“Yep, he’s a boy.” Megan confirmed as Kaylan moved past her, a furry mass in her arms.
“Hurry. He’s kind of heavy.” Megan ran ahead and grabbed an old sandy towel that Kaylan kept in her trunk for beach visits. She spread it across the back seat. Kaylan did her best to slip the dog in without bumping his leg, then slid into the front seat.
“He smells like wet dog,” Megan muttered on the short drive back to their house.
“Did you expect him to smell like roses?”
“I didn’t expect to smell wet dog, period.”
“Can’t be much worse than fish smell.”
“I’ll give you that.”
Kaylan smiled and shook her head, her gaze alternating from the road to the mangy dog in the back seat. “Tell you what, while I give him a bath, why don’t you start the coffee and get a dose of happy in your system.”
“We’re keeping this dog, aren’t we?”
Kaylan didn’t respond.
“What is it with you and adopting strays?”
Again Kaylan kept silent, basking in Megan’s frustration. Her roommate was too much of a softy to resist long. Once Kaylan had him cleaned up and smelling nice, Megan would melt.
They pulled in front of the house and Kaylan gently maneuvered the dog from the back seat. “He needs a name.”
“He probably has a disease.”
Again, Kaylan smothered a smile as her roommate opened the front door. “Coffee, Megan.”
“No need to tell me that again.” She cut a straight path to the kitchen. “Soldier boy protects and you rescue. You really do make the perfect martyr couple,” Megan shouted as Kaylan marched the dog back to the bathroom and plopped him in the tub.
When Megan put it like that, Nick and Kaylan really did sound like the perfect team, and both in the perfect places to fulfill their roles. One on the front protecting the lives of Americans, and one at home rescuing one puppy and surly roommate at a time.
*
It took an hour to clean the sand and blood from the dog’s foot and wash and comb through all his knots. She’d even taken scissors to some. Megan finally appeared with a mug of coffee and sat on the toilet lid watching while Kaylan worked.
“Now he looks like a drowned rat.”
Kaylan chuckled as the dog licked her. “He is pretty skinny.”
“I put some food and water down for him in the kitchen.”
“What are we feeding him?”
When Megan didn’t answer, Kaylan turned to face her, a cup of water at the ready to force an answer from Megan.
“I may have run to the store real quick and grabbed food, a bed, and a collar. And if you pour that on me, I will take it all back and then kill you slowly.”
“You old softy.”
The chugging of the drain filled the bathroom as the dog slipped and tried to back away from the offensive sound. Kaylan reached for an old towel and began to dry him, avoiding the wound on his paw and leg.
“Sandy,” Megan said over the growling drain.
“I know. I’ll clean it up after I get him out of here.”
“No, I mean his name. Sandy.”
“That sounds a little too orphan Annie to me.”
“Orphan who?”
“You were a deprived child, weren’t you? What did you watch growing up?”
Megan’s lip curled. “Nothing with singing in it.”
Kaylan tried to help the dog from the tub as he slipped and slid and landed in a furry pile on his belly at their feet. Both of them laughed.
“Well, Sandy fits with how he looked when we found him, and I don’t want to keep calling him ‘dog.’”
Kaylan sank down on her knees in front of him and began cleaning and bandaging his paw with supplies she had laid out on the bathroom rug. He whimpered but held still, covering her hand and the bandage with kisses.
“He seems pretty nice.”
“You could pet him, Meg.”
Megan’s grimace sent Kaylan into a fit of giggles. “Or not. You forget I prefer marine animals to the furry sort.”
“He may change your mind.” Kaylan finished the bandage and helped the dog to his feet. He limped a bit but found his footing as she led him to the kitchen and the bowl of food and water Megan had laid out for him. Megan followed and jumped up on the counter, watching him eat.
“He really does have a pretty coat now,” Megan murmured. “He’s too skinny though.”
“We can fatten him up. We’ll take him to the vet and see how old he is and get them to check his health, but he looks okay to me, just underfed.”
