by Gwynn White
The boy was in the tack room, ostensibly cleaning bridles. In truth, his head had fallen on his chest, and he was sound asleep.
Kestrel fell on that opportunity.
A sharp shake of his shoulder, and she hissed, “Sleeping on the job! Wait until I tell the stable captain.”
The boy leaped to his feet. When he saw who she was—everyone knew she was Lukan’s lover—he gurgled. His mouth snapped closed, and he burst into tears. His distress may have softened Kestrel’s heart, but now wasn’t the time to show weakness.
Face stern, she folded her arms. “You should be punished. I have every mind to tell the captain.”
The lad fell on his knees. “Please, Your Highness, I beg you. My family needs this job . . . my job . . . my money.”
“Then tell me what was in the emperor’s saddlebags, and we will say no more of it.”
The boy’s face paled and even more tears fell. “I—I can’t, Highness. Morass. The emperor told me Morass will kill me if I tell.”
“You say your family needs money? I have money. Tell me what I want, and I will see you get paid ten mycek every month for the rest of the year.”
The boy gulped. For a low-born stable hand, that represented many months’ wages.
“And I will say no more of the sleeping,” Kestrel added for good measure.
Another gulp. “You–you promise, Highness?”
Kestrel pulled herself up tall. “How can you even ask that? I am a woman of honor!”
The child coughed, then whispered, “This month, it was chai and chickpeas and spices.” He frowned. “And . . . big white pieces of cloth. I don’t know what they are for, but they were so soft—” A tentative hand touched Kestrel’s silk skirt. “Like this. And also small bags made of the same material. They didn’t have anything in them. And meat. I don’t know what kind. And chenna. And other things I don’t recognize.”
Kestrel had stopped listening.
Lukan did have another woman, another mistress, someone else he shared his bed with.
A chill that had nothing to do with the weather settled on her.
Lukan had taken silk sheets to cover Lynx’s bed. Who else drank chai and ate disgusting chickpeas? The whole story about Lynx fleeing to Kartania had been a lie.
Kestrel wanted to dismiss the idea that Lukan still wanted her sister when he had her. But as much as she tried to deny it, a lifetime in Lynx’s shadow screamed that she was a fool.
At the thought of Lukan in Lynx’s arms, tears engulfed Kestrel, and she fled back to the palace.
Chapter 35
The breath froze on Lynx and Tao’s faces as they watched Lukan and his horse, two dark smudges in a pristine world, vanish between the trees. Sharp as a shard of ice, a sneaky wind whipped around, making Lynx pull the coat Lukan had left for her after his last visit tighter around her waist. If she could have avoided wearing it, she would have, but her precious bear skin had dropped too much of its hair, rendering it almost useless as anything else but a rug before the hearth.
“Go inside,” Tao said to Lynx. “I’ll see him off our land.”
Lynx shook her head. “I won’t sleep easy if I don’t see him leave.” An illusion of safety, it still offered her more comfort than not knowing for sure that he had left.
A few minutes passed, and Lynx guessed Lukan had finally gone. The fireplace called, but she waited as Tao trudged through the snow to the barn to check the latch on the door. A fox had gotten in the night before and had made off with a chicken. Even with a larder filled with bear meat, it was food they couldn’t spare. The lock was sound.
A last look into the direction Lukan had ridden, and they headed for the cottage. A blast of cold air and snow flurries followed them in. Lynx slammed the front door shut with relief. The log cottage may have been small, but it was weatherproof. She slid her coat off her shoulders and tossed it on a hook next to Tao’s. He opened the door between the tiny entrance hall and the living area and stepped aside for her to pass through.
Lynx stopped in front of the fire. She rubbed her freezing hands and held them out to the flames. “Thank goodness for short days. I don’t know what we’ll do if he insists on coming here in summer. I don’t think I could cope with much more of his company.”
Tao lifted a lid on a bear meat stew, simmering in a pot on the wood stove in the corner of the room. It was one of many they had eaten over the past weeks. The sweet smell of meat¸ carrots, and potatoes made his stomach rumble audibly. That didn’t mean he had developed a taste for bear.
