It was as simple as that.
“Alex, what Sushna said. About your blood being a conductor … Do you think?”
“We can’t trust Sushna,” he said, and I nodded.
“Of course. I just don’t want to ignore the fact that your magic might—”
“My magic has been there for years. It’ll be there after the merge. We’ll figure it out then,” he said. His voice was strained and I let it go, knowing he wasn’t ready to face it just yet.
“How’s Harold?”
The question was meant to distract me, and I wondered if Alex could read my thoughts. Or at least sense my barely-concealed panic. “Coping. He asked me to try and bring them back again.”
“Again?” Alex repeated. “Even after a day of them sitting…?”
I nodded and felt a lump rise in the back of my throat as I remembered his tears when nothing had happened. “It didn’t work,” I added on a whisper.
Alex’s hand cupped my cheek. I angled my head so I could look up at him. His dark eyes held sympathy as he studied me. “We’ll find him,” he said, and I knew he meant RJ. That to Alex, the answer was always vengeance. Justice. But none of that would bring back what Harold had lost. What we had all lost. Besides, the real crisis waited for us tomorrow and had nothing to do with RJ.
But I just nodded wordlessly.
He leaned in and planted a soft kiss on my chin and then my forehead and finally my lips. When his mouth kept kissing and comforting me, I gave in to the sensation of his body touching mine. It was all I could do. Words weren’t enough. Vengeance, anger, fighting—none of that would undo what had been done.
And there was going to be a time to face RJ but that time wasn’t now.
Now, I needed to combat the hate with love. To be in my body in this present moment and just enjoy the sensation of being human. Of being Sam. And that’s exactly what I knew Alex would help me do tonight.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Alex
I stared into the mug of black coffee I held and inhaled the faint scent of smoke that still hung around the property. It lingered everywhere even as far as the front porch where I currently stood. I’d woken early and slipped away from Sam while she slept, making the hike from the house to the woods where I found Harold passed out in the charred grove. He’d been groggy, teary-eyed, and exhausted and I couldn’t blame him. I felt pretty fucking sad too, but for more than just lost woodland.
We were out of time and out of options. Koby and Brittany hadn’t found a single power or entity to draw from without our assembled witches. Even Kiwi and Mirabelle were too far away to help now. Without those trees for transport, there was no way we were getting help here in time.
Not by tonight’s full moon.
And worse than that, Sam was still going through with it. Which meant the only probable outcome was that Sam would invite Hina in—and then Hina would shove Sam out.
I still hadn’t mentioned the strange words to her—about transference or whatever the hell Hina had tried telling me yesterday. I had no idea what it meant, but it sounded a lot like the advice Sushna had given me about my blood being a conductor. Until I knew it wasn’t something that would hurt Sam, I wasn’t going to encourage anyone to use my blood for tonight’s ritual. But that left a whole lot of nothing in the way of magical options.
I took a swig of coffee to keep from letting loose a string of curses that would be sure to wake the house.
This merge was a damned disaster and it hadn’t even started yet.
My phone vibrated in my pocket. I yanked it out quickly, scanning the screen before pressing it to my ear. “Edie.”
“I’m sorry about the fire,” she said simply.
My shoulders slumped as I let my guard down and the full force of my own doubt and discouragement hit me. With Edie, I could be as bleak as I felt and she wouldn’t fall apart.
“How’s Breck?” she asked.
“Healing slow.”
“But Sam—”
“He won’t let her touch him. Says he’s going to use it to fuel his rage.”
Edie chuckled. “I’ve heard that one before.”
“Yeah. He looks like an idiot though. Eye’s still swollen shut. Should make for an interesting meeting later.”
“What meeting?”
I told her about Breck’s contact who had come through with ammo—and maybe even more than that if we could convince them. She blew out a breath. “I’m just glad you have what you need. I’m sorry. About CHAS. About everything.”
“Apologize after,” I said because I couldn’t handle an apology from Edie Godfrey on a good day. And today was not a good day.
