by Beth Flynn
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Red. I was going to call you. I swear.” She started to lean back up against the car but lost her footing when it sped away.
Red grabbed her roughly by the arm. “You’re sorry? You owe me, Meg. Where’s my money? I know you worked that fucking convention. I know you’re holding out on me.”
“You’re hurting me!” she cried.
Red must’ve squeezed her arm tighter because she let out another cry.
“This isn’t hurting, Meg. You don’t bring my money by the bar tonight, then you’ll know what hurting is.” He roughly shoved her away.
He climbed into the car and, without looking at Jason, shifted into drive and hit the gas.
Jason didn’t say anything for a while. He was confused. He’d heard the man on the phone that night refer to Red as “agent.” Weren’t agents the good guys? He thought they were. But after spending just a few hours with Red, he’d already figured out he did something illegal with cars, and he knew what Meg did for a living. He was young and was raised in the sticks, but he wasn’t stupid. Who was this guy who was on a special secret mission to retrieve a bag of money one day and kept underage kids on his payroll and scared hookers shitless the next?
Red glanced over at him, one hand casually holding the steering wheel. “So, you gonna stick around? Still want to work for me?”
He’d purposely put on a show for the boy when he saw Meg. He didn’t want the kid to think he was a nice guy. He’d already told him he wasn’t. Just because he kept a bag of candy behind the bar for his goddaughter didn’t mean he was a softie. He’d been working both sides of the coin for years. He was in it for one person and one person only. Himself. He would let his other employers know about the kid, convince them it was in their best interest to keep the boy close. More than likely, if the kid had found that bag, he didn’t know what he had his hands on. Red couldn’t say one hundred percent that the boy had the bag, but if he had to bet his life on it, he would go with his gut. And his gut said that the kid did have it.
Yes, he would keep Jason close and use him. And he would let them know the kid could be molded and used—now and in the future.
He had no way of knowing then that the boy had a mind of his own and would never answer to anyone.
Red knew Jason was confused. The boy had been on the phone listening that night and heard headquarters call him “agent.” He knew Red ran an auto theft ring and he had working girls on his payroll. Jason looked at him now with penetrating green eyes brimming with uncertainty.
“So, Red?”
“Yeah?”
“Are we the good guys or the bad guys?”
Red looked over at him and smiled. “We’re whoever the fuck we want to be, kid.”
Chapter Forty-Nine
2000
Ginny gaped at Tommy. She was at a loss for words. Finally, she quietly asked, “You’re telling me that Candy, the lady I heard that night, was your mother and that Grizz killed her?”
“Yes, Ginny. That’s what I’m telling you. And that’s when I first suspected something, but I didn’t know exactly what. I knew Blue had never had a girlfriend named Candy. I’d been at the motel since I was ten. He was juggling one woman named Sissy and another named Pauline, not to mention all the others in between.” Tommy’s face darkened. “After that, or maybe even sometime during all that, Jan came along. But I can tell you for sure there was never a Candy.”
Tommy swallowed, continued. “I became curious as to who she could’ve been if she wasn’t Blue’s ex. Who was she that Grizz had to kill her? I didn’t ask him because I couldn’t be sure he’d tell the truth. Something told me it was important, though. That’s when I started digging.”
“And Karen? If she was your sister, then was Grizz her—?”
“I found out a lot of the story was true. It was just the players who were different. Karen was my aunt, not my sister, like I’d originally been told. She was my mother’s sister. Candy’s real name was Stacy Ann. She dumped me on my Aunt Karen and grandmother. Their mother, my grandmother, really was a waitress who ran off with a trucker. My mother and her sister really did lose their father to an accidental drowning. This all happened in Fort Lauderdale, not Miami like I told you. Parts of the story, all the stuff I told you years ago, were true. I was able to verify some of it.”
Ginny couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Tommy had already told her about the night Grizz came for him, but he’d lied then and told her it was Blue. Now, knowing it had been Grizz, churned her up inside. She didn’t know what she was feeling.
