by Marin Thomas
Joe remembered the Johnsons. Melanie and Margie had played Bunco together.
“What’s your name? I’ll tell them I ran into you.”
“Joe Dawson.”
“Cindy Nelson. My husband and I moved here last year.” She clapped her hands to get the boys’ attention, then shook her head and the kids stopped arguing. “Boys are a handful.” She smiled. “Do you have any children?”
“I had a son.” Joe stood. “I better get going.”
“It was nice meeting you.”
He cut through the playground, taking one last look at the monkey bars. He would never return to this park or this neighborhood. Before he pulled out into the street, he glanced in the rearview mirror and caught the young mother reading the plaque on the bench.
He’d never forget the day Aaron died, but it was time to move on. With his son’s memory safely tucked inside his heart, Joe turned the pickup north and headed back to the Panhandle.
Chapter 39
“Mia’s worried about you.” Hank sat next to Ruby on the front porch.
“I’m fine.”
“Could have fooled me.” His fingers dove inside his empty shirt pocket, and then his hand fell back to his lap. “You’ve been watching the road every night since he left.”
She didn’t want to talk about Joe. It hurt too much. “Sears called earlier. They’re delivering the new appliances tomorrow.”
Two weeks had passed since the barn fire, and with Hank’s encouragement Ruby had begun renovations on the farmhouse. The kitchen had been first on her list. They’d hired a woodworker from Guymon to refinish the cabinets. He’d stripped off the stain and painted them white. The linoleum floor had been pulled up and neutral cream tile put in its place. The baseboards had been repaired and painted to match the cabinets.
Hank had grumbled when Ruby bought a Keurig machine to replace the coffeemaker. She insisted they’d waste less grounds if they made a cup at a time, even though the real reason she’d purchased the expensive gadget was because she’d always wanted one for herself. But Hank complained that his coffee was never strong enough, so Ruby gave in and put the ancient appliance back on the counter next to the Keurig.
Usually after a loved one passed away, a person kept a piece of jewelry, a trophy, or a painting to remember them by. Ruby already knew the Mr. Coffee machine would remain on the counter long after Hank’s footsteps no longer echoed in the house.
“Hank?”
“Yeah?”
“After we finish the renovations, I was thinking about enrolling in a couple of classes at the community college in Guymon.” She would register for night classes so that Mia would be home with Hank in case he fell ill.
“What are you interested in studying?”
“I don’t know.” She thought she’d answered Hank’s letter not only to learn about her medical history but because she wanted to discover if she was meant to be anything more than a waitress or a desk clerk the rest of her life. Thanks to Joe, Ruby finally understood that she’d always possessed the power to determine her own future—she just hadn’t had the courage to exercise it until now.
“I won’t start classes until after the winter break.”
“Why not?”
“I need to apply for financial aid and—”
“I’ll pay for your school.”
“I’m capable of paying my way.”
“I missed out on all the things fathers do for their kids.” He winked. “I’d like to send my thirty-one-year-old daughter to college.”
When he put it like that, she couldn’t refuse.
“I’ll make a deal with you,” he said. “If you flunk out, you have to pay me back.”
“That’s fair.” She reached across the space between their chairs and grasped his hand.
“Are you in love with Joe?” he asked.
Not a day went by that Joe wasn’t inside Ruby’s head, messing with her thoughts. Inside her heart, messing with her feelings. “I want to be.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I’ve never been in love before, but I think I could have been with Joe, if we’d had more time together.”
“After Cora left, I didn’t want to go on living.”
Ruby’s eyes stung.
“Don’t look at me like that. I’m still here, aren’t I?” He dropped his gaze to their hands. “Every morning I’d get out of bed thinking this was the day I’d look out the window and see her walking up the road. Days turned into weeks. Then months and finally years.”
“When did you stop looking out the window?”
“The day after we brought Cora home.”
Dear God. Ruby didn’t want to watch the road for Joe every day for the rest of her life.
“Go after him.”
She wasn’t a chaser. She was a kicker-outer—a woman who told men to beat it, not one who begged them to take her back. “I don’t think he’s ready to be part of a family again.”
“Convince him to stay here while he figures it out,” Hank said.
“And if he says no?”
“Life goes on. You’ve got your daughter and me. We love you.”
“You’re going to make me cry.” She wiped her eyes. Each day with Hank was a gift. There was no guarantee he’d come down the stairs tomorrow morning, much less a month or a year from now.
“Don’t make the same mistake I did,” he said.
“You regret not going after Cora.”
“If I had, I might have been able to change her mind and talk her into coming home.”
“What if you had found her but she’d refused to return to the Devil’s Wind?”
“Then I would have had to let her go. After a while I might have found the courage to open my heart to someone else.”
All her adult life Ruby had been afraid of being left behind. Because of that fear she’d never allowed herself to trust a man and at the first sign of trouble she’d cut him loose rather than risk him leaving her.
Joe had left her, but she was still here. Still breathing. Still okay. And she still had Mia and Hank. Ruby was far from perfect, but she was a good person with a good heart. She deserved to be happy, and if Joe made her happy . . .
