Desperately Seeking Daddy

by Arlene James

  “Little late for you guys to be up, isn’t it?”

  Cody fidgeted with the hem on one leg of the soft knit shorts he wore. “We, um, heard something.”

  Heller could imagine very well what they’d heard. She slid a look at Jack, who lifted one eyebrow and settled in to hear whatever might be said next, his arms folded behind his head. Before Heller could open her mouth, however, Punk lurched to the foot of the bed, her hands pressing flat into the mattress.

  “Are you guys getting married?”

  Cody gasped and made a grab for his sister’s arm. “Punk! Shut up!”

  She shrugged away. “No, I won’t!”

  “You’re gonna scare him away before we even get him!”

  Heller sat straight up on the bed. “Cody! Punk!”

  Punk made an impatient motion, her gaze glued to Jack’s face. “You scared?”

  Heller smacked a hand against her chest, red now with the embarrassment that had failed to materialize before. “Punk, of all the things to say!”

  To her surprise Jack began to chuckle. A hand came down on her knee as he shifted into a sitting position on the side of the bed. “It’s okay, honey,” he assured her. Then he leaned forward, his elbows on his knees and signaled for the kids to come closer.

  Punk slid around the end of the bed to press herself against him, while Cody sprang forward from the door. Jack rubbed a big hand over the top of Cody’s head, then curled a finger beneath Punk’s chin, lifting her gaze to his.

  “Nothing and nobody’s scaring me off,” he said evenly. “See, it’s like this. I’m in love with your mother, but I don’t think she’s quite made up her mind about me, yet. When she does, we’ll let you know. Okay?”

  Cody nearly crowed, fanning his hands in a clapping motion while he danced from foot to foot. Jack smiled at him and got up. Punk tugged at his pants leg. Jack looked down at her.

  “Does that mean you might be getting married?” she asked stubbornly.

  Jack bent until his nose was nearly touching her nose. “That means,” he said softly, “I’ll let you know when I know.” She bit her lip, then gave her head a sharp, satisfied nod.

  Smiling, Jack stuffed his feet into his loafers, turned toward Heller and leaned across the bed for a quick kiss. “See you tomorrow, babe.”

  Just the look in his eyes warmed Heller immeasurably. She hugged her knees and smiled wanly, thrilled to the soles of her feet but yet uncertain. “Tomorrow,” she agreed huskily.

  Jack winked and walked out the door, giving each of the kids’ heads a final pat on the way. Cody and Punk clambered up onto the bed, brimming with questions, questions to which she had no answers at the moment. She headed them off with a wave of her arms.

  “You two belong in bed.”

  “But Mom—”

  “In bed.”

  “Mo-ther,” Cody whined.

  She laid a finger across his mouth, then lifted a finger to point to the doorway. “Bed. Now.”

  Punk backed off the bed and grabbed her brother’s hand, tugging. “Come on, Cody. Mom’s tired. We can talk later.”

  Cody reluctantly let himself be pulled off the bed and out the door.

  “I’ll come tuck you in,” Heller called. “Don’t wake the baby.”

  She heard whispers and giggles in the hallway and knew perfectly well what they were talking about. She pictured herself and Jack as the kids must have seen them minutes earlier, and remembered sensation flooded her. I’m in love with your mother…in love with your mother.

  “Oh, Jack,” she whispered, “if only I was as good for you as you are for me.”

  And yet, he loved her.

  She hugged that knowledge to herself and savored it for a long, heady moment. Only when Davy began to wail did she sigh and give up the memory, but she was smiling when she slipped from the bed.

  Cody and Punk were shushing him and trying to get him to lie down when she got there, but he was having none of it. He looked to Heller, opening and closing one hand to indicate that he wanted something, and said, “Yack! Yack!” Heller hung her head, quietly laughing to herself. How had that man become such a part of all their lives? She lifted Davy out of his bed and began patting him on the back, crooning softly until he laid his head upon her shoulder and drifted back to sleep. By the time she crawled back into bed, she was thoroughly exhausted. Yet, sleep did not come easily. Whenever she closed her eyes, she saw and felt Jack next to her.

