“My pleasure.” She detected a glimmer of regret hiding in his eyes, but his smile made her question her observation. She loved that smile, the one he saved for her. “Are we okay?”
She hesitated. Was she okay? Not really, but it wasn’t because of Nick. It was something in her. Something she needed to fight and deal with, but she would deal with it on her own. For her, for him.
“Kayles?”
She realized she’d been quiet too long. Worry now clouded his face. She couldn’t, wouldn’t be the source of his distraction. “Absolutely. Go take care of business.”
He nodded, his shoulders relaxing for the first time during their conversation. “Love you.” And with that, he signed off.
Kaylan wiped a rogue tear and began to get ready for work. He would fight and she would pray. Together, they would both make a difference. But inside, she still couldn’t quite let go of the lingering remnants of anger at her own weakness.
“Lord, make me brave. Make me strong in this. I want to be a warrior like Nick,” she silently prayed. The spoken words bolstered her courage, if only a little.
Chapter Eighteen
Kaylan had started to live for the weekend. She went through the motions to complete her training and become a licensed dietician. The work kept her busy and distracted, but she longed for the weekends to rest from her racing mind. Yet, this weekend brought a reminder of the Sunday before.
She grew tired of the internal battle. As she walked to her car after church, Kaylan felt as if she had survived another Sunday, but it was the pastor’s message from the Sunday before that still nagged her. Throughout worship and the message, she had made a fist and released it, hoping her feelings would match. In theory, it should be simple. But the reality kept her trapped in a prison of her own making.
During her solitary drive home, Kaylan chewed on Megan’s words and advice from the previous week. She had to let go of her fear, her anger. She had to stop trying to control. She’d watched as Megan worshipped this morning for the first time as a follower of Christ. Her face glowed as she sang, the lyrics taking root more with each repetition. How was it that Megan, a girl who’d experienced more abandonment and abuse than Kaylan could fathom, could let it all go, and Kaylan, church girl and sheltered daughter, couldn’t?
Her pride felt bruised, her relationships broken. Ironically her fear of being alone tended to isolate her from those she loved most—Nick, the Lord, even her family after Haiti. Though it hurt those around her, Kaylan bore the most pain from her actions.
She pulled into her driveway and parked, staring at the stucco structure and white garage door. Her neighborhood teemed with life outside her car doors, but inside, Kaylan still couldn’t loosen her grip.
She leaned her forehead on the steering wheel, the cool rubber and gentle texture massaging her aching mind.
“God, I don’t want to fight You. I don’t want to control. And I don’t want to be afraid anymore. It cripples me.” A tear tracked down her face, landing on her clenched fingers. “You called me to love a warrior, and You call me to go deeper in my relationship with You, but both require a bravery I don’t know that I have. What happens if I lose him? What happens when I don’t feel You?”
A breeze whipped through the trees outside and with it came a gentle whisper over Kaylan’s heart. Give it to Me, sweet girl.
Tears coursed down her face. Reflecting on that gentle admonition, Kaylan realized she didn’t have to figure it out or understand. She just had to trust. Trust her fear to a loving Father and remember He was near even when she couldn’t feel it. She was never alone.
One by one, she released each finger until her hand lay open on her knee. Fingernail indentions decorated her palm. Their impressions would fade, could fade now that she had relinquished her grip.
But better still, Kaylan felt the knot of shame, fear, regret, and anger begin to uncurl within her. As she opened the car door, she took a deep breath, tasting the cool air. The moisture on her cheeks dried.
And for the first time in months she felt light. She felt free.
She had surrendered.
*
After an emotional morning for Kaylan and a long, heartfelt conversation with Megan once they both arrived back at the house, the two of them had decided to spend the rest of their morning recharging. Sun drifted through their sheer curtains and a candle scented the room with the fragrance of sea and tropical flowers, Megan’s favorite.
A sharp rap at the door shattered the silence, causing Kaylan and Megan to jump up from their nests on the couches. After their kidnappings months before, both of them were leery of strangers anywhere near their home.
