“Are you fucking blind? Look at him, we can’t hold out any longer!” he shouted back at her.
To my surprise she ignored him, as if his point was invalid. He was sweating vigorously and we were all becoming aware that there was nothing we could do to save him. Out of the blue Myah finally expressed some emotion on the situation, “See this is my entire fault. What the fuck was I thinking going down there, thinking we were tough when we knew nothing concrete about them,” she said welling up. She sat next to Donny on the floor. “Everything’s going to be alright, D. You just have to be strong and hold on. You can’t just leave me, we’re family, we’re all family,” she said quietly. Tears rolled down her cheeks. None of us could even speak. The atmosphere was rigid and I don’t think anyone wanted to be the one out of place.
“It’s c-c-cool,” Donny managed to splutter. He tried to smile but his body gave up, leaving his head to fall to the side. I was still firmly holding the cloth against his neck to stop the bleeding.
“Don’t die on us, Donny,” I said, trying my best to get some sort of reply but it was no use. He was already gone. I stood up with the rest of the group and dropped my head. Nothing but death had surrounded me since my mother had gone and it was starting to take a huge toll on my heartstrings. The rest of the guys tried desperately to fight back their tears but I just let mine flow. Seeing Myah crying and Donny’s dead body lying on my blood-soaked sofa was emotional and in my eyes deserved to be treated with emotion. We called the police and watched the ambulance wheel his body out on a wobbly stretcher. They didn’t ask many questions about what happened because he was dead. They knew they had no obligation to bring anyone to justice for a low-life black boy from the north side. In our community another youth dying was like having breakfast to them. They didn’t care about what happened to us and that’s why our society got so bad.
When they left I agreed to let the boys stay overnight. I thought the best thing right now was having each other because on your own you would analyse every little detail of what happened, wondering how you could of intervened or how you could have at least prevented a death that would leave you feeling so desolate. They slept downstairs whilst I lay in my room with Myah. She was so upset but then again she was right, it was her own fault but at the same time we had our own minds. We didn’t have to go and we didn’t have to go with the intentions that we went there with. My chest was drenched with her tears as she emptied her feelings to me.
“I can’t believe He’s gone. It’s my entire fault, Jayden and that’s all that’s going through my head right now,” she sobbed.
“No one could have done anything, Myah. A bullet to the neck doesn’t take long to finish someone off. It was too late and you need to accept that if you want to start feeling better,” I advised genuinely with her feelings at heart.
“No it wasn’t. I could have done something by not going down there in the first place. I listened to rumours and let them influence my actions and that’s how we ended up here,” she explained harshly before breaking down. I sighed. It was the truth. If she didn’t have a thirst for violence and being the best this wouldn’t have had happened.
“Don’t worry about it, everything’s going to be bless,” I assured her, unsure if I was lying or not. I wanted to tell her about Jamal and my problem I had with him but this wasn’t the right time. I didn’t want her going on a mad one, thinking I was being insensitive considering the circumstances. I lay there thinking about what happened tonight. Then I remembered that this was one of the scenarios that played in my head when I first thought of joining Crime Scene. Losing someone that I got freshly attached to, but it was only one of them. What more was going to come true?
***
Days flew past and Myah still wasn’t back to normal. She had trouble sleeping and wasn’t eating much. When any of us tried talking to her she would give short answers and leave the room, as if we were the problem. She needed a break so me and the boys went out on the grind and left her to have some alone time. Her mind was probably pondering on things she wanted to do differently, hoping it would have ended differently. In her state she could have done anything when we weren’t there so I called in on her a few times to keep a check.
“Myah seems well vexed after what happened to Donny,” said Jose naively. We all looked at him incredulously. “Obviously she is vexed if he just died a couple days ago, Jose. Where is your sense most of the time?” patronised Joel. We were all thinking the same thing but he got in there first.
