by Andrea Ring
“Okay,” I say. “From this moment on, you’re effectively living in a bubble. No contact with anyone. If there’s a crisis, I’ll handle it.”
Dad ponders. “Maybe I’ll have a heart attack, and the mailman finds me and calls 911, and I’m in an ambulance, and somehow Erica shows up…”
“Same rule for Erica,” I say. “She needs to stay put.”
Dad scrubs a hand over his face. “Something will happen. I don’t know what, and I don’t know how, but something happens that puts us together. Jack has never been able to stop any of the deaths she’s seen, and from what she’s told me, it’s been quite a few. She’s spent most of her life trying to save people and failing.”
“So you’re giving up,” I say.
“It’s not in me to give up,” he says, “but maybe I need to give in. I’ve had a good life.”
I shake my head. “No. Not yet. You have more to do. I feel it.”
Dad smiles at me sadly. “We’ll try. That’s all we can do.”
“What about you and Erica? Can’t you apologize, at least?”
He sighs. “I have. I told her you would undo what we did. She won’t back down.”
Damn her. Damn Erica for putting Dad through this when he needs her the most.
Then the front door opens and Tessa walks in.
“Thomas, we need to talk.”
***
“Okay,” I say, climbing to my feet. “Our room?”
Tessa shakes her head. “Let’s go for a walk. Hey, Dad.”
Dad nods his head at her. “Hey, Tessa.”
“I’m sorry about all of this,” she says.
Dad nods again. “Not your fault. You two talk, and we can catch up afterward.”
Tessa takes my hand, and we stroll out into the neighborhood.
She bites her lip. “So did your dad tell you?”
“If you mean the death by car in a week, yeah.”
“Yeah,” she says. “Do you really think it will happen?”
“If Jack says it’s gonna happen, it’s gonna happen,” I say. “I can’t believe it. A week.”
“I know. Are you okay?”
“It hasn’t really hit me yet,” I say. “I’m still in denial, trying to figure out a way to save him.”
“Have you spoken with Jack?” she asks.
I shake my head. “Nope. I only just found out. I probably should, though.”
“I just got off the phone with her. She and Tyrion don’t agree on the death reading, or whatever they call it.”
I stop walking and look at Tessa. “What do you mean?”
“Jack says Dad will die on June 22nd, 2014, before noon, when he and Mom are hit by a car. But Tyrion says Dad will die on impact with Erica on the day he gets the best news of his life, which may or may not be June 22nd. Tyrion admits he has trouble figuring out dates, but he’s pretty sure about the best news of his life part, which Jack doesn’t get at all.”
“Does your mom know about this?” I ask. “‘Cause I don’t think Dad does.”
“They haven’t told either of them. Tyrion’s still working on it. He didn’t want to say anything until he was confident. ”
“Dad said he apologized to your mom. Why won’t she accept the apology?”
“She’s convinced that together means being a couple. And both Jack and Tyrion admit that they’re not sure which interpretation is correct.”
“What about your mom?” I ask. “Dad said she doesn’t die with him. Is that true?”
Tessa clears her throat and nods. “But they…they both agree she has a little over eight months. Heart failure.”
I pull Tessa into a hug, and we both give in to the tears. “I’m so sorry, baby,” I whisper into her hair.
“I know. I can’t believe it. Both our parents. I don’t want to believe it.”
We just stand there in the dimming light of the evening, clinging tight and saying prayers. Tessa is the one to pull away first.
“Jack doesn’t think there’s anything we can do,” she says. “That’s why they’re getting married this week. They want Dad to be there.”
A fresh tear wells in my eye. “I get that. Maybe we should join them.”
Tessa smiles and takes my hand. “It would mean so much to me, to have them both there. You’re sure?”
“Absolutely,” I say. “Wait. Do you think that would be the best news of Dad’s life?”
Tessa frowns. “He already knows we’re getting married, and he probably expects us to hurry things along now that we now about his…passing…so, no, I don’t think so. Do you?”
