by Sanja
'He seemed much nicer then and he certainly liked me well enough. I think at first I went out with him solely because he was Adam's son and I could keep in touch with Adam through him, unknown to Adam, of course. Then my Aunt Barbara died. She brought me up and was my only living relative. She left me twenty-five thousand pounds. You would have thought that would make a difference, wouldn't you? After all, I've never been used to being rich and I've always been interested in visiting foreign countries. But I'm afraid all I felt was completely rootless and alone. Scared too, if you like. Then John became very sympathetic and proposed. He begged me to marry him or at least become engaged. So I agreed. Don't ask me why. I must have been crazy. But this love I have for Adam seems hopeless now and I was too much of a coward to go on alone. Also, I knew if I gave John up I would sever all connections with Adam and I couldn't do that. Can you possibly understand?'
Teresa looked thoughtful. Caroline's story had explained everything, and she felt, convinced it was the truth. It seemed too simple to be a lie. Surely if the girl had made it up she would have contrived some more complicated method of explaining away her association with this other boy. She could imagine Adam's hurt at Caroline's supposed defection, though. He was stubborn enough not to believe there could be any logical explanation. After his disillusionment with Lydia he was doubly unwilling to take anyone on trust. Besides, this girl was so young.
'How old are you, Caroline?' she asked suddenly.
'Eighteen,' answered Caroline with a sigh. 'But please, don't say I'm not old enough to know my own mind. I do, honestly. I love Adam. I've loved him for six months and I don't want anybody else. Last night when you rang I was attempting to compose a letter to send to John, finishing everything. I was going to Greece for a holiday and then I think I would have tried to see Adam just once more, to try and make him understand.'
'I see,' said Teresa, nodding, 'and what if Adam still refused to believe you, what then?'
Caroline shrugged wearily. 'I honestly don't think I could go on without him. Not for ever. It horrifies me to even contemplate such a thing.'
Liza came in, grinning as usual. 'Your dinner is served, ma'am,' she said cheerfully, lifting a little of the tension, 'will you come through?'
'Yes, thank you, Liza.' Teresa stood up. 'Give us a couple of minutes to finish our drinks.'
'Yes, ma'am.' Liza withdrew and Teresa turned to Caroline.
'Thank you for telling me all this, my dear.'
Caroline sighed, replacing her empty glass on the tray.
'What is your opinion, then?' she asked, hardly daring to voice the question.
Teresa looked compassionately at her. The story Caroline had told her had moved her tremendously. She was convinced that this child, she was little more in her eyes, might be good for Adam. And she wanted Adam to be happy; to live a normal life with a wife and family.
'I think,' she said slowly, 'that my son is a very stubborn man and that you must make him see reason. I think he is afraid that what you feel is only infatuation.'
'And you don't believe that?'
'No. I think you love my son.'
Caroline's eyes widened. 'And you don't disapprove?'
Teresa smiled. 'No, I don't disapprove. In fact, I should like to see Adam married, happily this time. His life with Lydia was never that. She was a rather miserable person, unable to envisage life on the scale that Adam was attaining. And now, I'm afraid, Adam believes himself to be self-sufficient. You are shaking his self-confidence. I hope you succeed. I wish you luck.'
'Thank you,' Caroline smiled tremulously. To know that his mother liked and approved of her was a wonderful feeling.
During the meal, Caroline enlarged upon her story. She told Teresa about her disastrous trip to Paris with John when everything seemed to fall apart. She skirted around his change of attitude towards her, but Mrs Steinbeck was shrewd enough to realise a little of what must have occurred. She already knew that John was a rather unstable person and the engagement had come as somewhat of a shock to her, knowing how he loved his freedom. She had supposed he was seriously in love, but in the face of Caroline's experiences it seemed highly unlikely. It was far more likely that John had surmised that Caroline was no loose young woman and the ties of an engagement might weaken her resistance. It was unpalatable but probable. He was very young for his years.
When they had finished dinner, Caroline, who had eaten very little, found her legs felt like jelly. She sat beside Teresa in the big saloon as Teresa drove to the large new hospital and dreaded the coming interview although nothing would have made her forgo it.
The hospital stood in its own grounds and commanded a view of Roseberry Sound. It was a modern, white-painted building that bore little resemblance to hospitals Caroline had visited in England. To begin with it was very futuristic in design with steel-framed windows and abstract-like ejections. She thought it looked more like an atomic research establishment than a hospital.
Inside, a lift transported them to the private ward where Adam was living. The long white corridors seemed endless and Caroline was glad of Teresa's reassuring fingers beneath her elbow.
'Don't worry,' said Teresa quite kindly. 'He can't eat you, dear.'
Caroline smiled nervously. 'No. He can't quite do that, can he?'
At last they reached the door of Adam's room and Teresa halted.
'Now, you go in,' she said firmly. 'I'm going to have a word with Sister. I'll not be too long.'
Caroline closed her eyes for a brief moment, praying for assistance.
