London, UK
2002
‘This place is amazing,’ Claire said, looking around the hotel room Jay had booked for them as a surprise, just a five-minute walk from where the awards were taking place.
‘Only the best room for my special guests,’ Jay said, smiling a smile so wide Claire thought his face might break with the effort. He leaned back in his chair, carefully crossing his legs and smoothing his hand over the silky grey material of his trousers.
Milo, however, shifted awkwardly in his seat, pulling at the short-sleeved black shirt he was wearing, his tanned skin still blotchy from the shave he’d had before their flight, his first shave in weeks. ‘The B&B I booked in Chiswick was nice enough,’ he said, his eyes lingering on the necklace Jay had given Claire as congratulations for her award – an ornately designed typewriter made of gold with blue gems as keypads.
‘Bit of a trek though,’ Jay said.
Claire smiled at Milo. ‘Chiswick’s lovely, Milo. I’ve always liked it there. But we’re here now, aren’t we? We’ll have a whole week in the hotel you booked from tomorrow.’
He smiled but Claire could sense the tension beneath it.
Jay checked his phone. ‘Pinar’s running late,’ he said, referring to the Time features editor he’d mentioned to Claire. ‘She’ll meet us at our table. Shall we go?’
Claire’s tummy bubbled with nerves. She finished the glass of champagne Jay had ordered for them. It fizzed down her throat then whirled in her chest, making her head sway. She hadn’t had champagne in such a long time. She stood up and smiled to herself.
This is just what she needed – they needed.
Milo stood with her, placing his hand on her arm. ‘Are you happy?’ he asked her.
Was she happy? She could still see the rainbow serpent staring at her when she closed her eyes, still feel the heat of the Red Centre on her skin, still hear the sound of Milo’s footsteps as he walked back and forth among the dying mango trees.
But they were here now thanks to the tickets Milo had worked so hard at Joe’s to buy. Their visas would soon run out and they’d even discussed starting a new adventure on the journey over, maybe India or even Japan.
‘Yes,’ she said, smiling.
Milo matched her smile. ‘Good.’
Jay frowned as he looked between them. He hadn’t bought Claire’s excuses for that frantic phone call she’d made to him a couple of days before. She knew he’d bring it up when he got her alone.
He went to the door and held it open. Claire looked down at the wispy black dress she was wearing, the only decent thing she could find at the airport, all her other outfits too old and faded. She’d set it off with an eye-catching Aboriginal necklace with red swirls and matching earrings, but it still felt dull compared to what she usually wore.
‘You look gorgeous,’ Milo said, as though sensing her thoughts.
‘So do you,’ she said, hooking her arm through his. ‘So let’s get our gorgeous selves there, shall we?’
‘So I hear you both retreated from society?’ one of the guests on their table, a writer for The Times, asked them an hour later.
Claire laughed. ‘Not intentionally! Though we have been living in a virtual tin the past few months. It’ll be nice to enjoy some luxury for a few days.’ Milo’s face clouded over. ‘But it’s been wonderful,’ she quickly added. ‘The Red Centre’s an amazing place, isn’t it, Milo?’
He nodded. ‘Yes, wonderful. Have you been, Don?’
Claire’s shoulders relaxed. She’d been worried when they’d first walked into the plush hotel where the awards ceremony was being held. Not just because it brought back memories from when she’d gone with her dad to pick up his award all those years back, but also because it was throbbing with people, with sounds, with smells they’d left behind when they went to Australia. But Milo was being so charming, almost like he’d been those first couple of days in Exmoor, that she needn’t have worried.
‘I’ve only been to Sydney,’ Don replied. ‘I come from your neck of the woods actually, Milo. Barnstaple area?’
Claire felt her smile trickle away. It was no surprise he recognised Milo, he did write for a major British newspaper after all.
But Milo just smiled. ‘Good to have a fellow Westlander to chat to.’
‘So this is a West Country reunion, is it?’ a high-pitched voice asked from behind them.
Claire turned to see a man with a bald head, black eyes, one of them squinting at her. Something about him rang a bell. Then it clicked: it was Nathan Styles, the journalist who’d written all those misleading articles about Milo and confronted her after her court appearance. He’d still sent her emails over the years, trying to get an interview with her, even calling her sister a couple of times. She’d ignored him, just like she ignored all those other nutters who had come out of the woodwork after she’d been in the papers.
