She picked up a bag of disposable face masks and held them out to him. ‘Can you bring these with you?’ She paused, running her eyes up and down the length of him as she waited, before adding, ‘When you’re ready.’ She was challenging him. She knew she had the upper hand.
But he couldn’t meet her challenge. He had to go on pretending they were friends. Nothing more. For her sake. That was all he could offer. It was that or have her out of his life completely, and that was not an alternative he was prepared to consider.
‘I’ll meet you at the tent shortly, I’ll just have a quick swim to cool off.’ They both knew she’d got him all hot and bothered. They both knew it and, tacitly, they both agreed to ignore it.
Nick walked away, pulling off his shirt as he headed for the water. Maybe the cold surf would shock his system into behaving. If nothing else it would buy him some time to recover his composure.
He needed to focus. Focus on his career. And he had enough common sense to know being with Rosie would be a dangerous distraction from his goals.
Work first. Personal life later. Much, much later.
That was the way he’d decided it had to be. And the moment he was tempted to veer from that path was the exact moment he should most doggedly stick to it.
That moment was now.
Thank God the whole resuscitation process was so routine.
Nick was repeating his questions to the Nippers and hearing mostly the same answers in reply. He could almost do this without concentrating, which was a good thing as he was finding it extremely difficult to concentrate on anything since seeing Rosie in her bikini. So much for dogged commitment to his career.
‘What are the steps we need to take if someone has collapsed or been pulled from the surf?’ he asked as the image of Rosie pulling her T-shirt off over her head came into his mind.
This little boy looked blankly at Nick.
‘DR, A, B, C,’ Nick prompted.
‘Oh, yeah. Danger Response, Airway, Breathing, Circulation.’
‘Very good.’ Another image of Rosie swam into his head, this time of a toned, tanned abdomen. ‘Okay, what danger might we look for?’
‘Stingers?’
‘Sorry, I didn’t catch that?’ If the child thought it was because he’d spoken too softly, Nick was happy to let him think that. Only Nick needed to know it was because he’d been sidetracked remembering Rosie’s expression when she’d caught him staring at her. She hadn’t seemed to mind, she’d looked pleased.
‘Stingers and sharks?’
‘Yep. Now, show me what you would do to get a response. Show me on the dummy and then we’ll do the CPR,’ he said as he exchanged face masks on the resuscitation dummy.
He watched as the boy shook the dummy’s shoulder, cleared the airway and positioned it ready for CPR, but his mind was on Rosie.
Rosie, who was on the other side of the tent, long legs not remotely concealed by her T-shirt, and apparently not abashed at stealing glances in his direction.
Something had changed between them that morning.
Something it was going to be very, very hard to pretend hadn’t happened.
And he had a sinking feeling that something was more than just desire.
He forced his attention back to the children. He’d ignored his needs pretty well over these last few years before he’d met Rosie. He could just damn well go on ignoring them and do what any intelligent, mature man did when his back was up against the wall: refuse to acknowledge anything other than the battle in front of him. Because until he was in a safe place with his work, until he’d proved he was a success, there were no prospects for any lasting happiness.
It was a guy thing. And guys built the castle before finding the girl. That was the way it was, not just for him, for men in general. That was just the way it was.
She’d swear she wasn’t the only one stealing glances across the tent. She was sure Nick was watching her, too.
And she knew for certain it had been appreciation in his eyes earlier when she’d changed in front of him. It had been a reflex action on her part. She spent so much time on the beach with the twins she thought nothing of stripping down to her bikini, but she couldn’t deny she’d enjoyed having an impact on Nick. She knew she’d been unsuccessful at hiding her own desire for him so it was nice to see that he wasn’t completely immune to her.
Thoughts of desire brought back the image of how he’d looked as he’d strode out of the surf after his swim.
Bare-chested and glistening with water, he’d instantly reminded her of the artwork Miriam had made of him. He’d come out of the ocean, shaken the water from his hair and picked up his old T-shirt to rub himself dry. His muscles had rippled and his skin was almost the exact same shade of brown as the wood of Miriam’s carving, satiny smooth and shiny.
She’d run her fingers over that carving without knowing it was him, and when she looked at the inspiration for the carving, she’d been hit by an almost overwhelming urge to run her fingers over the real Nick.
Even once he’d slipped the new, dry, surf-club T-shirt over his chest, his muscled torso had still been evident, his forearms still on display. Now she’d seen them in the flesh, her craving to touch him intensified and she was barely managing to stay focused on the task she’d been assigned to.
‘Rosie, Rosie! It’s our turn next.’
Rosie turned at the sound of her niece’s excited voice and saw Lucy and Charlie bounding towards her with their seemingly limitless energy. Charlie’s surgery hadn’t slowed him down. If anything, it had given him an extra burst of enthusiasm.
‘Hi, guys, having fun?’ Rosie’s heart swelled with love as she looked at her two charges, amazed by the capacity of the human heart to expand to fit all emotions.
The twins sat down side by side on the sand and looked at her expectantly.
‘Are you both going to do your CPR with me? What about one of you going to Nick? He’s just over there.’