“Did Grizz always know about you? What made him decide to go get you when he did?”
“No, he didn’t always know about me, and he didn’t actually come for me. He was giving Karen money to take care of me. When he found out that wasn’t happening, he snapped and killed them. He could’ve left me there or taken me with him. He obviously took me.”
“Did he tell you why he killed your mother?”
“Some of it. He just thought she knew too much about his criminal activities, and when she cleaned up her act and wanted to see me, she probably threatened to make trouble. I don’t know. Maybe he was trying to protect me. He wouldn’t have wanted his enemies to know he had a son. That’s why I always had a hard time believing he married you when he did. I was always afraid for your safety. Grizz was a smart guy, but seriously, marrying you was the stupidest thing I ever saw him do.”
It was evident by her body language that she didn’t appreciate his last comment. He needed to change the subject. There was something else Tommy had to tell her. He didn’t know if he was doing the right thing by telling her this. Hopefully, she would remember that he was a teenager then. He was counting on the fact that if he told her the truth, she would believe he was sincere.
He took a breath. “You know he told Leslie about me being his son out of anger after he found out about the billy club?
She stiffened. “Of course, how could I forget that?” Sarcasm laced her words.
“Gin, I need to tell you something else about that.” Tommy leaned forward in his chair and planted both elbows on his knees. He bent his head to rest his face in his hands. How would she react? He was willing to take the risk, but it was a big one.
“Ginny.” He paused, gathered his courage. “I tricked him that night. He didn’t ask me to take your virginity. Actually, it was my idea.”
He had her attention now. She just stared at him. He couldn’t read her expression. He took another deep breath and continued.
Chapter Fifty
1975
Grunt was sitting in his motel room with Kit. He had just told her the story about his life before the motel and the night that Blue came for him—and killed Karen and Nate. Of course, he left out that it was actually Grizz who’d come for him. Grizz had told him never to breathe a word about that.
“Wow, I can honestly say that Delia and Vince did a great job of ignoring me, but they never laid a hand on me.” Kit’s eyes were filled with sympathy.
“I’ll tell you one thing. Nobody will ever lay a hand on me again. That’s for damn sure,” Grunt‘s tone had a touch of bitterness. “Blue and Grizz made sure I knew how to defend myself.”
“Yeah, I guess. It’s hard for me to understand this lifestyle, though. Grizz hasn’t hurt or touched me, but now that you told me how he dealt with Johnny Tillman, I don’t know what to think.” She shivered. “And Blue? He may have been defending you, but he murdered two people in cold blood. You just seem so, so—” She paused as she tried to come up with the right word. “You seem so normal compared to all that.”
Grunt laughed at this. God, he loved her. She was sipping on the drink he’d offered her, skimming through his dictionary. She yawned. She looked like she was having a hard time concentrating on the pages.
He thought back to earlier that day when Grizz had called him into number four. Kit had been jogging around the paved area in front of the motel. It was an alm
ost perfect oval track that surrounded the playground area and swimming pool. The pavement was old and pitted, but she still ran around it daily. It was really the only exercise she got and she seemed to like it.
“Did you figure anything out about me not hurting her?” Grizz had asked.
Grunt knew immediately what he was talking about. After Kit had been at the motel for a short time, Grizz had come to Grunt, wondering if there was anything Grunt knew medically about not hurting a woman when taking her virginity. At the time, he’d been relieved to know Grizz hadn’t been forcing himself on her. Somehow, he hadn’t thought Grizz would; he had women throwing themselves at him all the time. Still, it was good to have confirmation. And he knew why Grizz was coming to him, just a kid, now. Grunt was the one who’d nursed Moe back to health after Grizz cut out her tongue. He had been stitching up the gang members since he was ten. If anyone would know something about this, it would probably be Grunt. Even if Grunt had zero personal experience with this sort of thing.
“I’ve been thinking about it since you first asked me, when you told me you thought you might’ve even hurt some experienced women because of your, uh, size.” Grunt shrugged. “The only thing I can suggest is that you use something smaller than yourself her first time.”
