It was deathly quiet when I fell silent. The nocturnal creatures had most likely taken cover at our approach.
I followed Kylarai, my sensitive nose working overtime. I could smell the rabbit that had run through recently and the family of deer from a day or so previous but there was no trace of Zoey Roberts.
Anxiety nagged me. I had far less control over my psychic abilities when in wolf form. I couldn't access the majority of them, and I couldn't keep Arys locked out of my mind. If he touched my mind, he thankfully couldn't access any thought other than the one I was currently having. As long as I didn't think about Harley, he wouldn't know anything. That was easier said than done, especially since it was something I feared.
The very thought of Arys opened the link between us, and I was suddenly thrust inside his mind. I skidded to a halt, my paws skittering. Arys was feeding. That's why I'd been so easily sucked into him. He had abandoned all control of himself, dropping his guard.
I could see through his eyes as he roughed up a young man before dragging him close. I hated being in Arys' mind when he killed. It was hard enough being inside my own. I didn't know why Arys chose the victims he did. He had his reasons, or at least, that's what he would tell me. I didn't question him further. Whatever his reasons were, Arys was a madman when he killed. It scared me to see what went on inside him. It was pure, blinding bloodlust and something more, not only the need to feed but also the desire for the rush of the kill. It was never about blood alone.
Arys spilled the man's blood with a brutal slash of fangs. It jarred me how it was nothing like the careful bite he gave me. This was savage. As a passenger in his mind, I was able to feel the way his body responded to the kill. He grew hard, and his erection throbbed against the confines of his tight jeans. The man's feeble cries fed the predatory nature burning inside Arys until he was spilling blood as if it were the last he would ever taste.
His mind was a blank slate, thinking of nothing. Solely running on instinct, Arys ripped into the guy with such viciousness that I felt it in the pit of my stomach. It was all werewolf. His own personal bloodlust appeased, he was embracing the part of me that he'd gained through our bond. From what I could see and feel, he loved it.
The realization was shocking. I knew he'd felt the wolf strong in him before. One horrible time, he'd slaughtered a neighborhood pet. What I didn't know was how much he enjoyed it. My stomach turned, and I felt nauseous. It shouldn't have been surprising, but this ruthless killer thing was still new to me.
I never wanted to be able to kill in cold blood, lacking regret and conscience. I had murdered a human man once, one that I'd had no business laying a hand on. Did I regret it? No. He'd been abusing his girlfriend. Arys had picked someone that very well may have been minding his own business, wronging nobody, and it turned him on in every way. Would that happen to me after I died, when I became a vampire in every sense of the word? Lord, I hoped not.
It chilled me to the bone. Arys feasted on the dying man in his arms, and I whimpered when I felt myself responding to his intense satisfaction. I couldn't be part of this. I had to get out before Arys felt my presence. I fought to pull back, to slam that door shut between us. I felt trapped. Unease quickly turned to panic, and I struggled to escape being part of a murder I wasn't committing. The bloodlust was awakening within me, and I did not intend to give in tonight.
When I slammed back into myself, I was flabbergasted to discover that I was on my knees in human form, shivering and gasping. The backdrop of the quiet forest night was all around me again.
Kylarai was a few feet away, staring at me with concern heavy in her grey eyes. I had to swallow a few times before I could speak. I didn't recall shifting back to human form. My power was stronger in that form. It must have happened instinctively.
“I'm ok,” I forced the words out breathlessly. “That was fucked.”
She snorted and sat back on her haunches to fix me with a parental frown. Part of me expected the bloodlust to rage through me and set its sights on her. It didn't happen. I was able to force it deep down inside me before it burst forth to shatter my command. For now. Relief.
“Let's just head back,” I said. Gathering myself, I embraced the change.
It rolled over me with ease as my body reformed with fluid grace. In seconds, I was wolf again. Raising my nose to the sky, I took a last sniff of the wilderness around me before turning and heading for home. It was nothing short of a miracle that I hadn't come away from Arys' mind with an uncontrollable need to kill. It had happened before. Still, my heart continued to pound so that it echoed in my ears.
Maybe Arys was more than happy to abandon all semblance of sanity, diving headlong into a vicious kill. The thought scared the shit out of me. That kind of total abandonment was terrifying. Arys clearly had little desire for control. He happily turned his back on it. If anything, that only encouraged my belief in the need for knowledge and self-control. If I didn't do something now, Arys' love of the kill may destroy us both.
