“I’m sorry...” Relief, it makes me sigh in happiness to feel so reassured in a world where my uncertainty is my only enemy. “You understand, and thank you, for putting me in my place...” Saying that took some, encouraging, on my part, not that Robert would know my pride took quite the hit there. He needed to know all the same, that I am thankful for what he is doing. I don’t like him, I disagree frequently with him, but while not the bravest leader, he does know how to help a friend in need.
Shyly, Robert takes my mind away from the grave, and thus away from the little voice in my head, it retreats to the back, inside the depths of where I do not inquire. Rejoining the group, I do the first thing I should, “I’m sorry Lola...” My eyes scan over my fearful daughter who softens, instantly coming to hug me. My heart skips a beat, and I feel like the father I once was.
“I love you...” I whisper.
“I love you too dad...” She whispers back.
Looking up, I see the motivating looks of the group, Ed is my focus, he sees me, and he smiles-
Are we friends again? Do I trust him? Yes, little voice was always wrong. These people are good. I cannot forget that.
Chapter 19 - Finally
Callum
Break of dawn comes, the shining sun sings, our redemption has arrived, and now, we shall leave. Moving in one large unattached pack, some of us choosing to walk side by side with those we know we can find the most conversation in for the journey, while others stick to their groups. As we walk, I see the world for what it really is. Outside of the mall, I find the sickening sight of the forgotten, barren suburbs. This once, nourishing place, full of human life, greenery, and the daily routine, has been replaced with the shattered, sinking memory of what humanity once was. Strange, how the island is the only place affected. The world is fine, what does this mean? Even now, so far in, I feel like there is more going on beneath the surface. While we’re so stuck in our little quarrels and regret, our grief being what controls us all, we forgot that the world is still the audience, watching us on the centre stage. I will never understand the truth of what has happened. Luckily, the suburbia past quicker than I had anticipated, and the journey along the way was a fruitfully conducive one, little voice can’t know I truly enjoyed myself for some time, mostly residing with Robert near the front. Treading through the remains of a disastrous industrial sector, we see the heavy blockades that are no more. In the distance, the crumbling skyscrapers that were once the pinnacle of this city are left to their own demise. Without the care and nurturing of humanity, its stable foundations will surely rot until fracture. Like a human bone, it decays with age. The joints that hold them do not last forever. Towering skyscrapers show human achievement, now just a tool used for climbing by the beast we have slain. We see where it clearly used to run, looking on in awe at where it had dwelled. Its path slowly taking us back to the mall we once called home. Hopefully, it won’t be long until we tread through the town centre, which according to Ed is a swamp filled sewer chaotic mess. I don’t care, just take me home, military-controlled port - take me home.
Little voice, you are back? I thought I buried you with the grave of my brother? Flashing images of my past do not faze me. You do not scare me, I promise you that. I am STRONG. I SWEAR ON MY LIFE! No, it says, showing everything from being ambushed to the memory of Ryan saying that the military might kill us all because they think we’re carriers flash through my mind. Like a series of events in a photo book, I see my doubts come to life-
Little voice, be gone, and don’t take me back-
Placing an arm around Lola, I discreetly force her to walk by my side. The awareness of everyone else has nothing to show, no one knows that I am manipulating her like this. She even questions it, looking at me strangely? Don’t worry Lola, little voice will protect us. People like Robert, and Ed, think themselves so righteous in the path of people like us. Little Lola, trust me, they cannot be trusted. Their lies mean nothing. I will be bargained with no longer. Little voice is our saviour now. He knows what is best. He knows-
HE KNOWS!
HE KNOWS!
HE KNOWS!
“Dad, can I go and talk with Alice-” So meek, like the mouse she is, I know little voice, Alice is a burden. I cannot trust her. She lives under Ed’s rule, she cannot be trusted...
“No” My point is made, my response is clear; I don’t even need to look at her. Drawing attention from those who have tried to help me cannot know how wrong they are. Lola is my business and my daughter and I will treat her as I please. They do not deserve a say in how I conduct my life, it’s all I have left!
A figure moves beside me, it’s Zack, did he see? He was right behind us the entire time. “Lola, you did this!” I scream internally for what she has done. I am about to blamed, getting the heat for the problem that is her. If she just stopped being so negligent and disobedient and a mouse, then maybe we wouldn’t HAVE THESE PROBLEMS.
“Hey, it’s okay, we’re safe, she can go and talk with Alice-” Zack, oh Zack, little voice knows better.
“Back the fuck up” I mutter, not looking at him. I won’t listen to his patronising tone despite how solely generous he is being...
Zack, I’m sorry...
Please forgive me...
He can’t be trusted.
“Look, I understand what you’re going through. I lost my children-”
“You will never know how it feels-” Why do I argue. He knows my pain. He’s lived. His wife died in his arms, his children died in his arms. Am I so lucky? Does his point truly matter? Is Zack right?
