by Josh Powell
“Gurken,” said Pellonia, “since your magical axe is no longer magicking, do you have a strategy for taking down the dragon?”
“I, uh, well, we could, let’s see… Uh. Nnnnnn-maybe we couuulllldddd, uhhh. No, no I don’t. Wait! Uh, no.”
“Well, perhaps we should come up with a strategy before setting off to the dragon’s lair? A bit of strategy could go a long way towards assuring victory.”
“Strategy is overrated; tactics separate the living and the dead.”
Pellonia stared at Gurken in wonderment and shook her head. Finally, she said, “Maximina go get food for the dogs. I’ll talk to the town leaders. Gurken you seek out a wizard and get your axe fixed.”
Maximina walked up to the town armory, the pack of dogs trailing behind her. It was a solid stone building with a covered area out front. There was a smith hammering on a horseshoe under the covered area. A loud metallic clang rang every time he struck. He looked up and gave her the strangest look when he saw the dogs following her.
“Hullo,” she said. “I’m looking for food for the dogs for my journey.”
“I don’t sell dog food. I sell weapons and armor.” He looked down at his work and sighed. “And horseshoes.”
“These dogs are a very effective weapon, I assure you.”
“Mostly, I sell horseshoes.”
“Yes, that’s fine, but these dogs are a weapon and they require food. You sell sheaths for the swords don’t you? The sheath isn’t a weapon.”
“I’ve trained as a blade smith and armorer for years, but do these people need weapons? No, they need horseshoes. I don’t have any kibble, but if you need a fine blade I can make you one.”
“That’s great. A blade. Hmm. Let me see. A sword that I can use to fight something one at a time or a pack of dogs that can surround and devour my foes. Think, think…”
The smithy, quite experienced at his trade, knew the sort of customer in front of him. “Well then, I’ve got quite the deal for you. You can buy two swords, then when your foe is distracted by the dogs, you can sneak up behind them and stick the swords in their back.”
Maximina’s eyes grew wide and she grinned a huge stupid grin. “That. Is. Brilliant! Unlimited dual-wielding sneak attacks! I’ll take two swords, please.”
“You can pay for them?”
Maximina pulled out a small sack and dumped its contents out onto the table. A large pile of coins and gems stacked up on the table. The proprietor gave her a strange look.
“It’s a magic sack,” she explained. “It can hold rather more than it appears capable of holding.”
“I see. I may have some other items for sale you’d enjoy owning.”
“Do tell!”
Upon leaving both Gurken and Maximina, Pellonia realized she had no idea how to find the town leaders. She stood in the middle of the street, contemplating her next move when a woman carrying a load of soiled clothing in a basket happened by.
“Excuse me miss!” Pellonia shouted, walking over.
“Who, me?”
“Yes. Sorry, but I’m looking for the leaders of the town. My friends and I are going to go and kill the dragon.”
“Well, arn’t you the cute lil’ dragon slayer,” the woman cooed. “Thir’teen years ol’ and all ready to go hunt the dragon, eh? ‘Fraid it’s gonna be your turn to feed the beastie next are ya?”
“No, I—”
“Well, now. There’s a simplah way to make sure you aren’t the next maiden to take a turn wit’ him. If ya know what I mean.”
“Not really,” Pellonia said, shaking her head.
The woman grinned. “The dragon only eats maidens, lil’ girl, so ya best be making’ sure that you’re not one when your name gets called.”
“Thanks for the relationship advice, but I’m really just looking for the town leaders.”
“There ya go, then. That’s your solution. The town leaders can be found in the same place you can go to take care of your dragon problem, the Cat’s Meow. It’s a brothel, also a bar and laundry, but mostly a brothel. I’m walkin’ that way now, you’re welcome to tag along.”
Pellonia scrunched up her face. “Thanks, but I’ll pass. Does anyone else know where the dragon lives?”