* * * *
“Maybe paying a visit to Harley wouldn't be such a bad thing after all,” Kylarai suggested, watching me chew my lower lip anxiously. Since we'd returned to her house, I'd been fighting off an anxiety attack. My eyes kept going to the clock on the wall. I was supposed to meet Harley at The Wicked Kiss in an hour. I still hadn't decided if I should just forget the whole thing. I gnawed at my lip until I tasted blood. The tangy metallic taste was somehow comforting.
“When I got here you told me how stupid I was for even considering it. Which is it?”
Try as I might, I just couldn't sit still. I pulled a chair out from the table, sat for a few seconds and got to my feet again. I could feel it building inside me, the deadly combination of nerves, fear and bloodlust.
“Oh, don't get me wrong. It was beyond stupid of you to go back to that club after what happened the last time you were in there. Against your will, I might add. But, you're clearly overdue for some assistance, and if Harley can provide it, you might just be stupid not to.” Ky's voice softened, and she rested her chin in her hands. “And of course the fact that your eyes are insanely blue right now tells me that you're not getting any better at combating Arys' influence. It's high time you deal with that before you go on a rampage.”
“Rampage?” I frowned. “Look, Ky. I know you're not comfortable with me all the time anymore, but I am still me. Please, don't forget that. You're my best friend. I need you to trust me. Have I ever given you a reason not to? Really?”
She looked at me for so long before answering that I thought I would burst from the apprehension. Finally, she let her breath out in one long whoosh. “No. You've never done anything to hurt me or anyone else, but you almost hurt Shaz. And, I know you've come close to losing it on Julian. Is it really necessary to walk such a fine line? Arys has changed you in so many ways.”
“And, you hate that, don't you?” I didn't mean to be confrontational, just honest.
“You don't have to like any of it, Ky, but don't judge me by him. I am my own person, dammit.”
“I know that, Alexa. Don't get pissed at me because I'm agreeing with you now.” She rolled her eyes at me, and I felt like a moron. “Just … think things through before you act on emotion. That's all. I worry about you.”
I sighed, my eyes again drawn to the clock. “I know. And, I appreciate that. I'm not thinking straight. Ignore me.”
“Done.” Kylarai smiled and winked a long-lashed eye. “Whatever you do, don't be too trusting. And, I mean with any vampire, Arys or Harley. They are cut from the same cloth in many ways. Keep that in mind.”
“Trust me, I do. It's never so simple.” In an attempt to change the subject, I added,
“Don't say anything to anyone about Zoey and the guy that's looking for her. Please.”
“Not even Julian?” She pursed her lips, unhappy with my request.
“No, not even him. I can only deal with one thing at a time. Let me get through tonight and then we will deal with it. Together. I promise.”
She didn't look happy about it, but she grudgingly agreed. Following me to the front door, she crossed her arms and watched me slip on my boots. I knew it was coming. I knew Kylarai very well. She was our little pack mother, always concerned, always the problem solver.
“Are you sure I can't tell Julian? I don't like to keep things like this hidden. It could be important.”
I laughed and reached to give her a loose hug. “Fine. Tell him if it will make you feel better. You can also tell him that nobody makes choices in this situation except for Shaz or me. He stays away from Zoey and keeps his nose out of it unless otherwise asked.” I felt bad for being such a bitch about it, but Julian couldn't be trusted and the only one that didn't believe that was Ky. “I'm sorry, Kylarai. You know I consider you my second in command, always. Not him. He's nothing to us.”
Kylarai was a pro at shrugging off the loathing that Julian, Shaz and I shared for one another. He'd dared to challenge Shaz for Alpha, and he’d lost. It didn't make me like him or trust him, and I never would. As far as I was concerned, it was just a matter of time until he blew it with Ky. Then, he would finally be out of our lives. She was the only reason Shaz hadn't run him out of town altogether.
Julian didn't deserve her, and everyone knew it, even him. She was in a place where she wanted to be happy, with someone she could identify with as a werewolf. Things hadn't worked out between her and Kale so she'd settled for Julian. Yet, I knew that couldn't last forever because Kylarai was a gem. She deserved better.
“Be careful, ok?” She called to me as I headed down the walk to my car. “Don't go in there without backup.”
“Of course not,” I replied casually. “I have Kale on standby.”
She nodded vigorously, raising a hand to wave. “Good. Call me when you get home so I don't have to worry about you.”
Backing out of her driveway still felt weird. It wasn't that long ago that this house had been my home. I missed having the forest just beyond my backyard. It resulted in frequent trips to Kylarai's throughout the week. I couldn't hold off on shifting as long as some Weres could because Arys relied on it to ease the need he constantly carried. After what I'd witnessed inside him tonight, I doubted it was making a difference.
