“Well, I decided to go groom Samson and Sunset. I wanted to be back by 4:00, my back was really hurting. When I got to the stable, Frank was there and he told me something about wolves and the horses. When I was through, I grabbed my jacket and was whistling, and started to skip like I usually do…” I took a sip of tea. My hands shook as I put the cup back on the saucer.
“Well, I was about six feet out the stable door, when someone grabbed me from behind and put their hand over my mouth. He dragged me backward toward the Straw House. Just when he was grabbing me, the Hispanic hand that doesn’t speak English—the one with the old green pickup—started to drive in toward the stable. He had someone with him. They stopped fast, backed up and left. Guess he could tell what was happening and didn’t want to get involved.”
Everyone’s eyes were on me. I could barely form the thoughts in my head, I was so nervous. I took another sip of tea and continued.
“He dragged me into the Straw House, through cobwebs, dirt, and old moldy straw. I could see now that it was Frank. He threw me on the floor, in the straw, and ripped the snaps on my blouse open, unzipped and forced my jeans down.”
Tears streamed down my face. “He was smelly and sweaty. He bit my breasts. He bit around one nipple so hard it drew blood.”
By now Shay was on his feet with a look on his face I can’t even describe. “I’m going to kill that son of a bitch!” he yelled.
Both Sterling and Delmer grabbed Shay and held him back. Sterling said, “Shay let her finish. We need to know what happened and so do you.”
“After God knows how long,” I continued, “he must have gotten off on me, because he was shaking uncontrollably, like an animal. Like he was out of his head. As he lifted up a bit I was able to bring my knee in real fast and kick him in the testicles. That sent him in pain to the side of me and I was able to crawl out from under him real fast.
“I ran out of the shed, snapping my shirt shut as I ran. I got into the mudroom and locked the door quickly. I didn’t even take off my boots. I was sick, so sick I was throwing up. Poor Yonnie thought I was pregnant.”
I was sobbing hysterically by now.
“After I called my mom to come out, I went right to the bathroom, where I douched six or seven times. I didn’t think I could get clean.”
By now Maggie was just as hysterical as I was. Poor Lila was holding her and trying to settle her down. I could tell it was taking all the force of two men to hold Shay.
I heard him say, “Let go of me, I want to hold Callie, she comes first.”
They did let him loose and he came around the table and sat down in the chair that Maggie had been sitting in. Shay was holding me with his head buried in my chest. I could tell he was crying.
“Like I said, I ran upstairs before Mom got there and douched six or seven times, and I couldn’t get clean, so I filled the tub and soaked. I washed my hair to get the straw and stink out of it. By then Mom was there and I was just numb. I couldn’t tell Shay because I knew Shay would kill him, and I can’t live without Shay. Plus, I didn’t know if he could look at me the same, knowing what had happened.
“I stayed in bed several days, thinking about taking my own life. Then on Thursday night Mom went home. Shay wanted to make love, and I couldn’t let him see the teeth marks and bruises on my breasts, so I told him my eyes hurt because I’d been sick, and not to turn the lights on, just the sconces; that way he wouldn’t see the marks.
“After Shay was asleep, I kept remembering what my daddy had always told me to do if something bad happened. Like the time I almost drowned, he made me go right back into the water. So I decided to go back to the Straw House and conquer my fear. I put Shay’s t-shirt on over my bikini briefs and went downstairs in the middle of the night. I went to the kitchen drawer to get the flashlight, but it wasn’t there.”
“It’s in the glove box of the car, princess,” Shay interrupted, through tears.
“I knew we had the four kerosene lamps in case of a power outage, so I got a lantern, lit it, and walked to the Straw House. It took all of my strength to open the door—you know how heavy it is and how loud it squeaks. I took one step inside and held the lantern in front of me. I saw my jean jacket on the floor and when I saw that, I began to see and feel the whole thing all over again; the smell of must, sweat, filth; the sound of heavy breathing in my ears.
“I didn’t want to hear any more of it, so I threw the lantern down and put my hands over my ears. The lantern landed on my jean jacket, and I saw the oil spill and catch fire, so I ran fast into the house, took off my boots and ran upstairs into the bathroom.
“I ran a bath and got in to soak. Someone must have called Shay, because he came into the bathroom and told me the Straw House was on fire. Shay knows everything that happened after that.”
I cried like a little child who had been caught doing something wrong.
Shay was out of his chair and out the back door. We could hear his tires screech as he pulled away. Sterling looked at Delmer and said, “I’m not filing a claim, and ya know Mac, I gave my daughter-in-law permission to burn down that old shack. So I think we have everything taken care of here, don’t you?”
“Yep,” said Mac.
Maggie was still sobbing hysterically. Sterling asked me to call the family doctor to come out and give Maggie a shot to help settle her down.
Just then, Hulda came running into the living room telling everyone Shay had taken the high powered rifle off the wall when he went out. Mac and Sterling ran out to go find Joe, who would know where Frank was working. They needed to find Shay, and fast.
