by Aven Ellis
Matt’s expression goes serious. “Yeah, I do.”
Oh!
He clears his throat. “So this is where you’re staying, huh?”
Matt takes a step back to move about my room, and I instantly wish I could draw him back to my side.
“Yeah,” I say. “Mom and Dad always go to a hotel, but Nate insists I crash here when I’m in town. I think he might actually miss me or something.”
“Were you writing earlier?” Matt asks, moving over to the wall where I’ve stuck up all my Post-it notes with plot points.
“Yeah, right before I had to get ready,” I say.
“What’s all this?”
“That’s my world building,” I say, going over to stand next to him.
“Why do I need a translator when I talk to you?”
I laugh. “When you write fantasy, you have to do worldbuilding. These are my notes for the alternate world and people I’ve created. And over here,” I say, moving down the wall, “are my plot points for the hero and heroine and the conflict they have, both internal and external. And how they’ll solve them together.”
Normally, I’d freak out over someone reading my story notes. I haven’t shared them with anyone.
But now I’m sharing them with Matt.
Yet, I don’t care. I’m not afraid to show this side of myself to Matt.
“This is crazy,” Matt says softly, his eyes moving from Post-it note to Post-it note. “How all of this is in your head.”
“I know. It’s weird.”
“No, no, I don’t mean it like that,” he says quickly. “You’re smart.”
My face grows hot. “Thank you.”
“I mean, I can see how your mind works here,” Matt continues. “It’s amazing, Holly. You’re brilliant.”
He’s not afraid of an intelligent woman, I realize.
And that makes him a thousand times hotter.
“So what’s the plan here?” he asks, interrupting my thoughts.
“What do you mean?”
“When do you hope to finish it?”
“Oh, I’ve only written Chapter One. It will be a while. Then I will either publish traditionally or self-publish. It depends on what happens with pitching to publishing houses. I’ve prepared a plan for both.”
“Because that’s who you are. You’re prepared.”
No, I’m not. Because I’m not prepared for you.
“Not always,” I say softly.
Matt’s eyes lock with mine. “Let’s test that.”
My heart beats furiously.
“What do you mean?”
Matt extends his hand to me. “Give me your hand.”
My whole body starts trembling.
I put my hand in his, and it’s pure magic. There’s no panic attack this time. He’s not holding my hand out of comfort. He’s holding it because he wants to.
And it feels right.
Matt wraps his fingers around mine, and the butterflies turn manic. He leads me back down the hall, to the kitchen, and stops at the island.
“You were prepared to watch other people dance on TV, right?”
I can barely hear his words over the excited beating of my heart.
“Yes. That was the plan.”
“That’s not good enough for you,” Matt says.
“What do you mean?”
“You need to dance on New Year’s Eve,” he says, his hand still on mine. “And I want to be the one to dance with you tonight. Right here, right now. So what do you say? Will you dance with me, Holly?”
Chapter 6
“Dance?” I ask. “You mean right here?”
Matt reaches for his phone. “Right here. In this kitchen. Club-style.”
Joy surges through me. He swipes some icons on his phone, and suddenly “This is What You Came For” by Calvin Harris fills the space around us.
“Show me what you’ve got,” Matt says, taking my hand and leading me to the open space between the kitchen and the living room.
I burst out laughing. “I’ll give you what I’ve got,” I say, taking a step back from him.
“Then do it. You’re wasting dance time. Or do you need sticky socks for this?”
“No,” I say, grinning.
Matt begins dancing, and I join him. He easily falls into the driving beat of the song, and oh, he knows how to dance. His hips are moving sexily and as he leans in closer to me, I feel nothing but heat. But this time, not in a panicked way. In a ‘this is a total turn on’ way.
I playfully dance around him. He grabs my hand and spins me out, and my socks help me slide across the hardwood floor with ease.
“Come back here,” he says over the music, pulling me back.
Justin Bieber comes up next with “What Do You Mean,” and I give Matt a suspicious eye as we dance.
“You’re a Belieber,” I say.
“I am,” Matt says, leaning into me as we dance. He dips his head toward my ear, and I once again smell the glorious scent lingering on his curls. “The question is, are you?”
Chills whip down my spine.
I dance away from him, and I see a look of desire flicker in those sexy eyes of his.
Oh God. Is this real? Does Matt desire me?
Ah!
I don’t think I can cope with this.
But I’ll try.
“What do you think?” I flirt back.
“I think you are,” Matt says.
“You’re right. I Beliebe!”
Then we both begin singing the lyrics as we dance, and I can’t stop cracking up. Matt keeps letting me go, then reaching for me and pulling me back in. My brain catches up and figures out how to play his game. Sometimes I let him catch me, other times I don’t.
Songs continue to play from his iPhone, and we’re dancing so much I actually feel myself breaking out into a sweat.
I tease him again by spinning away from him on “Jealous” by Nick Jonas, but when that song ends, Matt draws me into him again.
