by Mari Carr
“What do you mean?” Doug asked.
“My family just shut down after we lost Jem. Locked every memory away, every picture, everything.” She looked around the circle slowly. “Tonight is the first time I’ve really talked about him. And…it doesn’t hurt. Telling you that story actually made me feel better.”
“I’m glad you told us.” Doug reached over and placed a comforting hand on her arm. There was something very charming and utterly irresistible about these Compton men. Their mamas had certainly raised them right.
“My brother is crazy about you, you know.”
“He’d probably be annoyed with you for saying that.”
Doug shrugged good-naturedly. “Probably, but he’s kicked my ass before. And I’ve kicked his. I’m not scared.”
“Seriously?”
Doug chuckled. “We’re brothers. Ass kicking is in the Terms of Service thing we signed at birth.”
She laughed. “I didn’t realize.”
“I think you might be crazy about him too. So what gives?”
“Are you always this straightforward?”
“Yup.”
Ivy couldn’t find it in her to be annoyed by Doug’s questions. “He’s a smokejumper.”
“So I’ve heard. About seven million times. From him. When he’s trying to impress the ladies.”
“You know, your flirting measures pretty high on the Richter Scale too.”
“Ooo!” Doug leaned closer. “I like the idea of making the earth shake for a pretty gal. Might have to steal you away from my brother.”
She rolled her eyes at his joke. “Yeah. I can assure you I wouldn’t date a storm chaser any more than I would a smokejumper. Not sure what you guys have against taking safe jobs that increase your chances of growing old and dying in your sleep at a hundred years old.”
“Well, it’s not like either one of us is going to do these jobs forever. It’s a young man’s game, chasing adventures and thrills.”
“Maybe so, but those adventures come with consequences sometimes.”
Doug’s expression sobered, and it was obvious he’d put two and two together. “He’d quit for you.”
“I’d never ask him to. And if he did…” She sighed as she paused.
“You’d feel guilty for making him give up something he loved.”
She nodded.
Doug leaned back and blew out a long breath. “Guess that explains the problem.”
“Yeah,” she whispered sadly. “Why do you do it? Chase tornadoes?”
He shrugged. “It was Jake who suggested it.”
“Seriously?” Ivy was starting to revise her previous fond feelings for the old ranch hand, as she recalled James telling her it was Jake who’d steered him toward smokejumping.
“You’ve been around the family for a bit now. You have to admit the Compton men have an excess of energy.”
Ivy giggled as her cheeks flushed. She’d experienced some of that energy firsthand with James.
Doug snorted. “Wasn’t talking about that kind of energy, but yeah, it’s comes out in the bedroom too. Jake told me once there’s a contradiction in every single Compton he’s ever met. We’re creatures of wanderlust with a serious commitment to—no, I think he said love for home. Said those two things battle each other for a bit, but in the end, Compass Ranch always wins.”
“Always?”
Doug didn’t answer right away, and Ivy got a sense this conversation wasn’t solely about James anymore. “Austin got there quicker than the rest of us. He went away, tried college, and then came back and chiseled out his own path on the ranch. Driving that big rig all over the countryside gives him the freedom he needs, while making sure he’s still a part of this place. I don’t think there’s any question that James is going to come back here one day for good too. He’ll stand next to my dad in those stables day after day, working with the horses, and he’ll feel happy, complete.”
Ivy agreed. She’d seen James with his dad, watched them work. However, she knew that outcome wasn’t going to appear anytime soon. James was young, and she didn’t think his energy was burned out yet. He could continue to smokejump for another decade or more, and when he decided it was enough, he’d have his place here secured, waiting for him. The only problem with that scenario was that she couldn’t wait the same way Compass Ranch would. Even now, the thought of him jumping into another fire left her fighting to suck in a breath of air. She would die a million deaths every single time he took off in that plane.
Which left them at an impasse. In order to be together, one of them had to give up something vital, something important. For James, it would be the job he loved. For her, it would be her peace of mind. Hell, it would more likely be her sanity.
James and Austin returned before she and Doug could say anything more. They loaded the fire up and the stories kept coming as they moved away from Jake stories to exploits of the Compass Boys.
Even Bryant lost most of the mopey edge that had lingered after his tattoo-cowboy-eye-candy had moseyed through their gathering, leveling steamy stares in James’ cousin’s direction. She knew how he felt, frustrated and ultimately lonely, the guy he craved so close but, for some reason she wished she could ask him about, still out of reach. Working together to keep the darkness just outside their ring of light at bay, they all took turns, constantly interrupting each other to embellish, exaggerate and entertain.
Ivy finally put her hand up. “You guys have got to stop. I’ve had too much to drink and my stomach hurts from laughing.”
James and the others rose, saying their good nights after he offered to douse the embers. Ivy stayed behind with him. Once the fire was out, he reached for her hand. “I’ll walk you back to the house.”
She accepted his help, needing it after one too many beers. Neither of them spoke as he walked her back to the house, then upstairs. They turned to look at each other in the hallway outside their rooms.
“Good night,” she whispered.
