“Would you mind me asking Miss Sarah to grant me the next dance?”
It annoyed him that he had to beg for permission, but he knew that if he simply grabbed Sarah and ignored Damian, a dispute would be inevitable.
Damian pulled a contemplative face as if he had to carefully consider this request. Henry didnʼt fail to notice that Damian deliberately took his time until he answered.
“I do mind, actually,” Damian finally said, first smirking triumphantly, then bursting out into laughter again. “What a cheek to ask!”
To Henryʼs surprise, Sarah suddenly rose from her seat and accepted his extended hand.
“What are you doing?” Damian asked, puzzled.
“I will dance with my tutor,” Sarah answered with a firm voice.
Damian looked at her incomprehendingly and annoyed.
“No, you will not,” he said, trying to hold her back, but she just shook him off.
“This is my birthday,” she hissed, her eyes sparkling dangerously, “and I may dance with whom I like!”
Damianʼs face turned red with anger and his eyes were staring belligerently at Henry as if he was hardly able to contain himself from leaping at Henryʼs throat. But as he obviously didnʼt want to cause a major commotion either, he remained seated and quietly watched Sarah follow Henry onto the dance floor.
Henry put his arm around Sarahʼs waist and began to whirl her around to the sound of the music. As he was holding her hand, he noticed that it was trembling; trembling with fear, anger or desire, he was unable to tell.
“I need to talk to you,” he said.
“Not here,” Sarah hissed through clenched teeth.
“Sarah, I need to talk to you.”
“I said not here…!”
From the corner of his eye, Henry could see that Damian was observing them closely, watching their every movement, his face a grimace of rage.
“When then?” Henry said when he had his back turned on Damian so that the latter couldnʼt see that Henry was talking to Sarah.
Sarah waited until Henry had spun her around again so that now her back was turned on Damian. Then she mumbled, “Midnight. At the stable.”
Abruptly, she let go of Henry and walked back over to the settee in order not to infuriate Damian all too much. Damian immediately took her hand and held it tight as if he was afraid that she would walk out on him again. Then he continued his conversation with the earl as if nothing had happened. But his grin and humor were gone and would not return for the rest of the day.
* * *
Henry was only able to stand the following hours through by drinking lots of wine and by secretly lingering in Sarahʼs vicinity. He was careful, though, to keep a safe distance so that Damian would not get upset; after all, it was evident that the latter was already quite annoyed and wanted Henry gone.
But Henry stayed, all day long, witnessing with gritted teeth how Damian forced one dance after the other on Sarah in order to tease Henry and not to give him another chance to get close to to her.
Unbearably slowly, the hands of the clock were creeping towards midday, towards the afternoon, towards the evening, and finally towards midnight.
At half past eleven, Henry noticed with relief that the party congregation gradually began to disperse. And he wasnʼt the only one who was happy about it. Roderick could hardly keep his eyes open anymore as he was still cruising the room, a tray in his hands, offering the guests the at least twentieth load of lumpfish roe. Henry guessed that from that day on, the poor butler would not want to either see or smell caviar ever again in his miserable servantʼs life.
The guests who did not intend to stay overnight said goodbye and profusely thanked the Partridges for their invitation. Then they went outside, climbed in their coaches which were waiting for them, and disappeared into the dark. The guests who stayed lingered for another while in the parlor, engrossed in conversations circling around the possible looming decay of the British Empire and its endangered supremacy over other countries in terms of industrialization, which Lord Partridge put down as mere panic mongering. Others less fortunate in terms of company, tried hard to secretly tear themselves away from Baron Copperwood, who was completely drunk by now and kept laughing frantically at his own jokes. But whenever one of his tortured listeners tried to withdraw politely, the Baron would grab him by the arm and say ʻWait, I have got one more joke that you will surely find hilarious!ʼ And as his victims didnʼt want to appear rude, they were forced to stay.
At a quarter to midnight, Henry excused himself and pretended to go up to his room. When nobody was looking, he rushed back downstairs and outside where he stumbled across the lawn and tried to find the entrance to the stable in the darkness. Having arrived there, he carefully opened the door and peered inside, but nobody was to be seen apart from the five horses, who were lazily lingering in their stalls, wagging their tails, entirely indifferent to the drama which was soon to take place in their midst.
Staring out into the garden, eagerly waiting for Sarah, Henry wondered how she wanted to manage to sneak out of the house. He knew that she could not leave the party earlier than anyone else; after all, it was her birthday party although nobody seemed to truly care about her. But Henry was sure that as soon as she would disappear, everybody would take it as a sign of disrespect towards her guests.
Eventually, he saw the small flickering light of a lantern glimmering in the dark. With relief, he noticed that it was Sarah hastening towards the stable.
“Sarah...! I am here,” Henry called over to her in a hushed voice, giving her a little fright when he suddenly stepped out of his hiding place behind a heap of hay. Sarah quickly closed the stable door behind her and breathlessly fell into his arms.
