Once we’d gotten out to a good spot, I turned off the little motor and stared over at Hope. With her wearing another bikini, it was difficult to look at anything else. She crossed her legs in the small area and smiled. “What?”
“You’re just so beautiful, that’s all.” She was. I’d dated my share of hot girls, but Hope made them all look plain. She didn’t have to cake makeup on her face either. She was a natural work of art. It made me think back to my time playing baseball. The girls would come out to the games decked out, obviously to hook up with the players. I’d always had a girlfriend, but it didn’t stop them from trying. They practically threw themselves on us time and time again. It was flattering at first, especially when I was so nervous to do well. The distraction helped even if only for a few minutes. After the first couple of college games I’d had enough. They were a nuisance.
I couldn’t see Hope acting that way. She wasn’t shy by any means, it was the opposite. She was able to carry herself in a way that was dignifying, instead of needy. I knew that when she kissed my lips it was because she wanted to be with me, the person who was inside, not the ballplayer that had an opportunity to get them out of the town they lived in.
Believe it or not, that kind of petty drama was a given when it came to being a sports player. It was one thing that I’d never miss. Perhaps it was the only thing. Considering that my chances of ever playing in the majors were far gone, Hope had given me that glimmer of optimism that I might be able to finally move on. The risks of being with her outweighed whatever was stopping me. I was going to do what was needed, and when she turned eighteen we’d find a way to tell her dad, or move out together on our own. We’d make it work.
“You got me out here on this lake. What’s next, Chance?”
She waited patiently for me to reply, bringing me back to reality. “We take these two rods and we catch us some dinner.”
“Eww, I’m not gutting fish later. I’m just going to put that out there right now.”
I snickered. “Damn, you spoiled all my fun.” I waited a second for her to catch on that I was teasing her. She let out a laugh and held her hand out for the rod. “Do you need help baiting? I caught these worms in the front yard.” I pulled two large worms out of the zipper pocket of my swimming trunks.
Her face curled up immediately. “Oh my God. Please don’t tell me that you had them in your pocket this whole time?”
“They were against my leg. It’s not a big deal. They’re just worms.” I ripped one in three parts and put the rest back in my pocket. “Here, allow me.” After baiting her hook she cast her line in the water. I copied her, casting mine a little further out. “Not bad for a girl,” I teased.
“If we weren’t in the middle of the lake I’d walk away from your snarky attitude today. What’s gotten into you?”
“I seem to think I’ve gotten into you, Hope. I mean, I am the one with the magic penis.” I knew I was testing her nerves, but I liked it when she got annoyed. Her face tightened and she’d do her best to keep poised. Besides, when we fought about little things it reminded me how precious she was becoming to me; it reminded me that I had someone in my life again.
“You’re hopeless.”
“You love me, shut up.” I realized what I’d said too late. Hope’s face turned beet red and she quickly looked away when our eyes met. I didn’t know whether to take it as an offense, or a compliment that she was in shock. I decided to do the first thing that came to mind, which was to change the subject. “After this we can go over to that rope you want to show me.”
The tense moment was over as she replied, “Yeah, definitely.”
We caught two fish that were on the small side; therefore we threw them both back. I could tell she was getting bored, so we pulled in the lines and took the boat back to the shore. Once we’d packed it back up in the car, we brought out a blanket and cooler, and found a quiet spot.
Hope and I laid facing each other as we ate. We talked about life in general, and the past two days we’d spent together. Her smile was so contagious, and I couldn’t remember the last time I’d felt so content. With the truth lingering over my head, I knew I had to prepare myself in case this was going to be our last day as a couple. There was a big chance that when Hope heard about my past she would want nothing to do with me. I was determined to make the best of what I had in front of me. Need be, I’d beg her for forgiveness.
I thought about saying those three words to Hope, but if I did that and then told her the truth later, she’d think it was all some ploy to keep her. I couldn’t do that. Hope needed to want to be with me for her own reasons, not mine. I couldn’t let her see me weak, but I knew it was going to be a challenge.
We stayed at the state park until after the sun set, which we watched while cuddled up in the blanket together. The stars came out and we pointed at the ones we recognized. Each minute that passed was only bringing me closer to my confession, making it impossible to think about being happy.
If this was our last night together I wanted to memorize everything about her. I took in the scent of her shampoo in her hair, and the way her smooth skin felt when I caressed it. I kissed her more times than I could count, and made sure to make her smile as much as humanly possible. These were the moments that I wanted to treasure, no matter what the outcome.
If she walked away from me, I’d be able to look at her knowing that if only for a short time, we were happy together.
It would have to be enough.
21
For the second night in a row we made love until we both fell asleep entangled together. Chance was such a beautiful person, inside and out. I was emotionally in awe of him, and the things he did to me. Physically, he was so appreciative. He was always making sure I was happy. I’d never been with someone who wasn’t selfish, so of course it was amazing to experience.
When I realized what day it was I shot up in the bed. Chance seemed to do the same, noticing my wide eyes staring back at him. “Shit. I need to get out of here.”