“Relax-” Ian, intervening, he is as much of a mouse as my daughter is!
“Back off, you didn’t help once when the attack happened!” Striking low, I cut deep; his falter determines everything I need. The beta shifts away, to live another day.
Yes, he is weak...
Ryan, he’s stepping in front of me? Brave for a man so little. “Joey wouldn’t want this-”
Would he? No, why am I grabbing him? Seething through my teeth, I threaten in a whisper, “You never had kids, and so what do you know?”
They understand now that they are wrong.
Then why do they move away?
They are wrong.
Am I not listening to reason?
Wrong.
If I won’t better myself, then they won’t help me-
WRONG.
They no longer want to be by my side! Many of them have recognised that they only hanged onto me so greatly was because of Joey’s kind heart and Lola’s adorableness. I was here, acting like the leader they never needed. They leave my side, trailing back to join Ed’s group, bit, by bit, they leave me.
They leave me.
They leave you.
They have left me.
They have left you.
Little voice, I am scared.
You will survive, just trust me.
Chapter 20 - The Sound of Silence
Callum
Haziness is created when the mist falls onto the ruinous city. Humidity is in the air, feeling hot, I scratch at my skin, sweat trickling down my forehead like a waterfall. Ruinous, the walk is treacherous, the one path we take is the only path we know from the scouting group. Things are silent, and I don’t know why. Talking ceased after some time, making the sound of silence so much more apparent to us. The city sleeps, but the noises it creates scare me.
We are safe.
Are we?
Tugging Lola to my side, I keep a slight distance ahead of her, making sure she follows my route as we traverse the dangerous swamp the city centre had birthed. Its smell is revolting, the area is inhumane, and to think I once visited here for holiday, away from the booming capital of the south...
Keep her there. Yes, she is safe.
Is she?
“Dad, I don’t want to be here-”
“Yes, you do-”
I have been abandoned by people I once deemed close to me. Now, the indifference they show panics me.
> Robert won’t let us rest, if we are to stop anywhere, it won’t be here. For once, I agree with him. The central city is, perplexing to the point of interest. To discover how humanity fought at the place it was most defended. Where the population thrived, and the military survived, only to die.
“Dad-”
“Shut it-”
Grabbing her small, delicate hand, I wrap it up in my tainted ones. She’s upset; protesting.
Put her in her place.
Glaring down at her, she recoils, becoming bashful to me and bending into my requests at last. I won’t lose the only person I have left. My daughter - every moment, I feel less and less in control. Little voice, what are you doing to me? If I am to lose control, I want to at least protect my daughter...
Chapter 21 - The Port Town
Lola
Ugh, my feet are killing me. Not literally, yet! If I have to walk any longer then I wouldn’t be surprised if they do turn on me! Too bad Robert keeps us walking even though we reached our destination. We are here, the port town. The military blockade, the defences, the forts they constructed, tents, armoury, supply tents, sleeping quarters, and finally, the huge shipyard where the armoured tank-like ship is functioning enough to take us home. Resembling the rest of the port, it’s not in a good condition. The problem is, as we gape, some of us scared, I personally, am curious...
I know a few other people are already talking about it, the port town, it’s empty. Empty because the only bodies, mangled, bloody, dead, are that of soldiers and most likely hardened workers. Sights not unusual to me anymore, just fascinating, sounds weird, I know! Trust me; I want to know why there are no corpses of monsters or creatures either. Unless a single person did this? Like, I mean everyone is assuming the beast right now? Hushed chatter has us fearing the worst. It’s a fair judgement; I can’t deny that, except we killed it, that pack leader died at the mall. Unless, that beast did do this, as it came from this direction?
“Maybe we finished off the beast, and the military is what brought it down to size... We got it at its weakest...” Ed is the one who says it, obviously stricken by this as he was the one to mount it like a deadly warrior! Was pretty cool, also terrifying! Joey, if only, if only, you were still with us...
So, how did an entire military base fail? The remains still burn, bodies are ripe, unturned, no infection, no consumption? Doesn’t matter, because the tons and tons of supplies and equipment that isn’t burnt into fiery ashes are now all ours! Living this life has taught me to live on the bright side. Like Chloe kept telling me before my dad stole me away, ‘Joey would want you to be happy!’
“We’ll have to find our own way out” Gathered into an audience as per usual, Robert tells us the bad news. We already suspected it! We’re not stupid!
“Lola?” Alice whispers somewhere behind me. Turning, I go hunting for her in the crowd, only for my repulsive father to whip me back into place.
Looking back again, I search again, more carefully this time.
Found her!
“Lola-” My dad growls, getting annoyed when I keep consciously glancing at Alice. She’s so close to me. I just want to talk to her...