“Fine. Listen, we have a flight out in the morning already booked for us, but tonight, at midnight, I’ll—.”
“Edie, you’re halfway across the world. There’s nothing you can do.”
“I’m going to make the call at midnight, Alex. I have to.” Her voice broke, and I stood stunned. Edie Godfrey never broke. What the hell?
“Fine. I get it. I expected nothing less,” I said, not sure why I was the one soothing her for calling in the cavalry on me.
“No. You don’t get it. I’m not calling them in to hurt or arrest you. I can’t lose you, do you understand me?”
I did understand. I understood a lot more than she knew. “I know. I appreciate it, Edie. But … I can’t lose her,” I said, my voice hoarse. Everything ached, and I knew it was the price of love but damn. This shit stung everywhere. Even my toes.
“I know. You do what you have to.” She sniffled and I almost dropped my coffee. “Love hard. It’s what makes us great. Not the killing, not the death. The love. Got it?”
“I got it.”
“Good. We’re going to keep looking for an answer to the equinox. We’ll talk again tomorrow. Don’t forget to keep your head down after midnight.”
“I won’t forget.” My voice was raw and hoarse even as I spoke the words.
“And Alex? This isn’t your fault.”
Edie’s words were like a sucker punch straight to the heart of my own fears. “Maybe not. But … I can’t protect her from this.”
“No. But Sam doesn’t need you to stand in front of her. You keep standing beside her. That’s all you can do and that’s enough.”
Fuck. That sounded an awful lot like Sushna’s words about me being the protector. Something in me stirred. “You really think so?”
“I think you already have all the answers you need right in front of you.”
The moment she said it I knew. Or maybe I’d always known. Maybe that’s why I’d fought against it, though. I hated the answer. The only solution or resource we had left—and it wasn’t me.
I hung up with Edie, promising to call her tomorrow, and went in search of Indra.
I shoved the door shut behind me and stood against it, doing a quick sweep of the space. The bedroom smelled musty and somehow muddy, like the earth after it rained. I wondered about it since I’d just been in here a few days before we’d brought Indra home with us and it had smelled normal. But now … it was like stepping back into the Obupa—or like maybe Indra had brought the Obupa with her. Not exactly a comforting thought.
Indra was awake and sitting up in the twin bed against the far wall. She watched me warily, and I was sure the expression was mutual.
“I knocked but no one answered,” I said, feeling awkward on top of the unease that slithered up my spine.
She didn’t acknowledge my words at all. Not with a flirty smile or so much as a tilt of her head. At least before, I knew what to expect, but this Indra was unpredictable and mysterious. Broken and blank.
I hated both versions and had to swallow back a disgusted bitterness that rose on my tongue as I stared back at her. Black hair hung limp around her pale face. She was clean at least and I suspected Sam or Brittany had taken care of that after her school outing leaving such a rank trail. In fact, it appeared from the clothes and absence of clay matting her skin that
Sam and Brittany had been taking care of a lot when it came to Indra.
I couldn’t understand why, but guilt tugged at me to realize how disengaged I’d been when it came to her. She’d been in the house for days now, and I hadn’t so much as asked whether she’d gotten a meal.
I looked back at Indra, wondering how best to approach her now. To get what I’d come for. She remained quiet, staring right through me.
I tucked my hands behind me to give them something to do. God, this was fucking miserable. “Look, I know you aren’t speaking to anyone, and I didn’t come here to ask you to start now. In fact, I think it’s best if you don’t, but—I need to talk to you, and I just need you to listen.”
Nothing.
I grabbed the chair from the wooden desk beside me and spun it around so that it faced the bed. I sat, careful to keep my distance. Mute or not, I would never, ever trust the creature that sat before me.
But Edie was right. I had all the answers already in front of me. Locked inside the only person on the face of the earth whose very existence rattled me all the way to my bones. And I was prepared to tear her apart to get to them.