'Oh, Mrs Steinbeck,' she whispered, 'I'm scared.'
'Go on.' Teresa leaned forward and opened the door, leaving it ajar. 'Buck up.'
Summoning all her courage, Caroline walked through the door and closed it behind her. She was in a room of generous proportions with wide windows opening on to a balcony. To her surprise, the bed was empty, and Adam was sitting in an armchair by the open windows. He was wearing a dressing gown over dark silk pyjamas, and studying some papers which he had taken from the briefcase on the table at his side. He did not look up immediately, and her heart plunged at the sight of him, so dear and familiar. His left arm and cheek were swathed with dressings, but she was relieved to see that his left eye was miraculously unharmed. Then he looked up and saw her, and the hot colour flooded her pale cheeks.
He thrust his papers aside, and stood up abruptly, his eyes dark and enigmatic.
'He—hello, Adam,' she murmured awkwardly. 'It's—it's wonderful to see you. How—how are you?'
Adam shrugged his broad shoulders. 'As well as can be expected, as they say,' he remarked regaining his composure. 'Why are you here? Is John with you?'
'No—at least—not yet.' She faltered. 'I—er—I got your mother's message, too. I've left word for John. I came at once.'
'Why?' Adam was coldly aloof. .
'Why?' Caroline shook her head blindly. 'Why do you suppose?' She felt her voice quivering. 'Because
I was worried, of course. Because I didn't know how badly hurt you were!'
Adam's fists clenched. 'How charming!' he said, sardonically. 'You constantly surprise me, Caroline. Does my mother know you're here?'
'Of course. I went straight to her house this afternoon, when I arrived.'
'1 see.' Adam glanced out of the window meaningfully, and Caroline felt a surge of rebellion rousing in her. He couldn't be as indifferent as all that. He just couldn't!
In truth, Adam's head was spinning with the unaccustomed exercise of simply standing, after several days in bed. He supposed the amount of drugs they had been doping him with were partly responsible, but the shock of seeing Caroline added its own strain.
As though realising he was not as well as he professed to be, Caroline quickly moved to him, looking up at him anxiously. 'Are you all right, Adam?' she asked huskily.
Adam tensed, looking down at her, his whole being pulsing with a desire so strong it was irresistible. 'No,' he groaned, his defences weakened by his
illness and her nearness. 'No, I'm not all right at all.' He turned away, running a hand through his thick hair.
Caroline hesitated only a moment, and then she slid her arms round him, pressing herself against him. 'Adam,' she breathed, 'please. . .'
He turned then, unable to resist the temptation that was tearing him apart, and his mouth sought and found hers. Passion flared between them, they were hungry for one another, and his injuries were forgotten in desires of a more over-whelming kind. Caroline clung to him, subconsciously aware that she had taken advantage of his condition, and that Adam would not succumb so easily in the normal way.
When he put her from him, she was not surprised to find anger in his eyes. What hurt her most was the derisive expression he wore.
'Oh yes,' he muttered, 'this is very amusing isn't it?' He was bitter and hurtful, despising his own need of her.
'Adam,' she cried, 'don't be like this!'
'What should I be like? Polite, charming? I think not. Do you imagine you've succeeded now? Do you expect me to grovel at your feet? Is that why you got engaged to John? To create just this situation?'
Caroline pressed a hand to her mouth. 'Adam, I love you—'
'Spare me that, please,' he groaned in exasperation.
'It's true.' Her eyes were pleading, imploring him to believe her.
Unable to stand any more Adam turned abruptly away and sank down in his chair. He was still weak from the blood he had lost, and the knowledge that he wanted to believe her because of his own need angered him still further. How could he let her make a fool of him a second time?
Caroline, shattered by his words and not knowing of his inner torment, felt helpless. She stood where she was, trying to calm herself. It was almost with relief that she heard the door opening and Teresa came in.
Her sharp eyes sped from Adam to Caroline and then back to Adam again. She looked momentarily concerned.
With a bright smile she ignored the obvious tension and said: 'Hello, darling. Did seeing Caroline give you a surprise?'
'Yes, indeed,' remarked Adam dryly and lit another cigarette.
Teresa closed the door, frowning. Her anxiety grew as she saw how grey Adam was looking. The amount of blood he had lost would take a day or two to restore and although the doctors assured her he was making a steady improvement, it was apparent that seeing Caroline had been more in the nature of a shock than a surprise.
Twisting her gloves, she came to sit beside Adam, perching on the side of the bed while Caroline moved awkwardly to the door.
'I'll leave you alone,' she said quietly, her voice rather unsteady. 'I'll wait for you, Mrs Steinbeck.'
Teresa ran her tongue over her lips. 'All right, dear. I shan't be too long.' She noticed that Adam said nothing, nor did he look at the girl as she went out, closing the door behind her.
As the door closed, Teresa took a cigarette from the box on the side-table and helped herself to a light. Then she looked thoughtfully at Adam. He was lying back in his chair, his eyes half-closed. He appeared to be staring moodily into space.