“Like what? My fingers?”
Grunt had to be cautious here. He didn’t want Kit to lose her virginity to Grizz. He’d made an instant decision that he, Grunt, was going to be her first, but he had to handle this carefully. He was grateful Grizz had sought his advice; it would allow him to maneuver the whole thing to his advantage.
“I guess you could use your fingers, but it doesn’t matter what you use. She’ll hate you no matter what.”
The statement caused Grizz’s head to snap around. “What the fuck do you mean, she’ll hate me no matter what?”
“Look at what you’ve done. You had Monster take her away from her home. You even told her you killed a guy.”
“That fuck was going to rape her! And she wasn’t in a happy home. Her parents were drunks who didn’t give a shit about her. You know that.”
“But it was still the only home she ever knew, and you took her away from it. I just don’t see how you’re not going to hurt her physically or emotionally. Not only that,” Grunt added. “If you’re as big as you say you are, I just don’t see her getting over it easily.”
Grizz didn’t say anything for a minute. He just stared at Grunt with those intense green eyes. It was time for Grunt to make his move. Would Grizz bite?
“I could do it.” Then he quickly added, “Without her getting hurt.”
“Are you fucking kidding me? You’re not sticking your dick in Kit. No man will ever be inside of her except for me.” Grizz started walking toward him. Grunt forced himself not to back away. If he did, he knew he would look guilty.
“You don’t understand. I don’t mean me. I can do it with a small object. Fuck, man. Let her hate me instead of you. I can handle it. I don’t want her to hate me, but she doesn’t even have to know. I can give her something to make her drowsy. Make her sleep through it and she’ll never know. Then the first time you’re with her, it won’t hurt like it would if she was still a virgin.”
Grizz paused, turning the idea over in his head.
“I don’t want to hurt her,” he told Grunt.
“Like I said, I can take care of it while she sleeps.”
Grizz didn’t say anything. Grunt was afraid he’d lost him. “I guess you forgot I delivered Chili’s baby when I was thirteen,” he added.
Grizz looked at him closely, nodding. “Yeah, I did forget that.”
“I did it all. Got the baby to breathe, cut the cord, took care of the afterbirth. I even stitched Chili up. Not bragging or anything, but I could go to medical school. I’m actually even thinking of changing my major.” He continued to look straight at Grizz, careful not to look away.
“How exactly would you do it?” Grizz cocked his head.
“I have this small billy club. It’s an old police baton. Even my dick is bigger than it is, so I know it’s gotta be way smaller than you.” Before Grizz could reply, he quickly added, “It’s probably not much bigger than a speculum.”
“A what?”
“A speculum. You know, that thing they use when they give a woman an internal exam. It’s supposed to open them up to make it a little easier for the doctor to examine them.”
“Yeah, whatever.” Grizz shook his head. Too much information. He didn’t say anything for a minute and Grunt realized he’d have to change tactics.
“I could give the baton to you to do it. You know, if that’s how you want to remember your first time with her. Or you could do it yourself, but if your dick’s so big, she’ll probably wake up sore and know you raped her.”
“What? What the fuck do you mean she’ll know I raped her? I’d never rape her. I’d never force myself on her! When she’s ready, she’ll come to me, and I want to make sure I don’t hurt her.” Grizz was yelling now, the vein in his forehead starting to throb.
“Look, you asked me if there was any way I knew about medically taking a woman’s virginity without hurting her.” Grunt held up his hands. “No. None that I know of. So all I’m suggesting is that you let me do it, or you do it yourself, while she sleeps. She wouldn’t have a single memory of it. And your first time with her won’t be so bad after that. She’ll never have to know.”
Grizz just clenched his teeth and stared at Grunt.
Grunt continued, “I mean, you’ve been with women, lots of ‘em, so you’ll know how far you can go in without hurting her or damaging her, right?” He wouldn’t break Grizz’s gaze.
Of course, Grunt knew the proper medical terms. He’d been curious after he delivered that baby, but he sure as heck didn’t know what he was talking about now. He just hoped Grizz didn’t either. Grizz still wasn’t saying anything. Grunt had to think fast.
