by Bobbi Smith
Jordan could feel the tension radiating from him, and without another word they picked up their pace. Though Nick knew he should be acting the happy, loving husband, he couldn't help but look concerned as they mounted the front steps to the gallery and he got his first glance at his father. If it hadn't been for Jordan, tugging lightly at his arm, chatting happily about nonsensical things that had happened while he was away, he would have stopped dead in his tracks. Though he resented her distraction, he realized it was a good thing, for it kept him from revealing too much of what he was thinking and feeling.
"Nick! I'm so glad you're back..." Charles called out, smiling at the sight of his handsome son and his lovely wife coming up the steps arm in arm.
"I'm glad to be back." Nick commented as he set his bag aside and went to him. He had to take great care not to show the worry he was feeling, for his father looked terrible, very pale and gaunt.
"How did the business go?" he asked, eager to know how his son had fared.
"All right, I guess, but I've got to meet with the agent one more time next week to firm up the deal."
"What was the problem?"
"It had to do with some shipping arrangements I'd made, but that's not what's important. What's important is that Jordan tells me you haven't been feeling yourself since I left." Nick pulled up another chair and sat down beside him as Jordan hovered protectively nearby.
"I haven't been able to get my strength back. I suppose I'm just tired..."
"And you don't want to see the doctor?"
"What can he tell me that I don't already know?"
"You're a stubborn old man," Nick said in a hoarse voice.
"And I imagine you're going to end up just like me. Now, enough of this. Let's go inside and see what Weddington can fix up in the way of a meal."
Nick and Jordan got on either side of him and helped him from the chair. They looked the loving family as they went indoors. Peri heard the commotion and quickly hurried downstairs to join the happy group.
Despite his stated interest in eating, Charles only nibbled at the dishes the cook created for them. By the time the main course was served, the little sparkle he'd felt at seeing his son again had drained from him. It took both Nick and Weddington to help him upstairs, while Jordan and Peri watched from below, their hearts heavy with sadness.
Weddington helped him undress and get into bed, then quickly left father and son alone together. Nick was standing at one of the windows staring sightlessly out at the green fields, one hand braced against the casement, the other stuffed into his pants pocket. He revealed no outward emotion, his face remaining impassive, but inwardly he felt like screaming in outrage over his father's fate.
"Nick..." Charles called to him. "Come sit with me for a while. We need to talk."
Nick drew a strangled breath, then turned to face him, trying to keep in control. "Are you sure you feel up to talking?"
"Of course. It was much too quiet around here without you...not that Jordan isn't delightful company, she is, but I like having you home, too."
Nick didn't say anything as he sat down on the side of the bed close to his father. Guilt filled him.
"I'm so proud of you, Nick," Charles began, surprising his son more than a little.
"You are? Why? I should have been here. If I had known you were sick..."
"Nonsense! You love Riverwood as much as I do. You must if you were willing to sacrifice your honeymoon to take care of plantation business," he praised his dedication.
Nick groaned to himself at the tangle of lies he'd created.
"Jordan's coming to love the place, too. We spent a lot of time talking these last few days, and my first opinion of her holds. She's a wonderful woman. You're going to make beautiful babies together. Don't wait too long, son. Children are the one real joy in life," Charles counseled, his voice growing ever softer as weariness overcame him. "I know you have been to mine."
"I'm just sorry I caused you all that worry before..." Nick was miserable. There was nothing he would have liked more than to spend the rest of his life with Jordan at Riverwood, raising a brood of strong, healthy children. It was a bitter dream for him, though, for it could never be. She wanted only Philip.
"You only needed to mature some more. I remember how it was when I was young, but your mother was good for me, just as Jordan will be good for you. You're very fortunate, son, for she loves you very much."
"I know," was all Nick could manage for the moment, but he knew he would have to compliment Jordan on her thespian skills. She really had his father convinced that she was in love with him.
"Nick..." Charles was suddenly somber.
Nick looked attentive and worried. "What?"
"I may not have much time left."
"Don't say that..."
"Be quiet and don't argue with me. There are things I want to tell you..."
"Dad ...you're going to be fine. Just rest up and then..."
"Dominic Kane, I did not raise a coward. I raised you to be strong, now show me that I haven't failed!" Charles snapped at him, the fire of the disciplining father flaring for a moment in his dull eyes.
Memories from his childhood flooded through him, and Nick straightened. Lifting his eyes to his father's, he swallowed with some difficulty before answering, "Yes, sir."
"Listen to me! I am not going to be fine. We've both known it for months now. I've accepted it. Now, it's time for you to come to terms with it."
"But I don't want you to die..." he confessed. He had thought himself grown up, but he was feeling very much like he had when his mother had been taken from him.
"We all have to die someday, Nick. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Live every minute to the fullest. Hold onto your happiness and make it last for as long as you can. That's what life is about. That's what love is about..." Charles reached out, grabbed his hand, and held it tight as his father's gaze burned into his. "Make your life here with Jordan as special as mine was with your mother. Give her everything you have and more. I've found that with love, whatever is freely given is returned a hundredfold."
"I'll do my best to give her everything she wants."
