by Ava Conway
“And me.” Nesto stepped up beside his friend. I shivered as fear rippled down my spine and wished Dr. Polanski had trusted me enough to give me one of those pagers. I had to do something to stop this, before things got out of hand. Remembering what Dr. Polanski said about the techs, I glanced around for the security cameras. Spotting one in the far corner, I held my hand to my ear and mouthed the words “Get help.”
Johnson raised his brows. “You forget—we’re the ones in charge here.”
“Fuck you,” Nesto said.
Everett made a tsking noise. “There you go, Martinez, breaking the rules again. I’ll almost feel guilty teaching you a lesson.”
“Almost,” Johnson agreed. “But not quite.”
Flynn started to lunge for Johnson, but I stepped between them and put my hand on his chest. “Don’t do this,” I told him. “It isn’t worth it.”
“Yeah, listen to Barbie,” Everett said.
“Give her back her notebook,” Flynn said through clenched teeth.
“Flynn, please.” I pressed harder against his chest. As much as I wanted my notebook back, I didn’t want to see anyone hurt over it. Especially Flynn. I knew he was a boxer, but that was a lifetime ago. He was out of practice, and Johnson and Everett were bigger than he was.
“Ooh, I’m shaking,” Johnson said. “Look at me, Everett, I’m shaking.”
“Maybe we can talk about this like rational adults,” I said, turning my body so that my back was to Flynn and facing Johnson.
“You can’t reason with animals,” Everett said.
Nesto punched his hand in his palm. “Go on, say that again to my face. Give me an excuse to—”
“To what?” Everett said, raising to his full height.
“Everett, enough.” I placed my hand on his chest as he leaned forward. “Everyone knows that fighting isn’t allowed.”
“This isn’t fighting, sweetheart.” He sneered at Nesto. “It’s reprimanding.”
My heart beat double time as all the bodies closed in around me. This wasn’t going to end well. I kept visualizing myself in a bloody heap after being in the middle of this fistfight, but I couldn’t move away. This was my notebook and therefore my problem. There had to be some way to stop it.
“Please, no fighting.”
“Listen to the woman,” Everett said. “Leave it alone.”
“This doesn’t concern you,” Johnson added.
“It concerns me when things are stolen.”
“You can say that again.” Everett snorted. “Damn klepto.”
Flynn was a kleptomaniac. I had completely forgotten that part in his file. I pulled my hands away from the orderlies and wondered if he initiated our relationship so he could get close enough to me to steal my stuff. As the new girl, my defenses would be down. That would make me a prime target.
“Damn asshole takes whatever isn’t nailed down,” Johnson said. “I wouldn’t be surprised if he tried to steal your bunny.”
I dragged my gaze away from Johnson and Everett. “Flynn?” If he had, then that would mean that he had been in my office when I wasn’t around.
Flynn’s jaw tightened but he said nothing.
I thought about all of the data entry folders on my desk, and how much information they contained. Not only facts, but opinions and recommendations for future medications and treatments.
I had always tried to make sure I had my notebook with me, but there were times when I had to leave it on my desk to use the ladies’ room, or to ask Dr. Polanski a question. Flynn could have sneaked in one of those times and read my notebook as well. It would be nothing short of irony if the notebook I was trying so hard to protect had already been read and gossiped about while I was away.
Suddenly I felt violated, as if all of my dark secrets were exposed for the world to see.
“Maybe there’s something about you in this notebook, McKenna.” My heart leaped into my chest as Johnson began turning the pages.
“No.” I reached for the notebook, but he pulled it away from my grasp with a grin.
“Put it down, asshole,” Nesto said.
“Here it is.” Johnson cleared his throat. “It says that Flynn is the ‘handsome one who doesn’t seem to fit in with the rest of the group.’ ”
“Please.” My voice sounded like a whine, but I didn’t care. I reached for the notebook again, but Johnson held it up high, out of reach.