‘Good to see you again, Milo,’ Nathan said sarcastically, taking the seat across from him.
Milo’s jaw tensed and, for a moment, Claire thought he might punch Nathan. But instead, Milo frowned. ‘Sorry, do we know each other?’
The smug look on Nathan’s face faltered a little. Claire smiled to herself. Nathan was the type of person who’d rather be punched than not recognised.
Jay jumped up. ‘Ah, there she is! Pinar!’
They all looked over to see a tall, impossibly beautiful woman walk in with wavy black hair to her waist and perfectly tanned skin, making Claire feel frumpy in her plain dress and peeling skin. Pinar caught sight of Jay and her face lit up. Claire wondered if she was more than just an acquaintance.
‘I apologise for my tardiness,’ she said in an accented voice when she arrived. She leaned towards Claire, clasping her hand. ‘You must be Claire. I’m so pleased to finally meet you. And an award-winner, no less. You must tell me of your time in Serbia, especially all those details that didn’t make that fascinating article.’ She turned to Milo. ‘And, Milo, I’ve heard much about you too. You’re very brave and it’s an honour to meet you too, truly.’
He frowned. ‘Brave?’
‘Yes. You saved many people. You’re a real-life hero, no?’
His cheeks reddened and the table went quiet as Nathan raised an eyebrow.
‘Don’t be ashamed,’ Pinar said. ‘You did what you could to protect your family.’
‘Interesting theory,’ Nathan said.
Claire reached under the table, squeezing Milo’s knee. He brushed his fingers over Claire’s hand, a sign he was okay.
Nathan’s phone buzzed and he stood up. ‘Excuse me a moment.’
‘Idiot,’ Don said as he walked away. People around the table raised their eyebrows in surprise as Milo smiled to himself. ‘Come on, we all think it,’ Don said. ‘We’ve all heard the rumours the only reason he managed to get that actress to talk to him about the abuse she endured as a child was because he stole her laptop and read her emails about it. She had no choice when he told her he’d found out through a “source”,’ he added, making quotation marks with his fingers.
‘Oh come on, it’s just a rumour,’ one of the other journalists around the table said.
Don shook his head. ‘He told a colleague when he was drunk and they told me! It’ll be a travesty if he wins an award for that interview.’
The host for the evening walked to the stage then and the room went quiet. Claire felt her stomach fill with butterflies.
‘You mustn’t be nervous,’ Pinar whispered, noticing the look on her face. ‘You deserve this. In fact, I’d like to talk to you about a position that’s opened at the magazine if you have time while you’re here?’
Jay shot Claire an excited smile.
‘Is it a freelance position?’ Claire asked Pinar.
‘Oh no, a proper salaried position based in Dubai.’
Claire imagined Milo walking around, staring up at all those new skyscrapers in Dubai.
She looked at Milo and he shrugged. ‘Worth a chat,’ he
said.
She turned back to Pinar. ‘Maybe we can meet for lunch later in the week?’
Pinar smiled. ‘Of course. I think this could be a wonderful opportunity for someone with your talent, Claire.’
‘Talent that shouldn’t go to waste,’ Jay said, his eyes drilling into Milo’s. ‘Picking mangoes all day a great journalist doth not make.’
‘Claire still writes most days actually,’ Milo said, his voice tense. ‘I’ve always made sure she keeps her writing up.’
‘How kind of you,’ Jay replied.
‘It looks like they’re announcing the awards,’ Pinar said, looking between Milo and Jay, her brow creased.
The next couple of hours passed in a wonderful blur despite the tension between Milo and Jay. The sound of Claire’s name being called out, the sight of her article up on the screen, the words – her words – read out for all to hear. She imagined her dad there, watching with pride in his eyes. She’d even got another text message from Ben the day before, congratulating her on her award. She thought of his pretty fiancé growing fat with child. The sting that news had brought was dissipating. Maybe she’d just needed to get away from Australia to get back on track again and continue healing?
After she collected her award, Milo bought a bottle of champagne he couldn’t afford and twirled her around the room, giddily introducing her to people as ‘my award-winning girlfriend’, making her feel even more like everything would be all right again.