“Are you expecting someone?” Megan asked from behind her copy of Lord of the Rings.
Kaylan shook her head, wondering whether to get Nick’s pistol. “Sandy, come.” The dog appeared at her side immediately. Someone had given up a well-trained and loyal companion. He never let Megan or Kaylan out of his sight for long.
The doorbell rang. Kaylan peered through the peephole, her breath catching when she saw Natalie on the other side of the door. She fumbled with the locks and pulled the door open, startling a retreating blonde.
“Hey, where are you going?”
The girl turned, her cheeks a faint pink. “I assumed no one was home.”
“Sorry, no, just lazy today. Do you want to come in?” Kaylan stepped aside to allow her entry, but Natalie stood frozen on the porch. “Okay, how about some coffee? Tea? Hot chocolate?” Natalie perked up on the last one. “Right, chocolate lover. Come on in.”
Sandy sniffed at her legs as she entered, and she absent-mindedly rubbed behind his ears before turning to Kaylan looking like a lost child. “I don’t know what I’m doing here.”
“I don’t know what you’re doing here either.” Megan looked up from her book and grinned. “I’m Megan.”
Megan’s brashness drew a smile and a bit of the spunk Kaylan remembered from the coffee shop. “I’m Natalie.”
“Nice to meet you, Nat. And how do you two know each other?”
Natalie’s face drained of color, so Kaylan quickly replied, “I met her when I went to pick up the dresses in LA a few weeks back. We had been emailing about some research I’d been doing and met up at a coffee shop.”
“Well, mi casa et su casa, but if you two can keep it down over there so I can finish this epic battle scene, I would really appreciate it.” Her face disappeared behind her book again as she sank into the couch.
Natalie followed Kaylan into the kitchen. “Hot chocolate, huh?”
“Hey, it got you in the door.” Kaylan began to pull down ingredients from the cabinets. “You’ve got to make it with milk though, or it’s no good. My mom says the creamier, the better.”
“I’m sold.”
“So, I’m a little confused. I gave you my number, not my address.”
Natalie winced. “Sorry. I know. I just figured I would lose my nerve if I could hang up, but I’m stuck once I’m here in person. I kind of used some connections to look up your address a week ago. For some reason, I just got in the car and drove this morning. I couldn’t stop myself. And I wound up here. I just need to know.” Her cool blue eyes drifted around the kitchen and into the open living room. “Is he . . . Is Nick around?”
Kaylan stirred chunks of chocolate into Natalie’s mug and then handed the cup to her, avoiding eye contact. “Nick is out of the country right now.” To a military brat, that statement said all that was necessary.
“Got it. I would ask when he would be back, but I know better.”
“Soon.”
“Guys, please, I’m at the part where Frodo tries to leave Sam and strike out on his own. You’re messing up the mood,” Megan said from the couch, her eyes never leaving the page.
“Want to sit on the porch?” Kaylan led the way without waiting for a response. “We have a couple of blankets.”
Natalie nodded and followed Kaylan outside. They sank into the cushions on t
he wicker love seat and pulled a blanket over their laps. Sandy lay down on top of Kaylan’s feet, keeping them warm. For a few minutes, they sat sipping their hot chocolate and watching the neighborhood action. Nina puttered in her yard next door, fighting with the garden hose as she watered her flowers. Kaylan felt the urge to tell the woman it was winter, but Nina had a thing for caring for her yard. It was her baby now that her children were grown and gone.
Jenna ran past them on her daily jog. To Kaylan’s knowledge, her asthma was better, and they caught up every month at Nina’s little get-together.
“Can you tell me about him?” Natalie asked, interrupting Kaylan’s thoughts.
Kaylan smiled into her mug. Praising her guy was one of her favorite things to discuss, but she wasn’t sure where to begin or how much to share.
“Well, he burns toast but makes a killer omelet. Likes his coffee to look and taste like jet fuel.”
Natalie laughed and made a face. “Are you sure we’re related?”