“Scour the area, clean up within a chosen perimeter and set up as close to the vessel as we can. The shipyard is our safest way out if anything were to happen, we have our escape route ready at all times. There are many boats here, Chris, Ian, I am aware both of you have experience as engineers so I want you to go and check it out. Also check out the military vessel as well, check if it is still in working operation” Robert signs as he talks, his eyes mostly focused on Chris who reads the sign language without a fault. Waving his hand, Robert begins disbanding us. I hate being controlled. It does make you feel safe up until a certain point though...
“Father, please can I just talk to Alice-” At breakneck speed, I go directly back to opposing my dad. I know he is getting horribly fed up now, I wonder how much more of this he can take. Angry, he struggles to tolerate me; his vicious eyes are like a wolf scowling at me. Making me so diminutive, he recalls to me why I am useless.
“They don’t need you-” He mutters, his eyes darting between all the people who bad mouth him behind his back. “No one needs you...” Face twitching like he’s having a stroke the same way Joseph did, his wrinkled face is engulfed with an inner storm at how much he resents everyone. I don’t know why he does. They all tried so hard to be here for him and help him after uncle Joey passed away. Now, they say things, insulting things. I just want him to leave me alone.
“You have me” Smiling widely, my father stoops down immediately in front of me. “Promptly disregard them. Let’s set up a tent and get some sleep?” He sounds like he is trying to be nice, what a liar he is! Glimpsing back one last time, I see Alice frowning before shifting away...
Dad, please leave me alone, my friends are leaving me behind...
Chapter 22 - Valbury’s Last Defender
Lola
Dad wouldn’t let me out of his sight; we set up the tent, him beaming like a happy puppy the entire time whilst I sulked inaudibly. We are still with the group, right in the centre of it, but I’ve never felt more apart. Sleeping soundly, my father finally rests, giving me some time to think about him which is nice. He won’t leave me alone, always there, making sure I never leave his side. I know what is wrong with him; he just won’t accept any help from no one. Unable to escape my thoughts by sleeping, the tossing and turning is a waste of time. He’s not the same dad I knew. Ever since Tommy past, he hasn’t been the same, as he has been caught in a downward spiral for a long time now, I fear he is too far gone. The depths of his own mind have taken him...
Flapping open, the door to our tent is carefully unzipped and peeled back to reveal a familiar face. Carefully, I lean up, balancing on my elbows as I watch Alice give me a conspiratorial smirk. She knows this is risky. If dad wakes up then we’re both screwed.
“Come on!” She tries to steal me away, which to be honest, thank you! Though my confidence is shaken, I don’t know how I feel about it. Imagine if he woke up, and I was nowhere to be seen. Nope, not happening, the dread in my heart tells me this is a lousy scheme!
“I promise we will come back!” Alice rustles, moving back to check the area for any threats. I suppose I’ve got the all clear? I really am not sure about this; might be the stupidest thing I’ve done in a while, however, we’ll see. Half-heartedly, I wriggle out from my sleeping bag and gingerly exit the covering with Alice’s cooperation. Just as quickly as she came, she zips the door back up. Within seconds, we’re smiling at one another as we break out into a run, sprinting at full speed through the night! She overtakes me, my heart beating immensely from both the thrill and the physical push! Alice takes the lead, making her the leader as I follow. No one knows we are doing this, we even slip past whoever was on guard duty and down into the shipyard. Rushing across the concrete docking area, we slow down until we are standing right at the entrance to the huge armoured vessel the soldiers arrived in. Glancing at one another, we share a smirk.
“You thinking what I’m thinking?” Alice states unconcernedly.
I agree, looking at the tremendous ship. “Chris and Ian might be on there?” Hesitant of myself again, I look up at the boat, and when she doesn’t reply, I check on her. Except, her attention is on something else entirely. Our exploring is rendered over before it began. Someone sits at the other end of the concrete pier; the docking area is no longer our focus. Sitting there, casually, in silver, the majestic metallic suit of skin-tight armour with decorative black patterns is-
Something...?
“Maybe we should go and get help?” Alice squeals, excitedly peering at me. Staring, I watch this thing, its head looking high above at the night sky. I am afraid; still, this thing doesn’t look threatening. Kinda cool, yet most impressive. Yearning to know what is it as much as I am, Alice shakes her head, knowing we shouldn’t, but we do it anyway. Marching forward, taking slow light steps as we avoid any debris
, dead bodies and residue from the previous battle we had probably missed by barely ten hours as an estimate.
“No, we need to go back-” Piping out, I open up my insecurity. I pretty obviously seek to show I don’t think we should do this. See, once Alice has her mind on something, there is no going back. Like when she took fathers gun and used it to get everyone’s attention after Black Fox was killed.
Holding up her hand, she whispers, “No, that would wake your father-”
Sighing, I bite my lip as I hold back my irritation, “Fine, we check it out then...”
The Carnage Trilogy (Book 2): Humanities Contingency [You Will Lose Yourself] Page 12