When they got back to the table, Nathan was deep in conversation with Don. They peered up when Claire and Milo approached, faces dark.
‘Why so serious?’ Milo asked Don, flopping down and pulling Claire onto his lap. She wrapped her arms around him, kissing his sweaty neck as he laughed.
‘Quite a news story breaking in our part of the world, Milo,’ Don said, his eyes passing over Claire.
Milo stiffened slightly.
‘Skeletal remains of a body have been found in an old fishing hut,’ Nathan said. ‘It’s just a mile from where your farm was, in fact. Been dead years, my sources are telling me. I’m going to head down there to do some poking around.’
A terrible wretchedness spread over Milo’s face.
‘You know the area,’ Nathan said, his eyes drilling into Milo’s. ‘The police are currently making enquires into who owns the hut but maybe you—’
‘It’s been a long time since Milo’s been back to Exmoor,’ Claire said, her instincts to protect him overtaking her doubts. ‘Shouldn’t you be going now anyway? Exmoor’s quite a drive.’
Nathan held her gaze for a few moments then he stood, flinging his jacket over his shoulder. ‘Of course. I’m sure we’ll be talking very soon anyway.’ He shoved his business card into her bag then left the room.
Claire turned to Milo, seeing a look in his eyes that showed he wasn’t surprised. She tried to open her mouth, to form some words, but nothing would come out. Then a journalist she knew came over to congratulate her. When he left them alone, Milo took her hand. ‘We better go,’ he said tightly, his breathing funny as he avoided her gaze. ‘I’ve booked a table for dinner, remember?’
‘But Milo—’
‘Please, Claire,’ he said, voice desperate. ‘Let’s not ruin today.’
‘I don’t want dinner, I want to know—’
‘So, dinner next?’ Jay said as he strolled over. He paused, finally noting the atmosphere. ‘Everything okay?’
‘I think we’ll give dinner a miss,’ Claire said. ‘It was a long flight and—’
‘No,’ Milo said, shaking his head. ‘Absolutely not. We can’t stop the celebrations.’
Claire frowned. Why was he being like this? Hadn’t he just looked like the world was falling apart?
‘I agree,’ Jay said, grabbing Claire’s hand before she could protest any more and pulling her away. She twisted around to see Pinar tuck her arm into Milo’s. There was a look in his eyes she’d only seen once, when she’d found him with his brother dead in his arms: a heart-rending vulnerability. That look made Claire’s head spin, made her realise something was terribly, terribly wrong.
When they stepped outside, the sun was setting, spring making itself known with soft yellow skies and blossom-clogged pavements. It didn’t seem right to watch a new season beginning when, right at that moment, it felt like they were on the precipice of the end.
Ten minutes later, they approached the restaurant but it looked dark inside.
‘Are you sure it’s open?’ Claire asked, hoping Milo had got it wrong so they could go back to their hotel and talk alone.
‘Sure I’m sure,’ he replied, putting on what she could tell was a forced smile. ‘Come on.’
He took her hand and pushed the door open, revealing a room shrouded in darkness.
‘Milo, I really think—’
Suddenly, the lights flashed on and a sea of faces smiled out at them.
‘Surprise!’ they all shouted out.
Her family and friends! She could even see Sofia in the crowds, her face tense. Claire stumbled back and Milo took her arm, a flicker of his old natural smile appearing. It felt like a dream. A wonderfully shocking dream.
‘You arranged this?’ she asked Milo.
He nodded. Now she understood why he’d been so keen not to go back to the hotel. But still, that didn’t change what had happened earlier. What could she do though – insist on leaving? She looked into Milo’s brown eyes. It had to all just be a coincidence. She needed to put it to the back of her mind.
Over the next couple of hours, they worked their way around the room, Claire introducing Milo to everyone. He put on a fine act, laughing at the right moments, but Claire could tell beneath it all he was tense.
Then they got to Sofia, Alex and Ed, the latter a handsome blond man with a kind smile. Milo and Ed shook hands, and Sofia nervously smoothed down the red material of her dress. She looked thin, her face lined. She’d managed to get a promotion in the end and the extra hours were showing.
