“It is not that,” Sarah quickly cut him off. “It was the most wonderful night I have ever had, and I do not regret a single thing...”
Henry lifted her chin with his fingers. He let his thumb run over her red eyes and cheeks, gently wiping away her tears.
“You know,” she said, “I have always believed that making love to a man was something insignificant which simply had to be endured, and that being with a man in general, was something like a partnership of convenience with not too many emotions involved. But after having spent all day with you yesterday, and having been so close to you last night, I realize that love really exists and that it is so much different from what I have imagined in my wildest dreams. You showed me heaven... but… but I know that my future lies in hell…”
Henry gently rocked her in his arms and stroked her hair as more tears were running down her face. It suddenly dawned on him what Sarahʼs despair really was about. So far it had all been merely circling around getting together somehow, about how to sneak out and find some quiet moments with each other.
But now it suddenly was about the future. Sarah obviously was in the process of realizing that what they had was not just a little affair, but something that involved true feelings; feelings of love. Henry guessed that she also had realized that once she was married to Damian, the latter would expect her to fulfill her conjugal duties, which—as she knew now—were not about bellybuttons.
“Sarah, please, listen to me,” Henry said softly. “You do NOT have to marry this man.”
“I do... there is no way around it,” Sarah whimpered, her voice full of resignation.
Henry took her hands in his and squeezed them gently.
“Sarah, please... marry me.”
Sarah looked at him puzzled.
“Henry, I can not marry you. Horatio will not let me...”
“I do not care what your Uncle Horatio says. He will not be able to raise any objections anyway because we will run away from here and will be gone long before he will have noticed and before he can make any attempts to cross our plans.”
Sarah was watching him carefully as he spoke. Her crying ebbed and, for a fleeting moment, Henry believed to see a tiny sparkle of hope in her eyes. But he also sensed that she was still in doubt.
“Damian will find us.”
“I donʼt think so. That little narcissistic fool is far too busy counting his money and watching his arrogant face in the mirror,” Henry scoffed.
Suddenly Sarah jumped up.
“Henry, you really underestimate all of this! It is not Damian who is pulling the strings—it is his father, his whole family, in fact. His social and political influence is enormous. He will ruin your name, your reputation, your life! You will not be able to find work anywhere anymore! They will burn down the ground we walk on and will send the whole lot of the biblical plagues after us!”
“Well, I honestly do not believe that they have such an enormous power.” Henry couldnʼt suppress a grin as the image appeared in his mind eye of the Cox family sending hailstorms, flies and frogs after them. “Still, if it worries you, we can always leave the country. We donʼt have to stay in England.”
“Henry, donʼt you understand? He will find us! It doesnʼt matter where we go.”
“No, Sarah, I am certain that he will not find us where we would go,” Henry answered, his voice firm and calm.
Sarah looked at him uncertainly.
“But where... where would we go then?”
“To America.”
Sarah gasped, her eyes open wide with something that looked rather like shock than positive surprise.
“I have a brother who lives there,” Henry went on excitedly. “He keeps writing to me how wonderful it is and how easy it is to find work. I have always played with the thought of moving there but somehow never could get myself to pull it through. Maybe what held me back was indeed fate, Sarah. Maybe it was really my destiny to meet you first and then take you with me.”
Sarah had still not recovered from her puzzlement and was staring at Henry with her mouth open and an expression on her face which told him that she thought he was insane. But he was wise enough not to let this irritate him. He knew how to deal with it. After all, people had called him insane before, and that was when he had announced that he wanted to become a teacher.
Still, Henry could understand that Sarah didnʼt share his enthusiasm. He gathered that the thought of going to America had to be quite frightening for her. After all, Bournemouth had been the farthest place on earth she had ever been to. She didnʼt know anything about the rest of the world. Neither did he, but at least he knew that he was courageous enough to take the step into the unknown. He didnʼt know, though, if she would be that courageous as well.
“We will be safe there and no one will ever ask us about our past,” Henry continued in his effort to convince her. “It will take Damian or his father a lifetime to find us in a country that big. Apart from that, who says that they will find out that we are in America at all? We could leave all sorts of wrong tracks. Oscar will help us.”
Sarah looked alarmed.
“Oscar? How should he help us? I do not want Oscar to get into any trouble!” she exclaimed.
“Well, he offered me his help. I must say, though, that I am not quite happy about his involvement either, because I do not want him to end up falling out with your uncle and aunt. It is risky enough for him that he knows about us. If you donʼt want him to be involved either, then I am sure we will manage without him. Trust me, Sarah.”
“I am not sure, Henry...” Sarah whispered. Henry noticed that she was completely confused. He got up, walked over to her and took her face in his hands.
