by JL Long
It’s not unusual for them to chat like this, but with my suspicions he’s keeping something from me, I make a note to ask him about this later.
As we enter the house, Carolina drops her bag by the door. She’s been here only a handful of times over the years, but one thing I love most about Carolina is her spirit. She acts as if she’s been in our home millions of times. She’s not rude about it, she’s just comfortable in her surroundings. And that goes for anywhere she is.
Caro goes straight to the cabinets where I keep my plates and pulls down enough for everyone. While the guys are still outside, I decide to dig into her and find out what the hell is going on. Before I can even get my mouth open, she beats me to the punch.
She moves to the counter, setting the plates down, and then unloads. “I won’t hold it against you that you didn’t tell your best friend you were attacked by a lunatic and have an even bigger lunatic hunting your ass down as long as you don’t give me any grief about not telling you what I’m about to.”
I take a deep breath, preparing for what she’s going to say. I know I can forgive her, I just need her to tell me she’s okay.
I release the breath and nod my head for her to continue.
“I’m pregnant. Three months pregnant to be exact.”
I wait, expecting her to give me more, but she doesn’t.
“Uh,” I start. “Are you okay?”
She lets out a laugh. “Yes, I’m okay. I can’t say I was when I found out. It was a one-night stand. The guy doesn’t want anything to do with the baby.” I open my mouth to cut her off, but she doesn’t let me. “No, I’m good with that. I’ve had three months to come to terms with being a single mother. I’ll be fine.”
“Well, I’m happy for you,” I tell her.
She quirks her brow, a smirk playing on her lips. "Are you?"
“Yes!” I squeal. “I get to spoil another baby.”
“It’s just going to suck being alone. No family around me or anything.”
I move to grab the container of potato salad out of the refrigerator. "Are you going to stay in New York?" I hope she says no. She needs to be around family…or me.
She shrugs and starts sorting the silverware on the counter. “I don’t know yet. I’ve been there for a year now. My apartment is nice, enough to feel safe on my own with a baby, but I don’t have anything there.”
“You could always move down here,” I throw out.
“I’ve thought about that. Your restless heart seems to be rested here.”
“It’s home, Caro. I know if you settled here you’d feel the same way.”
She stalls with a response, and I know she has something weighing on her mind.
“What’s going on, Carolina? There’s something you’re not telling me.”
She turns away from me and starts fiddling with the napkins I set out earlier. “I really never thought I would settle down. You, most of all, understand where I’m coming from when I say that, but I’m excited, Selena. I’m excited to have this baby and live a life where I am rooted. Whether I’m doing that traditionally or not.” She shrugs her shoulders. “I just hate being alone through it all. I’ve spent most of my life alone, ya know? I just thought building a family would be something I would do with someone else.”
It always takes just one moment in life to knock you back a step. To make you realize that even in the worst situations, you might be doing better than someone else. Not in an egotistical way, but in that way where you need to slap yourself and look at all you have. I have taken so much for granted.
Gazing at my best friend, it kills me knowing my Carolina has to do this on her own, no matter how strong she is. At least I have Lawson. He hears my concerns, stands with me through my struggles, and lord knows I wouldn’t have been able to get through my pregnancy without him. He is the reason I am as strong as I am today.
“I want you to move here to Oak Town,” I declare, using my mom voice.
“Where would I live, what would I do for a job?”
“Finding a place to live is the least of your worries. That can happen with a simple telephone call. There’s always something you can do at Law’s shop. I could even use another receptionist once I’m back to work full time.”
She stops fiddling with the napkin and turns back to me. “I don’t know, Selena.”
“I don’t want you all the way out there where it would take me hours to get to you when you go into labor. You need someone there with you.”
Law and Benny come through the door, and Carolina cuts our conversation off by addressing them. “Who’s hungry?”
Law gives me a look while Benny keeps his narrowed eyes on Carolina. I pretend we didn’t just have a heavy conversation and throw on a smile while I start plating the food.
We spend the rest of the afternoon laughing and telling our kooky stories like we typically do when Carolina and I are around each other. Benny sits on the couch like he does every other time he is here, but he doesn’t take his eyes off Carolina.
