“Shay—no…you can not…you can not speak to her, no. Go home. Just…sober up… Sober up and grow up!”
She hung up and he called back but she let the phone ring. It rang and rang, an awful sound.
After that I just stayed home. Nights were so long and lonely, I thought I’d just die. I spent my nights in bed crying and talking to God. My fear of dying had lifted. Dying meant I’d be with Daddy and Marie.
One day I told God to tell Daddy I was coming to be with him. I went to the boat store and bought an anchor and some rope. My plan was to drive to Pistol Lake, because out there I pretty much knew where it dropped off to deep water. I’d walk in and throw the anchor right where the water got deep, and the weight of the iron would pull me down. I would slip away to be with God, Daddy, Cookie and Marie.
That night I sat in my car for over an hour, crying and thinking of Kelly and Wes. How could I leave them? I didn’t want to. At a certain point, I felt compelled to go home. I thought of how I needed to be strong for the kids. Self-murder was still murder. I started my car and drove home in tears.
Once back, I asked Mom to come out to the trunk of my car. I showed her the anchor and what I’d almost done. Mom started sobbing and told me something had hit her about an hour ago in the kitchen; she knew I was in trouble. She said she dropped to her knees and prayed for me to be safe. I truly think God answered Mom’s prayer, because something seemed to pull me back.
I gave the anchor to Mom and promised I’d never think that way again.
The Dance
What a sad life I was living. Crying all night, forcing myself to get up in the morning, trying to function during the day through tears, then crying all night again. Mom would hold me and ask what she could do. She told me she knew I loved Shay and that maybe I should reconsider living my life without him.
“Mom, if Shay loved me how could he do what he did? He couldn’t look me in the eyes and tell me he’d never step out on me again, what does that tell you?” I cried. “If he had, everything would be different. But he couldn’t, and I can’t understand it. If he loves me so damn much, why can’t he just be with me and only me?”
Mom didn’t have an answer.
***
Several weeks passed and Susie got moved home to Hudson with her daughter. I wasn’t glad that she had gotten a divorce, but I was glad to have a friend and confidante. And I was glad she had a car! I knew if I told Susie something, it ended there.
We went to lunch several times and she came over to Mom’s often. My heart was still in massive pain, but at least my best friend was in town.
One night we decided to try our luck again at The Blue Gill Lounge. What were the chances I’d run into Shay a second time? I wore a red spaghetti-strap dress with sequins on the top. The skirt was about four inches above my knees and had a little flare. I accessorized with red heels and long red earrings. The Blue Gill was a place you could dress up if you chose to, or you could just wear blue jeans. Susie and I dressed up. I had a great tan, as I was still a sun-worshipper, and my hair was still platinum-white.
“Gee, Kathrine, you look sensational,” Susie said.
“You look pretty sharp yourself!”
She had a light sweater with her and I wore my red shawl and took my little silver bag. We were hoping for a fun, quiet night. We weren’t guy shopping. We just wanted to feel human again.
***
The Blue Gill was packed, so we sat at the bar. Susie had a few glasses of wine and I had a diet Pepsi. A friend of ours from school asked me to dance and I said, “Thank you, but I’m not dancing tonight.”
Then he asked Susie and she said, “Heck, why not!”
So off to the dance floor they went. I was having a nice little talk with the bartender when I felt a gentle tap on my shoulder. I turned around and it was Shay. My stomach dropped.
“Callie, I’ve only had two beers tonight, and I came over here to apologize to you for what I did the last time I saw you here. I had been drinking hard liquor. I’m so sorry I dumped that drink on you.” There was true remorse in his voice.
“Shay,” I said, “you’re going to have to stop using that as an excuse, it’s getting real old.” I paused a second. “Guess you don’t keep your promises, do you Shay,” I remarked.
“I quit hard liquor for you, Callie, and you’re gone.”
“I do accept your apology, so you can just stop worrying about it.”
“Callie, you look absolutely ravishing tonight. I always loved that red dress on you. It’s one of my favorites.” He stood there looking at me. I looked down.
“Callie, would you like to dance just one dance?”
“Shay, what would one dance do?”
“Well, maybe we could dance one dance just for the sake of our children, how about that?” he said.
“You leave the children out of this, Shay. If we dance it will be because we are trying to act civil toward each other,” I said. “Anyway, we can’t. There’s a girl sitting at a table right over there glaring at us, and I know she’s waiting for you. If you don’t get back there, she’s going to go ballistic.”
“She’s not my date. Every time I go out, girls grab on like leeches and then I’m stuck with them.”
“That statement coming out of anyone’s mouth but yours would sound narcissistic, but, Shay, I do know how they leech onto you. I’ve seen it with my own eyes. But you know, sweetie, there is a real small word you need to learn. It’s got just two letters. Real simple. N-o. You should try it sometime, just to mix things up.”