“I know but it was all down to her. We’re holding up okay and she’s moping about,” replied Jose protectively. In a wider context I could see where he was coming from. Myah got us all caught up in a bad situation yet she was the one that needed the most time to get over the tragedy she caused. But from her point of view it was because she caused that why she needed the most time and space to get over it. Whatever it was, it was still affecting her and it was my job to be there. We hit up a couple sales then returned back to mine. I made my daily income and needed some food to finish off my night. I told the boys I’d catch up as I jogged up the road to the chicken shop. I hadn’t eaten in days so the thought of that succulent chicken in my mouth made me warm.
As I was walking back towards my road I heard a slight crying sound in front of me. I walked past and noticed it was Vanessa, crouched down next to a phone box. After all that had happened this week I really wasn’t up for making conversation but seeing her cry and walking away was selfish. I approached her and she flinched. “It’s only me,” I said, comforting her. When she looked up at me I saw a huge bruise imprinted on her face. It was a hurtful reminder of what I had done to her so long ago. I immediately sat down and asked her what happened.
“I’ve been on and off with some boy for like three months now, but he hasn’t been there for me much and when he is he’s so possessive. He has me cooking and cleaning 24/7 when I can’t cope with it all. I finally pluck up the guts to say something and he did this. And to make it worse he’s thrown me out of my own flat. I’m heavily pregnant and homeless,” she snivelled.
“I guess your running out of luck” I said insensitively. She cried harder knowing that it was the truth and making me regret my statement. “I guess I don’t,” she replied, conceding defeat to her ways. I felt sorry for her even though she deserved all the karma she got, but throwing her out of her flat was a step too far knowing she was going to have a baby any time now.
“You can stay at mine for a few days, just until you get yourself back together,” I replied, asking myself what I was really doing. She looked at me, mystified at my suggestion.
“Are you serious?” she questioned.
“Yeah I can’t leave a pregnant girl on the street. What kind of man would that really make me?” I said as I helped her up off the ground.
“Thanks Jay,” she said, hugging me. She seemed so grateful.
“It’s alright. Now c’mon, let’s get back. It’s getting cold”. We walked up the road and I dropped my food in a nearby bin. I was starving but I put my arm around Vanessa because she was shivering. She looked up at me and smiled. The same smile I fell in love with.
***
It was 3a.m. and my eyes were wide open. Myah lay next to me fast asleep. I looked at her, then at the door. I wondered if Vanessa was awake so I could talk to her but as I went to move my arm from under Myah she got up quickly. I pretended to be asleep so I could listen to where she was going. Rubbing her eyes and stumbling out of the bed, she would have made no effort to be quiet if I really was asleep. I listened to her footsteps as she clicked on the light in the living room. That was where Vanessa was sleeping. What was she doing in there at this time? I crept to the top of the stairs so I could hear if anything was being said.
“Listen bitch, I don’t appreciate the way you’re trying to squeeze your fat self back in Jayden’s life when he’s with me,” said Myah starkly.
“What are you talking about?” Vanessa said, sounding croaky. She’d
probably just woken up and had no idea what she was in for.
“The way you use your emotional wreck act to gain his sympathy. You need to grow up love because I can see straight through you. Tomorrow you and your overgrown belly better be leaving and I mean leaving me and Jayden alone for good,” she continued.
“Well someone’s threatened by my presence. If you’re so sure Jayden’s yours, why are you down here chatting shit to me?” asked Vanessa calmly.
“Am not fazed by you so don’t ever be mistaken like that again. Face reality babe, he’s mine now. I’m the main lady in his life. So you need to get stepping.”
I heard Vanessa stand up and I thought things were about to blow out of proportion. “Listen, I’ve loved Jayden from day one and if there’s a way to win him back then trust me I will use it. I am not going to let jealous bitches get in my way. If you were so confident about holding him down you would be in bed snug right now,” she emphasised. Myah kissed her teeth and slammed the living room door as she left.