'Well, Adam?' she said expectantly.
Adam opened his eyes wide and looked at her.
'Well what?' he asked harshly.
'Surely that's obvious,' exclaimed Teresa quietly. 'Adam, tell me truthfully, are you in love with that girl?'
Adam looked down at the glowing tip of his cigarette.
'I can't see that it's any business of yours,' he replied coolly, his voice polite but unapproachable.
'But it is,' exclaimed Teresa. 'You're my son and I want to see you happy.'
'And you think I would be happy with.. .her?' he mocked.
'Yes, I do,' cried Teresa angrily. 'Good heavens, man, can't you see she's in love with you? What have you been saying to her? She looked like a ghost when I came in.'
Adam did not reply immediately. He flicked ash from his cigarette into the brass ashtray and stared out of the window. He had no desire to discuss his affairs with his mother. Much as he loved her, he was not prepared to act like a lonely-hearts representative. Anything he decided, he had got to decide alone. No one could make the decision but himself. Dare he take the risk of Caroline meaning everything she had said?
'I think,' he said carefully, 'that I'm quite old enough to look after my own affairs. I don't want to hear any more about it, thank you.'
'But, Adam.. .'
He interrupted her, 'Have you heard from John yet?'
Teresa was infuriated but completely unable to force him to tell her anything. Adam had always been like this. Shutting up like a clam when his innermost feelings were involved. She could only hope he made the right decision.
'No,' she replied briefly, 'I haven't. I expect we'll hear tonight or tomorrow, though. I'm not worried. John will come when he's ready.'
After that their conversation was practically nonexistent. Adam was absorbed with his thoughts and Teresa was too het-up to be able to relax. She felt bitterly sorry for Caroline and decided to cut short her visit so that she could comfort the girl.
'Oughtn't you to be getting into bed?' she asked, standing up at last.
'All in good time,' replied Adam infuriatingly. 'I expect 1 shall go to bed after you've gone.'
'Perverse creature!' exclaimed Teresa, and bent to kiss him. 'Goodnight, darling. Do look after yourself. You're the only son I've got.'
Adam smiled as she left. She really was incorrigible!
Caroline was waiting for Adam's mother in the visitors' lounge. She looked pale and withdrawn and they made the journey home almost in silence. Teresa felt desperately concerned for both Caroline and Adam. A storm was brewing in the air, and the sky hung heavily overhead as they turned into Roseberry Drive. Teresa commented on it and Caroline replied in a monosyllable.
When they reached the house they found a taxi standing at the foot of the steps leading up to the front door. As Teresa parked the saloon a young man came running down the steps and stopped when he saw them. He had been going to get into the cab, but he came over instead.
'Why, John!' exclaimed Teresa, aware of the look of exhaustion that crossed Caroline's face as they both got out of the car.
John smiled at his grandmother. 'Hello, love,' he said, kissing her. 'I've just arrived and when Liza said you were at the hospital I decided I would go over and meet you. That's not necessary now, of course. How is Dad? Should I go and see him?'
Teresa bit her lip. 'I shouldn't go over right now,' she said. 'He's rather weary. He lost a lot of blood, but he's going to be fine. He has facial injuries, of course, and his arm is gashed, but none of them are really serious.'
'Thank heaven!' exclaimed John, studiously ignoring Caroline. 'I may as well pay off the cab, then.'
He walked away and Caroline and Teresa made their way into the house. Caroline's nerves were jumping. From John's manner she felt sure they were going to have a blazing row and she didn't feel she could stand it tonight. With each progressive minute it seemed to get hotter and she could feel the beginnings of a headache probing the back of her eyes. She supposed John was entitled to an explanation and she had treated him badly in one way, but after their upheaval in France she had felt sure he was growing tired of her. Tonight, after the scene with Adam, she only wanted to be alone, and the thought of her coming interview with John was nauseating.
Teresa led the way into the lounge and flung open both the doors. She dabbed her forehead with a cologne-scented handkerchief and said:
'My, but it's humid!' Then she turned and went back into the hall, calling, 'Liza!'
John came in as she went out and seeing Caroline, he at last spoke. 'Well,' he said coldly, 'what's all this about?'
Caroline ran a hand over her forehead. It felt hot and sticky. Her dress seemed to be clinging to her back and she longed for a cooling shower.
'I'm afraid I'm breaking our engagement, John,' she said quietly. 'Please don't make a scene. I don't think I could stand it.' She drew off the big emerald ring. 'Please, take thi
s back. I'm sorry.'
John thrust his hands into his trouser pockets, belligerently. He ignored her outstretched hand and she was forced to hold on to the ring. All sympathy for her had vanished at her words and he only wanted to hurt her. She looked so beautiful standing there and she was the first woman who had ever rejected him.
'Indeed,' he said spitefully, 'and what am 1 to assume from that remark? Do I take it that my father is now back in the running?'
