by Denise Lynn
She knew that their conversation was meant to distract her. Avelyn relaxed against Elrik’s chest. In truth, their deep voices were starting to lull her to sleep.
She was tired. It was late, well past the time she normally would have sought her bed.
‘After the Great Hall, I suppose the kitchens should be seen to next.’
A sharp poke sent a wave of pain rolling through her face and down her spine. Avelyn tensed. Elrik’s hold tightened, as did Fulke’s.
She felt a whine start in her throat.
Another sharp poke took her breath away. Her husband hadn’t lied. This was not pleasant in the least.
Like an injured animal, she struggled to fight against the pain, but Elrik and Fulke held her secure, preventing her from thrashing. The building whine escaped.
Elrik’s lips pressed against her forehead. ‘Sweeting, I am so sorry.’
Samuel poked the needle into her cheek again—
Elrik breathed a heavy sigh of relief and relaxed his hold around her arms as Avelyn’s body went limp on his lap. Thankfully she’d passed out. He glanced up at Samuel. ‘Hurry. Get it over with.’
Fulke released her hands and sat up straighter on the stool with a weak, shaking laugh. ‘I thought for certain she’d remain alert the whole time.’
Samuel’s fingers stopped trembling and he sped up his task. ‘At least the cur didn’t cut her all the way through. Still, it’s going to leave one nasty scar.’
‘I doubt if she will care.’ Although Elrik knew that every time he looked at her, he would remember the one time he had let her down. The one time he should have been at her side, he hadn’t been and she’d paid the price for that hesitation.
Fulke asked, ‘How did this happen?’
‘Osbert took her by surprise while three of his men came for me.’
‘Why was she alone to begin with?’
He heard the censure in Fulke’s tone. Not only did he understand it, he agreed. ‘A mistake. One that I cannot undo. I had finally gained control of the keep and thought us safe.’
‘So that leaves two more men to find?’
‘Yes.’
Samuel glanced at Fulke, then turned his attention to Elrik. ‘If you think you can stand guard, once we are done here the two of us will hunt them down.’
Elrik narrowed his eyes to glare at Samuel. ‘If you think I don’t take full responsibility for this, you are wrong.’
‘I simply cannot understand how it could have taken you so long to cut down three men to get to your wife in time to protect her.’
Not long ago he’d been concerned that these two had been acting like overprotective brothers. Now they sounded like outraged fathers.
It hadn’t taken him long to dispatch the three men. He had rushed to her, but had hesitated outside the door to the chamber where Osbert had taken Avelyn because he’d heard the words she’d said to her half-brother about him.
Words that he knew were nothing but lies, spoken to save her life and stall long enough for him to get there. Mere words that had fallen across his ears like freezing rain and slammed against his chest as if he’d walked in front of a stallion lashing out with his hooves during a battle.
Ever since he’d given his life over to King David, he’d heard many things said about him. Things that would have sent other men into a rage. His first wife had called him terrible things as she’d lay dying. His own father had often told him how useless he was and what a traitor to the family he’d turned out to be.
And those meaningless words had bounced off him like a tiny pebble, sometimes without any more notice than he would give to a gnat.
But when she’d spoken those words, those lies, he’d realised in that instant just how much he loved her. The searing pain her words caused wouldn’t have been possible had he not already lost his heart to his wife.
And he’d hesitated. One heartbeat too long.
For that, he’d never forgive himself.
Samuel cut the thread and stepped back. ‘It will do. Might not be pretty, but the stitches will hold until it mends.’
‘Good. Thank you. Now if you will get me some clean water and rags, and perhaps find some covers for the bed, both of you can go hunting.’
When they left the chamber, he rose enough to readjust Avelyn on his lap and then settled back down on to the chair. She turned her face into his chest and raised an arm, to curl her fingers over his shoulder.
From the light evenness of her breathing, she was sleeping deeply. He couldn’t help but wonder what her thoughts would be upon awakening. Obviously, her first thought would go to the pain she’d feel, but that pain would most likely fire her anger, disgust, if not hate towards him.
How many times had he taken her to task for not being with her guards? How many times had he worried about her safety?
Yet, it had taken only one time for him to relax his guard for her to be harmed. Had he hesitated one more heartbeat, she would be dead.
Elrik closed his eyes. He couldn’t remember ever having felt this worthless in his entire life. What good was he if he couldn’t protect his wife in their keep?
The men re-entered the chamber. Fulke placed a pile of bedclothes on the mattress. Samuel put the bucket of water and the rags by the chair before retrieving the saddlebag. ‘Do you require anything else?’
‘No. Go.’
Fulke nodded. ‘We won’t return until we have both men.’
‘You will keep an eye on her?’ Samuel asked from the doorway.
He doubted if either of them would ever let him forget what his lapse had cost Avelyn. ‘Go.’
* * *
Avelyn rolled over, her cheek pressing into the softness of a pillow hurt so badly it made her stomach churn. She pushed herself up on the bed and looked around the semi-dark chamber, frowning.