“How did you manage do get away from them?” Henry asked excitedly.
“I pretended to have a migraine and said I would go to bed. Then I quickly stole away. The celebration is now over anyway. Thanks be to God...”
“Are you sure nobody saw you?”
Sarah nodded.
Henry took her by the hand and dragged her over to the far end of the stable where it was even darker and safer to talk. He opened the door to one of the stalls and, upon entering, noticed that it was Orionʼs stall. The horse glared at him and then continued chewing on some hay. Henry hoped that it wouldnʼt fart again.
“Good boy...” Sarah whispered, patting the horse, stroking its fur, in an effort not to scare it by their sudden unexpected appearance.
Then she hesitantly turned around to look at Henry, a pitiful expression on her face.
“I swear, I did not know it, Henry,” she said, her voice breaking. “I was presented with a fait accompli. There was nothing I could do.”
In the dim glow of the lantern light, Henry noticed tears well up in her eyes. He took her in his arms and rocked her gently.
“Sarah, let us leave tonight,” he whispered. “It is not too late. If we wait a little while until they are all asleep, they will not notice. Walking to Oxford will surely take us a while, but once we are there we will catch the next train to London and talk about where we can go and live together in peace.”
Suddenly, Sarah loosened herself out of his grip and turned away from him.
“My God, Henry...!” she wailed, her voice sounding equally angry and full of despair. “Things are not so easy! I can not come with you just like that!”
“In the name of Christ, why?!” Henry furiously slammed his fist against the stable walls, which made Orion startle.
“Henry, would you please keep your voice down...” Sarah hissed nervously.
A sudden creaking sound made them both freeze and fall silent. Momentarily, they didnʼt dare to move. Henry carefully peered through the bars which surrounded the horse box, but he didnʼt see anything. And apart from the snorting sounds of the horses, it was quiet.
Henry relaxed again.
“Do you remember what you told me about Seneca?” Sarah suddenly said.
“Oh, p
lease donʼt!” Henry rolled his eyes. “Really, you should not take it so seriously what people said in days long gone by! It doesnʼt matter now!”
“It does, Henry… Do you remember what he said about distinguishing between the things we can change and the things we can not change? Maybe it is that you and I have a different view on what can be changed and what can not.”
I should have never talked to her about these things. Itʼs backfiring now...
“Sarah,” Henry said, trying to sound calm and rational, “I truly believe that the situation you find yourself in is one that you can change if you only want to; and I just donʼt understand why you donʼt want it! Is it because you donʼt love me enough?! Please tell me, I need to know!”
“Henry, I have told you at least a hundred times that it is not that I do not love you enough! It is rather because... because... I love you too much! I would break apart if you ever left me!”
“You will bloody break apart if you stay here!” Henry retorted.
“Maybe, but the pain will not be that big.”
“I can not believe what you are just saying...” Henry shook his head. He leaned at the stable walls and closed his eyes, hoping that when he opened them again, he would realize that he had just had one of those bad dreams which were haunting him so often recently.
“You are a miracle to me, Henry,” he heard Sarah whisper. “And I am definitely not worth having someone like you...”
Henry let out a bitter laugh.
“I am the son of a worker,” he began. “As a young boy, I occasionally stole food or money. When I am with friends, I tend to drink a lot and use abusive language. And when nobody is watching, I occasionally pick my nose. And you seriously want to tell me that you are not worth having someone like me? What the hell is going on in your mind?!”
“Are you not able to sympathize with me?!” Sarah gave back, her voice full of reproach. “I mean, are you not afraid to lose me, too?”
“I am, or else I wouldnʼt be standing here in the middle of the night, risking my workplace and my neck! And talking about broken hearts: What about me for a change? Have you ever considered that I have a heart and feelings as well? Donʼt you think that my heart will break apart as well if you leave me after all the hours that we spent together and the love we made! You made me addicted. And now you want to drop me—just like that!”
Henry snapped his fingers in the air.
“I never asked you to fall in love with me! It simply happened!” Sarah shouted at him, tears welling up in her eyes again.
“Exactly—it simply happened because love never asks for permission. And why can we not just let it happen then? Maybe it is bloody meant to be—you and I! Maybe there is someone up there, crossing our plans to spend our lives in misery; maybe there is that God who you believed had forgotten about you, and who is sending you this miracle? But you keep your eyes closed!”
He placed his hands on her shoulders and shook her slightly.
“Sarah, do you remember when we talked about miracles?” he said more softly now. “There is something essential I forgot to tell you: When a miracle comes around the corner, we must, of course, take that opportunity instead of letting it pass. It is alright to have fears in life; otherwise we would do all sorts of foolish and risky things. But sometimes fear simply is in the way when it shouldnʼt. Sometimes we must listen to our hearts!”