Charles's fierce, piercing gaze faded, and he lay back against the pillows, exhausted. "Good... good. That's all I've ever asked of you...to do your best..." He closed his eyes.
The intense emotional moment was over. The room was silent except for the sound of their breathing. It took Nick a minute to realize that his father had fallen asleep almost instantly. He stared down at him for a while, committing to memory the intimacy of this moment they'd shared, knowing he would treasure it forever in his heart. Quietly Nick leaned over his father and pressed a tender kiss on his sunken cheek, then without a word he got up from the bed as carefully as he could and left the room.
As Nick strode down the upstairs hall he knew what he had to do. It had been on his mind incessantly since he'd walked out the front door with Slater on their way to New Orleans, and he knew now the time had come. He met Weddington coming up the stairs
"Your father, Mr. Nick?"
"He's resting comfortably right now."
"Good." The servant looked relieved. "I'm sure glad you're back, sir. Things haven't been too good around here. Mr. Charles, well, he just hasn't been himself, no matter what Miss Jordan and I try to do..."
"I know, but I'm back now. We'll handle this together." Their eyes met in silent understanding.
"Yes, sir. Can I do anything for you now?"
"Weddington, there's one thing I need. Could you send someone to find Philip Montgomery for me and have him meet me in the study?"
"Right away."
Nick went downstairs and locked himself in the study. He was glad that he hadn't seen Peri or Jordan. He was in no mood to speak to either woman. Walking straight to the liquor cabinet, he poured himself a stiff drink and downed it in one swallow. It occurred to him vaguely, that he'd been drinking too much lately, but he dismissed the thought. He needed solace from somewhere
, and if bourbon provided the release, then why not?
At the sound of a knock on the door a few minutes later, Nick set the glass aside and went to open it. He found himself face to face with Philip Montgomery, and he was hard put to keep his features set in a benign expression.
"Come in."
"I got word you wanted to see me?"
"Yes. Please take a seat." He waved him toward one of the chairs facing the desk, then went to sit down himself. He didn't say another word, but unlocked the desk drawer that held his private papers and took out the packet that held the bond servant's indenture. In silence, he picked up his pen and signed the release at the bottom of the contract. "Here." With no preamble, he shoved the papers that freed Philip of his obligation across the desk to him.
"I don't understand..." Philip gave him a confused look as he picked up the paper. His eyes wid erred in surprise as he read that he'd been freed, then they narrowed suspiciously. "Why are you doing this?"
"I have my reasons," he answered coldly.
"What about Jordan?"
"What about her?" Nick tensed. He was glad that he'd cautioned Peri away from him. It was obvious that Jordan was the only woman he was interested in.
"Is she free to go too?"
"Jordan has not yet fulfilled her obligation to me. When the time comes, she'll be free to leave at her discretion. Until then, things will remain as they are. I would appreciate it, however, if you would continue to work here at Riverwood for the next several months. If you were to leave abruptly there would be questions asked, and I don't think either one of us wants that to happen. You'll be paid a fair wage for your work."
Philip studied him openly, trying to read his thoughts, but Nick wasn't about to let him know how he felt about Jordan. Philip concluded that Nick was a terribly cold bastard, and he wondered how his sister had ever managed to fall in love with him. He wished there was some way he could talk to her so he could find out exactly what had happened, but their paths never crossed and he knew better than to come up to the big house on his own.
"Is there anything else?" Nick demanded rigidly, wanting this moment over with as quickly as possible.
"No...no, nothing. Thank you." Philip hurried from the room. He was elated at having his freedom but troubled by the unexpectedness of it all. As he was walking out of the house he heard Peri's voice drifting down from upstairs, where she was talking to one of the servants. His heart gave a heavy lurch, telling him he was a free man now. He could go back in, find her, run away with her, and marry her. His common sense stopped him, telling him to walk out that door and never look back, that she wasn't for him, that he could never give her the kind of life she was used to. His strength of will overpowered his emotions, and he left the house. As he strode back toward his office, though, the ache that hearing her voice had created within him remained.
The evening meal that Jordan, Peri, and Nick shared later that night was a strained affair. They had to struggle just to make pleasant conversation. After dinner Nick was in desperate need of some time alone, and it was a great relief to him when the women finally announced they were going to bed. He missed Peri's puzzled look when he declined to retire with his new bride, choosing instead to give Jordan a brotherly kiss on the forehead before disappearing into the study alone.
"Is something wrong, Jordan?" Peri asked as they mounted the staircase. She knew it was really none of her business, but it seemed strange that Nick wouldn't want to go to bed at the same time as his new wife after having been away from her for so long. Peri knew if she was married to Philip she would never want him to leave their bedroom.
"No, no, nothing's wrong. I think Nick is just really upset over Charles's condition and needs some time to be by himself."
"Sometimes, though, being alone is the worst thing for a person," she remarked.
"I'm sure if Nick wanted me with him, he would have asked me to stay. For now, I have to respect his privacy." She took care to keep from revealing her pain.
Jordan sounded so convincing that Peri believed for the moment that that was all there was to it. She went on to bed, not knowing that Jordan would pace her lonely room for hours before finally falling asleep, and that it would be nearly two in the morning before Nick made his way upstairs.
