! &! ¿˝ not a religious man ( ? ). Elsewhere ′″ Ê˝ Ë˝ ^˝ # # $# ′# )# ÿ# ‹# È# $ $ ′$ 3$ D$ {$ Å$ õ$ †$ ′$ ∑$ Ô$ $ % % % % ˝% !% %% G& J& «& Ó& Ô& ‘’ a′ n′ s′ |′ ~’ ‘ %′ z′ Ÿ′ ‹′ ›′ ‡′ ·′ ,′ ′ A ′ _ -′ 1 6′ ed how they looked, to where, and this is to where, to the house. µ’ ∏’ æ’ ø’ ƒ’ ...’ ‘’ í, %, z, ´, - #- %- L &- (- T [ g - ã ?- ö n’ ≠ o’ @- F- H- {‘ º U- h- º j- ! µ m- Ù n- ˆ o- v- - Ä 8 é- H ê- a |’ s ç’ â ô’ í- ì- ¢- £- !- ∂ ±- - ∑- ÿ ...- ˝ Ë- Ù- -- ˘- ! & C. 5 K. 7 L. c O. u f. i. j. ç. é. ô ù. ß. !. ª ¨. ±. ≤. O ed how they looked, to where, and this is to where, to the house.
ed how they looked, to where, and this is to where, to the house. It does not matter. No I am not a religious man ( ? ). Elsewhere I have said it. How could I?
In his own country he was a foreigner and well known, respected man ( ? ). I know that. I say that. I do not know why five. I do not know why – precautions, yes of course. And I saw how it had been laughing. I saw this. I have had children. This baby had been laughing, and I saw that. Yes the mother, she was the mother, of course.
I heard the voices From outside. my arm, elbow, elbowsaid A smile to his fellows, securitys
now then, choking it back, ready to scream at me. Anger, so anger, in me
You step outside, said the first one.
I stepped outside. He took the baby from me. Now the shooting was at crescendo level, old rifles and bayonets. They had no interest in me. I do not know about him. I was to keep to the front. I saw the huge shock of hair, artist-father, not to look back. I then was struck, to unconsciousness,
We go round in circles. Then I was I do not know why – precautions, , yes they did not pay meOf course.ÁÁËËÈÈ..y And I saw how it had been laughing. I saw this. I have had children. This baby had been laughing, and I saw that. Yes the mother, she was the mother, of course. What of the girl she was not seen
. I <#h ( ? ) / Ó/ 4 V4 ï4 Æ4 ≤4 ÿ4 .5 g5 ≈5 Ô5 6 ˘ <#h ˘ <#h ˘ <#h ˘ <#h ˘ <#h ˜ ˜ ˘ <#h ˘ ( ? ) – h heard the voicesFrom outside. ( ? ) my arm, elbow, elbowsaid A smile to his comrades and s
now then, choking it back, ready to scream at me. S, as a baby
. Anger, so anger, in me
. B
You
Whatdo these people do. I do not know. I do not get weary. We some of us
all fathers to them if childs are not girls they cannot be girls who are always girls to keep to the front, not look backWhatdo these people do. I do not know.I do not get weary.We some of us people are people and are killed, new people come, babies are into existence, what their names may be, what is their gender, they have none they are babies, babies live or die, as children, boys or girls, live or die, men and women, elderly people, some live some are dead, colleagues not colleagues, it is continuation only, what are human beings, this planet Earth the women hated me for their babies all babies and I have one, she is a daughter. I do not know respect, the elderly man only nodded, we do things, respect, respect may be for different things. I am a colleague. The women had no reason. What reason could they have had, none. If I had not
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6
“a statement”
Then from the doorway, she was leaving and the two men, I saw them follow her. I waited within the shadows. The third man was by the wall, I knew it, yes. What was wrong I do not know but that then, now, for that period these three images were in my brain, crowding and crowding.
Then also thinking of sex, it is true that girl had offered to me sex. She thought I did not recognise this. Later when meeting together I also was embarrassed. Why. I know why. I know why. I was not angry. I had been seeing her as the girl only, one who attracts the eyes of males. For her a straight-forward matter, she had adapted, it was new but not new.