“Oh, everyone knows that, lil’ girl. They’re taking a virgin to be sacrificed tomorrow. Leaves from the Horny Dragon Inn at dawn. I know, I know, it’s a shame about the name of the place, but it was called that long before the dragon started eating virgins. Dragons do have horns, after all. At least, I think they do, never bothered to see it for mahself. Perhaps I should go tomorrow. They tried ta change the name o’ the inn once, but the Flaming Dragon Inn drew a different sort of crowd, so they changed it back. Now all kinds of people meet there. Lil’ girl? Where’d you go? Huh. She seems to have wandered off.”
Gurken arrived at the wizard’s tower. It was a stone structure three stories tall. The tallest building in town. There was no visible door at the bottom of the tower and the only windows were up on the third story.
“Hullo! Wizard!” Gurken shouted, straining his neck to look at the windows.
There was a blinding flash and a plume of smoke in front of Gurken. When the smoked cleared, there was an extraordinarily skinny man standing in front of him, leaning on a staff. He wore silken wizarding robes and a pointed hat typical of his order. One of the wizard’s eyes was blue, and the other seemed slightly larger and had a brownish-red tint.
“Who dares intrude upon the mighty Magdar?” The wizard coughed. “Upon my domicile! What do you want?”
“It’s my axe, wizard. It’s magic and it stopped working. I was hoping you could have a look at it.”
“Magic has changed, young dwarf,” the wizard said in a kind voice. “Those that have spent years practicing wizardry have suddenly become unable to wield it. However, it’s quite uncommon for enchanted items to cease functioning. I’ve not heard of it before. Let me have a look at your axe.”
Gurken handed over his axe to the wizard.
“Mmmm, yes, I see,” said the wizard. “Here’s the problem. These are dwarfen runes and with the recent changes in magic, they should be dwarv— Hold on, then.” The wizard looked up at Gurken and squinted, his voice deepening. “Are you Gurken Stonebiter?”
“Aye.”
“Templerager of the Stonebiter clan?”
“Aye.”
“Avatar of Durstin Firebeard?”
“Aye. It seems that you know me, wizard. What of it?”
“We’ve been looking for you.” The wizard hissed, his tone changing. The wizard smiled, his tongue sticking out slightly between his teeth. Gurken saw it was no tongue. It was a pink tentacle writhing across the wizards teeth. “And now you have no magic and I have your axe. I am the bearer of the Eye of Venka and you’re at MY mercy.”
At that, the wizards brownish eye turned entirely red and protruded from its socket. A red haze seeped from around the eye as it glowed and pulsed. The wizard raised his staff and the ground trembled. Smoke spewed from the end of the staff, circling up and around the wizard’s head. Lightning crackled. Thunder boomed. He laughed a deep, echoing laugh.
Gurken flicked a dart into the wizard’s eye, walked over, retrieved his axe from the corpse and walked off. “Phage,” Gurken said, shaking his head.
Maximina, Gurken, and Pellonia met back up in the town square.
“I didn’t get the dog’s food. I got something so MUCH better.”
“I didn’t find the town’s leaders, but I do know how to find the dragon!”
“I didn’t get the axe fixed. The wizard was Phage. I killed him.”
Maximina and Pellonia stared at Gurken.
“Can’t I let you alone for five minutes without you killing someone?” Pellonia asked.
CHAPTER THREE
The Pedant and the Unnamed One
ARTHUR GIMBLE SMILED. It was a wry smile of self-satisfaction with a task well begun. He looked out over the city of Arendal from his tower, watching as
people ebbed and flowed below like so many fish in the sea. Swimming around, living their lives, unaware of the danger that stalked them. The tentacle that had replaced his tongue when the Phage took him writhed reflexively in his mouth, its suckers attaching to the roof and popping free as it pulled away.
Why couldn’t these people see that their time was numbered, that the Phage were inevitable?
There was a knocking at the door.
“M’lord Gimble,” came a hesitant voice from the door.
“Enter,” Arthur said.
The door opened slowly, a long creak punctuating the silence in the room. A face popped around the side, looking into the room as if to weigh it for potential danger. Then, seeing that Arthur stood relaxed and waiting, a man entered the room. He was a young man, pale with a matted head of black hair. He was over six feet tall and bulky. His black woolen wizarding robe, patched many times over the years, covered his muscular frame.