“Here’s the thing,” I began. “Sam needs to merge so that she doesn’t lose herself to Hina.” I tilted my head. “Kind of like you lost yourself to that asshole Ea.” Indra flinched at that, and I sat up straighter, satisfied to see some kind of reaction. “We were going to use the trees to transport the witches we needed to ground Sam. But that fire …” I cleared my throat. “The trees are lost. Dead. Which means none of the witches can travel here. Not in time for tonight’s ceremony. Which means all we have are the witches who are already here. Sam, Safar, Harold. And you. And that’s going to have to be enough.
“Now, I don’t know why your mom sent you here, and I don’t know if we can trust you. No, scratch that. I don’t trust you. But this is something you can do for Sam. You’re one of the most powerful witches I’ve ever met. And we need your magic for this merge to work. So I need you to get your shit together. You don’t have to talk, but you do need to show up and help Sam. It’s the least you can do after everything.”
A moment of silence passed between us, and I bit my tongue against the curses I wanted to hurl at her. She hadn’t said no. She just hadn’t said yes.
I told myself that just because she hadn’t responded didn’t mean she wouldn’t show up when the time came. But I also couldn’t sit here and look at her much longer either.
I shoved to my feet and exhaled heavily as I straightened. Indra never moved, and I didn’t bother putting the chair away before I stalked to the door. My hand closed over the knob, ready to yank it open. Now that I’d decided to leave, I couldn’t get away fast enough.
“Your anger has deafened you.”
I dropped the knob as if I’d been burned and whirled on her. My panic stuck in my throat, and I had to swallow before I could speak. “Don’t tell me about my anger,” I said, careful to keep a tight rein on my temper.
Five seconds ago, spouting off to a mute version of her, I’d been fine. But now, hearing her voice … all I wanted to do was wrap my hands around her throat and squeeze until her fucking eyes popped out.
Indra’s expression softened into something knowing. For a split second, I wondered if she could somehow read my thoughts. But then she spoke again, and I became caught up in trying to decipher what it all meant. “Your anger is a gift. It’s powerful too—not to be wasted or discounted. But don’t forget Ea uses anger as a weapon and a means. He undoubtedly senses yours and will use it against you tonight.”
I opened my mouth and closed it again, surprised at the truth in her words. I’d fought enough enemies to know weaknesses were the most important piece. If an opponent knew your weakness and how to exploit it, that could turn the tide of any battle, no matter how outnumbered one side might be.
“He’ll find you with or without it,” she added, and I wondered if it was meant to be a threat or a comfort.
I was sick of trying to figure it out.
“Will you help Sam with the merge or not?”
“Will you make me a promise if I do?”
“Depends.” My eyes narrowed because even now her expression hadn’t changed once. She still wore the carefully constructed blankness that had accompanied her silence.
“Kill me.”
I blinked. “What?”
“When it’s over. When Sam has merged and you don’t need me anymore, kill me. Or let me die.”
“I …” What the hell could I say? Part of me—a huge part—wanted to tell her hell yes and get on with it. But then I thought about what I’d say to Sam. I sighed and squeezed my eyes shut. “I can’t just kill you,” I said. “Sam wouldn’t like it.”
Indra cocked her head, and through the carefully arranged blankness, I caught a flash of sarcasm. “Lucky for both of us, you hate being told what to do.”
My fury flared hot at that, but she was right. In the end, I would do what she was asking. My anger wouldn’t let me say no. And if that weren’t enough, I’d do anything it took to help Sam keep hold of herself. “Help Sam, and I’ll do what you’re asking.”
The words felt uncomfortable leaving my lips, but I said them anyway. Behind me, Indra let out a breath that felt as if she’d been holding it since the moment we’d brought her home. “My mother gave you the answer you are looking for already, but your anger made it impossible to hear it.”
“What answer? What didn’t I hear?” I leaned forward but didn’t dare get any closer. My desperation leaked off me and we both knew she held all the power now.