“No, no. This is good,” he said. “It says that he is polite and intelligent.” He snapped the book shut and grinned at Flynn. “Just like a girl.”
“She called him a girl?” Everett asked.
“No, you idiot, but she might as well.” Johnson raised his voice into a falsetto. “Oh, Flynn, you are so smart.” He batted his eyelashes and tilted his head to the side. “Oh, Flynn, you are so well mannered and polite.”
“You want a piece of me?” Flynn wiggled his fingers. “Come and get it, asshole.”
“You, too, baldy.” Nesto reached out and slapped Everett on the side of the head. Nesto and Flynn pushed forward, trying to get around me. I ducked my head and tried to get away, but Johnson grabbed my arm and used me as a human shield.
“He is courteous and kind,” Johnson’s voice rang out over the slaps and growls. “And he’s well mannered.” Johnson let out a bark of laughter and tossed my notebook on the floor. “Featherweight has her fooled, doesn’t he?”
“It’s just so he can get close to her so he can take her stuff.”
“Or her virginity. I bet you she’s a virgin.”
“Ooh, Flynn, he’s so handsome.” Johnson and Everett broke out in laughter as they evaded Flynn’s and Nesto’s arms.
“That’s it. You’re going down, sucker.” Nesto started to lunge, but a new voice caused everyone to freeze.
“Everyone all right in here?” Elias asked from the doorway. “The techs called and said there was a problem.”
“Nah,” Johnson said as he and Everett stepped away from me. “We’re cool.”
“Are you sure?” Elias stepped into the common area as he glanced at the five of us in a circle.
“Yeah,” Everett said. “These thugs tried to take Mia’s notebook, but Johnson stopped them. He was just going to give it back.”
I couldn’t believe their lies. “That’s not—oomph.” Johnson picked up the notebook from the floor and slapped it hard in my gut.
“Here you go,” he said.
“You should know better,” Elias said as he studied our faces. “Especially you, Flynn, after the incident with Lucy’s picture.”
“Yeah, I know. She left the notebook on the table and I couldn’t seem to help myself. Sorry.” Flynn avoided my shocked stare.
“You know I’m going to have to report you to Polanski,” Elias said as he approached. His expression looked apologetic.
I clutched my notebook to my chest. “But—”
“I don’t care.” Flynn talked over me, shocking me into silence. “Go ahead, tell her.”
Elias stared at him for a long moment. He looked as if he wanted to ask a question, but didn’t. I remembered our conversation yesterday, and how Elias admitted that he tried to gain the confidence of the patients on the floor. When he spoke to them, it was as if they were close friends, instead of patient and orderly. I knew from the payroll database that Elias worked long hours, more than most of the staff members. This place changes everyone. I wondered if Elias spent long hours at the hospital because he considered this his social network. I wondered if he had normal relationships outside of the Newton Heights, or if, like the patients, his entire life was inside these walls.
“Okay, I will.” He shifted his gaze to Everett and Johnson. His features immediately hardened as he nodded toward the door. “Polanski’s looking for you.”
“Fuck, what does she want this time?” Johnson asked.
“Dunno,” Elias said as he moved closer, inserting himself between me and the other orderlies. “She didn’t say.”
“Damn
snake.” Everett started for the door.
Johnson pointed his finger at me and winked. “Don’t forget about tonight—the Rusty Pail. See you there.”
I shuddered as he followed his buddy to the door. Elias waited until they left before he turned toward me. He looked . . . disappointed, which felt confusing.
“Are you honestly going to go out with him tonight?”
“What? No.”
He studied me for a long moment. “I really thought you were different, but you’re just like them, aren’t you.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Johnson—”
Elias held up his hand. “It doesn’t matter.” He turned to Flynn, dismissing me. His features softened as he held the Irishman’s biceps and waited for him to meet his gaze. “I won’t report you this time, Flynn, but just be careful. Those two are nothing but trouble, and you don’t want to end up in confinement again.”