  I’m in love with your mother. I don’t think she’s quite made up her mind about me yet. I’m in love with your mother.

  She sighed. If only it was as easy as telling him what was in her heart. If only she’d had different parents, if Carmody had just tried to support the family so she could go to school, if only she’d lived her life differently, she could go to Jack with a clean conscience and a full heart. But then she might have missed having her children. He might never even have come into her life. Still, what would people think if Jackson Tyler married the daughter of the notorious Swifts, not to mention the ex-wife of a bum like Carmody Moore? Jack was too honorable, too responsible to be saddled with her baggage.

  Yet, her first thought when she woke in the morning was that she would see Jack when she got home from work. She rose from bed impatient for the day to end. So, naturally every moment seemed to drag on eternally. By the time she left for work, she was seething with frustration, and the day did not get better. Sales at the store were unusually slow; she spent long stretches of time by herself, trying not to hope that Jack would come in or be disappointed when he didn’t.

  Only by sheer dint of will did she refrain from calling in to beg off her shift at the nursing home, but her impatience was so evident that her supervisor feared she was becoming ill and insisted that she take off an hour early. Heller didn’t argue with her, even though she knew that the only thing wrong with her was that Jack Tyler had become entirely too necessary to her sense of well-being.

  When she climbed the steps to her front door and let herself inside, it was to find Jack wide awake in the living room and playing a video game. A video game? Taking a closer look, she realized that it wasn’t even her television with the lit-up screen.

  He shot her a quick smile, put down the controller and got up to welcome her with a kiss. Afterward, she stood in the circle of his arms, her cheek laid over his heart, so that she felt the pulsing in his chest.

  “You’re home early,” he said.

  “My supervisor insisted. I wasn’t feeling much like myself tonight.”

  He drew back slightly and curved his hand beneath her chin, lifting her face to his. “Something wrong, sweetheart?”

  She shook her head, smiling. God help her, nothing could be wrong when he held her like this. “I’m just tired,” she whispered, going up on tiptoe and looping her arms around his neck.

  His hands moved to her sides, holding her lightly just above the waist. “Can I assume that you didn’t sleep any better than I did last night?”

  She just leaned against his chest and stared up at him. “Oh, Jack, what are we going to do?”

  His arms came around her, and he tucked her head beneath his chin. “Love each other,” he replied softly. “Make our family whole.”

  Our family. Emotion clogged Heller’s throat. “If only I could be sure—”

  He squeezed her tightly. “I understand. You have reason to be careful, so do I for that matter.”

  “Do you?”

  He framed her face with his hands and tilted her head back. “You’re not the only one who made a bad first marriage.”

  She smiled wanly. “Did she cheat on you, then?”

  He shrugged. “I doubt it. We just wanted different things. She wanted to be married to a pro football player. I wanted to do something really important with my life, and I wanted to do it with children. She didn’t understand that. She didn’t want children of her own, and she didn’t understand why I did.”

  “Carmody didn’t want Davy,” she whispered
, surprised at the pain it still caused her.

  Jack lifted an eyebrow. “Well, we know what kind of a fool Carmody is,” he told her wryly.

  She chuckled at that, and then she pulled back. “Now about this video game…”

  Jack sighed dramatically and lifted his hands in a gesture of helplessness. “A guy’s got to have something to do in the wee hours. Besides, the kids got a big kick out of it.”

  “No doubt,” she commented dryly. “And the television?”

  Jack scratched an ear. “Well, um, I couldn’t figure out how to hook it up to your old set, which I put in your bedroom, by the way.”

  “Did you?” She tried to sound stern and failed.

  Jack grinned at her. “I figured the kids could watch different channels if they wanted to.”

  “And what about you?”

  “Oh, I don’t watch much TV when I’m at the apartment, and if I wanted to, there’s one in my bedroom.”