I crept back into bed quickly, as if I hadn’t gone anywhere. When I saw the door open, I shut my eyes and felt her warm body on my arm. I lay still for sometime but when I was sure she was sleeping I opened my eyes and thought about the talk the girls had shared. I felt like I loved Myah now. We spent so much time together, she satisfied me in every way and I could trust her. She was a great girlfriend even though she was going through a rough patch, but Vanessa; Vanessa was my first love. Even after what her and Maurice did to me, it couldn’t wash away the fact that we had had something special and we had both made some unimaginable mistakes. Hearing her say she still loved me after all this time made me feel pleased in a way. I knew she had feelings for me but I didn’t realise it was that deep. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know who to choose.
Chapter Seven
My birthday was coming up and I was thinking of holding a big party. I was turning nineteen now and after the year I’d had, full of drama and destruction, I thought maybe doing this would ease the pain and signify a fresh start. Vanessa was staying at Maurice’s old house until she found a place of her own. I didn’t say anything to her or Myah about what I heard that night they had their little encounter but the tautness was at its peak and I needed to get them separated. Vanessa’s baby was due in a few weeks so I wanted to hold my party before that so she could at least show her face. Myah and I were still together and she seemed to be back to her normal self again after Donny’s death. We held a small funeral for him which was when it hit us the most. The group wasn’t the same without his banter, but, looking on the bright side I suppose the incident brought us closer together and Myah coming to terms with it strengthened our relationship. I met Crime Scene outside the blocks.
“What do you man think of me holding a party next week for my nineteenth birthday? I’ve been stacking for a while so I should have enough money for a venue and one of you lot can be the DJ?” I suggested enthusiastically.
“Yeah I’m feeling that idea still. I can get to wine two girls, maybe even bring a lucky lady home,” grinned Jose, feeling full of himself for some obscene reason. We all laughed aloud except Jason. He was still hurting after Donny’s death and it showed. The way he used to joke and kick off the banter didn’t happen anymore.
“I’ll be the DJ. I don’t think I’ll really be in the party mood,” he said randomly.
“That’s cool, as long as you lot are there. You lot are my boys, you can’t miss this,” I said, eager to get on with my planning. It was confirmed, I was going to have a party nearer to home and invite everyone I talked to. I hoped it wouldn’t flop because I would look like an idiot and that wasn’t good for the look I was trying to go for. I had so much work to do before next week so I said my goodbyes to the guys and went back to mine to get some tips from Myah.
“I’m having my birthday party next week and I need you to help me with the arrangements. Is that cool with you?” I asked.
“Yeah what do you need?” she replied, rather intrigued by my decision.
“Well am going to look for a venue tomorrow but I wanted you to do the food and Jason’s going to sort out the music. The invitations won’t be an issue and I’ll just need to get the drinks,” I said, feeling organised.
“Okay that sounds good. Well you need to take me shopping then. I can’t be entering my man’s party looking like a tramp now,” she laughed.
“Yeah, course. My girl has to look sexy at my birthday bash. I wouldn’t have it any other way but I’m going to look so much better,” I teased childishly. She laughed and went upstairs to do whatever women did in their spare time. I headed out for a bit; got some flyers made up to put in local shops so people knew what was going down and when it was going down. It started to pour down with rain so I went back home and sat down with Myah to talk more party talk.
“What about going shopping tomorrow? Your birthday’s going to be here in a bit and I need to treat you to a decent present,” she said smiling.
“Yeah we need to get something to wear and buy all the food. What you planning to get me?” I asked, convinced that she wasn’t going to say a thing.
“Don’t watch that. You will see on your birthday,” she said cheekily. “Hmm it’d better be something nice” I said humorously.
“You’ll just have to wait and see.” I smiled and kissed her forehead. It started to sink in that she was the one for me. Then she said something that rarely passed her lips, “I love you Jayden.”
“I love you too.”
***
The next morning Myah woke me up bright and early. She was already washed and dressed.
“Get up lazy, we got a busy day ahead of us!” she shouted flinging the quilt on the floor.