Shakily, I called the family doctor. The nurse asked me to hold, and when she returned she said the doctor would be right out. Lila and I put Maggie on the sofa in the den and covered her up with a blanket.
“Child,” Lila said to me. “You’re the one we should be taking care of, you’re such a strong person, Kathrine. You’re so good for this family. Please sit down and rest, honey. I want that doctor to see you when he gets here, too.”
Lila didn’t have to ask twice, I needed a doctor. I was crying, shaking and numb. I remember saying, “God, if I’ve ever needed you in my life, it’s now. Please keep Shay safe. I’ll give him up, but keep him safe, please.”
How could Shay love me after this? My life was just over. It was over.
***
The Westover family doctor arrived about an hour later and we still hadn’t heard from the guys. I was sick all over again, just feeling as bad as the day it all happened. Doc, as the family called him, went right to work giving Maggie a shot. I could tell this wasn’t the first time he’d had to calm her down.
I was really starting to see Maggie through different eyes. There was a tenderness about her, a fragility you didn’t see at first. She had come through for me in my time of need. Finally, the doctor came out of the den and said it would take about twenty minutes for the shot to take affect. He saw my tears and asked if I needed to talk. Lila spoke right up and told him I not only needed to talk to him, but I needed to be examined, then Lila went in to sit with Maggie. By this time all was out, so when the doctor asked if I wanted to talk about it, I just poured it all out to him.
“Kathrine, you’ve been through a lot the last couple of days, but the first thing I want to do is give you a shot of penicillin just as a precaution. If you and Shay have been intimate, I need to give him one also. You will need a pelvic exam, Kathrine. You can have your doctor do it, or I will be happy to do it for you.” His voice was kind and understanding.
After the shot, I just reclined in a chair and waited for some word about Shay. Lila came out and sat with me. She said the doctor wanted to talk to Maggie in private for a while.
Another agonizing hour passed before Sterling, Mac and Shay came back. The minute Shay entered the house he picked me up and carried me into the master suite—that beautiful place where he introduced me to real love and gentleness. The very first thing Shay did was unbutton my blouse and open m
y bra. He couldn’t believe what he saw. My breasts were all bruised and beginning to scab where some of the teeth marks had broken the skin. Shay kissed my breasts gently as if to try to heal a wound, like a parent when a child skins a knee.
“Oh, Callie, I’m sick, just sick that someone hurt you like that and I wasn’t there to save you. Oh, my baby doll. I’ll always take care of you, Callie,” Shay said with tears running down his face. “You never have to worry about Frank again.”
I told Shay I would pack as soon as we got home and go to Mom’s.
“Woman, you’re not going anywhere. I love you so much. Do you think I love you less because that animal wanted you? Callie, there is something about you that is so innocent, and yet you carry this overwhelming sexual allure. I see it when you walk, when you peel a potato, when you make a bed. You know, Callie, some women have it, and some women don’t. You just have it, woman. You have genuine sex appeal, and men just want you, and you aren’t even aware of it. You see yourself as someone who’s not as good as other women, all because of Dane Dalton. But Callie Westover, you’re so damn sexy.”
Shay cradled me in his arms. “Maybe you should stop dressing so alluringly, babe; at least around the farm. They’re men. They can’t help but look at you. I look at you every chance I get. You turn me on so much. I love you, princess, and you’re not going anywhere. We are going home together, woman.”
I told Shay he had to wait for the doctor to come out of the den to get a shot, so he said we’d stay awhile. It was about another hour when old Doc came out. In the meantime, Shay had made me warm tea and was holding me like a baby.
Doc gave Shay a shot and said, “I’d like to talk to you all as a family. I think we’ve learned a lot of things here today. I know there have been some eye-openers for me, but Sterling, if you’d rather, I’ll talk to you in private.”
Sterling amazed me again. “You know, Doc,” he said, “if Kathrine can tell us all the personal things she told us today, I think you can talk to all of us. We’re all family here.”
Listening to Doc talk the next hour was hard for all of us, especially Sterling, and I’m sure for Shay as well. Doc said Maggie had completely fallen apart, but she was holding on to a newfound strength. He told us something that neither I, nor Shay, had ever heard:
Maggie had been institutionalized in Watertown with a severe emotional breakdown when she was pregnant with Shay. From October through December, she had completely fallen apart. Shay was born the end of January. So all these years Maggie had her medication to help her feel stable, but she still had a weak emotional system.
“Sterling, I’m going to tell you something I learned today that’s going to open this whole condition of Maggie’s up for us. It’s a newfound realm, where we can now treat her properly. Sterling,” Doc put his hand on Sterling’s shoulder, “Maggie was raped in the Straw House by one of your hands when she was five months pregnant with Shay. She had nowhere to turn, and as you remember, we couldn’t get her to stop crying for over a month straight. Well,” he said sadly. “Now we know why.”
We all stared at Doc, wide-eyed and stunned.