“I see three options. One, you wait until she’s ready and comes to you. Even if she’s ready, you’ll hurt her. No way around it. It’s a given. You will definitely inflict pain on her, and I don’t know if that kind of memory is something that sticks with a woman. Probably. She’s only fifteen and very innocent. Even if it’s consensual, I doubt she’ll forget it. But that’s option one.”
Grunt held up a second finger. “Two, you do it yourself when she’s asleep, whether it’s your dick or the baton. But you have to live with that. Of course, you do a lot of things you have to live with, and they don’t bother you. Why would hurting Kit be any different?” He knew he was hitting below the belt, but he continued. “But, if you do it with your supersize dick, she’ll wake up knowing something happened.”
Grunt shrugged, held up a third finger. “And three. You let me drug her and do it with the small club, and she’ll never know. She’ll wake up tired and not know a fucking thing. That I can promise. It’ll be no different than a woman who goes for a gynecological exam. You would let a doctor examine her, right? As a matter of fact, a real exam would hurt more because she’d be awake. And you know, if you are going to be sexually active with her, you really need to start taking her for regular doctor visits.”
Grunt threw that last comment in for good measure. If he sounded professional, maybe Grizz wouldn’t see it as personal.
Neither said anything for a few seconds. Grunt acted casual. Disinterested, as if he was offering a matter-of-fact solution to a problem. He hoped his stomach didn’t give him away. It was twisting and he could feel small spasms as his nerves started getting the better of him.
Grunt realized Grizz was actually, really considering it. Grizz was no dummy. As a matter of fact, he was the opposite, and if Grunt was going to be honest, he’d never given Grizz any reason to doubt him or mistrust him before now. Add to that the fact that Grizz had cared about Kit’s well-being since she was a child. Grunt was counting on the fact that Grizz wouldn’t be thinking straight when it came to her. He was counting on the fact that Grizz wasn’
t considering the future. How it would make him feel later to know that another man took Kit’s virginity. Grizz was only concerned with the here and now, and Grunt took advantage of that one vulnerability: Without a doubt, Grizz would never, ever do anything to hurt Kit.
Grunt shrugged his shoulders and started to walk away. But to his great surprise and relief, he heard Grizz mutter, “Tonight, Grunt. Do it tonight. But make damn sure she’s asleep and doesn’t remember a thing.”
That night, Kit rose from the bed and stood to leave. It was now time for the performance of his life, and he would have two things to his advantage. One, he was certain that when he pulled out that billy club he would make Grizz look like a rat bastard in Kit’s eyes. Second, he knew she would never submit to the club. No, she would ask him to do it. He didn’t know how he knew that, but he did. And he was right.
He was on top of her now and he gently spread her legs with his knee. They made eye contact then, and she asked, “Can you call me by my name, just once? Can you call me Ginny?”
“I’ll try not to hurt you,” and then after a pause he softly whispered, “Ginny.”
“Please. Please tell me your name. I’ll never tell. I swear!”
“I can’t do that. You know that. You shouldn’t have even told me your name.” But, of course, he’d already known her name. He knew her first as Gwinny, and watched with Grizz, as she grew into Ginny.
She was starting to pass out now. Slowly, he slid himself inside of her just as her eyes were closing. They popped open when he entered her fully. He couldn’t tell if he’d hurt her. She was starting to go under again and quickly opened her eyes in an attempt to stay awake. But to no avail. As they were closing for the last time and he was sure she was losing consciousness he whispered, “Tommy. My name is Tommy.”
Had she heard him? Had she seen the tears in his eyes? If she had seen his tears, she probably would’ve thought it was because he was doing something against his will. She had no way of knowing his tears were from something else entirely. They were tears of joy and mourning. Joy at being her first, even in these circumstances. Mourning because he knew deep down that he would have to take a backseat after tonight and watch the woman he loved give herself to another man. It wouldn’t be forever, but it would seem like it.
