While thinking things out I was working further and further towards unconsciousness. I was almost completely out when I heard a voice outside my tent.
“Charlie? Charlie, are you still awake?”
I pulled myself back up into the world trying to place the voice. It was a woman’s voice, but still being half asleep, I couldn’t figure it out beyond that.
“Barely. Come on in.” I said.
The door of my tent zipped the rest of the way open and Veronica stepped in. I was confused by her being here. I had figured it would be Amanda with some idea about what we needed to do tomorrow. But instead of tomb-raider being in my tent, I had our own southern belle.
“What ya’ll be a need’n Honey Bear?” I said. Veronica smiled at this.
“Nutten Punkin.”
She stopped and turned to zip the door closed behind
her.
“Leave it open at the bottom. Big Lou may need to go
out.” I said and she nodded. After zipping the tent up, she
walked over and sat down on the sleeping bag beside me. “What’ve you got on your mind?” I asked.
“I was thinking about Daniel and Judy. I was thinking
about how they died. About why Daniel died. I don’t
understand it.”
“What about it has you stumped?” I asked.
“He knew that she was going to die. He could see that
she was dying in front of us. He refused to believe, even when
she told him. Then after she turned he wanted to kill Amanda
for putting that bullet in her head. I saw his face. If he could
have gotten his hands on her, he would have done everything
he could to rip her into small bite sizes pieces. I just don’t
understand what would make him refuse to see reality and put
us all at risk. What would make him force his own death? I’ve
gone over and over this in my head trying to figure out what led
to all of that, but I can’t.”
“It’s simple; he loved her.”
“Love wouldn’t make you act that way.”
“Love and loss mixed together is a pill so bitter that I
don’t think it can be swallowed. Daniel and Judy had lost
everything during the course of the day. Both of their kids and
both of her parents were taken in one horrible moment. They
were still numb and hurting from that when Judy was infected,
and Daniel couldn’t accept it. He had lost everything that he
had loved and now the only thing he had left was about to be
taken away as well. I think the trauma was just too much for him. I think there at the end he snapped. I don’t think there was
even a piece of him at that point that was like the real Daniel.” “At one point you said that you thought everything
Daniel had done during the day he had done to try to protect
Judy. Do you still believe that?”
“Absolutely. I know I said differently towards the end,
but I was wrong. I was mad and said things that I really didn’t
believe. I think all he wanted was to find a place where the two
of them could live together and never be put in danger again. I
think deep down he knew if Judy was taken from him that his
world would crumble and fall. I think Judy knew this too.” “That’s why she wanted him to stay at Gray.” “Exactly.”
“Do you think he hated you?”
“No, he hated my position. Had it been Sass leading us
instead of me he would have acted the same way towards him.
He hated the fact that he wasn’t in charge because only by
being in charge could he ensure Judy wouldn’t be put at risk.” “It’s just hard to believe that he thought he couldn’t
exist without her.”
“Have you ever been in love?”
She had been looking down at the sleeping bag, but her
head shot up to look at me as I asked this. She seemed to
appraise me for a minute before asking.
“Have you?” she asked.
“I’ve had the school crushes. You know the whole ‘why
can’t she just notice me’ loves that you never act on and deep
down you know would never work even if you did get a shot.
I’ve dated here and there and even had one or two long
relationships but true love? I can’t say that I’ve walked that
road.”
She nodded at my answer, “I guess my answer would be
the same. I seem to always go after the guy that seems good on
the outside, but once you get to the chewy center, you find out
that he is rotten at his core.”
I nodded at her. “I know it’s hard to understand why
Daniel did what he did if you have never felt what he was
feeling.” I said.
“Do you think it would even be worth it? It seems that
love should be considered a weakness or a liability now. Why
would I want to experience something that could hurt me so
much?”
She sounded like a woman that was trying to convince
herself, or have somebody else convince her one way or
another. She had come to me to help her find her heart or
maybe help her find her soul. Had today been so bad that she
was questioning everything?