“I noticed he didn’t offer to stay for supper.” He pulled a face and then pointed at the unopened saddlebags on the floor next to the table. “Maybe he brought us something decent to eat.”
They had both been too proud to open a gift from Lukan while he was in the cottage.
Tao rubbed the stubble on his chin. His blond hair tumbled in disarray below his shoulders, but now that his face had healed, he resisted a beard, shaving every few days. “You ready to open that now?”
Lynx nodded.
Tao heaved the bags onto the table while Lynx moved her fiddle and bow. It was still a marvel to them both that Lukan had brought her musical instruments. He had even replaced the drumstick for her tabor that he’d broken in a fit of rage. Lynx didn’t want to think about what that implied.
Tao opened the lacings on the first bag, and Lynx gasped.
“Is that . . . chocolate?” Lynx scooped up half a dozen bricks off a mound of white material. “Orange and cinnamon! Chili! Cardamom and pistachio—”
Tao wasn’t listening. He pulled out the cloth, flicking open a white silk bed sheet. A second one followed. “Bed sheets? Now why would he think we need those? Felix left a bunch of them in the cupboard.”
Face scrunched, Lynx leaned back against the table in wonder. “Maybe he just likes the idea of us scrubbing away on washing day.” Then she started to laugh. “Winds, this is priceless.”
“What?”
“Last time he was here, when he was asking me about my sex life, I may have told a little white lie that we have no bed sheets.”
Tao snorted a laugh. “And so the bastard is feeling guilty!” He offered Lynx his hand for a high five.
She slapped his palm. “Actually, I think he’s hoping he may get a chance to roll in them with me.” A grimace. “Never going to happen.”
Tao scooped up an armful of the cloth and tossed it onto the floor in a corner of the room. “We can make curtains from it, I guess.” He dug deeper into the bag. “A bag of chickpeas for you.” He pulled out a handful of small packets and smelled each of them. They made him sneeze. “Norin spices, I would say. And chai.” He grinned at her. “He really is trying to get into your good graces, isn’t he?”
Lynx bit her lip, not wanting to acknowledge her joy at these home comforts. They would go a long way in improving her life here.
“Wonder if he is as guilty about me as he is about you?” Tao started digging in the saddlebag and then whooped. “I can’t believe it! Tenderloin steak and truffle sauce.” Out came a paper-wrapped roll of meat and a glass bottle.
Sauce bottle and meat in hand, he skipped to the stove and grabbed a frying pan. “If I mess this up, you have permission to thwack me with the skillet.”
Lynx bolted over to the stove, grabbed the pot of bear stew, and placed it in the snow outside the back door to cool. She’d store it away for the night later. Tough as life was, tonight was one night when she was willing to sacrifice bear meat.
Back inside, she flopped down onto her usual chair with a brick of chocolate and a paring knife. She cut off a chunk of the rich goodness and handed it to Tao—ginger and lime, if her nose didn’t deceive her. “Dessert first, just in case you do mess it up.”
“And ruin a good appetite for the best meal in the world? Not a chance.” Tao smiled and put the chocolate down on the table.
“You know, Lukan’s welcome if he brings stuff like this every visit,” Lynx said around a chocola
ty mouthful, a dreamy expression in her eyes.
“I didn’t know you were for sale.”
“He doesn’t need to buy us, Tao. He has us exactly where he wants us. I think he brought the food—and maybe even the bed sheets—because, somewhere in there, your brother cares.” A bitter laugh escaped Lynx’s chest. “Or maybe I am just being delusional.”
Tao frowned. “What is it that turns decent men into such cruel emperors?”
Lynx shrugged, no wiser than he was.
Chapter 36
One eye on the mirror and the other on the clock on the mantle, Kestrel paced across her and Lukan’s bedchamber. After her very early start that morning chasing Lukan, she looked tired, her fair skin gray. This was not how she wanted Lukan to see her when he came back from his visit with Lynx.
She pinched her cheeks with more force than was comfortable, wishing she had some rouge. Next time Tatiana called, she would ask her friend for some. Her cheeks burned bright red, then settled back into the pallor that plagued her of late.