But she didn’t taunt me or hold it over me. Instead, she answered simply with words that had been ringing in my ears for days now. “You are the conductor, Alex. Whatever power Sam needs can be transferred through you.”
“But how?” I ground out through gritted teeth. The question that had all but driven me mad trying to decipher it.
“Your blood,” she said and then before I could respond, a searing pain sent me doubling over, clutching my left forearm. I hissed and looked at the skin there, shocked to find a thin line of blood oozing from an incision that had clearly been made by an invisible blade.
I straightened, bent on fulfilling my new promise to Indra here and now.
“Anger deafens, remember?” she reminded and I stopped short.
“All right. I’m listening,” I said, the words low and threatening, like the warning I meant them to be.
She held out her hand, and I flinched. She pretended not to see it and motioned me closer. I took three steps and, still a full arm’s length away, slowly offered my bloody arm. With careful movements, she touched her pointer finger to the scratch on my arm. Just a single tap before drawing away again, but it was enough.
The moment she touched me, the scratch opened into a deep gash and crimson liquid streamed steadily from the opening. The sting turned to a burn, and I sucked in a breath through my teeth, jerking away from her. I backed up until my shoulders hit the closed door, eyes trained on Indra. She didn’t move.
“What the hell did you just do?” I asked, unconcerned with the blood dripping down my fingers and onto the wood floor. I was far more caught up in whatever power Indra held that had allowed her to hurt me so easily. Especially when we’d all been operating under the assumption her power had been stripped when Sam had removed Ea’s presence from inside her.
“Not me. You. Your blood is a conductor for whatever magic courses through you.”
“And what kind of magic is that?” I asked. “What kind of magic do you have now?”
“Pain,” she said softly. Her expression shuttered and whatever openness or willingness to help seemed to vanish. I felt strangely as if I’d just met another version of Indra. A version I hadn’t encountered before. Maybe a nicer one. But this … creature who watched me now was the one from my nightmares. And I took an instinctual step back before addressing her again.
“You are your mother’s daughter,” I ground out
.
She didn’t laugh.
“And Sam’s? What happens when her magic touches me?”
“You will see,” she said simply, and then turned away, her eyes shuttering until I knew she no longer saw me or maybe anything at all.
The conversation was clearly over. And I really needed to bandage my arm. Blood had already pooled at my feet.
Shit. Was I supposed to thank her now? Her answers had only left me with more questions.
I turned back, the conviction of my words coursing through me right alongside the sting of her magic. “If you’re wrong, I’ll kill you,” I said. “And if you’re right … I’ll kill you faster.” I didn’t wait for her to say anything else before I opened the door and slipped out.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Sam
Going to class felt like the silliest thing I could do considering I could very well lose myself to a goddess tonight. But if I wanted to keep my spot at school and keep my mother from blowing a gasket—or worse, showing up here again—I had no choice. None of us trusted Indra to be me again, not after her strange muteness and memorable body odor yesterday.
Brittany went with me, leaving Alex to drive up the coast with Harold today to look for another tree that might be able to transport Kiwi or any of the others here in time for tonight’s ceremony. It was the fourth drive of its kind since the fire, and so far, they hadn’t found anything, but I knew Alex wouldn’t give up. Safar stayed home with Indra who still wasn’t speaking except for a short and mysterious conversation she’d had with Alex this morning. He’d emerged while the rest of us were eating breakfast, bloody and rattled and tight-lipped about their conversation. He’d said only, “Indra will ground you tonight,” and then disappeared in search of bandages.
Whatever he might have done to get Indra to agree to help us had worried me—but so did everything else. I’d have to trust him.
We still hadn’t spoken about the sacrifice—not even to tell the others. It was selfish. A way to protect me from more worrying about who might get hurt in order for me to get free—but it wasn’t something I could possibly explain anyway. Or even consider going through with. I just hoped whatever sacrifice Hina required was one I could make.
Defiance (Heart Lines Series Book 5) Page 20