“I never said no to you, Callie.”
“That’s a little different, don’t ya think? I’m your wife and the mother of your children!”
“One dance, Callie,” Shay insisted. “Please, just one dance.”
“One dance, just one dance.” I walked to the dance floor and Shay followed me.
I could see everyone watching us. Everyone knew us, or at least they knew Shay. Maybe they were waiting to see if I’d get another drink spilled over my head. When we got to the middle of the dance floor, Shay immediately put his arm around my back and cradled my neck. It was the Shay-hold, leaving me with nowhere to put my arms but around his neck. I nearly fell apart being in Shay’s arms.
I was so glad when the music stopped, but Shay said, “No, wait! That was just the end of the song. We need to dance to the first song of the next set, princess.”
So we continued on with the next dance. I knew Shay was as swept away in my arms as I was in his, because after a while we noticed the DJ walk across the dance floor, headed back to his DJ booth. We had been dancing with no music. That was the thing; our bodies, together, made their own music. They fit together as if they had been made in one mold.
Shay kept whispering in my ear, “I love you, Callie. I love you so much.”
“I love you, too, Shay. I’ll always love you. That’s one thing I’ve never doubted,” I told him softly.
At some point I looked up at Shay’s face and he was able to see the tears rolling down my cheeks. I was amazed that he didn’t wipe them away like he usually did. But shortly after, I saw him wipe his own eyes with his hand.
We were so caught up in each other, we were startled when the overhead lights came on and the dance was over. We had gone to the dance floor at ten ‘til ten, I know because I looked at the clock, and now it was one in the morning. We had been on the dance floor for three hours.
“We were only going to dance one dance,” I said.
“We did only dance one dance, princess. It just lasted three hours,” Shay smiled.
“Well, it seems our dance,” I glanced at him—this phrase had a special meaning for us, we always called making love The Dance—“lasted longer than our marriage.”
I was a bit embarrassed about that three-hour-long dance, and some of it without music no less. When I got back to the bar, Susie said her friend had asked her to go to the Village Inn for breakfast but they’d take me home first if I liked. Hearing that, Shay jumped right
in.
“I can give you a ride to your Mom’s, Callie.”
“Are you sure your little friend won’t mind?” I asked. “I see she’s still there glaring at you.”
“She’s not my date, Callie. I never ask girls out.” When we got to the Impala, Shay opened the door for me as usual. “Do you want to go get something to eat, Callie?”
“No, Shay, I don’t think that would be a good idea.” I wanted to go. I had that little stubborn streak that still felt so stepped on, and I wasn’t going to relent.
Was I turned on? Hell, I was so damned turned on, my body was pulsating, but there was no way I was going to let him know that. I was trying hard to stay composed.
When we got to Mom’s, I said, “I have to go in now.”
“You just want to get away from me, Callie. I know you don’t have to go in yet, who are you kidding?” Shay got out, went around the car and opened the door for me.
When I got out, he put his hands on my shoulders. I knew he was going to kiss me, so I wiggled loose.
“Good night, Shay,” I said. “Drive safely.”
Then I started my dreaded walk toward Mom’s house alone. Mom had a long walkway, somewhere around thirty feet from the road; the house sat back on the lot. In my head, Dolly Parton was singing “I Will Always Love You.”
If I should stay
Well, I would only be in your way
And so I'll go, and yet I know
That I'll think of you each step of my way
And I will always love you
I will always love you
Every step I took, I heard that song. I was walking very slowly toward the house when I heard the car door shut. I stopped for a second; then I heard the car start up and the cackling of the glass packs. I choked back a sob. It was all I could do to walk those thirty feet. Then I heard the car shut off and the car door slam. Before I could even turn around, Shay swept me up in his arms and carried me to the Impala. He put me down just long enough to open the door on his side of the car; then he lifted me, put me in and slid in next to me. Without a word he started the car and we were off.
Shay could tell I was crying and he put his arm around me. The only time he took his arm off me was to shift gears. Eventually he just kept his right hand wrapped around my knees. I saw him wipe a tear or two from his eyes. He was always so macho, always trying to hide his vulnerability. We were headed in the direction of Westover.
“Shay, where are we going? Not to our house, I’m not ready for that.”
“I want to show you something, Callie.” He squeezed my knee.
I didn’t even question him. I just cuddled up close. We could be going to Timbuktu for all I cared, as long as it was with Shay.
We drove down the gravel road to the circle-drive and right up to the Big House. He stopped, shut the car off, then caressed and kissed and held me for a very long time, just like he used to when we were dating. He was being the sweet, tender Shay I knew and loved. We sat out there and did some extremely precious necking.
Then he whispered in my ear, “My parents are in Chicago, but I’d like to show you their house.”