“I’m going to give you a reason not to dance away from me,” Matt declares.
He entwines his fingers around mine, and I can’t breathe.
Matt picks up his iPhone and scrolls through the music library. He stops and taps one. Beyonce’s “XO” fills the air.
“Slow dance,” he declares.
I’m shaking as Matt locks his arms around my back. I hesitate, not sure where I should put my hands, but I find myself winding them around his neck.
My heart is racing. The butterflies are dancing like mad. He couldn’t have chosen a more perfect song for our first dance together.
I lift my eyes to find Matt is already gazing at me as we move together to the music. I’m drowning again in his vivid blue eyes. I feel the softness of his skin underneath my fingertips, and his strong hands spanning my back. And as Beyonce sings about kissing, I know that’s what I want from Matt tonight.
I want to know what it’s like to kiss him.
I long to tell him I’ve had a crush on him since I’ve known him. That while other boys flirted with me at Northwestern, nobody compared to him. To the way I felt whenever we talked. To the way we laughed about dumb stuff. To the way I ached to touch his golden curls.
It was always Matt.
I study his face, wishing I could know what he was thinking. Is he having the same thoughts? That maybe as opposite as we are, we have something magical together? Does this feel right to him? Does he want this moment as much as I do?
Matt leans down and presses his head against mine. Sparks fly the second he does. I close my eyes and breathe him in, relishing the intimacy of this moment between us.
“You’re dangerous,” he whispers to me.
“Because I fe—”
Suddenly Marabou begins barking and leaps out of his dog bed, flying toward the door as a key is turned in the lock. Matt jumps back from me, startled.
My heart is pounding. He was about to tell me something important. I know he was.
Matt grabs his iPhone and shuts off the Beyonce song right as Nate opens the door.
“Hi, guys,” Nate says, smiling at me. “What are you doing?”
“Adjusting the New Year’s playlist,” Matt says, scrolling once again through his phone. “What are you guys doing back? It’s not midnight yet.”
“We thought we’d celebrate with you and Holly,” Nate says, bending down to pet Marabou.
Now Justin Bieber’s “Sorry” begins playing, and Matt’s eyes meet mine. That sexy smile tugs at the corner of his mouth, and I die inside.
The song is a message to me.
Oh, I’m on cloud nine right now.
“I want to follow your lead,” Kenley says as she places her clutch on the kitchen island. “I can’t wait to get out of this dress and into some pajamas!”
I blush. “It’s crazy how tired I got,” I say. “Pajamas were necessary.”
Nate takes off his suit jacket. “Matt, thanks for keeping Holly company tonight. She always says she wants to be alone, but I’m glad she wasn’t writing.”
I cringe. Nate is making me sound like a recluse.
“It was my choice,” Matt says. “Well, except for the countdown shows. They weren’t my choice.”
We all laugh.
“I know someone who would happily watch a countdown show if it meant being with Holly,” Nate says, grinning at me.
I freeze. What? Does Nate know something about Matt that I don’t? My head races. Did Matt say something to Nate tonight before we left?
I glance at Matt, but he looks confused.
“Who?” Matt asks, putting his phone down.
Nate flashes me a smile. “JP is very interested in you.”
Oh no. No, no, no.
“You’re wrong,” I say, trying to brush it off. “He’s nice. He knows I’m your sister.”
“Yes, he does.” Nate moves over to the fridge and opens the door. “Which is why he never said anything until now. He knows how I feel about you dating players.”
Shit. Shit. I need to shut Nate up before he ruins everything for me and Matt.
“Nate, I’m not interested in JP,” I say.
“You know I don’t like the idea of you dating players.” Nate turns to Matt. “You’re like her other brother, so you know where I’m going with this.”
Matt sets his jaw, and my heart plunges into my stomach.
“Right,” Matt says. “I do.”
The panic begins to come back. But now it’s for an entirely different reason.
Nate is going to scare Matt away, and I’m powerless to stop it.
“But there’s an exception to every rule,” Kenley adds. “And there are a lot of good guys who are hockey players, right, Nate?”
Nate flashes Kenley a smile. “Yes.” Then he turns back to me. “Like JP. He’s liked you for a while, Holly. He has since Casino Night. But he also knows you’re my sister, so he wanted to talk to me first about asking you out. I told him I approve.”
“But—” I try to cut him off, but Nate continues.
“Holly, I know you have reservations, but JP is a stand-up guy. He’s solid. Loyal. Has good character, too.” Nate turns to Matt. “You room with him on the road. Don’t you think he’d be great for Holly?”
Oh God. My stomach turns upside down in fear.
Matt is silent for a moment. “Um, that’s all true,” he says softly, as if the words hurt him to say. “JP is the kind of guy you should go out with, Holly.”
“Well, I’m not interested in JP,” I say firmly. “I know what I want, and it’s not him.”