The last thing she remembered was sitting on Elrik’s lap while Samuel worked on her cheek. She must have passed out just as she’d hoped would happen. But that didn’t explain how she was now in a bed that had been made up with sheets, covers and pillows, or how she was without any clothing.
She glanced over the edge of the bed and saw her gown soaking in a bucket of bloody water. Reaching her hand up, she gingerly touched her cheek. From feeling the stitches, Osbert had dragged the tip of his blade from almost the top of her ear, angling down towards the corner of her mouth. Thankfully the cut had been across the meaty part of her cheek and not across her jawbone where he could have caused more damage.
She knew it would leave a scar and didn’t care. She also doubted if her wolf husband would care either. At least she hoped he didn’t.
‘What are you doing up?’
Avelyn jumped at Elrik’s voice as he soundlessly walked into the chamber.
‘From the dwindling sunlight, I’d say I have slept the day away.’
He joined her on the bed, sitting with his back against the wall behind them and his legs stretched out before him. ‘It was long night, so I expected you to sleep through until tomorrow morning.’
She looked at him, studying the dullness that had settled in his normally glimmering eyes and the flat line of his mouth. ‘We should talk.’
‘Not now. We will, but not yet.’
‘You are...’ She paused. He wasn’t angry. More...sad. Hurt. ‘I am sorry, Elrik.’
He pulled her alongside him, with his arm around her to hold her close. ‘Hush, Avelyn.’
She couldn’t let this linger between them. He had to know she’d been lying to Osbert. ‘But—’
‘No.’ The sudden sharpness of his tone stopped her from speaking. ‘You are injured and need to rest, to heal. And I am in no mood to talk about anything. Just rest and be still.’
Uncertain how to react, she turned on to her side, resting half across his chest with an arm draped over his waist. The st
eady beat of his heart soothed her. Soon, she relaxed against the warmth of his body and closed her eyes.
When she’d thought about being married, of having a husband, she’d always longed for a friend, someone to share things with, to laugh with, someone who would treat her fairly. Love had never been a consideration. That elusive emotion had seemed useless and unwanted.
But with each lie she’d spewed to Osbert she’d realised just how much she’d fallen in love with King David’s Wolf.
How had this happened? Had her heart known this all along? Was that why she’d been so confused and uncertain of late? Angry one moment and filled with an overwhelming need to hold him, touch him, or just see him, the next moment?
This wasn’t what she’d wanted. What good were these conflicting emotions if they added nothing of value to her day?
Ah, but they did add value to her day. He added value to her day. He encouraged her to be brave, to be strong, to take on tasks she never would have imagined doing before. And she did all those things, for him. Doing something for another was the value added to her day that had been missing her whole life.
Avelyn sniffed back a threatening tear. Another thing she didn’t like about this loss of control—she found herself near tears over nothing every time she turned around and she didn’t like it at all.
Elrik reached over to brush his thumb beneath her eyes. She felt his chest rise and fall with a sigh. ‘Go to sleep, Avelyn. All is well. Just sleep.’
He held her close, stroking her arm, smoothing a hand over her hair and back until again he heard her light, even breathing.
For once her tears hadn’t upset or confused him. He knew she was going to be emotional for a while. Her face was going to bother her for days to come and once the pain ceased, the healing cut would be uncomfortable as it pulled and pinched. Her brother had attacked her and been killed in front of her. While she swore that she hated Osbert, he had still been her half-brother. The way she’d knelt at his side when he’d died showed that she’d felt something more than hate for him.
Added to the things that would prick away at her emotions was his refusal to talk about what had happened. They would, but not until he knew for certain that he would be able to fully control the wide range of feelings racing back and forth in his mind.
He didn’t want to become angry. It wasn’t her fault that he was uneasy with the notion that she held his heart. That whole idea was...terrifying to him. The thought that he was no longer in control of what he felt made him feel...vulnerable...as if he were willingly leaving himself open for more pain than he wished to experience.
It would be easier, less frightening, to stand in the middle of a melee without armour or weapons.
He had brought this on himself. Had he argued harder with King David about holding off on this marriage, or waited to leave for Normandy after she’d been on her way to Roul Isle, they wouldn’t now be in this position.
She stirred against him, snuggling closer to his warmth. She had come to trust him with little effort, instinctively knowing he would provide whatever it was she sought—simple warmth, fulfilment of passion, and, except for the one time when she truly needed him, she looked to him for protection. Reaching over to grasp the covers, he pulled them over her.
Elrik shook his head. Who was he seeking to fool? He could imagine all the ways he could have avoided this and think of all the reasons it was not what he wanted, but he knew that he’d have it no other way.
She’d worried more than once that he would set her aside. He would never do so. How could he when her smile was the light in his day and her soft moans at his touch were the brightness in his night? She was the reason his heart beat.
* * *
‘My lady?’
Avelyn thought she heard someone speaking to her, but she was distracted, and it sounded as if the voice came through a thick, murky fog.
‘Lady Avelyn?’