Kaylan squeezed Natalie’s hand. “Trust me.” Kaylan could see Nick in the shape of Natalie’s eyes, in the way her mouth quirked to one side when she smiled. And in her pursuit of truth.
“Nick loves the water.”
“Yet another thing we don’t have in common.”
“And he loves the Lord.”
Natalie smiled big for the first time. “Now that we really have in common. One way or another he is my brother.”
“I think that’s the best thing to have in common.” Kaylan grinned. “I’m so glad you decided to come.”
“Me too. I have so many questions.”
Kaylan nodded. “Shoot.”
“Why did we get split up? Who are our birth parents? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t trade my family for the world. It just makes me sad that we missed out on having a family together, you know?”
“I think he feels the same way.”
A low growl interrupted their conversation. “Sandy?”
“Excuse me.” A male voice spoke from the door to the screened-in porch. Kaylan stood and Sandy darted off Kaylan’s feet, his bark vicious as the man backed up a few steps. His accent immediately sent a dart of terror through Kaylan, reminding her all too much of Dmitri and the damp smell of a confined boat shed.
But it wasn’t Dmitri. His face was familiar. Confusion darted through her as she recognized the sharply dressed businessman she had bumped into at the coffee shop. “You. You were in the coffee shop.” She remembered his accent and how out of place he had seemed in the casual environment.
Before the man could answer, the door to the house flew open and Megan stepped out. Kaylan recognized her own fear mirrored in Megan’s pale face. “Kayles, why’s Sandy . . .” Her eyes swung to the porch door and her voice grew sharp. “Who are you?”
“I’m here to see Miss Richards, and interestingly enough, I’m here to see you, too, Miss . . .” His gaze fixed on Natalie.
“Me?” Natalie’s eyes grew big.
Kaylan’s suspicions immediately tipped to high gear. No one knew of her connection to Natalie. No one but Nick. She studied the man’s short, slight build. Round glasses perched on a nose between small eyes and a balding head. His suit spoke of money. He carried himself with an aloof confidence, hands clasped behind his back and an air of business about him.
“Megan, go call . . .”
“No need to call the authorities,” he interrupted, his Russian accent bleeding through every syllable.
“Call Logan, Meg.”
Megan immediately slipped inside, the door left open in the event retreat became necessary. Sandy continued his low growl, his body firmly planted between the girls and the door.
“Can you call off your canine so that we can talk like civilized human beings, please?”
Kaylan moved her body to block Natalie from the man’s view, hoping to deter any more conversation in her direction. Her desire to protect overrode the fear that threatened to cloud her thinking. He wasn’t like Dmitri. He would have done more than talk. She would keep him talking until the guys arrived. “The dog stays, and you’ll stay right where you are. We haven’t had the best experience with well-dressed men with Russian accents in the last few months. So I’ll repeat my roommate’s question. Who are you, and what are you doing here?”
The man sniffed and looked around the outside of the house. “My, my, what they say about American hospitality really is true. It is quickly disappearing. What a shame. Not to mention the fact that you are from the South, Miss Richards. I expected your Southern manners to rival those of Californians, but I see I was mistaken.”
“You aren’t helping yourself. Answer my questions or leave.” Kaylan crossed her arms over her chest, refusing to cower. Megan quietly reappeared at the door, nodding in Kaylan’s direction.
“I see. And I take it your roommate’s reappearance means that several SEALs will be at your door within minutes, is that correct?”
“At least your powers of deduction are intact, even if your subtlety is not.” She wielded her sarcasm like a shield and fought her body’s desire to tremble.
“I don’t believe in subtlety and neither does my employer. I came to give you a message.”
Terror coursed through her, but she stood her ground. The guys would be here any minute. She just had to hold on. “Then shove it under the door.”
“Oh no, no, no. No more notes, no more games. I know what you endured under my colleague, and I assure you we have no intention of repeating her mistakes.”
Kaylan’s senses kicked into high gear. She needed to get as much information as possible. “I’m not sure I’ve met your colleague.”