Claire pulled her sister into a hug. ‘Lovely to see you,’ she whispered into her ear, desperate for something not to be broken tonight. ‘Can we be friends?’
Her sister pulled away, examining Claire’s face. Then she smiled. ‘Of course. I’ve missed you.’ Claire felt relief rush through her.
‘Mum couldn’t come then?’ she asked.
Sofia rolled her eyes. ‘You know what she’s like about flying with her bad back.’
‘Oh yes, her bad back,’ Claire said sarcastically.
Milo shot Sofia an awkward smile. ‘Hello, Sofia.’
She didn’t say anything, turning away instead as Alex and Ed looked on, embarrassed. Claire wanted to grab her sister by the shoulders and tell her it was Holly who’d destroyed all her work. But she knew Milo wouldn’t want that. She resolved to tell her one day though; she couldn’t have Sofia hating the man she loved for all the wrong reasons.
‘You look well tanned,’ Alex said, giving Claire a peck on the cheek before awkwardly shaking Milo’s hand.
‘Alex helped me organise this,’ Milo explained to Claire.
‘Ah, bless you,’ Claire said to Alex, giving him a hug, pleased things were better between him and Milo.
Jodie bounded over then with her husband Paul. They both looked so young and blond and happy with their boho-chic clothes and trendy haircuts. Sofia smiled tightly at Jodie, no love lost between the two women, then led Alex and Ed away, shouting ‘Catch you later, Claire,’ over her shoulder.
After Claire introduced them, Paul dragged Milo to the bar, shouting above the music that he wanted to hear all about his ‘peach farm’.
‘So,’ Jodie said, turning to Claire. ‘I finally get to meet the elusive Milo.’
‘Yes, finally,’ Claire said, squeezing Jodie’s hand. ‘And I finally get to see you again. You look great.’
‘You look fab too, hon, though what’s with the black?’
‘Only thing I could find at the airport.’
‘Yea
h, I heard it was all a bit last minute. I was hoping to come visit you in Lapland before you suddenly upped sticks. What happened there? You fobbed me off last time I asked. I thought you were planning to stay a year or so.’
‘Long story,’ Claire said, nervously fiddling with her typewriter necklace as she looked over at Milo. He was leaning against a pillar, nursing a bottle of beer as Paul talked to him. He’d taken off his tie and his face was red from the heat in the room, his hair dishevelled.
‘He’s definitely the dark, brooding type, isn’t he?’ Jodie said, following Claire’s gaze. ‘You always went for boys like that when we were kids, that’s why I was surprised when you fell for Ben. He was more Labrador puppy than wolf.’
‘Milo’s not a wolf!’
‘I was joking, babe!’ Jodie frowned. ‘Are you okay?’
Claire sighed. ‘Sorry, I guess I’m just jetlagged.’
Jodie put her hand on Claire’s arm. ‘You’ve heard from Ben, haven’t you?’
‘About his girlfriend being pregnant?’
‘Yeah. Paul heard about it. Must be difficult.’
‘It was at first,’ Claire admitted. ‘I felt like I’d been hit by a bulldozer when Ben told me. My reaction surprised me, you know? I think I was a bit naïve to think I could completely get over being infertile. I guess it goes to show the pain never goes away.’
‘That’s a healthy attitude,’ Jodie said. ‘I’d be more worried if you were in denial, it’s a big part of your life and will be forever. But look at you! I’m so proud of you, hon. This award is amazing and the article you wrote is the kind of thing you always dreamed of writing.’ She took the award from Claire’s hand and examined it. ‘Daddy Bo would be so proud.’
Claire squeezed her friend’s hand. ‘You’re a sentimental old bag, you know.’
‘I can’t help it, it’s just so wonderful seeing you like you are, travelling the world with a hot farmer, writing the stories you always dreamed of writing. You were so unhappy with Ben, Claire. I didn’t think it was my place to intrude but it worried me, how separately you seemed to live your lives and the mechanical way you approached those IVF rounds.’ Jodie looked into Claire’s eyes, her own filling with tears. ‘You know, you always pretended it was like water off a duck’s back. What you just said now, about the pain never going away, it’s the first time you’ve admitted to me how hard it was for you. It’s great to see you open and honest and grabbing life with both hands.’
The Atlas of Us Page 29