James bent forward and gave her a kiss on the cheek. He wanted more. Wanted lots more, but now wasn’t the time or the place. “I’ll see you in the morning,” he murmured, watching as she walked into Sienna’s old bedroom and closed the door.
Then he went to his room and lay down. Sleep eluded him as he thought about Jake and Jem and Ivy and his broken heart.
Chapter Eleven
James sat between Ivy and his brother, Doug, as family, friends, and fellow ranch hands took turns saying a few words as they paid tribute to Jake. It occurred to him that Jake’s death still hadn’t really sunk in.
Twice, he’d caught himself looking around for the crusty old guy, expecting to see him rolling his eyes as everyone spoke. The man was too humble to go for stuff like this. If he’d been there, he would have told them to simply lift a glass, take a big long swig, and then get the hell back to work.
James had reached over to hold Ivy’s hand when his dad got up to say a few words. It didn’t matter how many times he promised to put some distance between them. He couldn’t. James needed her right now, and sadly, he was discovering he was too damn selfish to do the right thing.
She didn’t seem to mind. She gave his hand a quick squeeze, offering him a comforting smile. James was surprised to see the tears wetting her lashes. Her compassion and empathy for him and his family as they dealt with this loss warmed him, made him want to draw her even closer, soaking in every bit of consolation he could.
Yep. Selfish bastard.
He saw Doug swipe away a few tears, and he felt hard-pressed to keep from shedding a few of his own. As the service wound up, everyone heading to the big house for a meal, James remained in his seat.
“This fucking sucks.”
Doug and Ivy stayed with him as the others cleared out.
“You can say that again,” Doug murmured. “Sort of thought that grumpy bastard would outlive us all. Seemed too ornery to die.”
Ivy grinned. “I wish I could have met Jake.”
Doug
snickered. “He would have liked you. Probably would have made a comment about your cute ass or how you’re too good for my brother, just to jerk James’s chain. He got a kick out of shit like that.”
They laughed, and then James took a deep breath. “Guess we should get back to the house.”
For the next few hours, James accepted hugs from the women in town, spoke briefly with Viho, Jake’s son, tried to choke down some of the homemade potato salad, chicken and pie that neighbors had brought over. Through it all, Ivy stayed by his side, bolstering him, only leaving him for half an hour when his dad dragged her away to meet Doc Reynolds.
When his throat started to clog up with tears, listening to Viho talk about Jake, about how his life had been changed for the better the day he met his dad, it was Ivy who picked up and carried the conversation until James had time to get his shit back together.
He suspected Austin and Hayden were still reeling from seeing her as a missing person on TV. There was no question his cousin had his work cut out for him with the scared, scarred young woman.
God. Maybe no one had an easy time when it came to falling in love. Or maybe it used to be simpler. After all, his parents, aunts, uncles and even the Compass Girls had found their way. It was starting to feel like his generation wasn’t going to be as lucky as the ones who came before.
After dinner, the older people began to clean up, as the younger ones drifted back to their own homes to put kids to bed.
Ivy looked at James. “It’s a pretty night. Feel like a walk?”
He nodded gratefully, needing an escape from people and memories for a little while.
They meandered across the yard toward the stable. James noticed that they both gravitated toward the horses. He also spotted Vaughn, leaning up against Bryant’s truck. His feet were planted, arms crossed, as if he’d stand there all night if he had to, waiting for James’ cousin to emerge from the safety of the big house. It would be for the best if Bryant would go with the man and blow off some steam already. Sometimes his cousin could be book smart and common sense stupid, as far as he was concerned.
If James hadn’t had Ivy here with him, the past few days would have been even more hellish than they had already been. He hoped, for Bryant’s sake, that he had the same kind of support right now. He nodded in Vaughn’s direction and the other guy lifted his chin in acknowledgement, though his grimace remained firmly in place.
Good luck with that, buddy, James thought before ducking into the barn.
He turned on the overhead lights and together they stopped at each stall, offering the horses some cooing and pets. Ivy, ever the vet, walked into the stall to check on the pregnant mare.
“You’re good with animals,” he said.
She smiled. “That’s kind of the pot calling the kettle black. I’ve watched you work with these horses. You have a real affinity for them. Is there anything you aren’t great at?”
James tilted his head, confused. “What do you mean?”
“I mean you’re great with the horses, and my dad says you’re one of the best smokejumpers he’s ever worked with. It seems like you’re successful at everything you try.”
“Damn,” he replied with a wink. “I sort of thought that question was geared toward my killer skills in bed.”
“Cocky bastard.”
“Not cocky if it’s true. And Jesus. Did you have to say cocky?” He stressed the first syllable of the word, then wrapped his arm around her shoulders, tugging her close to mess up her hair playfully.
She pushed away, laughing.
He let her go, but it was hard. Today would have been a million times worse if she hadn’t been there with him, holding his hand, hell, holding him up.
His life felt easier, brighter with Ivy around.
He forced the thought away. Tomorrow was going to suck. Big time.
They left the stables and meandered around the ranch with no real goal in mind. As they walked, they talked…about Jake’s memorial, about Doc Anderson’s job offer out on the front porch—she’d turned it down, dammit—and the weather.