“Sarah, I might not be rich and I cannot assure you that I will be able to provide you with expensive jewelry like Damian, but I swear I will offer you everything you need to lead a happy life without want for any necessity at all.”
“It is not about that, Henry. I do not need jewelry. I am happy with the basics. All I really long for is your love.”
“Then do come with me,” Henry beseeched her. “This very moment is as good as any moment. We might as well pack our bags and leave now, in this instant. If you only say yes.”
He had to laugh at that crazy thought of immediately kidnapping her, whereas Sarah remained silent for a while, staring at him sternly and pensively.
“I need to think about it, Henry,” she finally said.
Henry sighed, trying not to let his impatience show too much.
“Sarah, just tell me one more thing—and please be honest with me. Is it that you donʼt want to come, because you donʼt love me enough...?”
“I did not say that I do not want to come, Henry,” Sarah answered. “I said, I needed to think about it. Apart from that, I have never loved anyone as much as you, and I doubt that I will ever find anyone whom I will love more than you.”
“Then please promise me that you really will think about it,” Henry pleaded.
Sarah nodded.
“I promise,” she answered.
She sounded too uncertain for Henryʼs taste. But he was aware that he could not expect her to jump with joy, pack her belongings and follow him straight to the next port and leave for America. He knew that it would be quite a step for her, knew he had to grant her the time she needed, even if her reluctance drove him insane. He couldnʼt just force her to make a decision that hard and fundamental.
Still, he wished he had her definite answer, right now, just to ease his tortured mind. And it irritated him that she let this unique opportunity to escape pass by, with the lordship gone and hardly anyone around who would have noticed if they had suddenly disappeared. But he feared if he pressed her, he would lose her altogether.
But at least she appeared much calmer now, as Henry noticed to his relief. She was not that bewildered and upset anymore; quite contrary to himself. He was terribly nervous and anxious about their future.
Sarah noticed the emotional trouble he
was going through and let her hand tenderly run along his cheek.
“Let us not spend the rest of this precious day with gloomy thoughts,” she whispered. “I already regret endlessly that I have spoiled our morning. I am so sorry...”
“Donʼt be sorry,” Henry said. “Just tell me if there is anything I can do to make you happy again...”
“There is something you can do,” Sarah breathed. “Love me...”
“Here and now?” Henry asked excitedly, his body immediately reacting to this tempting suggestion.
Sarah didnʼt answer. Instead, she sealed his lips with a passionate and seemingly endless kiss. Letting out a moan of pleasure, Henry led Sarah over to the bench where he sat down and pulled her on his lap. When she had mounted him, he let his hands glide underneath her skirt, inside her knickers and between her thighs in eager search of her most sensitive spot, whilst Sarah began to unbutton his shirt and let her warm palms slowly wander over his naked chest.
She screamed with delight, when he began to quickly slide in and out of her. Henry found that this time her love-making was surprisingly aggressive and assumed that it was pure shameless rebellion against the pressure that lay on her. The way she had her legs tightly wrapped around his waist, enormously added to his excitement, but it hardly made it possible for him to withdraw when he felt himself coming.
“Easy, Sarah, easy... please...” he urged her, panting heavily. She didnʼt seem to hear him, seemed to be entirely carried away by pleasure.
Becoming slightly panicky, he grabbed her waist firmly with his hands and lifted her abdomen. By doing so, he just about managed to slip out of her in time.
“My God, Sarah, you are making me a mindless slave of your love...” Henry croaked hoarsely.
Exhausted, he leaned his head against the wall behind him and closed his eyes, listening to Sarahʼs sweet ebbing sounds of rapture as she clung to him and filled him with all the warmth the he never ever wanted to miss anymore in his life.
* * *
Later, Henry asked Angus, who was leaning at the stable door chewing on a blade of grass, to bring him and Sarah to Oxford town.
Henry had always liked Oxford. Despite its numerous factories, it had never really become a dirty industrial center just like London. It was rather a place for craftsmen and of course known for its university. Henry was intrigued by the diverse architecture of the university college buildings and the churches with their ornate towers and spires; many of these buildings dating back as far as the 11th century.
As a child, Henryʼs mother and father had saved up their last pennies to take him and his brother to Oxford on a Sunday trip. And the memories of these happy days were haunting him now that he was here with Sarah, strolling along the banks of the River Cherwell, which was flowing right through the parks of the university grounds. They were watching other people gliding in boats along the river, whose surface was glistening like tiny diamonds in the warm light of the summer sun. They were sitting down on the waterʼs edge, feeding ducks and swans with crumbs of Thelmaʼs sandwiches which they had brought.
After that, they visited the Botanical Garden where they spent quite a while in the glass houses, admiring palm trees and orchids, cacti and dangerous-looking carnivorous plants, and water lilies so huge that a human being could have sat on them. They strolled through the walled gardens, passed archways and pathways overgrown with luscious plants, and sat down on a bench next to a water fountain and in the shadow of the oldest tree in the garden, an English yew.