She stroked her belly with probing fingers through the gown Lukan had given her. Austere black silk, he said it went with her eyes. She didn’t like the color because it accentuated her wanness.
Also, Lynx had always favored plain black.
She jerked her hand away and walked across to the fireplace. A fire roared in the grate. That didn’t stop her picking up another log and tossing it into the flames.
No discernible difference.
The room was still cold, and that had nothing to do with the snow piled high on the windowsill outside.
Lukan had been gone all day, and it was now—
Her eyes snapped to the clock. After nine.
A groan of despair, and she flung herself down onto an armchair. Pain from her pelvic bruises made her gasp.
Tears pricked her eyes.
Although she hated to admit it, even to herself, Tao had been gentle, taking her virginity with kindness. Lukan went at her like he had demons to exorcise. Kestrel crumpled as she guessed at who Lukan was really having sex with when he took her.
Just one more thing Lynx has done to ruin my life.
She pouted her lips, puckering the freckles on her nose in the mirror.
I’ll see my sister in hell before I let her win the fight for Lukan.
For the sake of herself and her child—hopefully a son—regardless of what it cost her, Kestrel would give Lukan what he wanted, and in time, he would forget his obsession with her sister. Then, he would nurture Kestrel in his arms the way Tao had on their wedding night.
A knock sounded on the door. Lukan never knocked.
Still, Kestrel jumped up, fluffed up her hair, and pinched her cheeks again before calling out, “Enter.”
Tatiana sailed into the room with a shimmering pale-green silk dress draped over her arm. She bobbed a curtsy.
“You brought it,” Kestrel squealed, darting over to take the gown from her. She held it up to the candlelight, setting thousands of pearls gleaming. “It’s magnificent!” She grinned at Tatiana.
Since Lynx’s “desertion,” as everyone in the palace called it—Kestrel now knew better—Tatiana had become her lady-in-waiting. The older, wiser woman, a true best friend—okay, if Kestrel were honest, her only friend—had been a welcomed addition to Kestrel’s staff.
“Let’s get you out of those widow’s weeds the emperor has you in,” Tatiana wheezed. “I have no doubt that when he sees you in this, he will know that dark colors are not for you.”
“You’ll do my hair as well?” Kestrel pleaded. She bit her lip, remembering that Tatiana would do anything she wanted. Transitioning from Norin server, spurned by everyone, to emperor’s mistress was harder than she imagined it would be.
Tatiana grimaced, what passed as a smile for her. A flurry of nerves jittered through Kestrel. Would she end up looking so . . . dour, too? Tatiana had been Mott’s mistress for decades, but he’d never married her. Was that what fate had in store for her with Lukan? Her fingers massaged her stomach again.
Not while I draw breath. I will make him want me. And wearing a color that suits me is the start. Kestrel tugged at the laces on her corset, desperate to be rid of the black.
Tatiana pulled them away. “Allow me, Your Highness.”
A sheepish smile had Kestrel cringing. Being dressed and undressed was just another thing to get used to.
Tatiana worked in silence for a moment and then looked pointedly at the clock. “His Majesty is late in tonight. Just like he was that day last month.”
“He is.” Kestrel shook her head and sighed. All she seemed to do these days. “I think I have figured out where he went.”
Tatiana raised a penciled-in eyebrow.
“Lynx. I think he’s going to see her.” She spoke confidently because this was the emperor’s apartment; no one would dare put a camera in here.
Tatiana’s eyes widened. Then she brushed Kestrel’s face gently with her bony hand. “We all know she is in Kartania, my dear.”
“No, she’s not,” Kestrel insisted. She turned around to study her friend. “Please, promise me you will tell no one what I am about to tell you.”
“Of course. You know I keep all your secrets.”
Kestrel squeezed Tatiana’s hand. “I know you do. You are the one person here I feel I can trust. That’s why I have to tell you this. I followed Lukan this morning.”
“You were discreet?” Concern filled Tatiana’s voice as she cinched Kestrel’s corset tight.
Kestrel gasped. “A little looser, please. And yes, he didn’t see me.” She croaked a laugh. “He was too focused on her, I suppose.”