“Jack taught me something tonight, not long after you
all went to bed. He taught me that you have to take the good
with the bad. That you have to give yourself credit for the
things you do. You have to believe in yourself and your abilities
and never sell yourself short. The same can be said for love. If
you deny yourself the ability to love and care for someone then
you will never feel that pain, but you will never feel the
happiness that it can bring as well. You will never feel empty,
but you also never feel whole. You’ll never cry, but you’re never
going to laugh about those secret, private jokes that you only
find with long time friends and people in a relationship. You
will never have that person to comfort you, but you will always
feel alone. And I think that in this world we need all the
comforting we can get. Turning your back on experiencing that
is only going to hurt you in ways we can’t even imagine. Finding
love isn’t going to make you weaker. I truly believe that experiencing the good to come from it will only make you stronger and give you an opportunity to find some joy in a
world that is now very lacking of that particular emotion.” She smiled at me. Her face looked much warmer than it
had when she had come in. It seemed as though much of the
worry had left her during our talk.
“Thanks, Charlie. I’m glad you’re the one in charge.” “Why’s that?”
“Well, Jack and Amanda may seem like the logical
choice, but they are too strict with their emotions. Amanda
more so than Jack. I don’t think they would be able to look at a
situation with the emotional attachment that you seem to find
naturally. Sass would make a good leader if he understood how
this world works, but he turns a blind eye to that in favor of
trying to make the old rules fit. That’s like trying to fit a square
peg in a round hole. Shawn and myself, we’re lost. We’re doing
the best we can to just keep our breath. But you, Charlie? You
got us here. You took us by the hand and led us to safety. You
did exactly what you said, and you did it even when everything
in front of us sa
id that we would never make it. I was laying in
my tent thinking about you and about the weight of all the
decisions you had to make today. I felt bad for you. I thought
that you would be in here thinking about any wrong decisions
you may think you made. Thinking about Judy and Daniel.
Thinking about Jim.”
Jim. Yeah, I think about him a good deal. The kid that I
scared so badly that he ran blindly into his own death. The boy
that said I was just like the King of Gray. When I close my eyes I
can still see him hanging from the shattered window with
blood gushing down the front of him. In my visions, though, the
glass never breaks. He never falls from sight. He hangs there
forever and the blood never quits gushing.
“I laid there a long time wanting to come over here and
talk to you about this. I wanted to hear your thoughts about
Judy and Daniel. I wanted to see if you still believed there could
be love in this world. I wanted to hear what our leader thought
had led Daniel to his death. I wanted to know because I
thought you needed to talk to somebody about it as much as I
did.” She looked down at the sleeping bag again before she
continued. “I also had a second reason for wanting to talk to
you about this, but I’m not sure how to tell you.”
She grew quiet and I thought that she was still upset
about something. For a moment I considered reverting back to
the hill people talk and calling her Honey Bear again, but then
thought better of it. She was still looking down.
“Whatever reasons you have Veronica, just know that
there is no problem that we can’t work out. You can tell me
whatever you need to.”
She leaned forward quickly and placed a hand on each
side of my face before kissing me. I was dumbfounded by this.
Part of my mind was screaming “YES!” but some other part of
my mind was trying to analyze what was going on. That part of
my mind was still trying to figure things out when she pulled
away from me.
“I don’t know how I feel about you, Charlie. I’m not sure
if it’s love or not, but I think I would really like to find out.” She
said this softly, and this time her eyes didn’t look away from
mine. Her moment of quiet deliberation was over and she was
now pursuing what it was she wanted and was not one bit
ashamed. I felt such jealousy of her determination and the
belief she had in herself. Having a long history of being shy and
never acting on my own desires caused me to have enormous
respect for her and for what she was doing. But the part of my
mind still wanted to analyze everything. “Why is she doing this? Is she only after you because she knows you’re the man with the power? Does she really want you or does she just want whoever is in charge? She couldn’t possibly want you, just look at you. Who would ever want you when they could have Sass, or Shawn, or even Jack? There has to be more to this than she’s
telling you.”
This was the voice of the walls I used to live my life
defined by and confined within. This was the voice of the
limitations that Jack had helped me see through earlier tonight.
These were the voices of my fears and insecurities and I refused
to listen to them anymore. Veronica was looking at me and I
smiled at her. Her own smile bloomed on her face. I reached
out and took hold of her shoulder pulling her back towards me
and kissed her again.
After we had finished what it is that the good lord
intends for men and women to do together in a closed up tent,
I was still wide awake. I looked over and saw that at some point
Big Lou had gotten up and went outside. I wondered if we had
been too noisy for him. Then I felt concern at the thought of
being too loud. Did the others hear us? If so, what would they
be thinking? I choked back a laugh as I thought they were
probably thinking I was a very lucky guy.