Although they had refrained from walking through Oxford town and had deliberately chosen the Botanical Garden in order not fall victim to curious glances, even here Sarah was occasionally recognized by passers-by who raised their hats and bowed slightly to greet her. When they had passed, Henry believed to hear them talk behind his and Sarahʼs backs.
“Isnʼt that the young Miss Partridge?”
“She surely is.”
“Do you know the man at her side?”
“I have never seen him before. It is not Damian Cox, anyway...”
Henry tried his best to ignore them. After all, he and Sarah were behaving so chaste that one might not have believed at all that they were lovers. They had even taken their school books with them and were carrying them around demonstratively in order to make it clear that they were here to do some serious studying, using the present plant life as a means of practical illustration. Henry had to smile at the fact that once again the subject Biology served as their main excuse for spending so much time together. And considering their extensive love-making, Henry got the feeling that this subject had so far been the only one they had seriously devoted themselves to.
Sarah was in a rather thoughtful mood after their talk in the boathouse, but the fact that Henry had made love to her and that the sun had eventually broken through the cloudy skies had lifted her spirits again. All the while, a small blissful smile was playing over her lips, and Henry enjoyed being with her although they could not openly show their love for each other in public. But as he knew how she felt for him, he found that a glance alone out of her deep-brown eyes was worth just as much as if she had held his hand.
Still, her reluctant reaction to his suggestion of going to America slightly overshadowed his mood. Not that he had truly believed that she would entirely support his idea right from the start. After all, it meant leaving behind everything she had known for years; her familiar surroundings and all the people she knew—even though he was quite sure that she would not miss the people very much, except for Oscar. He hoped that Oscar would not be the reason for her to decide against his proposal. After all, she would be able to send her uncle letters. And maybe Oscar would even come and visit his niece in America one day. But Henry guessed that Sarah would miss her horse and, of course, her motherʼs grave, and he wondered what he could do about it.
He also wondered up to what degree Damian was really capable of ruining his life. He had not taken Sarahʼs words seriously in the beginning, had put her reaction down to an overly vivid imagination and the fact that she probably tried to use the wrath of Damian and his family as an excuse to conceal other deep-rooted fears of hers. But upon reflecting on it for a while, he didnʼt rule it out anymore that Damian might indeed be such an evil person to come after him, locate him, and destroy him by pulling certain strings, just out of the sheer desire to take revenge on Henry for having hurt his vanity. Still, Henry was certain that Damianʼs influence wouldnʼt reach as far as America.
America...
“Did you know that one of the scenes in Lewis Carrollʼs ʻAliceʼs Adventures in Wonderlandʼ was inspired by this garden?” Sarah suddenly asked, tearing Henry out of his thoughts. “There is a drawing in the book, and it shows Alice, the Queen, and the soldiers playing croquet right here in front of the fountain and the water lily house.”
Sarah dreamily stared into the distance and over to the peacefully splashing waters of the fountain as if she could really see them, the Queen and her soldiers, the grinning Cheshire cat and the nervous White Rabbit, and Alice playing croquet, using flamingos as mallets and a hedgehog as a ball.
“I havenʼt had the pleasure to read it yet,” Henry replied absent-mindedly.
America...
Without ever having seen it, he believed to know that he could be happy there. And for some strange reason, he could also imagine that Sarah might like it. Maybe he could build them a little house. Maybe they could even have a horse. He was sure that Sarah would love to have a horse again. Yes, he would buy her a horse, a white stallion like Silver. And he would buy himself a horse as well, a fast one. And he would take lessons, so that he could go for proper rides with her. And as for the house, maybe he could build it in a way that left enough room for Sarah to have a little study where she could go after her drawing without being disturbed. Maybe they could also have a garden for their children...
“You seem so pensive, Henry. What are you thinking about?” Sarah asked, her eyes mirroring slight concern
. She reflexively reached over to him and touched his arm but quickly withdrew her hand when she suddenly realized that they were not alone, which she obviously had forgotten all about.
“It is nothing,” Henry answered, smiling at her softly. “I was just watching you because you look so adorable in your Sunday dress. Thatʼs all.”
His words made her smile, but he sensed that she didnʼt quite believe him.
* * *
When Henry and Sarah returned to the mansion towards the evening, Heather came rushing up from the kitchen and met them in the entrance hall, holding a small folded piece of paper in her hands.
“Miss Sarah,” she said, “a telegram arrived for you about an hour ago.”
“Thank you, Heather.” Sarah took the paper which the kitchen maid handed her and began to unfold it. Heather bowed and rushed back downstairs.
Henry & Sarah Page 24