  “You’re pretty sneaky, aren’t you?”

  He adopted an expression of confused innocence. “Me?”

  Heller shook her head, fighting a smile. “What am I going to do with you?”

  His hands closed around her arms, and he pulled her to him. “Shall I demonstrate?”

  Heller closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around his waist. She knew that she should send him home, but it was beyond her. She made a sudden decision. It wouldn’t hurt anything if they just rolled along as they were for a few weeks. The tough decisions could be put off for a bit longer, and in the meantime, she could have this much of him. She smiled and whispered, “Yes, please.”

  As expected, he did a very thorough job of it.

  Chapter Ten

  He didn’t get up off the couch when she let herself into the trailer. It had become something of a ritual with them. He always stood to welcome her home by taking her in his arms and kissing her crazy. She felt dearly loved when he did that and very much a lady. So it struck her as odd when he didn’t get up, and she had to admit to a good bit of disappointment. Still, it was a small thing, too small to worry about, and the disappointment abated when he put his head back, smiled as if delighted to see her, and lifted his arms.

  She went to his side, the arm of the sofa between them, and dropped a kiss on his mouth. He coiled his arms around her and pulled her onto his lap, proceeding to scramble her brains with his toe-curling kisses. When they either had to stop or take it another step forward, he stopped and moved on to phase two of the nightly ritual.

  “How was your day?”

  Smiling, she snuggled against him. Did a dearer, more trustworthy man exist in this world? “Same-old same-old,” she said. “What about yours?”

  He rubbed a hand up and down her back. “We started looking at our enrollment needs today. We’re probably going to have to do some classroom shuffling to get everyone situated. Lots of new students are coming in, especially in the lower grades.”

  “Do we have room for them all?”

  “So far. It’s just a matter of organization. If this trend keeps up, though, we’re going to have to look into building some additional space.”

  “Will that be your responsibility?”

  “In a way. I’d be working with the superintendent and the school board to determine needs. Oh, you ought to know that I told Brent that I might be getting married.”

  She sat up straight, shocked. “Jack!”

  “Well, he has a right to know. He knows you, by the way.”

  A feeling of dread descended. “And?”

  Jack smiled and pulled the rubber band from her hair, spreading it across her shoulders. “He started here as a middle-school science teacher, you know.”

  “He remembers me from middle school?”

  Jack nodded. “He remembers you well. He says you were one of the most promising students he’s ever had, despite the lack of encouragement from home. He also says that you were more mature than the other kids, and understandably so. He was sad but not surprised when he heard that you’d dropped out of school to get married. Now he’s delighted to hear that you’ve found someone who will treat you as you deserve to be treated. He wished us well and suggested that we plan an evening with him and his wife.”

  It took a moment for all that to sink in. When it did, she wasn’t sure that she could trust it. “He couldn’t have said that. Could he?”

  Jack sighed and brushed the backs of his fingers across her cheek. “Sweetheart, when are you going to admit that you’ve been worrying about nothing?”

  She looked at him in surprise. “What do you mean worrying?”

  He chuckled. “I know you better than you think. You’re happy with me. You won’t make love with me until we’re married, but you want to.” He leaned forward and smacked a kiss on her lips, then leaned back again, smiling, and added, “Badly.”

  She couldn’t deny it. Her body was burning even now, but she had to think of more than her desires. She wouldn’t risk becoming pregnant. She wouldn’t trap him that way, and she wouldn’t expose her children to the scandal. Moreover, she would not dishonor herself by giving herself to any man outside of marriage; she’d be just like Carmody’s numerous women if she did, and she would never, ever be that. She took a deep breath. “You wouldn’t marry me just to sleep with me, would you, Jack?”

  He studied her face as if trying to determine if she was serious. Deciding that she was, he answered her seriously. “Heller, I don’t want to sleep with you at all. I want to make love to you in every sense of the word, and I want to marry you because I want to know that you’re mine. I want to take care of you and the kids. I want you not to work yourself to death and enjoy life for a change.”