“What time is it?” I asked, secretly filled with annoyance.
“It’s 10:30 and time for your fat ass to get up,” she said, repeatedly nudging me.
“You can’t even talk about fat ass’ mate,” I tiredly joked.
“C’mon we’re going to the shopping centre to get our outfits then we have to get the food,” she said beginning to fluster.
“Argh okay, give me twenty minutes to sort myself out,” I said, admitting defeat. Before I even finished my sentence she was off skipping down the stairs. I sat up in my bed. I was so tired but if I wanted this party to go to plan I had to be up and ready. I had left it too late to be taking my time. I went in the shower; got dressed and met Myah downstairs.
“I got us a car to make things easier,” she said. You would never believe that this girl had a license but had never owed her own car. A car park was like a shop to her; she picked the car she wanted to take and did her thing.
“Okay cool. You ready to go?” I asked drowsily.
“Yeah ready when you are,” she said, walking out the door.
We drove down to the shopping centre and parked up. Myah had to board over the window she smashed so no one noticed it was stolen. This place brought back so many memories; when I spoke to Vanessa for the first time; where Maurice caught sight of Holly at the counter; the beginning of the end of our friendship. We both thought we found the girl of our dreams. Now it just seemed like a place made for shoppers to spend money they didn’t have. We went into this store where there was a dress on a mannequin that Myah thought was nice.
“Look how sexy this dress is! I’m going to try it on,” she said all excited. When she came out of the dressing room she looked like a whole new person. The way the dress hugged her curves and stopped just under her bum made my eyes burn. She honestly looked stunning. I smiled and complimented her on her look.
“How much is it?” I asked the assistant.
“Well that dress is £400 when purchased with the matching shoes,” she replied.
My jaw dropped and almost slammed against the ground. “£400, you must be joking! How much is it without the shoes?”
“It’s £250 without the shoes,” she mumbled.
“Well Myah, we’re hitting another shop because man
isn’t paying £250 for a dress,” I said exiting the shop.
“Jayden please. I’ll pay for half. I really like it,” pleaded Myah.
“If you’re paying for half then course but you still aren’t getting the matching shoes,” I said, putting my foot down on the matter.
She gave me a cute smirk. “I’m okay with that, I’ll just find a different pair.”
We went to the counter and paid for the dress. The workers seemed to be watching us funny. “Is there a problem?” asked Myah, politely.
“We just have to watch people like you in our store,” said the worker in a rude tone.
“Well you can see we have our money out so treat us with a bit of respect thank you very much,” Myah replied, twice as rude. The lady shut her mouth and walked off, leaving us to walk out the store. “The cheek of the bitch,” Myah whined. I laughed because I liked it when she was angry. We went into a store that sold suits. I looked around and couldn’t see anything to my taste, but as I was walking out Myah pointed out a white suit hung up at the back of the shop. It had a blue handkerchief in the breast pocket and blue cufflinks. It was perfect.
“How much is this suit boss?” I asked.
“It’s the last one like it so it’s £150.” I was shocked. The suit was so nice and yet so cheap. I tried it on and I looked like fresh. It was exactly the look I wanted to have for the night; something to make me stand out but not too over the top. After I paid for it I needed to look for the right pair of shoes but realised I needed to buy the food first just to make sure I had enough money. If I didn’t I had some fresh white shoes at home so I wasn’t too bothered. We went into the butchers and purchased enough meat for the amount of people I thought would turn up, then we did the same in the fish shop. By the time we left the shopping centre I only had £40 in my wallet.
“I’m broke now boy,” I said to Myah.
“Well at least we got everything so now you can relax until the big day,” she said as we walked around looking for our parking spot. She kissed me on my cheek as we loaded up the car with the stuff, but on the way back home I clocked on that Myah was more excited about the party than I was. I don’t know if I was being paranoid or if she really was eager. Either way it was a good sign, wasn’t it?
Tales of the Hood Page 6