Flynn looked away and focused on the floor. “Yeah, I know.”
Elias let out a long breath and dropped his arms. “All I need is some proof to back up your claims. Something concrete I can bring to Polanski.”
Flynn and Nesto both looked at the ground, suddenly interested in the dirt collecting on the floor.
“I’m trying to help you.”
The silence was deafening.
“The techs tell me that they don’t see anything.”
“They wouldn’t,” Nesto said.
“Why?” When neither man answered, Elias shook his head. “If what you say is true, then people like that have no business working here.”
“But they do work here, amigo.” Nesto’s voice was quiet, almost haunting. “And at some point you have to go home and live your life.”
“You can’t watch us twenty-four hours a day,” Flynn agreed.
Elias considered each of them in turn. “At some point, you two are going to have to start trusting someone besides each other,” he said. “I just wish that person could be me.”
“We do trust you, amigo,” Nesto said. “We just don’t trust them.” He glanced up at the security camera, where the techs were watching our every move.
“Very well.” Elias shoved his hands in his pockets. “Nesto, you were the one I was looking for before I got the call from upstairs. Come on.”
Nesto’s cautious behavior immediately dissolved and his features took on the expression of a petulant child. “Ah shit, where are we going?”
Elias grinned and turned toward the door. “It’s a surprise.”
“Surprises. I hate fucking surprises.” Nesto continued to grumble as he left the common area.
Suddenly I became hyperaware that Flynn and I were alone. Shoving my notebook under my arm, I pushed my messy hair back into my twist and searched for something to say. Johnson’s comments floated through my mind and reminded me of Flynn’s medication list I had seen yesterday.
“Did you steal the picture from Lucy?” I asked.
He hesitated a long moment before responding. “Yeah.”
“Why?”
He shrugged and shoved his hands in his pockets. “Sometimes I can’t help myself. If I see something interesting, I pick it up, and before I know it, it’s in my pocket.” He rubbed his chin. “Lucy said that I could keep it, but if you want it back, I’d understand.” He pointed toward the door. “I could go get it now, if you want.”
“No, no, that’s okay.” If Lucy gave it to him, then it probably wasn’t anything I should worry about. Although the fact that Flynn was a kleptomaniac was interesting. It brought up a bunch of other questions I wanted to ask, but I chose the one most important to me.
“Did you . . . did you take my bunny?”
He frowned. “Of course not. Who do you think I am?”
I shrugged. “Sorry. It’s just . . .”
He let out a long breath. “Yeah, I know. Blame the klepto when things go missing. I get it all the time.”
I turned my head so he wouldn’t see my smile. What he was saying really wasn’t funny, but I found his self-deprecation charming. “Have you always . . .”
“Taken things?”
I nodded.
“No.” He hesitated, then added, “It started soon after my father started managing me.”
“I don’t understand.”
He pointed to the energy drink logo on his shirt. “When I started winning, I began getting offers for sponsorship. When my father saw how much money was involved, he fired my manager and started taking charge of my career.”
“And your money.”
He pressed his lips together for a moment as bitterness passed through his features. “He spent most of it on liquor and whores, much to my mother’s dismay. But what could she do? She didn’t make enough money as a librarian to feed all of us, and didn’t know enough about the world to survive without my father.”
“Oh, God,” I said as I touched his arm. “I’m so sorry.”
His gaze took on a faraway look. “I learned that while he was sleeping off his liquor, I could sneak into his room and take enough out of his drawer to buy groceries.” He shrugged. “He caught me in his room once, and after that, I quickly learned that the consequences were less severe if I just cut out the middleman altogether and took the food directly from the store itself.”
I shook my head. “And that’s when the kleptomania began.”
He shrugged. “Why steal just groceries when you could steal shampoo, clothing . . . anything you wanted?” He took a deep breath. “The happiness on my siblings’ faces when I gave them new things was addictive. Before I knew it I was in way over my head. Within a month or two I wasn’t stealing to provide for my family anymore but to get that rush. The high was better than winning a match. Stealing eventually became more important than fighting. I started skipping practice, and that was when . . .”