“Okay. I’ll go after him.”
“You want me to ask Charles to contact his private investigator?”
“Give me until the end of September.” If she couldn’t find Joe by then, she’d ask for Hank’s help. “Joe mentioned his sister and her husband live on a farm in Nebraska.” That was as good a place as any to start.
“We’ll come with you. I’ll pay one of Roy’s hands to take care of the animals.”
“I have to do this on my own. And Mia can’t miss school.” Each morning Hank drove Mia out to the highway to catch the school bus into Guymon. And each afternoon he was there waiting for her when she got dropped off.
Her gaze shifted to Hank’s jalopy parked in the front yard. “I’ll need your truck.” But she didn’t like the idea of Mia and Hank stranded at the ranch without a vehicle.
“Take it. There’s an old ATV in the shed I can use to drive Mia to the school bus.”
“Or she could walk the mile to the road.” The exercise would do her good.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” he asked.
“I’m concerned about your health.”
“Don’t worry. Mia will call the Bar T if I bite the dust.”
“That’s not even funny.”
“When are you leaving?”
“First thing in the morning.”
Hank went into the house and Ruby went back to staring at the road.
• • •
“Oh, come on!” Ruby coasted to the shoulder of the highway and turned off the engine. Go figure. She’d finally screwed up the courage to chase after Joe, but
she’d made it only forty miles before the truck broke down. Forget checking the engine—she had no idea what to look for. She turned on the flashers, then retrieved her cell phone from her purse. No signal.
Crap. She’d figured it would take time to find Joe, but she hadn’t counted on hiking to Nebraska. She’d wanted to look pretty if she caught up with him by the end of the day, so she’d worn the peach dress and cowboy boots that he’d said looked good on her. She wasn’t sure how far she’d make it in boots, but she for sure wouldn’t get anywhere sitting on the side of the road. She took her purse, locked the truck, and started walking.
A horn honked and she jumped inside her skin. A white utility van pulled up alongside her. The passenger window lowered. The driver wore a blue work shirt with TED embroidered above the pocket. “That your truck back there?”
The guy is an idiot. “Ah, yeah.”
“Want me to call a wrecker for you?”
No, actually, I’d like you to call a pizza-delivery service and have them send out a medium pepperoni and mushroom. “That would be great.”
“I’m turning off a mile up the road. I can take you that far.”
A lot could happen in a mile—she’d seen the show CSI: Crime Scene Investigation. “Thanks. I’ll wait with my vehicle.”
“Suit yourself.” He sped off.
Once Ruby was confident Ted wouldn’t turn around, she retraced her steps, then removed her luggage from the backseat and used it to sit on. An hour later she worried that Ted had forgotten her. She stowed the suitcase in the truck and shut the door. She’d hiked only fifty yards when she noticed help approaching in the opposite lane. She waved her arms.
The pickup slowed—a black Dodge. The driver crossed the center line and parked facing Hank’s vehicle. She held her breath . . . waiting . . . hoping . . .
Joe.
He got out of the pickup and strode toward her. “Don’t you know hitchhiking is dangerous?” His brown gaze skimmed over her. “Damn it, Ruby, you could have been hit by a car or abducted and left to rot in a ditch.”
She stared wide-eyed, afraid to blink for fear he’d disappear. His gaze softened as it swept over her. “I tried to leave, Ruby. I tried so damn hard, but you kept calling me back.”
His confession split her heart wide open.
“For years I buried the pain of Aaron’s death, hoping it would go away if I ignored it. I knew if I allowed myself to feel, I’d fall apart, and I was afraid I wouldn’t make it back from that dark place a second time.”
Tears burned her eyes, and she sniffed.
“But you made me do things with you and Mia, and before I realized it, I was living again. Feeling again. Then I panicked after the fire and the scare with Mia. All I could think about was how I’d failed Aaron, and I didn’t want to be responsible for losing someone else I cared deeply for. So I left.”
“Where did you go?”
“Back to the house where Melanie and I raised Aaron.”
He’d returned to the place his son had died.
“I realized that punishing myself will never bring Aaron back.” He shoved a hand through his hair. “My son wouldn’t want me to stop living.”
“No, he wouldn’t.” She gripped his arm, wanting to never let him go.
“I’m ready to start living again. I want to learn to laugh and smile without feeling guilty.” He caressed Ruby’s cheek. “And I want to do it all with you by my side and Aaron in my heart.”
The tears she’d held at bay leaked from her eyes. “I was coming to get you. To bring you home.” She gathered her courage and put her heart on the line. “I think I’m falling in love with you, Joe.”
“I want to say those words back to you, but not until I know I mean them.” He pressed her hand to his heart. “No matter how long it takes or how hard I have to fight to get there—I will say those words to you, Ruby. And when I do, you’ll know it’s for forever.”
Ruby vowed that each day she’d show Joe he was worth loving. And with Hank and Mia’s help, she’d convince him that he was worthy of a place in their family and in their hearts.
“I don’t want to lose you, Ruby.”
“You won’t.” She pressed her lips to his, the kiss filled with the promise of forgiveness.