  Her eyes filled. Her bottom lip trembled. She looped her arms around his neck. “Oh, Jack, if only I could know that marrying you was the right thing to do.”

  “It’s the right thing for me,” he said, pulling her close, “and I honestly believe that it’s the right thing for you and the kids. But you have to make up your own mind.”

  “I know,” she whispered, “and I will, but whatever happens, I need you to remember something.”

  “What’s that?”

  “I love you, Jack.”

  He closed his eyes and let out a long, satisfied breath, a slow smile spreading across his face. “I love you, too,” he said, a hand clamping onto her nape to pull her forward for his kiss.

  It wasn’t long before sitting on the couch and necking like teenagers wasn’t enough, but for once Jack was not willing to stop. He leaned sideways, lowering her back to the cushions, and shifted in order to cover her body with his. Suddenly, he jerked back, air hissing through his teeth. Heller sprang up into a sitting position.

  “Jack, what’s wrong?”

  “It’s this darn knee,” he gritted out, clutching his leg. Heller scrambled off the couch and snapped on the overhead light. What she saw chilled her to the bone. The knee had swollen so large that it had filled his jeans leg to the point of bursting.

  “Sweet heavens! How did this happen?”

  Jack grimaced. “It was all my fault. I was playing horse and rider with the kids.” He grinned crookedly. “I was the horse.”

  “Jack!” she scolded.

  He shrugged sheepishly. “It’s a guy thing. Women dream of rocking their babies. Men see themselves galloping around on hands and knees with a giggling kid on their backs.”

  She couldn’t help grinning at the spectacle that must have made. No doubt the children had been delighted. Yet she felt she had to be stern. He had hurt himself, after all! “A man as intelligent as you ought to be able to take care of himself,” she said stiltedly. “Now take your pants off.”

  Both eyebrows shot up. “What?”

  She realized what she’d said and blushed bright red. “I—I mean…” But this was for him, for his well-being. She pushed her shoulders back. “That leg is so swollen that your jeans are cutting off the circulation, and that has to make it hurt even worse. Now, I’m go
ing to make you an ice pack, and I expect you to drop those jeans before I get back.”

  He grinned. “Yes, ma’am.” Obediently he slid to the edge of the seat, leaned back and reached for his zipper. Heller whirled away and quickly marched into the kitchen, where she broke out ice cubes and wrapped them in kitchen toweling. She used a rolling pin to crush them into a more manageable mass, then steeled herself and returned to the living room. Jack was sitting with one of her tattered throw pillows covering his lap, his pants around his ankles.

  “Have you taken anything for that?” she asked, and he nodded. She went down on her knees in front of him and gingerly placed the ice pack. He flinched but made no sound. She bit her lip, genuinely concerned. “I think you should call the doctor about this.”

  “I’ll call tomorrow if it’s still this bad,” he promised.

  She nodded, knowing that he would keep his word. “I wish there was something else we could do now.”

  He smoothed a hand over her hair. “You’ve already done more than you know,” he said softly.

  Smiling, she leaned into his good leg and stretched upward, searching for his mouth. He leaned forward to accommodate her, but their lips had barely met when the door burst open and Carmody stumbled inside.

  “Heller!” he called much too loudly, his gaze ricocheting around the room and quickly finding her. He swayed and stumbled backward, lip curling in a sneer. “Well, looky here. Li’l Mizz Perfec’ doin’ a job on Misher Clean!” He put his head back and laughed, nearly toppling over in the process.

  Heller shot straight to her feet. He was drunk as a skunk and twice as mean, but she would not let this insult pass. “How dare you! You have no right to be in my house! And for your information, he’s injured his knee. I was putting an ice pack on it.”

  Carmody snickered and leaned toward Jack, wobbling somewhat. “Is big ol’ Jack hurt ‘isse’f? Wal, I bet li’l Heller can make it feel real good.”