I think about all the good things that have happened to Dad, the medical breakthroughs, being with my mother and then with Erica, finding Vivian after years of searching…
“No, I think you’re right. I think we’re safe. But I don’t want to just accept this. I still want to work on finding a way out of this, for both of them.”
“Well, Mom’s staying in the house and not getting back together with Dad. I assume Dad’s doing the same.”
“Yep.”
“The best news…” Tessa pauses to chew her lip. “What could be so great that it’s the best news of your dad’s life?”
“To find out Vivian or my mom is still alive, maybe.”
“No chance of that,” Tessa says, “plus it would complicate his relationship with Mom, so I’m not sure that would be the best news.”
“True,” I say. “Maybe he finds out you’re pregnant with his grandson.”
“Oh!” Tessa exclaims. “Our wedding night! It’s like a couple of days away.”
I gulp and try to hide my nerves and the stirring in my jeans. “If that’s the case, we can’t tell him.”
Tessa rolls her eyes. “One, it would take me a while to figure out I’m pregnant, and two, I’m on the pill, so the chances of that are slim.”
“I forgot about that. Thank God you like to plan ahead.” I do a little Yippee! dance in my head, thinking about it. It will be nice not to have to worry about an immediate pregnancy when we’re about to become parents twice over. But then all I feel is guilty for even thinking about my wedding night when Dad and Erica are about to die.
“Maybe his research leads to some great discovery at the Attic, like a pill for cancer with no side effects,” Tessa says.
“If some of his research pays off, we can’t tell him. Remind me to take his phone and laptop away when we get back. He can’t have any contact with anyone—not even TV. We don’t know where this great news will come from.”
“But what about the date?” she asks. “If Tyrion’s right, and the date isn’t fixed, it could happen any time. Do we have to isolate them forever? Do we even get them together for the wedding?”
“Jack’s dates have always been accurate, as far as I know,” I say. “I think we trust her on that one. The wedding will be fine. And if we can make it past the 22nd, we’re in the clear.”
“And then we can focus on Mom,” she says. “Heart failure can be fixed, right?”
“As long as I’m there, I can fix it,” I say. “I won’t let anything happen to your mom.”
Chapter Forty-Four
Monday morning while I’m at work, I get a call from Jack.
“It’s all set for tomorrow night at six,” she says. “Dad is insisting we do it at his house. He doesn’t want Erica to have to leave.”
Tomorrow night. Elephants start stomping around in my stomach.
“What do I need to do?” I ask her.
“Just make sure you have something nice to wear. And you need a wedding ring for Tessa. We’ll handle the rest.”
“I’ve got the ring,” I say, silently thanking Kenneth for making me purchase a matching ring set. “Do I have to get a tux?”
“That’s up to you,” she says. “Tyrion’s wearing a suit, so you don’t have to go formal, but you should ask Tessa what she wants.”
“Right,” I say with a laugh. Apparently, the wedding day is all about the bride, a
nd I’m okay with that. “You know, I wanted to tell you that Emmaleth had a great time with you and Tyrion.”
I feel Jack smile. “She did?”
“Yep. She says you guys are going to be great parents.”
“Thanks, Thomas. She says the same about you.”
***
I manage to cut out of work early, and I head straight to St. Paul’s Church. I’ve already talked to Dr. Rumson over the phone about Dad, but I wanted a face-to-face meeting before the wedding. He greets me at the door and pulls me into a hug.
“Big day tomorrow,” he says with a grin.
I grin back. “The biggest.”
We sit side by side on the couch in his office, and Dr. Rumson looks at me expectantly. I rub my sweaty hands on my jeans.
“So…my first question is, do you think I’ll be a good husband?”
He looks serious. “As I’ve told you over the years, just the fact that the answer to that question is important to you is proof of your goodness. You want to be good, so you will be.”
“Am I ready?”
“For what, exactly?”
“All of it,” I say. “Being a husband, being a father, making the commitment, all of it.”