Then Ruby rested her cheek against Joe’s chest and listened to his heart pound strong and steady. As the sun rose higher in the sky, Ruby’s life righted itself and the world around her took on a rosy glow.
Even the dirt carried off by the wind shimmered like gold dust.
Acknowledgments
I write stories about family drama because family is important to me. Without my family’s support and encouragement, this book would not have survived the journey to publication. I might make up stuff in my head every day, but all of you are my reality, and I’m blessed to have you in my life.
To my husband, Kevin—whose golf game has improved immensely, thanks to my writing deadlines. I appreciate all the Saturdays you sacrificed on the golf course so that I could have a quiet house to write in while tackling revisions for this book.
To my adult children, Thomas and Marin—I’m so proud you both chose careers that serve people in need. It’s an honor to write under your names.
To my father, James Milton Smith—we both tell stories: you with a paintbrush, me with a keyboard.
To my sister, Amy Smith-Lalonde—I’ve never met a person who works as hard as you do. You’re an inspiration to all those around you.
To my brother, Brett Smith, who often suggests that I write a book about him—I believe your life story is best left in the hands of Hollywood screenwriters.
To my canine writing partners, Bandit and Rascal, who’ve slept at my feet beneath my desk for the past fourteen years. We’ve written a lot of stories together, and I’m counting on you fur balls to hang around for a few more books.
As with all of my stories, writing the first draft is the easy part. The real work begins during the revision and editing process. Thank you to my editor, Danielle Perez, for taking a chance on me and helping to transform this story from a chunk of coal into a shiny diamond.
And because the last thing an author wants to do is frustrate her readers with grammar mistakes and inconsistencies, many thanks to copy editor Penina Lopez, not only for keeping the hyphen queen in check but for keeping an eagle eye on my characters’ ages and the passage of time.
My thanks to the artistic talents of Laura Corless for the lovely interior pages design, Tom Hallman for the cover art and Katie Anderson for the cover design. I love how you captured the warmth and vibrancy of the story’s theme of forgiveness.
To my publicist, Danielle Dill—thank you for helping Ruby, Hank, Mia and Joe find their way into the hearts of first-time readers.
To my agent, Paige Wheeler of Creative Media Agency—thank you for supporting this new path in my writing career and for your invaluable feedback and encouragement on the numerous versions of this book proposal before it sold.
To Karin Dearborn—thank you for helping me brainstorm the original idea for this book. Go figure Ruby would steal the show.
To author Erin Quinn, who writes a killer synopsis—thank you for taking the time to help me fine-tune my synopsis for this book.
To author Barbara White Daille—thank you for your support and the numerous business lunches discussing the publishing industry. The pizzas weren’t bad, either.
To the many talented authors at www.tallpoppy.org—thank you for your generous support and guidance in helping me navigate this new world of women’s fiction.
To my faithful readers—thank you for purchasing my books, taking the time to post reviews online and recommending my stories to friends and family. Without your loyal support, I wouldn’t be able to do what I love.
And last, but never least, to my Ohio author assistant, Denise Hall—thank yo
u for your immense patience with this technically challenged author and for always being one step ahead of me and my next book. Without you, Marin Thomas would be forever wandering aimlessly around the Internet. Most of all, thank you for your friendship and keeping me sane in a whirlwind business that changes faster than the speed of light.
Questions for Discussion
1. Do you believe the author intended for the Oklahoma Panhandle to be a character in the novel? Does it play the role of villain or savior? Maybe both?
2. There’s a lot of dust in this novel. What does it symbolize for Hank? At the beginning of the book, Ruby views the blowing dirt as a symbol of nothingness, bleakness, hopelessness. How does she view the dust particles at the end of the story?
3. Forgiveness is a major theme in this story. Have you ever withheld forgiveness from someone close to you? Does your reason still make sense after reading this novel, or are you more open to the possibility of forgiving your offender?
4. Raising teenagers is difficult. Do you believe Ruby handled Mia losing her virginity at such a young age appropriately? Was it right to move away from their small town? Or do you think Ruby was more concerned with how people would judge her and her motherhood skills? Why is it so difficult for parents to tell their children they’re sorry?
5. If Cora had lived, do you think Ruby’s relationship with Hank would have weakened or grown stronger? Why?
6. Life isn’t always fair and a parent never gets over the death of his or her child, but do you think it’s possible to move on with your life and find some semblance of happiness and peace without feeling guilty?
7. Being left behind is a major theme in this book. Do you think Ruby gives herself enough credit for breaking the cycle with her own daughter?
8. When in the book do you believe Ruby really forgave Cora? When she learned Cora left her the ruby necklace before she fled the hospital? When she found her baby picture in the suitcase at the motel where Cora had lived out her final years? Or when she said her final goodbye at the nursing home?
9. Ruby’s adoptive mother, Cheryl, was afraid to tell Ruby her birth mother wanted to connect with her. What would you do in Cheryl’s situation if your child were rebelling and challenging your authority and another parent wanted to enter your child’s life? At what age do you feel it’s appropriate to tell a child they’re adopted?