When they reached the creek, James bent down to pick up some rocks, and they both took a few turns at skipping them in the shallow water.
At one point, he turned to look at her and felt his breath catch. The moonlight shimmered in her dark hair, and he recognized that she was the most beautiful woman he’d ever known. Inside and out.
“Where did you get your dark hair? Your dad’s is light brown. Your mom?”
She shook her head. “No, my mom is a blonde—L’Oréal created,” she added with a laugh. “The dark hair came from my grandmother on my dad’s side,” she replied. “She died a few years ago, heart attack, but before that, when I was still in school and living at home, I spent a couple weeks with her every summer. She lived in Omaha.”
“My Grandma Vicky died when I was seventeen. She was a total firecracker, a strong woman with the biggest heart of anybody I’ve ever known. Toward the end, she got dementia.”
Ivy’s face sobered up. “Oh no, I’m sorry. I know that’s a hard thing to go through. For the person suffering from it as well as the family.”
“It was tough. I think it was harder on my sister and Jade and Hope and Sterling. They were older and they’d always been really close to Grandma.”
She reached over and squeezed his hand.
“You were lucky you got to know her. That you have such fond memories of her.”
He nodded. “Yeah. I was lucky. I tell you, the past few days have taught me one thing.”
“Oh yeah? What’s that?”
“We need to appreciate the time we have with the people we love. We need to make every day count.”
“You’re right. We do.”
James fell silent and the two of them turned back to look at the creek. There was peace in watching the moonlight reflect off the surface of the brown water as it skipped over the rocks.
She considered James’s comment and decided to make a conscious effort to take them to heart. As soon as she got back home, she was going to mend some fences with her dad and call her mom—just to talk.
“Should we head back?” Ivy asked after a few quiet minutes.
James nodded and held her hand as they picked their way back down the path that brought them to the creek. Then they walked across the yard. He’d respected her wishes, keeping their touches merely friendly since their arrival in Compton Pass. While he’d held her hand and placed a supportive arm around her from time to time, he hadn’t tried to steal any more kisses or draw her into his bed.
“Guess we should plan on getting an early start back to Yellowstone tomorrow,” he said as they climbed the porch steps. The house was quiet, and she realized it was later than she’d thought. All the company was gone and, given the darkness in the house, it appeared his parents had retired for the night.
“Yeah.” Ivy didn’t want to think about that. They’d stolen these few days, taken more than they were supposed to, and she’d pay for it. But not yet. She glanced over at the porch swing.
“Wanna sit a while?” James guided her toward the swing without waiting for her response. Not that she was going to say no. There was something very relaxing and soothing about gently swaying with him in the cool night air.
“Austin has a ton of tattoos,” she said, searching for some safe subject to talk about. It was either chitchat or throw herself at him, straddle his lap and beg for one more night.
Jesus. This was all so fucked-up.
“Yeah, he does. Vaughn’s a great tattoo artist. Takes after his dad, Snake, who did the ink on my dad and uncles.”
“They have tattoos too?”
James nodded. “Big ones on their backs. Really cool compasses.”
“You don’t have any tats. Don’t like them?”
He placed his arm along the back of the swing, his fingers finding her hair the same way they had at the dinner table their first night here. It was an innocent touch that sparked too many desires.<
br />
“I love them. And I definitely plan to get one. Just never found anything I wanted to make permanent on my skin. But lately, I’ve been getting some ideas. Sort of got something in mind.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah. What about you? Pro tats?”
“On other people, love them. On me, no. I have a serious fear of needles that I don’t feel the need to overcome anytime soon.”
He grinned. “Fair enough.”
“I hope Bryant isn’t letting something trivial keep him apart from Vaughn tonight.” She sighed. “Maybe he has good reasons for running from the guy, but I felt bad for Vaught earlier, standing out in the cold. I know how shitty it feels to what something you can’t have.”
James winced. He did too. “I didn’t think you saw him out there.”
“Yeah. I did.”
They fell silent once more, rocking slowly back and forth. She felt more at peace than she had in years, which was strange, considering tomorrow was going to offer up the mother of all heartbreaks.
“I love this place,” she whispered after a few minutes.
Her words had James looking around the yard. “I do too.”
She tried to read the strange tone in his voice…then realized it was amazement. She recalled Doug’s words by the bonfire the night before. Wanderlust mixed with a love of home. The foolish part of her wanted to believe the wanderlust was fading. However, the pragmatist pushed the hope away.
Ivy looked over at him. “I guess we should head up.”
James nodded slowly, and she could tell that was the last thing he wanted to do.
“Back to the real world.”
“Yeah,” he said with a sigh. “Back to the real world.”
Chapter Twelve
The ride back to West Yellowstone was less eventful and a hell of a lot quieter than the one to Compton Pass. The truck made the journey without issue, much to James’s chagrin.
It appeared that Ivy had turned a corner he wasn’t able to look around just yet. She was determined to move on—no, move away—and while he understood her reasons why, he couldn’t force himself to face a future that didn’t include her.