“You’re a responsible adult,” he says. “You’ve been making the commitment to Tessa for ten years. You know the importance of fatherhood, and you had an excellent role model. My question to you is, why do you think you are not ready?”
“I think I am,” I say, “but Tessa left me twice in the last few weeks. She says I steamroll her and don’t let her make decisions. If I’m going to be a good husband to her, I need to change. And honestly, Dr. Rumson, I don’t know if I can.”
“What is it you need to change to be the husband Tessa needs you to be?”
I take a deep breath and blow it out. “I have to let go of control. I have to realize that I’m not always right, or that Tessa’s opinion is as valid as mine. I just have this bad habit of thinking I know best.”
Dr. Rumson frowns. “I’d say that’s not so much a bad habit as a character flaw.”
“Thanks.”
He smiles. “We all have them. At least you know what yours is. Now you can work to improve.”
“How do I do that?”
“You listen. You keep your mouth shut, and when Tessa speaks, you really listen to her. You consider her feelings and opinion. Then you hold off on making a snap decision, or a snap judgment. You ponder. Then you discuss the outcome with her. You come to an agreement together.”
I laugh. “That sounds easy, but I know from experience it’s not.”
He pats my knee. “One day at a time. As long as you both are committed, it will work out.”
I pick at a worn patch on my knee. “Are we too young?”
“Yes.”
I jerk my head up, and Dr. Rumson smiles. “I won’t lie to you. Statistically, your chances at staying together for the long haul are abysmal. Teenage marriage has disaster written all over it.” My face falls, and Dr. Rumson lifts my chin with his finger. “But this is a marriage between Thomas Van Zandt and Tessa Halter, not some run-of-the-mill youngsters. I’d bet on you.”
I blow out a breath in relief and smile. “Thanks.”
“Look, Thomas, you’re not perfect. Neither is Tessa. But you could wait twenty years to get married, and you know what? I bet you’d be pretty much the same person you are now. Marriage is going to be the impetus for change. It’s a grave commitment, and one I know you don’t take lightly. You will rise to the challenge or die trying. I believe that.”
I nod, still not wholly convinced, but warmed by his words anyway.
“What else is weighing on you?”
“Oh, nothing,” I say, shaking my head. “This has been a great help for me. Thanks so much for being here.” I stand and pull my keys out of my pocket. Dr. Rumson looks up at me.
“Thomas,” he says.
I sigh and sit back down.
“Okay, I’m a little bit concerned, you know…”
“About the wedding night.”
I nod miserably, and Dr. Rumson laughs. “Why the long face? Every man who’s ever lived has looked forward to his wedding night, even if he wasn’t all that happy about the wedding.”
I smile. “Yeah, it’s just…there’s been so much build-up, and I’m looking forward to it, but…I guess I’m just nervous.”
“Do you have questions I can answer?”
“No,” I say too quickly. “Well, maybe, but I don’t think you can answer them.”
“Try me.”
“Well, do you think, does Tessa…will Tessa have certain expectations?”
“Of course,” he says. “Ask her.”
Sadly, that never occurred to me. “Okay. Stupid me. I’ll ask her. But a little while ago, I set myself up, I mean, I said something pretty dumb, and now I’m not sure I can make it happen, and…”
“And? You promised something you’re not sure you can deliver?”
I nod. “I told her I’d make her scream.”
Dr. Rumson fights a smile and loses. He bursts out laughing.
“Oh, dear,” he says, wiping his eyes. “I’m not laughing at you, I promise.”
“Sure looks like it,” I mumble.
“Thomas, you’re going to be fine. Listen to Tessa, ask her what she wants from you, and do your best to make sure she’s comfortable and loved. That’s it. There are no other tricks to it. Come together in love and it’ll be great.”
I sigh, give him a hug, and leave.
Love her and listen to her. Simple.