“Maybe he got in a fight with a crab or something.”
“Maybe.” Kaylan watched Sandy. His white and black patchy coat shone after the bath and smelled infinitely better than he had an hour before. He seemed friendly and gentle, just in desperate need of affection and care.
“Are you okay with us keeping him?”
Megan smiled. “You are moving out in the next few months anyway, so I can handle him for a while.”
“You’re going to fall in love with him and not want either one of us to leave by the time this is all said and done.”
Megan jumped off the counter and ran her fingers through Sandy’s wagging tail. “All this sweet stuff is hurting my tough image.”
Kaylan slugged Megan’s arm. “Maybe it’s time for a new image,” she shouted after her as she went to her room.
Sandy walked to the bed Megan had laid out next to his bowls and collapsed. Kaylan bent to pet his still-wet fur, wondering if she had just found a companion for Nick’s long absences. “Maybe it’s time for an attitude change for both of us,” she muttered.
Chapter Fourteen
Smelling of crayons and chocolate chip cookies, Timothy snuggled into Kaylan as she read a Bible story to her Sunday kindergarten class.
“How did the donkey talk, Mrs. Kaylan?”
She kissed his forehead and smiled at the other children gathered in her circle. “God told him to because Balaam was being stubborn.”
Abigail, a little girl in purple and pigtails, raised her hand. “Can all donkeys talk?”
“Only if Jesus tells them to, Abby,” Jason answered matter-of-factly.
Timothy turned his big eyes to look up at Kaylan, his black skin and curly short hair reminding her all too much of baby Kenny in Haiti. A wave of nostalgia washed over her, before she pushed back its tide. “If I’m stubborn like that, will God make a donkey talk at me?”
Kaylan gave him a squeeze, sending him into a fit of giggles and making the other children giggle with him. “I think what we can learn from this is that God wants us to be obedient, but he can use anything to make us listen if we choose to run from him or disobey him. So how can we be obedient?”
“Do what Mommy says.”
“What does she tell you to do?”
“Don’t push friends at school.”
“Share my toys.”
“Feed my dog.”
“Those are all good things to do. Jesus loves it when we are obedient. But he wants us to obey Him because we love Him.”
“I love Jesus this much, Miss Kaylan,” Timothy said, stretching his arms out wide and leaning back into Kaylan’s chest.
“I hope you love Him more and more.” Kaylan saw several parents standing at the door ready to pick the kids up for the service. “Let’s pray and meet your parents.”
Timothy prayed quickly and then bounced from her lap to meet his mom at the door. As the other children followed suit, Kaylan rose to help clean up.
“Kayles?” Kaylan dropped what she was doing and turned to find Megan dressed in her ripped jeans and a nice black sweater wearing a terrified expression.
Kaylan schooled her shock. Megan had never come to church. “Hey, I didn’t know you were coming today.”
“Neither did I. Someone I met said I could find you in here. Does everyone know you?”
Kaylan finished putting the last block in the bucket and stood. “No
t hardly. You just happened to run into the right person. You ready for service?”
“Is that a rhetorical question?”
“C’mon. No one will bite.”
“I’m more worried about the lightning.”
“Nothing has struck the building yet, so I’m pretty sure you’re fine.”
Kaylan navigated through the building, greeting a few people as she went and acknowledging several SEAL families who asked if she’d heard from Nick. With each “no,” a part of her darkened more and more. She missed him. They needed to talk. And she needed to let go. She just didn’t know how. Pinning a smile on her face, she went through the motions during the music and pulled out a notebook and Bible to take notes during the message. But everything fell flat.
Where are you, Lord? Why does everything feel off?
“I want everyone to make a fist,” the pastor said. His request caught Kaylan’s attention.
“Is he about to encourage an all-out brawl in church? No one’s drunk enough for that,” Megan whispered, eliciting a smirk from Kaylan.
“I’m serious, make a fist,” the pastor said as a few people cast bewildered looks at their neighbors. Kaylan formed a fist with her left hand, her heart wound more tightly than her knuckles.