The drive to The Wicked Kiss seemed to take no time at all. I found myself wishing it were further away. The twenty minutes in the car was just enough to stir the butterflies in my stomach. I was glad that I'd worn blue jeans and a sporty tank top, nothing overtly sexual or skin baring. I was nervous as hell. No way was I going to draw any more of Harley's attention than I could possibly help.
I paused to send a text message to both Shaz and Kale, telling them I'd arrived. Shaz was working but he'd wanted to know. Kale was supposed to check in on me if he hadn't heard from me within two hours. Those were my terms; Kale had wanted to come with me right from the start.
Walking into The Wicked Kiss had never been easy. This time, it was downright painful. Approaching the building alone, knowing who waited for me inside made me feel like someone should have been yelling, “Dead woman walking!” as I made my way to the doors. Of all of the stupid things I'd done, this had to be among the worst.
My heart was racing before I reached the back door of the building. It was my last chance to change my mind and leave. Once I crossed the threshold, I'd made my choice.
My conscience continually brought Arys to mind. I didn't want to do anything to hurt him, but I had to focus on my needs, too. This wasn't all about me, but I wasn't on a leash, and God forbid that I should ever act like I was.
The back door to the club opened before I'd laid a hand on it. The dim lighting inside illuminated Harley, and I sucked in my breath. I deserved everything I got once I walked inside. I knew it undoubtedly. Yet, when he stepped back to allow me entry, I went for it.
“Look, I appreciate that you're willing to speak with me, but this is all business. I just want to make sure that's clear.” My tone was sharp, leaving no room for confusion.
Harley looked at me as if I were a child playing grownup. He actually laughed as he ushered me along down the long hall. “Always a pleasure to see you, Alexa. Obviously you're having second thoughts about being here.”
The music booming in the front of the club could be heard through the walls. I imagined the many willing and not so willing victims out there, mingling with vampires as if it were the norm. My skin crawled at the thought. It was something I wanted to put a stop to. That clearly wasn't going to happen any time soon.
“Don't worry about my thoughts, Harley. They are hardly any concern of yours. I'm not alone, so don't get any ideas either.”
“You still don't get it,” he said, and I looked at him in surprise. “You don't need backup. If anything, your backup needs you.”
Unwilling to be seen in the hall with him by anyone that would talk to Arys, I quickened my pace. “Let's just get on with it. I have places to be.”
I pretended not to hear his low chuckle. I prayed that he had no idea how it made my insides quiver. The scent of fresh blood wafted from his luxury suite, and I came to an abrupt halt outside the door. He swept passed me, entered the room and turned back to me with a question in his eyes.
From the doorway, I could see the wet crimson drops on the cream-colored duvet adorning the large bed. I half expected to find a body but if there'd been one, it was gone.
“What's with the fresh kill smell?” I asked, crossing my arms over my chest. I eyed Harley suspiciously. “I'm not up for tag teaming.”
His jov
ial laugh had me glaring hard. It was useless. Rather than address my question, he studied me until I grew uncomfortable. “Your first mistake is neglecting your needs. Whether it be food, sex, blood or the rush of the kill, your needs define you.
If you'd fed your own bloodlust, you wouldn't be reacting so strongly to the scent of blood in this room. Now, come in here.”
I didn't budge. I suddenly felt uncertain. The aroma of human blood on the air turned my stomach even as it encouraged my hunger. I ignored Harley's impatient gesture and took a hesitant step inside. I purposely did not close the door, and I did not intend to allow him to shut it either.
“Did I come during meal time, Harley? I'd hate to interrupt.” I surveyed the room, but other than the spilled blood, nothing seemed amiss.
“Don't be ridiculous. Just a little fun and games while I awaited your arrival.”
“Look,” I said, direct and more than a little forceful. “I don't trust you, and I don't have any reason to. Let's just get down to business. I'm limited on time.”
“Are you ever going to tell Arys that you've been coming here?” He smirked and took a seat at the small table. Crossing his legs casually, he simply watched me.
I scowled, refusing the chair he offered. “That's none of your business. I am not here to talk about him. Got it?”
“As you like.” Harley seemed far too amused by my irritation. That only enhanced it.
“So, should we start with your short temper? It seems to me that will be the first place you go wrong.”
Something occurred to me then, something about the way he said that. I raised an eyebrow, staring right back at him. “Why are you really willing to help me? Is it because you're trying to screw me over or is it something else? Because I'm sure it can't just be the promise of my blood.”
He gave me a sadistic smile that instilled a sinking sensation within me. I so did not want to hear his response. I was rife with discomfort, and he loved it.