I had been watching them, of course, watching all, any thing, and not knowing of these two, who were they, I did not know, securitys might be there, anywhere. And not on duty also, yes, coming to this tourist place where much is known and women are here and girls also are here and may be found, younger girls, if closeby, and if these two were tourists to our country, but no, I did not think so, these were not tourists, I made the judgment, knowing them as fools. Fools, seeking the girl. I was certain in that, and to make use of it, yes, I also adapt and would adapt, as the girl. She was beautiful. To myself, to all men. Yes, a girl strong and with strength, special strength. I had forgotten her presence, choosing so not to, yes, not to think therefore these possible consequences, no consideration of these. There are ways we live. I cannot deny some. Perhaps there was a realisation that I had. Otherwise yes, I knew what was to be done and had prepared, even so the two men, adapting to that. I saw how they made pleasantries with her. Of course she now was seeing them differently and could not be in our planning, what further I might embark upon. Earlier I had been prepared just as now that she could not be prepared, could not have been, now that she so understood, her look was furtive, I saw it. The two men spoke in brusque tones, as in disagreement with her. I heard them, and looking to her face, that I might see her eyes, if that was possible in these shadows, I do not think so.
She would escape. If there could be doubts of that, I did not, I had none, there was the objective and I was to accomplish it and could not wait there to the rear, not longer than I had done, a farther fifty metres to reach the alley, and I would have to dash and if I went, and there was no choice if I went, and it had to be now, and it was now, I moved again quickly, quickly.
The images, the cluster b
reaking, and reforming.
Where she was.
I saw the third man by the wall. I thought of his face, knowing his face so well. He knew what was to be happening for himself, knowing nought of myself but was in preparation for all, for any, he was no fool, also dangerous, vicious, so, more.
It was no controlled area, nor curfew in operation. When he returned into view it was from the far side of the building, and of course I was by this time round by there, yes into location. I supposed the girl to be closeby if she had escaped from these two fools, or not. I could give no thought to her and safety, my concentration fully to the third fellow, yes, I knew him, I knew him, this one, I knew all what he thought. I see him there in the shadows, ever vigilant. Of course believing himself unobserved. He might think of the girl, seeing also these two, perhaps having irritation and would chide himself, no cause existing for it, himself themself, these fools, they only were men, it should not upset him. But so does upset him. He has daughters, also. Yes, such knowledge, always unsettling for him, factors not sexual. I knew how his clothes had been bought for him by women. This was his family, daughters and mothers, aunts. Dangerous man who was a dutiful fellow, having his own burdens, all responsibilities, his children growing with a bad view of him, his brow and worry-lines, smoking too much, drinking alcohol too much, sex and guilt for it, each answer a word of warning, a silent household, yes, his family so might relax when he must go from home about his business. They know nothing of that business. He has feelings of resentment yet can tell them nothing, neither his wife, he cannot speak, never. And she is a bridge to his children, without her he has nothing of them, he cannot hold them, onto them
the line is slipping. It is sentiment. I think of these things. If what I say, the life of himself and that family, no, he was with the girl, he also would be thinking of the girl, this was that for us, making it so, for myself, if I had the knowledge that I would do one thing and not another thing, of course. It was him. I had no doubt. If it is said, said of myself. What?
Yes the other two followed, in my route by the alley. I heard them, a disagreement now with themselves. Where the girl was, she had escaped out from them and from immediate view of the third man. She would be into the location, what is it, porch or entrance from a courtyard, space there, what one it might be, adjacent and shadows offering concealment of course. I do not know much more of that, of that period. Not of her, not until later and I saw her as indicated. Now of myself, actions.
But that when I speak of the two I also heard them, I said their disagreement. If the third man also did hear them, I do not think so. I knew he did not. And the girl was now inside her place so these two others were in that direction, it now being critical if this might hold for us, and there yes I could feel the girl reveal herself to the third man and knowing how that amazement would have been that here that she was and this then was the time that was proper, and I was to move so quickly once more and did so, coming from my position and was walking down by there so quickly if it had happened not had happened I was to be there for that eventuality if a fate had befallen the girl. And now these shadows, great shadows, dark narrow thoroughfare, banked on its northside, selected route, if I should be grateful, not grateful. It was not so dangerous.
I could have gone more carefully. If the one had not heard these fools he would not hear myself, impaired hearing, older fellow. And so, I had learned from fools. But it was the girl, attention of the third man wholly to her. So in his mind now also in body, she was standing in view of him, she was in the shadows, he only in witness, none other, she only existed there as for himself, if this dream for him it was no dream, this girl was seeing him and should he go to her, also himself knowing of the inability to recognise the threat, who was the threat, he might recognise the girl, now her body and shape of her herself, if he did not then know her. What was this girl who offered sex it could not be if his mind played tricks on him why was he there and he knew all of his life having been so warned. So it was, having forgotten such as myself and surprise all was with myself, he was not prepared, so it was known, myself myself.