“When—what?” I asked when he didn’t continue.
He shook his head. “Nothing. It’s not important now.”
“Oh.” An awkward silence followed as I digested all of what Flynn had said. The promising career and happy family I had envisioned were nothing but a mirage. Anger bubbled up in my chest as I thought of the terrible things Flynn was forced to do to survive. His father’s selfish behavior had put so much pressure on him. I wondered if Flynn’s self-deprecation was due to his father as well.
But that was all over. He was here now, and there was no need to steal or be so down on himself. Yet he had just admitted to taking Lucy’s picture, and confessed to taking my notebook when he didn’t. I wondered why he continued such destructive behavior. I had no idea why Flynn did half the things he did, but I wanted to understand. The more I heard about his past, the more I wanted to help him.
I studied him for a moment before asking the other question on my mind. “Why did you take the blame for the notebook?”
He shrugged and looked away. “No one would believe the truth.”
“I’d believe it.” I inched closer.
He slid his gaze up to meet mine. “Did you really say that I was handsome?”
I felt the heat rise to my cheeks. “Yeah . . .” I cleared my throat. “In a strictly observational way, of course.”
“Of course.” He smiled, revealing his dimple, and my heart melted. There was something about the twisting of his lips that softened the edges of his hard features and made him look almost boyish. “Can I tell you something?”
I shrugged. “Sure.”
“You’re much prettier than your picture.”
It wasn’t really a question, but I felt I had to respond. “I—thank you.” I nudged his elbow. “You aren’t so bad yourself.”
“You know . . .” He shifted from foot to foot. “My life was so structured outside this place. I never had time for relationships.”
“Your file says that you’re close to your siblings.”
“I didn’t mean family relationships.”
It took me a long moment before I understood his meaning. “You never kis
sed a girl?”
“I dated before I was discovered, but after I started training . . .” He shrugged. “There was just no time.”
“It’s been awhile, eh?”
“Yeah.” He kicked at a piece of dust on the floor. “So long that I’ve forgotten what it’s like.”
I considered him for a long moment before responding. “You could kiss me, if you wanted. Then you’d remember.”
He lifted his chin. “I could?”
This was wrong. There were cameras and other patients and God—Polanski could walk in at any moment. I knew it was wrong, but there was this part of me that wanted to do this ever since I first saw him in that hallway.
“Sure. Just a quick one, though.” I nodded to the camera over his shoulder. “Don’t want ‘Big Brother’ to see.”
He glanced over his shoulder and angled our bodies so the potted plant blocked the techs’ view of us.
My skin heated as he leaned in closer and put his hands on my arms. His fingers felt so warm and rough. I imagined them touching me, exploring my body and holding me close.
I closed my eyes and parted my lips in invitation. I felt him inching closer, and held my breath as anticipation whispered over my skin.
He was so close that only a sliver of air came between us. I could smell his warm, minty breath, feel his heat. I wanted this, I realized. I wanted him.
“Too damn perfect.”
I opened my eyes as he let go of my arms. “Flynn?”
“You should listen to Johnson and Everett,” he said. “You’re too good for someone like me.”
“But—” I stepped forward, but he had already walked around me and was backing toward the door.
“You should go back to your perfect world and meet the perfect man and have those perfect little babies.”
“Flynn—” I took a couple more steps, but he held up his hand, stopping me.
“Stay away from me, Barbie. I’ll only ruin you.”
I stared in shock as he turned on his heel and strode from the room.
NINE
TOO DAMN perfect. As I watched Flynn go, I fought the urge to yell at him. He had no idea what he was talking about. I wasn’t perfect—far from it. No one knew about my imperfections, though. Not Dr. Polanski, not Lucy, not even my parents. I had made a lot of mistakes in my life, and I swore on that dark day in senior year in college that I’d take those mistakes to the grave.