“Sterling,” he continued, “that was Maggie’s emotional system keeping her alive. Remember when they wanted to do electroshock treatments? I told you then, if they did, Shay would probably be stillborn. Well, it’s a damn good thing we didn’t allow that, because today Maggie saw how strong Kathrine was, and she told me everything. I asked if she would mind if I told you, and she said that after what Kathrine told us, it was okay. I know Maggie’s going to get well. She hated the Straw House, Sterling, and she couldn’t tell anyone why. All these years, poor Maggie just avoided it.”
Talk about a sad family. We even saw Sterling cry. Sterling, can you imagine that? I think Shay was seeing his mother through new eyes. I know I was. Sterling got up and went into the den to be with Maggie. Shay picked me up off the sofa and put me in the car and we went home. We dismissed Yonnie and went to bed. Shay just held me all night. The next day he didn’t go to work, just held me in bed all day.
Sexual Healing
Well, we made it through the rape. I don’t think a man ever showered his wife with more love. If Shay had been faking his love, his touch, his lovemaking, I would have known. If anything, he seemed to just love me more. Sometimes I wondered if Shay was even turned on by someone else wanting and having me. It really didn’t matter, because he showered me with so much love and great passionate lovemaking.
Silly man, he bought me a huge pair of Oshkosh overalls that went over my riding clothes, with a zip-up front. He wanted me to wear them whenever I was out around the grounds or the stables, then when I was ready to ride I could take them off with just a flip of the zip. It was a sweet thought, but what really helped me was remembering back to my childhood.
When I was nine or ten, this creepy old man came to our neighborhood on the East side of the tracks. He had a saddled up pony with him. All the kids had been swimming, and we got out of the pool to get pony rides. We all lined up, about five or six of us. I had on slacks that had a button on the side and under the button there was an open slit. When it was my turn, the evil old creep got his hand inside the open slit and was fondling me while giving me a ride up and down the street. He wouldn’t let me off the pony. He had a firm hold on me and I couldn’t get loose.
I finally got away from him and ran directly home to tell my daddy what he’d done. My daddy got my godfather, uncle Jacob, and we all went in the car and found the old creep. My daddy beat the hell out of that man; then he and uncle Jacob threw him in the car, tied the pony to a tree, and took the old creep to the police station.
My daddy was so cool. He told me how proud he was of me to have come to him immediately, that I had done absolutely nothing wrong; the man was sick. My daddy made me feel good about myself, so it really never bothered me. Guess that’s part of what helped me through the aftermath of the rape. I had Daddy there to tell me what a good person I was, how sick Frank was, how I was in no way at fault.
I never asked what happened to Frank and Shay never told me. I think it was better that way.
***
The rest of September was a wonderful month. We boated, barbequed and had a lot of friends over. But what we most enjoyed was our children. Kelly was getting used to riding with us on Samson and Sunset. On those occasions, the horseback ride was just that, a horseback ride. No rolling in the grass by the lake. I was surprised to see how much Kelly took to horses. We realized we had a little horsewoman on our hands.
I got up every morning looking forward to the coming night when I would be back in Shay’s arms. I loved having Shay inside of my life. I remember one night around the end of September, Shay was already in bed and, thinking he was asleep, I lifted the covers to get in very quietly. Before I could even pull the sheet up, he tackled me and pinned me on my back, tickling my ribcage and underarms like crazy. I was just going bananas.
Finally, I said, “I give up, I give up, you win! Ravish my form with yours!”
After the lovemaking, Shay looked down into my eyes with those big brown eyes of his, and said, grinning: “Guess whose body was all warm and twingey inside? Miss Callie, I just got you pregnant.”
“I think the timing is off by a week big boy,” I said. Then it crossed my mind that if there was one thing I didn’t want this month, it was to be pregnant. Not because I didn’t want Shay’s baby, but because of what Frank had done to me.
***
One night when we were out for supper with some friends, Jenny and Troy, Jenny told us they were trying to get pregnant.
“Sex is so different without a condom!” she said.
Well, here I was with two babies and I had never had sex with a condom. That night when we got home I asked Shay if we could make love using a condom. I think he thought I’d lost my mind.
“I don’t have any Callie, so we can’t.”
“Are you sure you don’t have one somewhere?” I asked.
Shay raised up on his arm and looked at me, like, ‘Do you think I’m nuts, woman? We don’t use them, so if I did have one, do you think I’d tell you?’
“Well, then Shay, can you get one tomorrow, and we’ll use it tomorrow night?”
“I can get one,” he said, “but I hate them and you’re not going to like it, Callie. I’ll feel like I’m not inside of your life, and you’ll feel the same way.”
Sure enough, the next day when Shay came in, he walked up to me, opened my hand and placed a small foil package in my palm.
“There’s your condom, Callie. Now put it on,” he said with a straight face.
“Am I supposed to wear it?” I asked.
By now Shay was laughing. “If you had to wear it, Callie, where would you put it?”
Samson and Sunset Page 18
