by Julie Cohen
He smiled and kissed her on the neck to show his approval. But Zoe’s reaction to Xenia’s house here hadn’t escaped Nick. ‘You’re going to sell all of the houses?’
She hesitated for the barest of split seconds. ‘Yes.’
Nick used his hands on Zoe’s waist to gently turn her around on the bench so that she faced him. It was going to ruin the tranquil mood between them, but he needed to ask this question. It seemed like a question he’d been asking more or less for most of his life.
‘Zoe, why are you leaving?’ he asked.
This time, she definitely stiffened under his loose grasp. Her blue eyes, so lively and expressive, turned from his.
‘Like I said. I need to sort out all this money stuff. Fifty million dollars doesn’t give itself away, you know.’
‘You don’t need to be in New York to write cheques. Or are you looking forward to seeing the gratitude of the people you give it to firsthand?’
At that, she did meet his gaze head-on. ‘Don’t be silly, I’m not giving it away for the gratitude. I don’t want the money, and lots of other people could use it. Xenia gave it to me so that I could do what I liked. I’ll give it away in her name.’
‘So you don’t need to be in New York to do that.’
She took a gulp of wine. ‘Nick, I’m a New Yorker. The city made me what I am. I can’t just pick up sticks and leave it.’
‘You picked up sticks and went there in the first place. And your apartment in the Bronx didn’t exactly look like you were putting down roots.’
Zoe snorted. ‘Just because I’m no interior decorator you think that’s a reason for me abandoning my whole life and coming up here to the middle of nowhere?’
‘You can’t fool me. You like Maine.’
‘I like Dairy Queens, too, but I wouldn’t go and live in one. What would I do up here?’
‘Open an exercise studio, like you said. People in Maine exercise, too. You could link it in with some of the local sports—cross-country skiing, kayaking, rock-climbing.’ He heard the owl again, and he gave her half a smile. ‘Owl dodging.’
She didn’t return his smile; instead she had the firm-chinned look he knew came with her defending her territory.
‘Nick, five minutes ago you were all about my reconciling with my family. Now you’re trying to convince me to drop everything and stay up here in the woods. Why are you trying to get me to stay?’
He’d had more arguments lined up, but that brought him up short, because he hadn’t thought about any reasons. He just wanted her to. Badly.
‘You’d be happy here, I think. You have that way of getting along with people but respecting their space that’s valued in New England. And you seem more relaxed here, Zoe. More yourself. And I know I’ve only known you a little while,’ he added quickly, because she looked as if she was going to interrupt him, ‘but it’s obvious. You’re happier.’
‘Yes, well, I’m also having great sex on a regular basis, which tends to relax a person, too. It’s not like there’s magic in the Maine air.’
‘And there’s another reason.’ He took her hand in his and raised it to his mouth. He kissed each of her knuckles, then the sensitive inside of her wrist, and he heard her breath catch. ‘Do you really want to walk away from this, Zoe?’
‘Tonight? No.’ She touched his hair with her other hand, a light butterfly stroke to push it back from his forehead. ‘You’re the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen by candlelight; I’d have to be insane.’
‘So what makes you so sure you’re going to want to walk away tomorrow?’
She shook her head. ‘Oh, come on, you always knew I was leaving; this has been temporary from the start. This kind of—’ she searched for the word, waving her hand in the air ‘—lust doesn’t last for ever. It’s great now, but it’ll burn out and then here I am, up in the middle of nowhere while you’re out climbing trees or whatever.’
‘You don’t know it’ll burn out.’
‘Nick, sex between us is like this wild, uncontrollable force. That can’t last and I’m not going to throw away my life in New York and shack up with you because of it. I’d have thought you’d have figured that out by now. I don’t change my life for anybody.’
‘You wouldn’t need to change anything, Zoe.’
She shook her head again, this time so vigorously her hair feathered around her face. ‘Oh, yes, I would.’
‘How?’
Zoe drank down the rest of her wine and stood up. ‘If I have to explain it to you, there’s no point.’ She began stacking the plates they’d used for their dinner.
Nick watched her. He had no idea what to say. He’d never had to convince someone not to leave him before. Maybe he’d even chosen the girlfriends he had chosen, fragile and in need of protection, because he’d known they would never leave him.
And of course, with his father, he’d never had a chance to convince him not to leave.
Nick reached out and circled his hand around Zoe’s wrist. ‘Stop,’ he said. ‘Come here.’
For a split second it seemed as if she’d resist him, but then she relented. She stepped nearer to him, and he stood.
‘Let me show you why you need to stay,’ he said. He leaned over and blew out the candles, and then he swept her into his arms and carried her into the darkness.
The difference, without the candlelight, wasn’t that great and his eyes quickly adjusted to the starlight. He walked, sure-footed, towards the graceful ragged black shapes of the trees.
He liked carrying her. She didn’t go limp or clingy; she relaxed into his arms and held on lightly, almost casually, as if she trusted him not to drop her. The side of her breast pressed against his chest and her hip bumped against his stomach not far above his crotch.
‘Where are we going?’ she asked.