“What is it?” Arthur asked.
“Sire, our operative has returned. She somehow managed to retrieve the Orb of Skzd from the temple, as commanded.”
“Excellent.”
“Bring her and the orb to me.”
“At once, sire.” The young wizard backed out of the room, bowing as he went. When he reached the door he pulled it closed behind him.
The young wizard returned with an object draped with a black cloth. He bowed before Arthur, holding the object up. “Sire, I’m sorry but she left before I returned to fetch her.”
Arthur let out a long sigh and shook his head sadly. “When did you pay her?” he asked.
“She requested payment before I came up to inform you. Why do you ask?”
Arthur crossed his arms and reached up to pinch the bridge of his nose under his glasses. “It’s so difficult to acquire good minions on this world.”
He lowered his hands. “Look, Doofus-“
The young wizard interjected, “It’s Rufus, sire.”
Arthur continued, paying the interjection no notice. “That is, at least, the expected orb in your hands, is it not?”
“Yes, sire. At least, I believe it is.”
“Ah. Did you check?”
“I wouldn’t say that I checked, if I were being precise, sire. I might say only that I took steps to discover its veracity.”
“That step wouldn’t be asking the thief, would it?”
“Yes, sire.”
“Good. Wait… yes it isn’t or yes it is?”
“You are very precise, sire.”
“Some might say I proceed with an overabundance of caution.”
“Just so, sire. Might I be so bold as to suggest you look under the cloth?”
“Very well, Doofus.” Arthur pinched the center of the cloth with his fingers and raised the cloth. Underneath was a metallic cube with smooth and reflective surfaces.
“Oh!” Arthur smiled. His eyes opened with excitement and his tentacled tongue slithered against the inside of his teeth. “It is the orb. I’m rather curious how she acquired it so quickly. The temple couldn’t have been that easy to penetrate.”
“As to that, sire, I haven’t any idea. If I knew how to break into the temple and acquire the orb, well then, I should have volunteered myself for the duty.”
“No matter,” Arthur said. “Did you also give her the cursed sword?”
“Of course, sire.”
“And you instructed her to give it to our enemies?”
“Yes, sire.”
“Very well. Then it is time to prepare for our minion on the elven ship to open the way back to this world. She brings with her the ability to extend the range of the Orb of Skzd so that it can open a portal across the boundaries of this dimension and summon forth The Unnamed One.”
“Isn’t ‘The Unnamed One’ a name?”
“I’m sorry, what?”
“I’m just saying that while ‘The Unnamed One’ may have not had a name once, when people started calling it ‘The Unnamed One’ it acquired that as a name.”
“No, that’s not its name. That’s just what people call it.”
“Seems like a name to me. Maybe we should call it The Named One, though that doesn’t have quite the same ring to it.”
“Are you done?”
“Yes, sire.”
“Call upon the mysterious man in the silken cloak. We shall ready the portal.”
CHAPTER FOUR
The Berserker and the Maiden
“WE’VE RUN OUT of maidens,” the mayor told the crowd in the morning, shaking his head sadly. The mayor stood beside a wooden pole with chains and manacles attached to it. The manacles were empty. “I’m afraid that last night, the last maiden in the city, shall we say… disqualified herself.
“Trollop!” said a voice in the crowd.
“In about five minutes, the dragon will be here and we’ll all be scorched and eaten alive. Please, don’t panic. There’s nothing to be done.”
The people in the crowd looked around at one another.
“Can’t we still pretend she’s a maiden?” said a voice in the crowd.
“A good idea, for sure,” said the mayor. “But the dragon can tell these things, he’s got a unicorn with him. I’m afraid we’re doomed. Nothing to be done about it.”
“You can’t fool a unicorn,” someone in the crowd shouted.
“How about a male maiden? I’m sure we’ve plenty of those. Roger here, for example.”
“Hey! I’m not a maiden!”