‘No, I want you to do it with me, Rosie. We haven’t seen you all morning,’ Lucy answered.
‘Sure. What about you, Charlie?’ she asked, but Charlie gave her a silent shake of the head. He obviously wasn’t ready to talk to Nick if there was the chance of any other bystanders overhearing a conversation. ‘Okay, then. Who wants to go first?’
Lucy volunteered. She was used to being the spokesperson for them both, tackling the challenges and letting Charlie follow in her footsteps. It was ingrained in them both, one to lead, the other to follow, and Rosie hoped, desperately, that one day Charlie would have the confidence to go first. Talking to Nick was a huge step, a step in the right direction, but he obviously was a long way from conquering his mutism for good.
Over an hour later the training session was finally finished but the twins still had limitless energy. The excitement of the morning had left them hyped up and they bounced around Rosie and Nick as they packed the equipment away.
Lucy tugged on her aunt’s hand. ‘Can Nick come for dinner tonight?’
The question took her by surprise and she wondered if the twins had discussed this at all or if it was solely Lucy’s idea. Either way, there was no reason why Nick couldn’t join them. ‘If he’d like to,’ she replied, looking at Nick.
‘I’d love to—’
‘Yay.’
‘But I can’t,’ finished Nick, not quite meeting Rosie’s eyes.
Something didn’t fit. He wasn’t immune to her, his reaction this morning had left her in no doubt about that, but had he had his fill of them for one day?
‘What about tomorrow night, then? We could have a barbecue. We don’t have to have salad even, just sausages. They’re easy.’ Lucy was nodding, trying to convince the two adults.
‘Are they indeed?’ Rosie laughed as her niece organised their social calendar.
‘Lucy, I’d love to but I don’t think that’ll work.’
Lucy started to pout and Rosie shot her a warning look. ‘Lucy, you and Charlie go have one last dip.’
Lucy’s glance flew from her aunt to Nick and back again before she grabbed Charlie’s hand and pulled him down to the water. Inside, Rosie was shrivelling with embarrassment at the thought that Nick was now regretting getting involved with what he must think was her needy family. Maybe she’d totally misread his reaction to her earlier. Maybe it hadn’t been admiration in his eyes, perhaps he’d been horrified that she’d so casually changed in front of him. The alternative scenario left her fighting a flush climbing her neck.
‘Sorry, Nick, I didn’t want you to feel pressured.’
‘Rosie, it sounds great but now isn’t a good time.’ His gaze narrowed, a slight furrow appearing between his eyebrows, one large hand clasped over his forearm in a protective stance. ‘There are things going on at work and I really can’t afford the time.’
‘Everyone has to eat.’ The words were out of her mouth before she could think.
‘I’d like things to be different but I don’t see how that’s going to happen.’
Rosie nodded like she understood but she didn’t. Not really. ‘What if we don’t think about how?’
He shook his head and she wondered what she’d been thinking, proposing what she just had. She’d tried it once before at the lighthouse and been rebuffed. When would she learn?
He groaned and rubbed at his jaw. ‘It’s complicated. Please don’t make this harder, Rosie, if you only knew—’ He broke off short and hesitated, before saying, ‘I can’t get involved and we both know a fling won’t work, not with the children needing security. Not with you needing security.’
‘I’m not looking for a life-long promise of commitment.’
‘Maybe not.’ He reached out and touched her on the upper arm, his fingers resting there for a moment. ‘But it’s what you deserve. You and the children.’
‘But no one starts a relationship with the agreement they’ll be together for ever. Why can’t we—?’
‘Because I don’t know I’ll ever be in a position to make that sort of commitment.’
‘So because of things that may or may not happen in the future, you won’t take a chance on something that’s here and now?’ she asked softly.
‘It can’t work.’
Rosie had managed to avoid looking at him but now she looked him right in the eye and said, ‘I don’t know if you’re right about me deserving a life-long commitment and nothing less, but I do know I shouldn’t waste more time thinking about someone who has no intention of exploring this attraction we both feel. I’m tired of excuses.’ She stooped to collect the twins’ bags, slinging their gear over an arm as she straightened up, fixing him with her most defiant glare.
She’d thought she could keep up the act of friendship and that in time Nick would change his mind. But it was costing her too dearly and so far Nick seemed to be getting more adamant that he’d never be anything more than her friend. Friends like that she didn’t need.
She adjusted the heavy beach bag and looked at him directly again. ‘You’re not just a friend to me and I can’t go on pretending. Since you won’t let go of the charade, I will.’
She turned on her heel and, with as much poise as she could muster when she was walking on soft, hot sand in bare feet, strode towards the sea, where the children were waving to her to join them.
That was her future.
That was all she needed.
And, in time, she’d learn to believe that once again.
CHAPTER NINE
NICK left the final meeting having signed the papers committing him to a bigger share in the medical practice. Having signed the papers committing him to more debt. He was still adjusting to the idea that Rosie was out of his life but at least work gave him something else to focus on.
He stood by his car, trying to work out what to do next. Where to go? It was a Wednesday night and he should be catching up on paperwork or checking his schedule for the rest of the week, but he was too exhausted to think about work.
