by KL Shandwick
Martin accepted me excusing him because I think he needed something to console himself with. We never usually disagreed about anything, so what had happened was a first. When we went outside, all my brothers were together until my parents and Aunt arrived to say their goodbyes.
Ten minutes later I was staring at the taillights braking, as Martin rounded the bend in the driveway and he and Flynn headed for the highway. I hugged myself against the biting wind and the cold morning air and turned with tears welling until they rolled down my face and I thought it had been the worst Thanksgiving ever.
I moped around the house all day following Martin and Flynn’s departure. Replays sprang to mind of the conversations between everyone. I’d texted Martin twice that I loved him and couldn’t wait to see him at Christmas. I’d hated how we’d left it between us and that I wouldn’t have been able to put it right for weeks. When I went to bed that night, I pulled open my pajama drawer and found a music notation sheet. It had been folded into quarters. Opening it I saw a scribbled phone number and one line of words.
Call me when you’re ready.
Flynn x
My heart soared at those five words. I read it again and thought about the last conversation he’d had with me. When I’m ready for what— to sleep with him? HA! Did he mean when I’d turned eighteen? Did he mean call him when I wanted to see him again, or when I lost my virginity? Those five words made the note too ambiguous to know exactly what had been going on in his head when he wrote it. Martin’s words resonated with me about girls going insane for Flynn. I’d almost lost my mind in the few days he’d been with us. Had he only written the note because there were no other women to give his attention here? Surely he wouldn’t want me once he was back in St. Cloud.
Leaving his number for me like that was some kind of test, but I was determined not to play his game. If he wanted to see me, he knew where I lived. We were listed in the phone book, and our name wasn’t very common, he’d find us easily enough. I’d been warned off of him both by Martin and my aunt already, so there was no way I was chasing after him.
Chapter 8 ~ Instant rock star
Once Martin had gone back to college I’d spent a good chunk of each day dreaming about what I would say if Flynn ever called me. I needn’t have bothered because he didn’t. What he did do was save me the trauma of rehashing the Bradley stuff. All everyone wanted to know was how I’d met someone as amazing as Flynn.
I’d been honest and told them that he was Martin’s roommate at college, and said we weren’t together because of both distance and timing. They knew I’d wanted to go to college, and if Flynn was in Martin’s year, he’d be finishing. That part was true except we weren’t together in the first place.
After the questions died down life got a little easier and I was asked out a few times by different boys. I never went at first because I still couldn’t shake my feelings for Flynn even though the whole thing was impossible. It seemed my heart wanted Flynn no matter what my head told it.
OoOoO
During the following five weeks, Martin called home weekly as usual and sent me the occasional text. I’d been dying to ask about Flynn, but Martin never mentioned him so I hadn’t felt I could. It drove me crazy that I hadn’t heard any news about him.
When Martin rang on my sixteenth birthday, I finally found the courage to ask him about Flynn. He mentioned he was flying in for Christmas a few days later and I braved it and asked if Flynn would be tagging along.
Martin snickered down the line before he said, “Flynn? Nah, we won’t see him again, Beatnik. He’s loved up and infatuated with some woman. Stupid guy dropped out and is missing his college degree with only two semesters to go.”
My breath caught at the back of my throat, and I stood silently listening in shock. Flynn had only left me the note about a week before he’d found his next victim. I should have known better. It was my sixteenth birthday, and it was pretty significant to me that the day I could legally have sex was the day I found out Flynn Docherty had only been toying with me. I was heartbroken, and it felt painful. When the call was over, I rushed upstairs to my room, threw myself heavily onto my bed and cried buckets into my pillow.
After a while, I opened my drawer and saw his note I’d been treasuring. I stared at it before ripping it into tiny pieces. The guy had played me, and I’d been stupid enough to think he may have meant what he’d said.