“Sure, sure, we all believe that.”
“It’s no good anyway. The dragon quite prefers that the maiden in question be a woman,” said the mayor.
“The dragon’s really quite particular,” another voice criticized.
“What about a young maiden? I mean, technically, if we can just find someone young enough…” said someone in the crowd. He turned and looked at Pellonia, as did the rest of the crowd.
“Right then,” said the woman Pellonia had met the day before. “She’s a maiden, roight an’ propa. Said me so ‘erself, yesterday.”
“No good,” said Pellonia, shaking her head. “I have it on good authority from a former half-unicorn that one must be of a sufficient age for being a maiden to mean something.”
“Sure’s ya do!” said the woman. “Why don’ ya come ova here like a good lil’ miss an’ let us hook ya up fur the dragon?”
The crowd turned towards Pellonia and began to creep towards her. Pellonia started to back away when Maximina whistled and her dogs leapt to their feet and ran beside her, baring their teeth and growling at the crowd. Gurken sneered and raised his axe, stealing a glance at Eihwaz, the dwarfen rune of strength, reliability, setting your sites on a reasonable target in order to achieve ones goals. The rune did not glow.
The crowd stopped advancing as it considered the growling dogs. Then the ground shook. The buildings creaked and groaned in complaint at the tremor. The dogs looked around, whining, as everyone struggled to remain on their feet.
A roar reverberated through their bones, rattling their teeth. The dragon had arrived.
The crowd took to their heels and ran in utter panic and sheer terror. An intense heat seared into the backs of Pellonia, Maximina, and Gurken. The dogs ran off after the crowd. Everyone turned and saw dragon’s fire tinting the sky a deep orange hue.
The beast was larger than a house, golden scales reflected the light of its fiery breath. It sat behind them with its neck outstretched to the heavens, spewing fire into the sky. A pale unicorn stood alongside the dragon, its white coat aglow. The unicorn watched Pellonia as the dragon’s flames peaked and died down, the roar of flames giving way to the quiet of the morning. The square was empty except for the dragon, the unicorn, Pellonia, Gurken, and Maximina.
“Well met,” said the unicorn. Pellonia and Gurken looked at each other.
“Well met,” said Pellonia.
“Come along then, maiden,” the unicorn said. “We haven’t got all day.”
“How come
you can talk?” asked Pellonia.
“Who me?” the unicorn asked. “Why shouldn’t I be able to talk? How come you can talk?”
“I- uh, never mind.”
“I should hope so. Stupid question.”
“Sorry. Also, I’m not a maiden.”
“Sure you are. Are you trying to tell me my business? I’m a unicorn, I know maidens. That’s pretty much what we do.”
“But I’m not old enough to be a maiden.”
The unicorn cocked its head to the side, studying her. “You’re an elf, aren’t you?”
“Well, yeah.”
“So you only look thirteen. How old are you, actually?”
“Umm…Twenty years or so.”
“There ya go… maiden. Now, unless there is anything else, we should really get going. Omumborombonga gets cranky when she’s late for her nap.” The dragon lowered her immense head, her face dark, shadowed against the sun’s brilliance, and glared at Pellonia.
Pellonia gulped. Addressing the dragon, she asked, “Are you going to eat me?”
The dragon jerked back her immense head and her eyes opened wide. “Good heavens, no!” Her voice boomed, rattling the doors of the houses; somewhere, a dog howled. The dragon cringed and looked at the unicorn helplessly.
The unicorn sighed. “Now you’ve done it! You’re making Omumborombonga very angry!”
“She doesn’t look angry,” Pellonia responded, crossing her arms.
“No, no. You’re mistaken. She’s furious. Let’s get going before she incinerates the entire town!”
“I know anger, pony,” Gurken interjected, “and that dragon isn’t angry.” Gurken glared at the unicorn.
The unicorn stomped its front hoof on the ground several times and blew air out its nose. The unicorn said quietly, “Fine, she’s not angry. She’s not going to eat anyone. Can we talk about this somewhere else? People are watching.”