She looked down to find one of the men standing beneath her perch on the ladder propped up against the side wall in the Great Hall.
‘Yes?’
‘My lady, I can do that.’
A quick glance up at the repaired railing on the floor above made her aware Elrik was once again watching her.
Which explained why a guard was offering to help with housekeeping chores.
The last five days had been...odd. If he wasn’t watching her, then Samuel and Fulke were. She hadn’t been alone once.
If danger still lurked nearby in the form of Osbert and his men, she would be able to understand their watchfulness. But the last two men had been found dead in the forest, likely killed by Osbert before he’d attacked her, so with that threat gone, why this need to keep her under such close guard?
When she’d asked Elrik about it, he had changed the subject. Between that and the fact that they had yet to discuss what had happened, she was becoming more worried each day.
Something was different. He held her through the night, but that was all, simply held her close, never once trying to so much as kiss her. And during the day, he was...polite. Watchful and polite. There had been no teasing, no talking about anything of a personal nature. He treated her just as he would an acquaintance.
It was as if he were intentionally seeking to distance himself.
Even now, with his ever-present stare upon her, there was nothing of warmth in his gaze. He watched her in the same manner he would anyone under his protection.
And it was beginning to frighten her.
She tore her gaze away from the piercing stare to hand the guard the old shield she’d just removed from its hanger on the wall and then climbed down the ladder.
Wiping her grimy hands on the skirt of the old gown she’d borrowed from the laundress, she said, ‘I was just going to take these down, scrub them and put them back up.’
The guard shrugged. ‘I should be able to do that.’
She wasn’t going to argue with him since running up and down the ladder was something he’d be better at doing than she. ‘Thank you. I appreciate the help.’
With another glance up at the railing, she left the man to his task and headed for the stairs.
A commotion at the entryway drew her attention. Samuel and Fulke followed as she went to see what, or who, was causing trouble.
Two men were arguing with the guards about giving up their weapons. Their raised voices gave more of an indication about their displeasure than their words.
She stood in the open doorway to ask, ‘Is there a problem here?’
One of the men smiled. ‘Obviously, you are Elrik’s Lady.’
‘Obviously?’
The other man answered, ‘Your tone says Lady of the Keep.’
She narrowed her gaze to study them a moment. ‘Ah. Like the silver strands in your dark hair say Roul.’
‘Yes, his brothers.’
The slightly taller one added, ‘I hope you don’t mind if we only stay this one night.’
‘Why would I mind?’
‘I wasn’t certain if you would be ready to leave that quickly or not.’
The floor beneath her feet moved. She felt as though she stood on the top of a cresting wave—one that was ready to break upon a rocky shore.
Samuel nearly growled. ‘Your brother is above.’
She swallowed and glanced behind her, up at the railing to find Elrik once again returning her stare. She forced her attention back to his brothers. ‘If you will excuse me.’ Then pushed past them and raced out into the bailey. She couldn’t breathe and needed air.
Avelyn wandered over to the well and sat on a bench. She closed her eyes and leaned her forehead against the hard stone. The air brushed against her cheek, cooling the heat of anger and lessening the rage born of despair.
He was going to set her aside without even telling her. How could she have been so foolish to let he
rself fall in love?
The urge to race back inside and up the stairs to throw herself at his feet and beg him to let her stay nearly overwhelmed her.
No.
She would not. She couldn’t live the rest of her life wondering if he’d let her remain only because he felt obligated to do so. She didn’t want his pity. Didn’t want to be nothing more than an obligation, a responsibility he had no choice but to bear.
She spun the gold band on her left ring finger, wondering if she should leave it for Elrik, or keep it as a reminder of their brief time together. With a groan, she pushed away from the well. She needed to find the will, the strength to stiffen her spine and hold her head up, at least until she was far enough out to sea where she could grieve in peace.
Chapter Nineteen
Avelyn carefully used yet another one of the sharpened quills Samuel had prepared for her and dipped it in the ink horn to finish writing a letter to leave for Elrik.
She had secreted herself away in an unused chamber, taking along the small box Fulke had given her to store the few writing materials she had, a candle and holder for light, and a cover for the bed. Those items she would leave behind, taking with her only what she knew were hers—the dark gown she’d purchased with a kiss and her grandmother’s ring.
Avelyn twirled the gold band on her finger. This wasn’t really hers. It belonged to Elrik’s family. She slipped it off, ignoring the twisting of her stomach and rapid thudding of her heart, and placed it on the table. She would leave it near the parchment for him to find.
After thinking about it for hours, she knew she couldn’t face her husband. She couldn’t talk to him, couldn’t bring herself to even ask why he was sending her away.
She didn’t want to know the answers, fearing they would hurt more than not knowing. The only thing she wished to know right at this moment was when this need to cry would stop.
And when this pain would ease.
But she’d sworn to him that she would never leave without letting him know. So, now it was time to put the writing she’d been practising and learning to use. It might be difficult for Elrik to read what she wrote. If so, he could have Samuel or Fulke read it—they were familiar with her fumbling attempts.