Later we were to have returned by the place to a location and if these fools were there, I did not think so, it was an amusement, and if they were there amusement also for we two. They would have continued, elsewhere.
What I am to say, I say something, he is dead, now, of course.
There were these other incidents, we knew of them, father of daughters, father of sons. Our thinking is of experience gained. I saw his eyes, fear there with him, was with him. Guilt, yes, knowledge self-knowledge, reconciliation to myself, I there as so, his ending. Three images in clusters. I might have been more painstaking. Of course, always. There was no alteration in what happened. If I am to say if that it was the girl, it was she decided this action of myself. If it is shameful, what is shameful. What more. No more is to be said. The girl was not into my mind. Later, if it became so.
I would not return over what had gone, not from the past as into the present that is our present. If she had offered herself to me and it had happened then it had so, what did she think, who that I might be. There are operations. The image of her. I could not alter my thinking. In the doorway she was looking to me. I cannot say more. Of course he is dead, what more. Yes, I have seen her, since that night, of course
7
“lives were around me”
I knew this walk, lying three miles from the international area, retaining old qualities besides this new, fish and sea-food restaurants. In seasons named for tourists if tourists were there these might be busy, becoming busier. At this time not so busy. Local people, old men discussing events now dead, also men alone, men without anything, also on benches, for what opportunity.
If there are opportunities for these men, they watch for them. There might be such. If tourists are there opportunities also will be there.
The horizon is to be looked at yes they look to it, what is there, boats are there, things to come are there, the eyelids of these men, reading onto them.
This was a harbour, even a great harbour, so they said, once upon a time. But even yet I saw it to be a good harbour.
I was going to the water’s edge, near to the designated building, but away also from people. There can be always people and the next meeting was to come afterwards, and afterwards would come. I could not set my head properly for it. And she was to arrive, thereafter she would arrive, meeting with her, if she was there, I would see her and escort her, I would take her, she would be there.
I was crossing the square beyond the parking-area. I had got here so quickly.
Three buses were there, tourists and cameras, and all the vendors there for them and seeing no other, this lone individual, myself. But not all vendors were there, one was now by my side, a boy with shoe-polishing brushes. There is always such a boy, appearing. He lurks in wait, espies me, appears. If there is the thought, I have it, then no sooner and he will be there, called into existence, who else, yes, this individual. What age, ten years, not more.
I polish your shoes sir.
He was curious of the bag on my shoulder. I said to him, You are not in school, why is that?
I polish your shoes sir.
This is not a joke. I ask you seriously. Now you look at me with hate, you are suspicious, you are hesitating, thinking to run off. Why? I speak your language. I am no stranger. There is not a reason for hate, it is the opposite.
Sir, I polish your shoes.
My shoes are too old, they cannot be polished.
I polish them.
You cannot polish them, they are too old.
Sir, only they have no surface I give them surface. I bring them new for you.
You cannot bring them new for me.
Sir.
They are too old.
Sir I have brush, special kind.
Now showing the brush to me. It was from some decade or other, very old. His mother’s pride and great treasure. Brush with a metallic back, engrav
ed. It was not silver.
If it was, so, silver, yes, perhaps. I looked at it more closely, he also, showing it again for my special attention. Sir you buy?
I do not buy, return this to your mother.
My mother is not here.
But return it to her.
I do not have my mother.
Yes, it is hers, if your family returns home one day from this place, it is your treasure, take it to her.
More hatred now and moving from me he retreated to a stance nearby the parking area, seeking a proper customer but away from the coaches, foreign people. Once there he stared to me, no hate now but with interest perhaps that I could play such a trick, a foreigner yet not a foreigner. If a tourist to this country, what, he did not know. I saw him now talking to one very old man who carried silk scarves and cloths in the crooks of both elbows, layers and layers, tied round the upper arms. His white hair in patches, standing upright. It was amusing to see. Perhaps the boy’s grandfather, great-grandfather, perhaps, too old for the grandfather, and now examining the brush, holding it, peering to it. But they did not know the value of the brush, yet such a brush would have been worth money, property of their family, not stolen, not by them.
How could I be contemptuous of these people? It was not possible.
There was a place to sit.
Translated Accounts Page 5