“Why don’t you grab some clothes and get dressed? When you’re done we can walk over together,” he suggested.
I jumped up and started running around the room looking for my clothes. Chance pulled a clean shirt out of a basket and tossed it my way. It was just a plain white t-shirt so nobody would even know the difference where I’d gotten it. Now if I would have tottered in the house wearing a Penn State shirt, well that would have been harder to explain.
My dad wasn’t due back yet. With the time it took them to drive from the secluded cabin, it would at least be around eleven before they walked in the door.
Chance was waiting by the pool when I got outside. He glanced over and gave me one of his famous smiles before I reached for his hand. We entered into the back of the house, and just as we’d thought, there wasn’t anyone home. While Chance made his way toward the living room, I ran my bag of stuff upstairs and changed my clothes. When I came back downstairs he had a serious look on his face.
I froze in place and started to panic. The color had left his cheeks, and his morning smile had disappeared. “Sit down, Hope. Before we can move any further with whatever this is, you need to know the truth about my past. I can’t keep you in limbo any longer. If you’re willing to sneak around with me, you need to know why your dad is so adamant about me keeping my distance. After I explain everything, I’ll let you decide if we have a future.” He paused for a second before grabbing my hand and pulling me down to sit beside him. “I just need you to promise me that you’ll listen to everything before judging me.”
I shook my head up and down. “Of course. Whatever it is, I’ll listen.” I just knew it was going to be about his mother. He was too good of a man for it to be anything else.
Chance looked down to his hands. He was rubbing them on his knees like he was having trouble with this. I leaned into him. “You can tell me, Chance. Don’t be afraid to talk to me.”
He looked over in my direction and gave me a quick smile be
fore his face went back to being serious. “I don’t know if you’re aware of it, but I actually went to Penn State on a scholarship. I got in with both academics and baseball. I’d played ball my whole life, on as many teams as my mom could get me on. It’s all I ever wanted to do. I’d always attended public school and couldn’t believe when the recruiters started contacting me in my sophomore year of high school. To have that happen is major. You can imagine how it made me work even harder.”
I clutched his hand and played with it as he continued.
“I’d never been away from home before, and the first semester was really an adjustment for me. In the beginning I threw myself into my classes and stayed in my room, but as the weeks went on I started making friends. My first friend I made was a girl named Chrissy. She was quiet like me and our professor thought we would make good study partners.”
He looked up at me, displaying a very confused grimace.
“We started spending a bunch of extra time together, even when we weren’t studying. I promise you that it was completely plutonic. We were just friends that enjoyed hanging out. That’s all it was, especially for me.”
He obtained a bottle of water off the table and took a sip. “When I met my now ex, Veronica, our friendship started to taper off. My ex was jealous of me being friends with another girl, and I was tired of having to make excuses to Chrissy, instead of telling her it wasn’t my idea to stop hanging out.”
“Sophomore year started and my relationship became more serious, but the whole time Chrissy reached out and tried to remain friends. Every time I’d say no, she’d come back with another invite.”
Chance sat back against the couch and stared at the television as he kept explaining.
“My ex was a selfish bitch. Looking back I realize that we were never in a real relationship. She just wanted someone to dress, order around, and be at her beck and call. So winter break was fast approaching and I buckled down to study for my exams, while she went to her family’s place in the Hamptons to drink and party it up with her richy friends.”
He put his hands through his hair, and then rubbed his knees again. “We got into this huge fight because I wouldn’t go with her, and she actually told me that if I didn’t go we were over, but I knew I couldn’t. I had to maintain a certain grade point average to keep my scholarship, which required me to stay back and study. In a group of text messages she brutally dumped me, as if I was just an object she could toss out.”
“I took the news hard and ended up leaving the library to go to a party. Chrissy spotted me immediately, and we began heavily binge drinking. This creep kept following her around, so she begged me to pretend we were a couple. I was comfortable around her, and the alcohol made us seem like we were more than friends anyway. Soon the room started to spin and we headed outside for some air.”
“Chrissy proceeded to throw herself at me on the porch of the frat house. I wasn’t expecting it and she caught my arm with her nose, causing it to start bleeding everywhere. I felt so horrible about the whole thing that I insisted she come up to my room and get cleaned up. I swear to you, Hope, I meant nothing else by it, but we’d had a lot to drink and my body and mind weren’t in the same place. We marched up to my room holding hands and laughing. She was pinching her nose as the blood continued to pour out.”
Chance stood up and began pacing around the room. “I got her into the bathroom and helped her with the bleeding. She went through a whole towel and it still dripped into the sink for at least ten minutes more before subsiding. Anyway, once she was cleaned up she sat on my bed next to me and confessed how she’d had feelings for me for over a year. She already knew that Veronica broke up with me, and I guess she figured this was her chance. She leaned in and kissed me, and I let her. I was emotional and drunk, and you have no idea how I wished it never happened, but we ended up having sex.”
“After it was over, I told her how I still had feelings for Veronica, and that nobody could find out what we had done in case we got back together.”