‘Just here, near the woods.’ He knelt and set her down on the soft, even grass not far from where the trees started. He could smell her fresh scent mixed with the earthy pine.
‘Why?’
‘Because I want to make love to you, slowly, outdoors.’
‘I won’t argue with that.’ She reached up and began to pull him down to her.
He stopped her with his hands on her arms. ‘Not so fast. I said I wanted to make love to you. And I said I wanted to do it slowly.’
He lay down on his side next to her; in the shadowy light he could see her face as a silver and white glow. He took her chin between his fingers and thumb and stroked it, then savoured the softness of her cheek.
‘You said that our sex was wild and out of control. And it has been, and that’s been amazing. But I want to show you it doesn’t always have to be that way. It can be slow and easy and gentle if we want it to be. It can be me giving pleasure to you instead of us both taking it. It can be—’ he leaned forward and kissed her, lightly on the cheek where he’d just touched her, and then in the soft hollow underneath her ear ‘—whatever we want it to be.’
‘Nick—’
He silenced her with a soft kiss on her mouth, and another. She tasted of wine and sweetness and with a small sigh she opened her lips to him.
Nick absolutely loved kissing this woman. Her mouth, so full of smart remarks and teasing smiles, melted under his. Her teeth were smooth and her tongue was a delicious flirt. The warm wetness of her mouth made him think of the warm wetness inside her, and need flared in him.
He ignored it, and concentrated on the textures of her mouth and the variations of her kiss, the way her breath feathered against his face and the way her body moved restlessly beside his. Although she was following his lead and kissing him unhurriedly, he could feel a tenseness in her body, maybe caused by desire, maybe by something else.
Maybe the something else that was going to lead her away from him.
‘Relax, Zoe,’ he whispered against her lips. He smoothed his hand down the length of her torso, from her graceful bare neck, between her breasts, to rest on her flat stomach. Through the material of her shirt he could fee
l her heart beating fast, and he could feel that her muscles were tight. He slipped his hand underneath her shirt and ran his fingertips in soothing circles around her navel. Her skin was incredibly smooth and amazingly precious and Nick knew what he had to do.
He wanted to love her with every part of his body, with every breath he took and every word he said. He wanted them to be together, truly together, here outside in the best place he could imagine. It was something he’d always wanted, even before he’d met her, because he loved being alone, but being together was something even better.
He wanted to make this time with her so perfect she wouldn’t be able to bear to leave. And that meant getting her to open up to him.
He dropped another kiss on her lips, and then another, and then he said, ‘Trust me, Zoe. I want you to put yourself in my hands. I want to take care of you and give you pleasure.’ She began to say something and he kissed her again before she could, because he had one more word to say.
‘Please.’
He held his breath and waited.
Nick Giroux and his husky sincerity. It got to her every time.
Zoe looked up into his face, blue and silver shadow. She could feel his warm breath on her face and his big body close. She couldn’t quite see his eyes, but she remembered how he had looked the first time he had said ‘please’ to her, outside her great-aunt’s apartment when he had been so sure that his father was inside that she had started to believe it, too.
She hadn’t been able to resist him.
This time, he wasn’t just asking her to give him what he wanted; he was asking her to give him what she wanted, more than anything in the world.
To be soft and trusting with Nick. To put herself in his hands and relax into the thrilling safety of his embrace. To abandon herself to the pleasure he gave her and feel it even more keenly because it was born out of emotion.
She’d been full of excuses earlier. Her desire for him wasn’t ever going to burn out. Saying it would, though, was easier than admitting she was afraid that he’d get tired of her some day.
But tonight she could at least pretend that it was permanent.
His eyes were darker than the night around them. His hand on her belly was arousing and gentle. He smelled of the outdoors and of the wine they’d shared.
She took a deep breath, as full of him as she was. She let it out, letting her body relax.
‘Okay,’ she said.
She felt his smile even more than she could see it. Nick kissed her again with tenderness and passion and then, slowly, he began kissing a trail down her face and neck. His soft hair brushed against her skin. Zoe sighed and closed her eyes as she felt him parting her sweatshirt and kissing down over her chest, through her T-shirt. His mouth was warm even through the fabric, and she felt her breasts aching and nipples beading for his touch, but he avoided them, kissing between her breasts and over her ribs. When his lips touched the bare skin of her belly she nearly gasped.
She felt Nick raise his head and she opened her eyes to see him looking at her. ‘The first time I touched you I was amazed at how soft your skin is,’ he said. ‘You’re such a strong woman, and then you have skin like a new leaf.’ He kissed her again on her stomach, and the heat of his tongue stroked into her belly button.
‘You’re very poetic,’ she said, though it was more of a gasp because she was finding it difficult to breathe. The two of them had had sex again and again, in different positions and different ways, and his mouth tenderly touching her belly was one of the most erotic experiences she had ever had.
‘Not usually.’ He pushed her sweatshirt off her shoulders and slipped her T-shirt upwards. She helped him pull it over her head. She hadn’t bothered with a bra after their shower and the night air on her bare breasts was both cold and delicious. When she lay back her skin was so sensitised by Nick’s touch that she swore she could feel every strand of grass.