He opened the door of the car, got out and helped me out. He took hold of my hand like we were two teenagers in high school and took us into the Big House through the big doors. “This,” he said, “is my parents’ house.”
Then without letting go of my hand—seemed like he wasn’t letting me out of his sight—he led me to the kitchen and got two glasses of iced tea. He put orange juice in one and gave it to me, then went over and flipped on the music. With a glass of tea in one hand and holding my hand with the other, he walked me directly to the master suite.
“This is my parents’ bedroom,” he said, “but it’s more than that to me. Let me tell you about this room, my princess. This is the room where I made love for the very first time in my life, to the love of my life, my soul mate, a beautiful innocent girl who had experienced sex, but not love. This is where I was able to show that woman, by coming inside of her life, what it was like to experience something so great, that even I learned from that night, unexpectedly. She ended up teaching me. This is the room where my life found new meaning, where I knew my days as a single man were numbered.”
Shay took our two glasses and set them on the nightstand. Then he turned toward me and gently started to undress me, oh so gently. He ran his hands around my naked body and kissed my breasts. “God, you taste so good, Callie, I’ve missed you so much.”
I had unbuttoned his shirt, and he let it drop off of his beautiful body, then he picked me up and put me in the middle of the king-sized bed.
The foreplay alone seemed to go on for hours. At one point as Shay ran his hands between my legs and said, “You’re turned on, baby. I can tell you’re really turned on.”
“Shay, I’ve been turned on since we were on the dance floor. I’m aching inside of my life. I can’t take much more of this foreplay.”
“Well, princess, do you remember the five little magic words?”
I wasn’t shy anymore, and believe me, this time around, I knew those five magic words. “Please make love to me.”
“Oh yes, my princess, I will do just that.”
It was so intense that when I climaxed I left fingernail scratches down Shay’s back. My toes curled up and locked. He winced a second from the pain of my nails, and then he was right along there with me, climaxing. We still had our timing. Afterward, I went limp. My eyes flooded with tears. In a second Shay was on top of me with his arms braced on the bed, his face about nine inches from my face.
“Look at me, Callie,” he said, “look into my eyes.”
It was hard to see anything. I had to blink all the tears away. I was looking up at him and our eyes locked together. I could see his big beautiful brown eyes through my tears.
“Kathrine Mitchell Westover, I promise you that for the rest of my life, from this day forward, I, Shay, your husband, will never ever step out on you again.” I felt teardrops from Shay’s eyes falling on my face like warm raindrops. “You have my solemn word.”
“Oh, Shay, thank you, thank you,” I cried. “I love you so much!”
Shay just held me.
Without speaking about it, we knew we would never be apart again.
There is nothing more beautiful than to fall in love all over again with your own spouse. It can be a wake-up call if we change the things that made our spouses withdraw. Go win them back. Shay and I were more into ourselves at this time than thinking of those two heartbroken children.
I stayed the night and Shay and I had breakfast together in the morning. I’d called Mom and she said not to worry about anything, she’d see the children off to school. After breakfast we went right back to bed for an all day lovemaking session. We were complete again.
In the afternoon, Shay ran over to our house and got us some clean jeans, sweatshirts and Keds. Then we showered together, dressed and jumped in the Impala, headed for Hudson to pick up the kids from school. I wanted to surprise them.
As we were driving down the gravel road, I yelled, “Stop, Shay! Stop!”
I think I scared the poor guy half out of his wits.
He hit the brake. “What’s wrong?”
“There’s a kitten back there by the road, we have to go get it. We can’t leave it there alone.”
Shay looked into my eyes and smiled, opened the door, and walked back to see if he could see the kitten. Sure enough, after about ten paces he bent down and picked it up. When he got back to the car, he handed me a little tortoiseshell-colored kitty.
“You and your strays.” He shook his head. “I swear, woman, you’d take them all home if you could.”
We headed on into Hudson and picked the kids up at school. They were shocked to see Mom and Dad together. When they saw we looked happy they both got broad grins on their faces and gave each other high fives; more high fives when we told them they would be going back to school in Westover with all their friends. What could m
ake any child happier than seeing their parents back together? Our pain had torn their lives apart, but now we were putting it all back together.
They were excited about the kitten too, already squabbling over whose it would be. We went out for supper as a family, and Shay called Hulda so she could get the house ready for our return. Shay stayed with us at Mom’s that night, assuring me several times when I asked that he hadn’t had a woman there since the night that started it all. Well, if Shay was saying it, it was true. My mother was so happy that Shay and I had reconciled.
We were finally home and in our own beds and let me say, I don’t think Shay and I got much sleep that week. When Sterling and Maggie arrived home they were thrilled to have us back where we belonged, even Sterling; I could see it in his face. They took us out for dinner on Sunday to the Golden Spur Steakhouse and Sterling toasted to a reunion that would always remain an unbreakable union.
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