“Now I want you to think of something that’s hurt you deeply. Maybe it’s something you are struggling with or someone that you are angry at. Maybe a husband left you or a child won’t behave or your boss doesn’t respect you or a friend won’t speak with you. Now close your eyes, and I want you to give that pain to your Father in heaven who made you and loves you.”
The medium-sized worship center felt small all of a sudden, like the walls were closing in and everyone was staring at her. She squeezed her eyes shut, blocking out the people, the room, and the hipster pastor on stage dressed in trendy plaid and asking her to relive her pain. But the pain she desperately desired to hold at bay shoved through her defenses. Her argument with Nick reared its ugly head.
Kaylan’s last words with Nick stabbed through her mind, searing like a red-hot poker. Her hands trembled, and Kaylan squeezed her fist tighter. She was angry. Angry at the Lord for taking those she loved, for isolating her, for the pain she couldn’t seem to release from losing loved ones. She was angry that the world was hard, angry that it could cost Nick and her new family their lives, and angry that he just accepted it, that at times it ranked higher than her.
But most of all Kaylan was angry at herself for not being able to move past it, for understanding why Nick wanted to go and yet holding it against him in her heart. She was angry that she couldn’t be the perfect fiancée or perfect wife. That she would always struggle because nothing in the world terrified her more than losing her loved ones, than being alone. Nick was a liability to both of those fears, yet he’d chosen her, and she’d chosen him. Now he was asking her to be braver than her fears and trust him on the journey God had called him to travel.
“One last step. I want you to tell the Lord you are going to trust Him to heal that pain and commit to stop trying to fix it in your own strength.” The pastor’s voice sliced through Kaylan’s battle. “Now open your fist and surrender your fears and your pain to Him.”
But Kaylan couldn’t release. Her fingers ached as she squeezed tighter. She wanted to. God, she wanted to let go of the pain, of the fear, of the desire to control and keep Nick close. She wanted to release all the tension and for the first time in a year experience the sweet sensation of relief.
As music began to play, Kaylan opened her eyes. The first thing she noticed was an atmosphere of peace, of free people who had relinquished control. Megan sang with everyone else, a single tear running down her cheek.
But that wasn’t the problem. The second thing Kaylan noticed was her still-clenched fist trembling on her lap.
Chapter Fifteen
“Kayles, wait, I need to talk to you,” Megan called from behind her.
As soon as the service ended, Kaylan made a beeline to the parking lot, forgetting Megan and ignoring the looks of friends and acquaintances on her way. She didn’t know where to go, only that she needed to go figure things out.
“Kaylan, stop.” Running footsteps and Megan’s nearing voice brought Kaylan to a halt. She turned to meet her roommate, forcing her emotions to cool and her mind to stop racing.
“Are you okay?” Megan asked as she approached.
“It just got really hot in there, and I needed to get outside.”
Megan nodded but Kaylan could tell she didn’t really believe her. “Can we go somewhere and talk? Please?”
Kaylan fought the urge to say no but knew she would only go home and collapse on her bed in frustration until she figured everything out. “Sure. Coffee or lunch?”
“Tacos?”
“Tacos it is. The cart on the beach or Tank’s Tacos?”
“Tank’s. I want to sit.”
“Meet you there.” Kaylan hightailed it to her car, desperate for escape, but her solitude was short-lived. Within fifteen minutes, she pulled into the parking lot of Tank’s Tacos.
A former boxer, Tank quit the sport to open his own restaurant armed with his mom’s and grandmother’s best family recipes. Despite his intimidating stocky, boxy frame, Tank acted like a lovable teddy bear, greeting every customer that walked through the doors. Nick and Micah had introduced Kaylan and Megan to the place. As Kaylan walked through the doors and into a large square room decorated with black-and-white boxing photos, she couldn’t help but think the place felt empty without them.
“Kaylan, long time no see, chica. What brings you to my fine establishment?” Tank said in greeting as he gave her a quick squeeze.