“Tighter pouts the breasts, Your Highness,” Tatiana said, with another tug on her corset strings. “It never harms to show off your wares. Remember, it’s not our personalities that keep men coming back to our beds.”
Kestrel bit her lip and nodded. “I guess you know best.”
“I do.” Tatiana straightened the skirt of Kestrel’s new dress.
A lingering look in the mirror, and Kestrel’s spirits soared. The pale green and shimmer of pearls lifted her natural color, making the discomfort of the too-tight corset worth it.
Tatiana led her to a chair in front of the dresser. She picked up a brush and gently combed out Kestrel’s wavy blond hair. “And then?”
“His groom loaded up a couple of saddlebags, and then he mounted his horse and left. Headed for the forest.” Kestrel waved her hand at the clock. “And, as you see, he’s still not back.” She dropped her gaze to examine the glittering sapphire Lukan had given her to replace Tao’s wedding band. “I tried to follow, but—” Eyes brighter than she liked, she looked at Tatiana’s wrinkled face in the mirror. “He vanished before I got very far.”
“That still isn’t proof that he went to her.” Tatiana twirled a piece of Kestrel’s hair around a curling iron. Her fingers worked swiftly, styling Kestrel’s hair into a knot of tight curls, the latest craze sweeping the palace. “What was in the saddlebags?”
“Silk sheets, chickpeas, and chai.” Kestrel’s voice dropped. “That’s how I know it was her.”
Tatiana’s wrinkled mouth twitched. Then she leaned in close to Kestrel’s ear. “Never mention this to anyone else, Highness, not if you wish to be safe in this terrible place.”
“Oh, I won’t. It is just you and I who know this.”
After a moment’s consideration, Tatiana asked, “You say the forest? Not toward town?”
“Definitely. He crossed the drawbridge at . . . I think it’s called Ravine Gate.”
Tatiana made no reply but for raising her eyebrows. That was one of the things Kestrel liked so much about Tatiana; she didn’t try to hog the conversation.
Kestrel wrung her hands. “I wish I knew exactly where he was hiding her. It has to be reasonably close if he can get there and back in a day.” A spike of jealousy made her cry, “Why do you think he goes to her?”
“Why do you care so much? He’s a man, t
he most disloyal creature under the sun. And it’s only once a month.” Tatiana stroked Kestrel’s cheek. “You have him for the rest of the time. Focus on that.”
Kestrel clenched her dress in her fists, barely noticing the pearls digging into her palms. “You don’t understand. Lynx has always gotten everything I wanted. When I was young, there was this boy I liked. Really liked. Back in the days when a blond boy was everything I wanted.” She shot Tatiana a look, willing her to understand. “His name was Heron. He was so gorgeous. Blue, blue eyes, and the softest, silvery blond hair—” She gulped, realizing she’d just described Tao as well as Heron. “Anyway, we were friends. Then, my sister had to go and raid an egg. Youngest girl ever to do so, or some such tosh. From that moment, Heron only had eyes for her.”
The door to the bedchamber flung open.
Kestrel jumped, catching Lukan’s reflection in the mirror. Both her eyes and Tatiana’s flitted to the clock. Ten thirty.
He had loosened his waistcoat and shirt, showing off his sculpted chest. Stomach somersaulting, Kestrel rose and smiled at him.
He didn’t seem to notice. “Out,” he snapped at Tatiana, tossing his waistcoat and shirt on the bed.
A quick curtsy, and Tatiana left her alone with Lukan. Kestrel bit the inside of her mouth, studying his face to gauge his mood.
Intense. Achingly beautiful. Furious.
She took a hesitant step toward him. “You’re back. I missed you today.”
“Follow me again, and it will be the last thing you ever do. Do I make myself clear?”
Kestrel swallowed hard. “Of course. I—I didn’t mean any harm. I—I just . . . miss you when you’re gone—hunting.” Hunting. That was good. Let him think her stupid enough to believe he was out hunting before dawn. “Did you find any stag?”
Face unreadable, Lukan stared at her for a long moment. Then he strode to the chenna flask on a table in the corner of the room. He flicked two glasses over and slopped the blood-red alcohol into them. He held one out to her.