Nick's steps were unsteady as he entered his bedroom. He'd been drinking steadily since dinner and was convinced that he'd fortified himself strongly enough with the potent liquor that he would be able to share the bed with Jordan and still get some sleep. He closed the door soundlessly behind him and silently crossed the room, coming to stand beside the bed.
Moonlight streamed through the open window, bathing Jordan's sleeping form in its pale glow. She was wearing a more demure nightgown tonight, and it covered her from neck to wrist to ankle. But though it wasn't as revealing as the negligee she'd worn on their wedding night, it was still a very feminine garment. Nick stood there, staring down at her, his heart pounding in his chest.
Jordan lay on her side, her hair unbound, tumbling gloriously about her. Nick ached to run his hands through the silken tresses, but he restrained himself. His gaze caressed her features, and he felt a familiar ache grow deep within him. He wanted her; he loved her; and he desired her as he'd never desired another woman. She was forbidden to him, though, and he had to live with that.
Nick turned away from the bed and the alluring sight of his wife. It would have taken very little en couragement for him to cast his honor aside and take her like an animal right then and there, and it distressed him that he felt that way. With firm selfcontrol he stripped off his shirt and made his way to the small sofa. Miserable as it was, he would seek his comfort there.
Jordan awoke first the following morning, and for a moment she feared that Nick hadn't come up to their room at all. It was only when she started to rise that she saw him. She longed to go to him and tell him to come to their bed, but she knew that after what he'd said to her the morning after their wedding he didn't want anything to do with her. It hurt, but she had no alternative but to accept the way he felt. That she had fallen in love so hopelessly with him was her own misfortune.
As quietly as possible, Jordan quickly dressed. She didn't want to call a servant to help her and risk anyone finding out that he hadn't slept with her. She tried to act happy as she left the room to go down to breakfast, but her heart was breaking. With a force of will she turned her thoughts from her love for her husband, concentrating instead on her father-in-law and what she could do to keep him entertained today.
Several days passed. Charles's condition grew ever weaker. Nick sent for the physician, but after seeing the now bedridden man, Dr. Williams advised Nick that the end was near and that there was nothing more that could be done. They could only make him comfortable and pray.
The strain of Charles's illness took its toll on each of them. By day, Nick and Jordan stayed with him whenever he was awake. They pretended to be happy, but their conversations grew more and more superficial. By night, Nick stayed up late, going upstairs to try to rest on the sofa only after he was sure Jordan was asleep. His heavy drinking and lack of sleep were telling on him. His nerves were stretched taut. Dark hollows underlined his eyes, and he lost his appetite almost altogether.
Peri thought her cousin looked awful, and she commented on it one afternoon when he came in from a short ride inspecting the fields.
"Nick, are you all right? I mean, I know we're all worried about Uncle Charles, but you look terrible."
"I'll be all right. I'm just not sleeping very well. It'll pass." He dismissed her remarks and walked into the study without looking back.
Peri was irked by the way he was closing himself off from her. She sensed that there was far more wrong here than just Charles's illness. Surely, if he and Jordan were truly happy they would cleave together in a situation like this. Refusing to be put off by his coldness, Peri grew determined to get him to talk to her. She knew he was hurting, and she followed him into the study and shut the door beh
ind her. Nick stood with his back to her as he poured a tumbler of bourbon.
"Don't you think it's a little early to start drinking?" '
"No.
"Nick, we have to talk."
"About what?"
"About what's going on here."
"What's going on here is that my father's dying!" he snapped, turning on her as he took a deep drink.
"I know that's a big part of it, but Nick, there's something else troubling you. Something else is wrong."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"I'm talking about you and Jordan," Peri said brazenly.
"Really?" He sounded very sarcastic.
"Yes, really. You both look so unhappy. I can see it in your eyes and in the way you talk to each other. What happened? What did you do?"
"Me?" Nick was outraged that she would question him. "I didn't do anything, dear cousin."
"Then Jordan did? What did she do to ruin things between you? You were so ecstatic at your wedding..."
Pushed to the brink by the memory of Jordan's betrayal on that fateful night, the fragile, hold he had on his emotions cracked. "My precious wife is in love with someone else, sweet cousin. She's never loved me, only him."
"Jordan loves someone else?" Peri repeated, stunned. "Who?"
"Think about it Peri. They've been close from the very beginning..."
The image of Philip's face flashed before her, and she felt a blinding pain in her heart. "Philip..." she whispered fearfully.
"The same," he confirmed. "Why do you think I told you to stay away from him? Why do you think I warned you that he was no good for you?"
"You're wrong!" She jumped blindly to his defense.
"I wish to hell I was!" he blurted out. "Now, get out of here and leave me alone. I've got things to take care of-things to do..." He gestured at the paper-strewn desk. He didn't move again until he heard the door slam behind her on her way out. Then he sank down in the desk chair and drained the contents of his glass.
Peri's heart was in her throat as she fled the main house. For days she'd been trying to think of a way to convince Philip that he was the man for her. Now she was filled with the deep, abiding fear that it was really impossible, that he could never love her because he was already in love with someone elseJordan...