Martin came home a few days later and the awkward, distant feelings I’d felt between us dissipated as soon as he got in the car at the airport. His familiar smile and warmth were all I’d needed to pick me up again. I hadn’t realized how down I’d been about the stuff with Flynn until Martin made me feel better.
“Here, I should have sent this to you in the mail for your birthday, but I wanted to see your face when you opened it.”
Martin handed me a small box wrapped in golden metallic gift wrap.
I grinned and shook my head spending time at home with him was enough, “What are you doing buying me things? You’re supposed to be a poor student,” I said and smirked as I eagerly tore the paper from the box. Inside was a beautiful silver bracelet with music symbol charms.
“Oh, it’s perfect, I adore it, Martin,” I gushed as I leaped over from the back seat and hugged him hard from behind. Kayden was driving and scolded me for distracting him.
Unclasping the hook, he put it on my wrist and refastened it. I swung it from my wrist and examined the charms again, paying attention to the detail of each one. It was beautiful, and the thought that Martin had picked it out especially for me made it even more treasured. Not long after Martin gave me the bracelet, Kayden began quizzing Martin about Flynn. I sat in the back quietly listening with my heart thumping in my chest at the mention of his name.
Apparently, Flynn had been seeing a girl on and off at college before he’d come home with him to our place for Thanksgiving. She was really into music and sang in some college band. Flynn had been invited to her place the weekend after they’d gone home. He’d come back to collect his stuff and told Martin he’d quit college and was moving to California.
“Get this. You know how shy he was about playing his guitar? Well not now— he’s in a band, and some hotshot manager is taking them all the way. I tried to talk him into finishing his degree, but he felt it was pointless. When he went home with Iria, the new girlfriend, it turned out her father’s buddies with some record producer and manager in LA. He was offered an audition for some band that a record company guru was putting together. Iria persuaded Flynn to go for it and once the record producer heard Flynn sing and how talented he was on the guitar, the guy offered him the lead position.”
Martin turned and looked at me, and I’d tried to keep a nonchalant look on my face. “At first, Flynn refused his offer because of his stage fright but they’ve been giving him confidence therapy and from all accounts he’s doing great. He doesn’t contact me directly anymore, I guess he’s too busy, but the girl I’ve been seeing, Jessica, is friends with his girl. The band is called Major ScAlz, so we should watch out for them.”
“Is that so?” Kayden asked.
“Yup. Looks like Flynn’s gone from being a shy guy to a rock star in a few months. I saw a video of him. Iria sent it to Jessica. I can’t believe the difference in him. The band’s going to be massively famous in the future.”
“Never heard of them,” I blurted out, my tone sounded bitter.
“Who? Major ScAlz? Well, you wouldn’t have yet, Beatnik. They’re still rehearsing all the time. Putting a band together isn’t something you get right overnight. It takes a few months of training their voices to blend, harmonizing and getting to know the timing of all the songs once they learn the songs.”
“Get you Mr.-Expert-on-bands all of a sudden,” I’d said, my voice dripping with sarcasm.
“Only relaying what I was told, Beatnik. There’s no need to be bitchy about it.”
“I wasn’t being bitchy. I just can’t see how someone can go fr
om nothing to everything in one hit. Are you sure they’re being honest with you?”
The driver for my anger wasn’t his lucky break at all. It was that he had moved on to a new girl so quickly. Not that I was his girl or anything.
“Well, we’ll find out soon enough. Their first track is being released New Year’s week. To be honest with you, Val, I was glad when he took up with Iria. When he was here, I got the vibe that he was about to hit on you. Flynn’s definitely one to spread the love around, so I’d questioned myself after his performance with you at Adam’s game whether I’d made a mistake bringing him home with me.”
“Like I told you at the time, Marty, I was fifteen. So you needn’t have worried on that score.” I hated the feeling I had when I thought back to that moment. I’d felt humiliated by the way Martin and Flynn had discussed me as if I hadn’t been there.
“And now you’re sixteen and thank God, Flynn isn’t around anymore. It would have been a different story this time I think. I know him, he was really attracted to you.”