As quietly as I could, I slid out from under her and pulled
my clothes back on before leaving the tent. I wanted to see
where Lou had disappeared to and I wanted to watch the world
as it slid past us in the night. I grabbed one of the chairs that
sat by our computer and carried it over by the front of the
building. From here I could see a good portion of State of
Franklin road. I could see K-mart twinkling off in the distance. I
could see the businesses sloping down the hill towards the
main road. All seemed peaceful. It seemed like a normal night.
That was until you made yourself look a bit closer. Small dark shapes were moving in the night. They were still out there; they would always be out there. This was the state of the world. I could hear some random line from a TV show or maybe a movie that I had seen at some point in my life. The voice said, “Dog will hunt.” I made a grab at where that line had come from, but came up empty. It didn’t matter; what mattered was the dogs were indeed hunting tonight. They were always hunting now. These dogs didn’t get tired and they didn’t lose the scent. The lights in the homes and businesses were still illuminating the dark world of night. I figured when the power eventually did stop that this entire hillside would be lost in the darkness. Once the power went out we would truly be in the new world. We are just now in the transition period, all the danger with some of the comfort of home. We can still cook our food and watch our TV and play on our computer, but that
won’t last forever.
As I was thinking this Big Lou walked up and licked my
hand. I patted him on his head as he let out a big yawn. He
looked out at the world just as I had been doing then looked
back to me. “You want to know where we stand boy?” I asked.
Lou shook his body as if he was wet and then he lay down on
the roof at my feet. I thought back to the State of the Union
speeches that the President used to make. If I were president
and I had to give that speech tomorrow what would I say? How
would I try to give comfort and inspiration to the remaining
citizens of my country that were scared and in hiding? How
would I tell them that hope was not lost? Big Lou was looking
at me, and I smiled at him. “You want to hear what I would tell
everyone tomorrow?”
Big Lou barked once and I figured that meant, “Yes, get
your speech on master.” I like Lou’s style.
“Ladies and gentlemen, I come to you tonight from the
still lit mountains of northeast Tennessee. I know you are
curious about where we stand. I know you have questions
about how to move forward. What is the government planning
to do to help you survive this situation? Tonight, I tell you that
our union may be wounded, we may have seen better days, but
our nation is still strong. These invaders are like nothing we
have ever faced before. We’re not under attack by some force
of evil hidden away in the shadows or behind the safety of their
armies. We face our mothers, our fathers, our children and
friends. Never before have we faced a challenge like the one we
face now. We must put all of our fears behind us. We must
stand strong in the face of a reality that, I am sure at times you
will find too much to bear. We
will not only face this challenge,
but we will overcome our adversaries no matter whom they
may be. We will take back our country. We will retake our world
and our way of life. This is the state of the world as I know it. It
is scary, but it is not a problem that is insurmountable. Our
enemies are not stronger than us. Our enemies are not smarter
than us. It will take time. It will take patience, and it will take
sacrifice, but we will prevail in this struggle and we will retake
our country.”
I Looked at Lou, “Thank you and good night.” Lou yawned at me. I laughed. “I guess it’s a good thing
that I’m not the president if I can’t even keep a dog from
yawning at my speech.”
Lou raised his head and looked off into the distance.
Standing up he looked at me and walked back to the tent. He
looked at the tent door then back to me again. That’s when I
heard the first rumble of thunder. Lou was still looking at me. “You’re right. I’m coming.”
I took the chair back to the tent, put the laptop under
the desk, and placed the box that Jack had used to carry it to
the roof over it. If it did rain, I hoped that these precautions
would help keep it from getting ruined. Lou still stood at the
door watching me.
“I’m coming Lou, I swear.” I said as I walked back
towards the tent. I stopped and looked at the intersection
where the mob had been. A few bodies still wandered around
in the lights of the interstate. Looking at my watch I could see
that it was nearly two in the morning. The tired feeling was
coming back again and I thought that this time I would be able
to go to sleep without much trouble at all. The zombies had
been in my life for around seventeen hours at this point. I had
taken part in something that I would have never imagined
possible and I had come out on top. Looking out at the world
around me I wondered how many people were still scared out
there. How many were fighting for their lives as I stood here?
How many people were infected? How many were kneeling on
A Good Distance From Dying Page 36