Kaylan mustered a smile she didn’t feel. “Hey, Tank. Good to see you. Megan and I had a hankering for your tacos.” The door behind her opened and Megan waltzed in.
“For two of my favorite ladies, anything,” he said as Megan joined him and smiled a greeting. “What’ll you have?”
They took turns rattling off their orders and then settled into a booth next to big windows overlooking the parking lot.
“So,” Megan started while twirling a fork in her hand. “Church was good.”
“Was that your first time ever?” Kaylan nodded in thanks as Tank brought them water. She took a sip. The icy liquid cooled her nerves. What she wouldn’t do for a glass of Gran’s sweet iced tea.
“I mean a couple people took me here and there as a kid. But never to a church like that before. That pastor was so . . .”
“Hipster?”
“Yes! But that’s not what I was going for. He was so real. I mean at first I thought that whole fist thing was totally lame, but then, I don’t know, everything clicked and I understood what he was saying.”
Kaylan sank back in the booth and crossed her arms, her mind and emotions churning as she remembered the pastor’s analogy. But Megan didn’t seem to notice Kaylan’s response. In fact, she didn’t seem to notice much of anything. Kaylan had never seen her so excited. Despite her own frustration, her curiosity was piqued.
“I mean I’ve been trying to talk to God like you’ve told me. But I always end up staring at the ceiling feeling stupid or let down. But today was different.”
Megan continued. “There I was with my fist clenched, looking at everyone else and feeling like an idiot. Then I figured, why not try what the pastor’s suggesting? So I closed my eyes and just talked to God like I would talk to you. Kaylan, I talked to him about my dad.” Her hands moved with excitement and the fork bounced up and down in her fingers.
Kaylan noticed something different about her friend. The eyes that held the weight of the world had lost their dark cloud and sun peeked from their depths. “I told God I was angry at my dad and angry that he allowed what happened to me as a kid. I thought it would be pointless. But, Kayles, I felt this crazy pressure release. Right here.” She placed her hand over her heart. “And then when we stood to sing, the lyrics really meant something to me. They were more than words.
They were . . . real.”
“Then in the car on the way over here, I talked to God some more and just told him I didn’t want to feel the way I have felt my whole life anymore. I want what you and Nick and your whole family have.” Megan reached across the table for Kaylan’s hand, startling her with her intensity. “Can I really have a relationship with God?”
With rising excitement, Kaylan turned her hand in Megan’s and returned her grip. “Sure you can. When Jesus died, it provided a way for sinful people to have a relationship with a perfect God because his death covered every sin we have ever committed and every one we will ever make.”
“But I’ll never be perfect.”
“That’s the beautiful thing about grace. You can’t earn it. It’s given. But it also has to be received. It’s a commitment to follow the God Who gave His life for you. When you follow Him, you want to do more things that please Him because you see how much He loves you.”
Tank brought their tacos on colorful plates that he placed in front of them. “Enjoy, ladies.”
“Thanks, Tank.”
Megan turned her eyes back to Kaylan. “So it’s as easy as telling God I want a relationship with Him.”
“Yep. And then comes the hard part. You have to work at the relationship every day.”
Megan nodded. “Okay. I’ll do it.”
“Now?”
Megan smirked. “I’m going to wait until I get back in the car and can do it by myself. Baby steps, Kayles.”
Kaylan chuckled and took a bite. The flavor of lime, avocado, barbacoa, and a hint of dressing made her taste buds sing.
“Just make sure you do it.”
“I released my fist. No going back.”
Kaylan swallowed hard as Megan mentioned the analogy once again. Shame like she’d never felt before filled her. She’d just shared the gospel with her roommate, the story of a loving Father who reached down from heaven to save a sinful world. A God big enough to do that, and she was angry because she felt alone.
“Kayles?” Megan chewed slowly, her eyes shifting between Kaylan and her food. “Is there a reason you couldn’t open your fist or why you took off so quickly?”
Surrendered (Heart of a Warrior Series Book 3) Page 10