Chapter Forty-Five
Our guests are few but important. I make my rounds as we wait for things to get started, and it overwhelms me that these people we love and respect would be here on such short notice, eager and willing to support us.
Dr. Rumson. Kate and Kenneth. Dr. Trent. Tessa’s brothers, Ian and Matt, though Sam is noticeably absent. Em, snuggled in Erica’s arms. And Mrs. Gardener, our first grade teacher. Tessa kept in contact with her over the years and invited her as a surprise for me. I’m humbled she would attend our big day.
I’m not really a poetic person. I haven’t written a poem since first grade, and creative writing has always been torture for me, and, basically, I think in logic, in equations, in scientific methods.
But as I watch Tessa step out of the house on Dad’s arm, all the logic, all the doubts, all the costs and benefits of our situation melt away, and all I see is Tessa.
I can describe her. I can tell you she’s like a sun-kissed angel. Her mouth is a pale pink cupid’s bow, stretched in a wide glossy grin when she sees me. Her cheeks glow. Her eyes…spring grass pools, focused on nothing but me. Me. The guy she picked, God knows why, how such a bright, clear, selfless soul could pick me.
A breeze catches the edge of her long gauzy gown. I watch her slender fingers grip Dad’s arm tighter, not as though she needs the support, but as though she wants to keep him by her side. My heart does a funny thump at this. Tessa cares, and she loves so deeply, everyone around her is blessed and bolstered by the sheer force of that love.
So as Tessa approaches, long and lean and blushed and radiating that bright yellow aura that is only Tessa, I don’t really see her.
I feel her.
I close my eyes and match the rhythm of my heart to hers. I feel the beat, throbbing in my chest, pulsing in my fingertips and down to my toes. The rhythm settles low in my belly. She’s not just walking to meet me—our hearts are straining toward each other. Her gaze settles on mine, and I cannot look away. She looks into my very soul, and she finds me worthy, and she crawls so deep into my heart that I have to catch my breath.
Dad settles Tessa next to me in front of Dr. Rumson. He kisses her cheek, and she throws her arms around him in a crushing hug. My heart stutters. That is pure Tessa, showing the world how she feels.
Dad goes back to the house to accompany Jack out. That’s the plan, at least, but I have no idea if it happens, because my eyes,
my heart, the very rhythm of my existence is wrapped around Tessa.
Dr. Rumson speaks. We speak, I think. I don’t hear any of what’s said. I’ll have to play the scene back in my head later, much later, when I’m alone. But I won’t be alone for a very long time.
A lifetime, if I have any say in it.
***
“You can blink now.”
I do. Tessa and I are checked into the honeymoon suite at the Disneyland Grand Californian Hotel, and I feel like I’ve spent the evening in a fog.
She laughs. “Are you really that nervous?”
I laugh back. “You know me. You really know me.”
Tessa snuggles into my chest. “Is that really why you’ve been acting so uptight all night?”
I brush the top of her head with a kiss and step back. “I guess. Aren’t you?”
She grins. “Nope.” She slides the jacket of my suit off my shoulders and starts to undo the buttons on my shirt.
“So we’re not going to work up to this?” I say with a smile.
“Nope. But I do have a request.”
I raise an eyebrow at her.
“I want you to get naked, lie on the bed, and let me do all the work. At least the first time.”
I pretend to think about it. “On one condition. You have to make me scream.”
Tessa kisses me hard. “You’re on.”
Chapter Forty-Six
I thought I knew what to expect. I thought I knew how I would feel.
I was a fool.
Tessa and I have kissed a million times. I’ve held her, and stroked her, and explored her, and counted every freckle on her body.
I knew nothing about her, and less about myself.
God joins two people, and it’s not just a ceremony, not just a tradition, not just a fun party with free champagne.
It changes you.
You are a husband now, or a wife. You have a partner. You are responsible for and to another living being. You have promised your life and your love and everything you are.
I never really kissed Tessa until last night. I never really felt her. I never really knew her.
It’s cliché to say last night was the best night of my life.