“And now I’m sixteen? You mean legal and you think I’d give up my virginity to a guy like Flynn? Really? I think you boys need to start giving me some credit for being a young woman. I’m not stupid Martin. I learned my lesson from being with Bradley.”
“Val, Flynn popped the cherries of plenty of girls just like you, so I know what I’m talking about.”
“Doesn’t he sound like a real darling? Like you said, he’s not here so why are we still discussing him?”
Martin apologized and pulled me in for a hug and our heated moods gradually evened out. That night everyone went to bed except for the two of us. It felt like old times as we sat across from each other, cross-legged, me on the sofa and him on the floor facing me. Reminiscing about people we knew places we’d been. Our favorite playlist was on shuffle in the background, and I hadn’t wanted the night to end. We were equals again, and I learned a lot about Martin I hadn’t known before. By the time we’d headed upstairs, the gap between us was firmly closed.
Christmas Day was everything it was supposed to be. Full of love and laughter and to have our whole family together gave me a sense of what was important. I did spare a thought for Flynn that morning and hoped that wherever he was, he’d been made welcome. I pondered the thought of how awful it would have been not to have my loved ones around me. What I’d felt at the thought of losing people close to me was too painful for words.
By evening, we’d all had too much to eat and we’d laughed until we cried watching a corny old movie on T.V. Martin’s sudden movements caught my eye and I watched as he took his phone out of his pocket, checked the screen and held his phone away from his body. His mouth dropped as he blinked and shook his head.
“Oh. My. God. No way. It looks like Flynn is going to be a real rock star in a few days’ time. They are opening at Madison Square Garden for Bon Jovi.”
“You’re kidding, right?” Kayden’s eyes were wide and he crawled from his position on the floor nearer to Martin.
“Nope. Look, he’s just sent me this.”
Martin turned his phone in Kayden’s direction, and I craned my neck to see the screen. Flynn was smiling widely in the picture. Behind him was a massive stage set with a laser image of Jon Bon Jovi’s face on a screen in an empty stadium. It looked as if the projected images were being tested before a concert.
Martin’s thumbs moved over the keypad in response. Seconds later another text alert beeped on his cell.
Snickering, Martin turned the cell away from me and read it, biting his bottom lip in concentration. He laughed out loud then shared it with Kayden who also burst out laughing.
“Dirty fucker,” Kayden muttered sounding amused.
Shaking his head at Kayden, Martin chuckled, “I told him… it’ll fall off one day.”
Whatever was on the text wasn’t shared with me, so I figured it had to be crude. Once again, Flynn had managed to alienate me from my brothers and he wasn’t even in the same place. I stood, picking up some of my presents and mumbled that I was going up to bed. It was only 9:00 pm, but I had to get away from all of them.
As I climbed the stairs, tears welled in my eyes. I knew what I felt about Flynn was irrational. He’d messed with my head. The guy had only been at our house for a few days, but the impact he’d had on me was still present that day. More than that, my curiosity about the text message he’d sent had gotten the better of me.
The following two days were a little strained at times, mainly due to Martin and Kayden talking non-stop about how lucky Flynn was. I’d found myself doing chores around the house, volunteering for anything rather than spend time listening to them speculate about him. My anger flared that someone we hardly knew could drive a wedge between us, or maybe it was my jealousy that had been responsible for that.
Flynn sent two more texts that were never shared with me. One of them made Martin annoyed. I’d seen it on his face as he read the message and he’d shoved his phone in his pocket and muttered, “In your dreams, Flynn.” He never mentioned that one to Kayden and I wondered if it was personal to Martin and by the time Martin left for college, I was moping again—a lot.
New Year’s Day came, and I couldn’t prevent myself from Googling Major ScAlz. Their name was connected to the Bon Jovi gig. The site I’d clicked had tons of reviews and I searched through them like someone obsessed. One site led to another and eventually there were mentions of Major ScAlz as the main articles.