Chance kneeled down in front of me. He clutched my hands and looked into my eyes. “That was the last time I saw Chrissy; that anyone saw her. Her parents reported her missing when she didn’t arrive home, and after the police asked around I became the prime suspect in her disappearance. Two days later they found her body in a nearby culvert. She had been brutally beaten and left to freeze to death in the nude.”
Chance buried his face into my legs. He began to sob and I ran my fingers through his hair telling him it would all be alright. I had to admit that I was a little frightened, not that he was going to hurt me, but because of the whole situation.
“People from the party had told police we were together so they got a search warrant and came into my room, where they found a ton of her blood, and a used condom with both of our DNA on it. They arrested me a few days later when they got all of the evidence back from the labs. With all they had and the eye witness accounts it wasn’t hard for them to lay the book on me.”
“Veronica and her father returned from their trip, and he agreed to be my lawyer if I swore I would never go near his daughter again. At first she believed I was innocent, but as more evidence piled up, I was left with only Buffy and my mother at my side.”
He started to break down again, and I held him tight in my arms. While he continued to cry he started talking again. “My mother had a massive heart attack a week later. She died right in front of me. There wasn’t anything I could do to save her. She was healthy, Hope. She was fucking healthy, and I killed her; I broke her heart and killed my own mother.”
I was flabbergasted. How was I supposed to react to everything that he’d told me. “Oh my God, Chance, you can’t blame yourself for that.” I was trying to get him to calm down. “I can’t imagine what that was like for you.” I could tell from the way he was looking at me that he was desperate. He’d kept it bottled up for so long that he couldn’t handle it anymore. I had a huge choice to make, but I wasn’t sure I was in the right state of mind to do it. We sat there in silence for a few minutes, neither of us wanting to strike up a single sentence.
Finally, after some time, he managed to calm down enough to speak to me again. “When it was time for court, Veronica’s dad was getting ready to make a plea bargain, but one of his partners found a loophole in my case and got me acquitted. The evidence had been tainted somehow during the collection. Anyway, after burying my mother and paying for the attorney’s, and then finally being kicked out of school, I had to move in with Buffy. My mom’s retirement, and life insurance were all gone and we had nothing left for me to go back to school. The whole fucking town knew my face from the news, and of course nobody believed that I was innocent. We received letters from Chrissy’s family asking me to confess so they could have closure. Buffy had to take on more shifts to pay off the rest of my mom’s bills, find us a bigger apartment, and also because she couldn’t stand being around me. I got that it was hard, but for a while I honestly believe that she thought I was guilty. I could see it in her eyes, Hope. My own sister thought I’d raped and killed my friend. She actually thought I’d be capable of something so heinous. Do you have any idea how something like that felt?”
I couldn’t imagine it. The idea of going through that alone was horrible. On top of it all they’d lost their mother. “No. I can’t.” I was trembling while holding him firmly against me. I could see how the evidence said one thing, while the real truth was buried. If it had been my family I would have wanted that closure. With all fingers pointed at Chance it was difficult to even look elsewhere.
Buffy met your dad a little after everything went down. It took him a while to come around me, and even longer to act like I wasn’t a murderer. I could tell he was skeptical. As they got closer I seemed to get pushed off to the side. I think in some ways it helped her get over her suspicions. Your father never said anything about it to me. He moved us here and the rest is history, aside from him forbidding me to be with you. You can probably understand now
why he did it, and it has nothing to do with my age.”
He sat up, pulling me into his arms, and peering in my eyes. “Hope, I swear to you, I’d never hurt another female like that. She was my friend and I would’ve never allowed her to leave if I had any idea that was the last time I’d see her alive. I swear to God!”
I pulled him into my arms. I don’t know how I knew, or maybe I was just too naïve and caught up in the moment to consider that he may be lying. Something in my gut told me he was telling me the truth; it was telling me that I could trust him with my life. After all, he’d saved me before. If he was the guy that everyone suspected him of being, he could have raped and killed me the afternoon on the side of the road, or when he left the bar with me in tow. “I believe you, Chance. I believe you.”
I could see appreciation in the way he held his grin. He was thankful that for the first time since that terrifying ordeal he had someone on his side one-hundred percent. I wasn’t going to be that person who questioned the possibility. I knew without a doubt that this man in front of me was innocent. “You don’t know how much this means to me.”
“Yes, I think I do. You’re not alone, Chance, not anymore. I believe you.”
He hugged me so tightly, sniffling against my shoulder. This was a side of Chance that I never knew existed. His emotional side didn’t mean he was a sissy. Instead it showed me that he was capable of feeling pain. It showed me that what I was feeling inside of my gut was the real deal, and not some kind of infatuation.
He pulled away holding my shoulders. “There’s something else you need to know, Hope. Remember that night that we were at the bar? Our first night together?”
I nodded my head.
“Someone disappeared from the bar that night. The police got a hit on the video surveillance from the nationwide mug shots. They came asking me questions about it. The video shows me leaving with a female and people gave my description. When they saw my criminal history they hunted me down and told me not to leave town.”
A Hope and a Chance Page 14