But for a minute he didn’t touch her. He lay beside her, his body propped up on one arm, and she saw him looking at her. As if her body, laid half-naked here outdoors on the grass beneath the fragrant trees, was an offering to him.
As, God help her, it was.
‘You’re beautiful, Zoe,’ he said to her, and she was never going to get sick of hearing that. ‘Out here by starlight.’
‘What’s next, Boy Scout? You going to earn your romance badge by writing me a sonnet?’
His hand traced a slow line over her collar-bone; even in the silvery light she could see how much darker his skin was than hers. ‘Why so resistant to compliments, Zoe? You must know I’m telling you the truth.’
She swallowed, because his words and his caress were too much.
Nick stopped. He looked hard at her. ‘Wait a minute. Don’t you know?’
She tried to shrug, but couldn’t quite manage it. ‘I know you want me, and your poetry’s very pretty, so—’
‘No, Zoe, that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about how beautiful you are. Can’t you see it for yourself? Hasn’t anybody told you?’
Sexy, from her lovers and from drunks in the back of her cab. Hot mama from her driving colleagues when she wore tight jeans and T-shirt. Buff from the guys in the gym. Once or twice, from her father, when she’d been dressed for parties in one of her sister’s dresses: pretty. She’d cherished the word at the same time she’d disbelieved it.
And until now she would die rather than admit that it mattered to her.
‘I haven’t met many people who are as deluded as you.’
‘Zoe.’ Nick’s voice held a warning, a reminder she’d agreed to be open.
‘No,’ she said quietly. ‘Nobody has ever told me I was beautiful. I have beautiful sisters, I have a beautiful mother, and a beautiful great-aunt. I’m not. The only time I’ve ever felt beautiful—’
She paused, and then went on and said it, because, to tell the truth, she had hardly anything left to lose.
‘The only time I’ve ever felt beautiful is when you look at me like you are right now.’
He let out a low laugh. ‘Woman, you are the most gorgeous creature I’ve ever seen.’ His tone was matter-of-fact, and more convincing than any poetic phrases. ‘Let me show you.’
Nick bent his head to her and kissed her collar-bone, where he’d been touching her. His lips were as soft as the touch of the starlight on her skin. As if she were precious, as if he were reverent. His hair was just long enough to brush her chest, and it was another caress. He moved across, dipped his tongue into the hollow of her throat, and downward towards the swell of her breast. His hand, broad and warm, rested on her belly, lightly, but firmly enough to let her know that he was in control.
And she couldn’t have done anything anyway. She was pinned by pleasure. Every kiss was a separate exquisiteness and she held her breath as he caressed and tasted the skin of her aching breast. Zoe threaded her fingers through his hair, not guiding him, just feeling him. When his tongue touched her nipple she jerked in a breath at the sensation.
She felt him smile. And then gently, so gently she couldn’t tell his individual movements, just a slow circling of tongue and lips, he teased her nipple. The pleasure spread through her body, not only centred on her breast but all across her skin, between her legs, down to her toes.
Zoe tightened her fingers in his hair. He didn’t vary his unhurried movement, but he stroked a thumb across her belly, and the small caress was so wonderful she shuddered.
With a final small kiss he lifted his head from her breast. ‘You’re beautiful, Zoe,’ he whispered, and she felt his breath warm against her wet, sensitive skin before she felt the cool evening air. Her nipple hardened still more, and it would have been painful if it hadn’t felt so good.
Then he put his mouth on her other breast and it got even better.
Those hands, his hands that healed and comforted and saved, held her more carefully than she’d ever been touched before. She lost track of time. Somewhere above the stars were wheeling around the earth; some
where below the world was turning towards tomorrow.
And tomorrow, she would leave.
But right now she thought she could feel for ever.
Nick raised his head again and although she’d been looking at the stars she met his eyes. ‘Do you believe me yet?’ he asked.
Nick, I think I would even believe you if you said you loved me.
The thought was so strong she didn’t dare to open her mouth in case she said it.
‘I’m going to have to try harder,’ Nick said.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
ZOE WATCHED NICK kneel beside her and draw her sweatpants down her legs and off. In the darkness he was a familiar and perfect outline, though her eyes had adjusted to the starlight enough so that she could make out his features.
She hadn’t bothered putting on underwear, either. She lay totally naked on the grass underneath the open sky and again Nick looked at her for a long moment before he said or did anything.
The first sound he made surprised her. He sighed.
‘Nick?’
He laid a gentle hand on her hip, as if he knew she’d meant to sit up. ‘I was just thinking how strange it is that I’ve spent so much of my life outdoors and I’ve never made love outside like this.’
‘Never?’
She could see him shake his head. ‘Weird, isn’t it? I just never found a woman I wanted to share this with.’ He paused, and although she couldn’t see exactly where he was looking, Zoe could feel his gaze on her body. ‘I love seeing you like this, naked in the open air.’
‘You could get naked, too. We could do an Adam and Eve.’
‘Not yet.’ He ran one hand down the length of her leg and again Zoe shivered. ‘But it is like that. Like it’s just you and me, and all the trees and animals, and nobody else.’ His hand stroked back up her leg. ‘Nobody else at all.’