One report I found mentioning Major ScAlz had over a thousand comments. My eyes bugged out as I scanned down the list and each entrant cited them as, ‘truly awesome’, ‘magnificent new band’, ‘da bomb’, ‘incredible’, ‘discovery’, ‘major talent’.
Hundreds— mainly from female fans — cooed that Flynn was sex on legs while others commented that he oozed pure testosterone. I’d had personal experience of that, and the effect he’d had on me was heady. Imagining him with a guitar, sweaty as he performed and sang and I’d guessed Flynn could have induced an ovary explosion. There were a couple of mentions for Tyler Chisholm, the band’s bassist and one for the drummer Tommy Alzaci.
Searching YouTube to see what all this ‘truly awesome, magnificence’ was about, as soon as I laid eyes on him I understood. My heart had instantly begun to beat rapidly as my trembling hand clicked the trackpad on my laptop to start the video clip. I sat back and stared at Flynn on the screen. The effect of the moving images and the raspy alto tones from the guy who’d only been in my mind for the past six weeks hit me like a punch in the center of my chest, and I’d fallen for him all over again.
I sat enthralled by his performance and confused by how the simple guy that had been at my home was now on my computer in the form of a rock star. He worked the stage, connecting with his audience before he sang to the camera that was obviously meant to be there. Flynn was everything that made the perfect rock star, but the guy I was watching at that time was nothing like the college guy who’d been sitting at our table less than seven weeks previously.
Groomed for stardom, Flynn appeared completely polished in an unpolished rock star way. He was the ultimate professional on stage, but the flirtatious side of his personality shone in his performance. He smiled, and I swear it could have melted ice off the frostiest of hearts.
The audience on the video looked completely captivated by him. He was definitely the guy most guys secretly wished they were like and the guy all girls wished were theirs. More than that, Flynn wasn’t just a good-looking guy who’d been stuck in a manufactured group. He made the band. I sat mesmerized in awe by the complex riffs from his guitar and the rich, raspy tones of his voice. He looked perfectly at home and sounded like he’d been born to be up there.
More searches revealed thousands of images of Flynn. His perfect smile on those perfect lips that he’d once held to mine. If I’d been more experienced, I’d have made him kiss me properly, it would have been my chance to know what that was like. I’d been thinking about what that woul
d have been like ever since, and I hadn’t been able to shake it off.
I swallowed past the lump in my throat as tears rolled down my face because I’d probably never experience that with him; it was too late. He belonged to the public as soon as he’d performed that first gig. For Flynn, life would never be the same and life would go on for the both of us. Martin was right. At sixteen, a guy like him would have eaten me alive. I’d closed my laptop while the video still played and I made up my mind that the only way to get Flynn out of my head was to date again.
For a few days, I stayed strong on my resolution, but that hadn’t stopped me from opening new accounts on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook and I even set myself up with a fake name to do that. I hadn’t wanted him to know it was me. Flynn tweeted mostly in the early evenings. Mainly about his songs, band information and tour dates, but there were some flirtatious tweets, aimed at female fans. Occasionally, he acknowledged a male who gave him a compliment about his musical talent. Otherwise, he focused on how to cultivate female fans.
OoOoO
On the first Tuesday of January, I drove to high school with Kayden by my side. I’d been driving on our land since I’d been thirteen, but I had to take a test the following week for my license to drive around on my own. We’d taken dad’s old truck because Kayden wouldn’t allow me anywhere near Susie. My need to practice was greater than the embarrassment of turning up in that old thing.
Ziggy Ally came over to me as I closed the door. He shoved his hands in his jeans pockets and watched Kayden as he’d driven off. I’d turned to look at him, and he smiled. He had a great smile. I’d always thought so.
“Hey, Valerie. Happy New Year,” he’d grinned but looked at me kind of bashfully, and it had appealed to me that I’d made him feel awkward.