He should go home but the thought of his empty house wasn’t appealing.
His mobile phone rang, distracting him from his thoughts. Pulling it from his pocket, he glanced at the screen ‘Home.’ This wasn’t a call from his home in Bondi. That was still only a house. It could only be one person, in another country.
‘Hi, Mum,’ he said, confident it wouldn’t be his dad. He was a farmer through and through and chatting, especially to a son overseas, was not what he did.
His mum gave him the usual warm preamble but he knew she was building to something. ‘Mum, is there something you wanted to ask me?’
He could hear her hesitation. ‘I just needed to pick your brains. Your dad’s been having some tests and I wanted to ask you about the results.’
‘What sort of tests?’ Nick was aware of a tightening in his chest, apprehension making his breath come in shallow bursts.
‘He’s been complaining for a while that he’s short of breath but we just put that down to age and the fact that he’s still working the dairy.’
Not once had either of his parents said anything about this symptom and Nick wondered if any of his four siblings knew. ‘Is it his heart?’
‘Well, we didn’t think so but then he had a few chest pains after he’d been doing some fencing and he thought he’d pulled a muscle, but the doctor suggested he get his heart checked.’
Nick wished people who didn’t have any medical training would stop self-diagnosing but he figured it would be counter-productive to criticise his mother at this point. ‘What’s he had done so far?’
‘His blood pressure is a little high, nothing too bad apparently, but he had an EKG last week and the cardiologist wants to do an exercise stress test. He didn’t really explain what that was all about.’
‘Did he mention an echocardiogram as well?’
‘I’m not sure.’
‘He might have called it an ultrasound,’ Nick clarified.
‘Yes, I remember that.’
‘What they’ll do is get an ultrasound picture of Dad’s heart while he’s resting. It’s like the scans Claire had when she was pregnant, checking to see whether the heart’s pumping properly and looking at the muscle and valves. Then they’ll put Dad on a treadmill and get him to walk so they can see what his heart does when it’s under a load. It’s just a diagnostic tool but it’ll pick up about 85 per cent of cases of heart disease. Who is he seeing?’
‘Dr Ahrens.’
‘I don’t know him but I’ll make some enquiries, check him out. Can you get him to ring me when the results come through?’
‘Okay.’
‘And if you’re worried about anything, call me, all right?’
‘You’re not planning a trip home soon, are you?’ He could hear the hope in her voice.
‘Not really, things are difficult at work at the moment. But if you really need me there at any time, you know you only have to ask.’
‘Honey, one of these days you’ll realise life won’t stay on hold. Sometimes you have to make room for things, even if they don’t fit neatly.’
‘What are we talking about now?’ Was his mum talking in riddles? ‘If it looks like I need to come home when Dad’s results come in, I will.’
‘It’s not just about your dad, it’s about your work and you, really. All of it.’ There was a pause before she continued. ‘When are you going to stop treading water?’
‘You mean find a girl, settle down and get married?’
She laughed. ‘Yes, that’s the general direction I was heading in.’
It was his turn to hesitate, mulling over the question that had been on his mind these last few days. His mum beat him to it.
‘You haven’t given me your usual reply of, “When it happens, you’ll be the first to know”. Can I take it from that it has happened and I’m not the first to know?’
‘Mum, believe me, if I was about to head down the aisle, you’d know it before I did. But, yes, there is someone. And, no, nothing has happened.’
‘What’s the problem
?’
‘The timing’s wrong, I’m up to my eyeballs in debt and this is not the position I want to be in if I start off with someone new. I want it to be perfect and there’s nothing perfect about my life right now.’ He looked at his watch. ‘Mum, I’ve got to—’
‘Go. Yes, I know, but let me leave you with my piece of wisdom for the day. You don’t want to look back over your life one day and realise you lost the girl because you were waiting for everything to be perfect. Don’t make excuses because you’re afraid to take the risk of loving again. Life isn’t perfect, so if you’re waiting for the perfect moment, I can tell you, it’s not coming.’
‘I kind of guessed that. Look, I’ll ring you in the next few days but call me if something comes up with Dad or you’re worried for any reason.’ He ended the call and thought about his mother’s words.
Was his mum right?
Was he making a mistake waiting for the perfect moment?
He didn’t know. He just didn’t know.
His recalled his mum’s accusations that he was making excuses for not getting involved. Rosie had virtually accused him of the same thing. They’d both been right: he’d given Rosie every excuse why they couldn’t be together and he’d been so damn pigheaded he hadn’t considered whether there might be some very good reasons why he should ignore every single one of those excuses.
Was he making a mistake, assuming he knew what Rosie needed?
Finally, his mind cleared and the solution seemed simple.
He unlocked his car and slid behind the steering-wheel. ‘Friends be damned,’ he said as the engine sputtered to life and he pulled out of the car park, certain about what he was going to do, just not that sure about how. ‘Details,’ he muttered as he pulled out into the street. ‘Details are overrated.’
‘Lucy,’ called Rosie, ‘can you grab me a plate for the hamburgers please?’
Italian Doctor, Dream Proposal / Wanted: A Father for her Twins Page 30