“You should think about it,” Nate implores. “You’re not going back to Minneapolis right away. You could have some fun while you’re here.”
“No.”
Silence fills the room.
“Just an idea. That’s all,” Nate says, shrugging. “But he has your cell now so expect a call. And knowing how prompt JP is, I think it’ll be tomorrow.”
My throat begins to close up. And when I see the pained look on Matt’s face, panic builds in my chest.
Matt clears his throat. “Um, I think I’m going to head on out.”
“But it’s not midnight,” Kenley says, glancing down at her watch. “We have about five minutes until the New Year.”
“No, you need to stay,” I implore him.
“Nah,” Matt says, “I should get back home before the drunks really hit the road.”
He picks up his phone and his keys. “Holly, thanks for letting me hang out. It was fun.”
Nate and Kenley say goodbye to Matt, and I walk him to the door.
“I’ll see you out,” I say, letting Matt know he’s not getting away from me so easily.
I shut the door behind me. Matt is already striding toward the elevator. He goes to punch the down button, but I grab his hand to stop him.
“I don’t want JP,” I say. “You know that.”
Matt jerks his hand from mine, and tears prick my eyes.
“Holly, Nate’s right. JP is a good guy.”
Matt is retreating.
And I have to stop it.
“I don’t care if he’s a saint,” I snap. “I don’t want to go out with him.”
Matt’s eyes flash. “Then you need to go out with somebody like him. Tonight was fun, Holly. You know that. But you also know I’m trash.”
“What?” I gasp, shocked by his words.
“You made me forget that tonight,” Matt says, his voice growing stronger. “When I was with you, I was someone else. But I know what I am. Bar-hopping, skirt-chasing trash. That’s what people say on social media. My picture next to a trash can. You’ve seen it. You know it. And you deserve better.”
Matt presses the down button on the wall.
“How can you say that?” I blurt out. “So you’re saying tonight I was just fun? Now you’re going back out to skirt chase because you’re afraid of Nate?”
“I’m not afraid of Nate,” Matt says angrily.
“Then what is this?”
The doors chime open.
“It’s reality.”
Matt steps inside and the doors close behind him.
Tears fill my eyes.
He’s gone.
The moment we had was all I’ll ever know.
I hear shouts of “Happy New Year” from apartments on the floor.
The clock has struck twelve.
And my fairy tale is over.
Chapter 7
The Game Plan for January 1st
Stop crying.
√Put on a happy face and attend New Year’s brunch with the family.
√Pretend my heart isn’t broken.
“Cheers to a New Year,” Mom says, raising her mimosa in a toast. “And what an amazing year this is going to be.”
We all raise our glasses and clink them together. I force a smile on my face as we sit around Nate’s kitchen island. Mom has made us a New Year’s brunch, and she’s in her happy place—cooking for her family, which now includes Kenley. The scent of her famous French toast casserole fills the air. There are fluffy scrambled eggs, and normally, I’d be fighting Nate for the last piece of her brown sugar bacon.
Kenley and Mom are talking about their plan to hit NorthPark Center today to grab post-holiday sales. Dad and Nate are going to watch football on Nate’s rare day off from hockey.
> I study the picture-perfect moment surrounding me and one thought replays in my heart.
Matt should be here.
I want him here, next to me. Hearing stories about my childhood from my mom. Teasing me about going to the mall and getting more socks that I don’t need. Telling me he’ll be here watching football with Nate and my dad and waiting for me to come back.
I didn’t sleep at all last night. All I could think of was the horrible way Matt left. Of how he called himself trash, which broke my heart. I know he’ll never let anything happen between us. Because of Nate. Because of who he thinks he is and what he thinks I should have.
When those elevator doors shut, Matt shut himself off from me.
And he’ll never come back.
I blink back tears. I told myself I would be fine with a memory. I would have New Year’s Eve with my crush, and I could live the rest of my life glad I had that one special night.
But I’m not.
Because that was before I knew what it was like to be with Matt. To have him hold my hand. Tease me. Ask me about my writing dreams.
When he held me in his arms as we slow danced and when he pressed his forehead to mine in the sweetest of gestures, I knew a memory wasn’t enough.
I want more.
So much more.
I need Matt in my life.
But Matt is now the one thing I’ll never have.
I think about being here, in Dallas, knowing Matt is so close but will never be mine. Oh God. I can’t do this. I can’t stay here. I can’t go to Demons home games and act like I’m fine when my heart breaks every time I look at him.
I can’t, I think, fighting back tears. I can’t do this.
I need to leave Dallas.
As soon as possible.
“Mom, Dad, what time is your flight back to Minneapolis tomorrow?” I ask.
“One o’clock,” Mom says. “Why?”
“I’m going to change my ticket if there’s still room,” I say. “I’m going back home with you guys.”
“What?” Nate asks, surprised. “I thought you were thinking about staying here.”