“God gives me the miracle, Henry, but without the promise that it will last,” Sarah said bitterly. “He has done so before. He took my mother and all that was dear to me and sent me to hell. Who gives me the guarantee that this will not happen to me again, Henry!?”
She began to weep. Her emotional turmoil softened Henryʼs anger. He raised his hand to stroke her cheek and immediately noticed how she melted away under his touch.
“Sarah, what can I do to make you find your trust in life again...and in me?” he whispered, knowing that there was no guarantee that he could offer her. Not the kind of guarantee she wanted to have; a universal guarantee which ruled out all outer threats.
He pressed her close to his body, and she nestled her head at his chest.
Then a floorboard creaked.
And yet another, louder this time.
It didnʼt take Henry long to realize that it werenʼt the horses. No, these were unmistakably human footsteps, coming closer.
Henry and Sarah simultaneously raised their heads. The next moment, their faces were bathed in the light of a lantern, carried by someone standing in the aisle.
“Jeremy...?! What are you doing here?!” Sarah stammered in shock at the sight of the stable boy who had suddenly appeared, seemingly out of nowhere. She quickly slipped out of Henryʼs embrace, opened the door of the horse box, and stepped outside.
Jeremy was piercing her with cold stares.
“I could ask you the same,” he said, his voice as cold as his glances. “Although it seems to be pretty obvious, doesnʼt it?”
Henry felt himself break out in sweat, and his legs threatened to give in. He had been so eager to avoid being spotted by Damian or Lord Partridge that he had completely forgotten about Jeremy. He gathered that the boy had seen either him or Sarah walking over to the stable, had followed them and had sneaked through the unlocked stable door in order to listen to their conversation in hiding. Henry wondered what had made Jeremy loiter outside at the dead of night, but he guessed that it simply had been his secret mission to always be on the lookout for a moment where he would catch Sarah and Henry in the act.
“Jeremy, listen to me…“ Sarah said beseechingly, her voice trembling as she slowly walked towards the stable boy. “Contrary to my father I ... I have never treated you in a bad way, have I? Donʼt you think, it would only be fair if you did me a favor now? I... I urge you not to mention to anyone what you have just heard and seen...”
Jeremy, apparently immune to her pleading, smirked; and in his smirk lay all the satisfaction of a man who had been rejected one time too many and who now saw his chance coming to play the trump card.
“Too late,” he said frostily.
Henry and Sarah were hardly granted any time to let his words sink in, as in the next moment the door to the stable flung wide open and two men with lanterns appeared—Lord Partridge and Damian.
That bloody bastard... Henry thought, not quite sure if he meant Damian or Jeremy. The latter obviously had not only eavesdropped on their conversation but had also run back to the house at speed of light in order to rally Damian and the Lord.
Henry racked his brain how he could have avoided this situation but didnʼt come to any conclusion. It seemed as if fate simply had decided to entirely mess up his plans. And there was nothing he could have done or could do, now that Jeremy, the Lord and Damian cornered him and Sarah like an animal on a battue.
“What in the name of Christ is going on?!” Lord Partridge demanded to know when he saw Henry step out of the horse stall. He, who normally never lost his cool, appeared as if he was close to a heart attack.
Before Henry could utter something in his and Sarahʼs defence—although he had not the slightest idea what to say—Damian pounced on him, and pushed him hard against the stable walls.
“You son of a bitch!” he yelled, snorting with rage, his temple veins bulging. Entirely out of control, he took a swing in order to punch Henry in the face when suddenly Sarah jumped at him, angrily pounding him with her fists, scratching him with her fingernails, but he just pushed her aside so that she fell onto a bundle of hay in the corner.
It was then that Lord Partridge finally interfered.
“Damian, please, pull yourself together!” he demanded, grabbing Damianʼs arm in an attempt to hold him back. Reluctantly, Damian let go of Henry and—in a final effort to demonstrate his contempt—spat at Henryʼs feet.
Lord Partridge turned to Henry.
“Mr. Abbott, I am horrified!” he thundered. “Is that the outcome of my endless trust in you?!”
“Lord Partridge, it was me m
aking a pass at your daughter, not the other way round!” Henry, who had never seen the Lord that emotional, hastened to say. “It is not her fault. I am to blame!”
Upon hearing Henry confess, Damianʼs anger flared up again.
“Horatio, I told you it was not a good idea to have him around!” he exploded, pointing an accusing finger at Henry and stomping his foot like a little angry child.
“Damian, calm down, please!” Lord Partridge barked. “I do agree with you that it was a terrible mistake to believe that a young man like Mr. Abbott could be good for Sarah. But as she had never shown any interest in the young men I introduced to her, I did not expect there to be any danger... Anyway, our guests are the highest priority now. By no means at all, must they become aware of what has happened. Do me the favor to bring Sarah back inside the house, Damian. And do not forget: composure, Damian, composure. Try to avoid causing a sensation. The same goes for you, Sarah.”
Henry & Sarah Page 27