“I believe you are familiar with her work and her relationship with your fiancé. Her games were mere child’s play.” Did he mean the mistakes she made in taunting and threatening Kaylan, or the mistake she made in not killing her the first time?
No apology rang from his eyes. No gentleness. He simply saw her as a business transaction.
“What’s the message?”
“Let me put it this way. Your fiancé didn’t stop when my colleague threatened your life last year. Whatever his reasons, clearly he loves his job more than you.”
“Get to the point.” Her heart raced. What was taking Logan and the guys so long?
“You are aware Nikolai is currently out of the country. His mission is to put my employer out of business. However, I can assure you, my employer is a Russian businessman with the highest credentials.” His tone flat-lined. “If your fiancé continues his ridiculous task, he, your brother, and their friends will wind up on a permanent vacation in the water they love so much. Are we clear?”
Not trusting her voice, Kaylan remained silent, her hands now shaking. She clenched her fists and crossed her arms over her chest.
“Good. We wouldn’t want another accident to befall you like the one last fall. And this time, Miss McMurray, is it?” He leaned to look around Kaylan and acknowledge Natalie. “You might be at risk, as well. Have a good afternoon.”
He turned swiftly, slipped into the back of a black Mercedes, and sped off before Kaylan could get her thoughts straight.
“You have got to be kidding me. I don’t want to do this again. I can’t do this again, Kayles.” Megan paced, running her fingers through her short, choppy hair. “I mean, is this normal for SEALs?”
“Not remotely.” Kaylan chewed her lip, trying to remain outwardly calm for Natalie’s sake. She kept her eyes glued to the street. “But the situation is complicated . . .” She slipped a look at Natalie, whose gaze flitted from Kaylan to Megan and back again.
“Yeah, yeah, I get it. Cone of silence and all that.” Megan wrapped her arms around herself. “Do me a favor and tell soldier boy to finish this before we wind up dead this time,” she spat.
“Who is that man, and what is going on?” Fear edged Natalie’s voice.
To Kaylan’s relief, at that moment Logan’s car pulled up with Caveman and two others. She t
ook Natalie’s hand. “These are Nick’s friends. I’ll explain in a minute.”
“Kayles, call off the dog so we can come in,” Logan commanded from the sidewalk, immediately taking control of the situation. Two of the guys lifted his chair up the two stairs leading to their closed-in porch.
“Sandy, here, boy.” Sandy immediately came to her side and sat, panting as if the shadows of a few minutes before had never existed.
“What happened? Are you all right?” Logan wheeled himself next to the loveseat while Caveman went to search the house. Javier and Gavin stood close by Logan’s side, their eyes fixed on Natalie.
“I am really confused and would love an explanation right now. I’m Natalie. I’m an Air Force brat, so let’s just get that out of the way for you macho SEALs.”
Logan smirked. “I like your spunk, Natalie. Kaylan will explain as much as she can. But for now, I need to know if my guys overseas need to know anything.”
“Logan, that guy just threatened the team. I’m scared they are walking into a trap.” With her words, Kaylan’s remaining energy left her body, and she slumped into the loveseat.
*
Anya Petrov, aka Janus, sat in the mess hall on a United States military base wondering how her life had taken such a drastic turn. A CIA agent sat across from her shoveling food into his mouth. Her lip curled over her teeth. Disgusting.
A clock hung on the wall. She swore the hands slowed more every minute. Somewhere Nick and his team prepared to board a helicopter and take care of the last Taliban remnant that served as a lynchpin for Sasha’s black market arms dealing in the Middle East. If the team managed to eliminate them tonight, she would be one step closer to accomplishing her plan and one step closer to using the team to take care of her Sasha problem.
She stared at her plate. If everything worked well, she would be dining on finer fare soon. Her stomach rumbled and she forced herself to take a bite. She would need her strength and energy. Fortunately for her, sufficient willpower had never been her problem. She always got her way.
Surrendered (Heart of a Warrior Series Book 3) Page 12