Maybe good things could come from her moving here.
She’s laughing at something he said. She smiles at something his daughter does. My hands clench beside me. I hate her. She has what’s mine.
Determined.
That’s what I am.
I will have my man.
We will have a family together.
I will live the life I have always dreamed about.
If that takes me killing a woman who is in the way, that is what I will do. She means nothing to me. She is ruining Lawson’s life. I only wish he would see that. She is not good for him.
I am.
I am the woman he needs.
I am the woman who needs to be his daughter’s mother.
Love can grow through any circumstance, and though Lawson may think he doesn’t love me, I know he does. His little girl will love me too.
I am determined to get them.
No obstacle will stop me from accomplishing this.
I will take out whoever and whatever I need to get what I want.
And I want him.
Sitting on the couch are my two girls.
My world.
My everything.
They sit there with all of London’s new toys surrounding them, lost in their own little universe. Typical Selena, and with each passing day, typical London. A smile creeps up my lips.
Selena and I promised we would celebrate this day and not let the weight of anything else penetrate us.
I’ve stayed true to my promise, but I can’t help feeling remotely jaded. London’s birthday could have been way bigger. We are making the best of it, though, and our little girl is over the moon.
Carolina has been a huge help with keeping Selena’s mind on anything but the worry of Aria. It gives Lena a bit of normalcy back. Throughout the party, she has been there for Selena, and even now with the party winding down, Carolina, with Benny conveniently right behind her, is doing the clean-up routine.
A hand landing on my shoulder takes my attention away from Selena and London. I turn my head to the right to see Lena’s dad, Darin, standing there.
“I’m glad my daughter has someone like you to protect her,” he starts in, not even bothering with formality. Then again, that’s not really Darin’s way. If he’s got something on his mind, he just comes right out and says it. I’ve been waiting for this chat with him since the incident. I can’t imagine, as a father, what he is going through. On second thought, I could imagine. I’d be sick with worry and climbing the fucking walls. “I know things haven’t been easy for you two recently, but I want you to know it’s in times like these you find out how much you truly love someone—how you’d give your own life to take their pain away.”
Shit.
I didn’t think he would be coming over here to get this goddamn heavy.
His hand falls from my shoulder, causing my head to turn in his direction. Darin’s looking at Selena, but his eyes are vacant, lost in thought. “When we lo
st Lucas, I wasn’t sure I could be the man my wife needed me to be.” His words, even though it’s been a long damn time since Lucas passed away, hit me like a physical blow, straight to the chest. “I struggled. I struggled to find the ground I needed to give her the ground she needed. I, honest to God, thought it would break our marriage. He was grown and out of the house, but it didn’t feel like that for us. He was still our little boy. You get so wrapped up in the grief, sometimes you lose focus on what really matters. He’s gone, there’s nothing I can do about that, then or now, but I can live and see that my girls get through it too. It wasn’t easy, Lawson. It was probably the hardest damn thing I ever did, but I pulled up my boot straps and sucked it up. I wasn’t going to lose my wife and little girl at the same time. It hurts thinking about it, even now, but with everything in life, that grief has taught me something. Nothing in this life can break love. It’ll shake it, it’ll knock it back, but it’ll never break.”
“Trying to see to that myself, Darin,” I say. And I am. I know my focus needs to be on my girls. I know I can’t give into the anger and pain. I have to stand strong.
His hand comes back to my shoulder to give me a light squeeze. “Know you are, Law. I can tell that by my little girl’s smile right now. She feels safe enough to let her guard down. She knows you’ve got her.”
Goddamn it.
I’m glad someone else sees it. Most days, I feel like this is all my fault. If I had opened my eyes a little wider, I could have seen the makes of psychotic a mile away.
But I didn’t.
And here we are.
“Yeah, just hope I’ll always have that from her.”
“Don’t doubt it, son. You’ve been a part of this family for a long time now, even before you and Selena became an item. I know you, and I know you wouldn’t fuck this up beyond repair. Shit’s a mess, but you have each other to weather the storm together. Don’t forget that. You aren’t out there on your own. Use her just as much as she uses you.” He shakes his head as if coming to terms with something. “I sure as hell wish I would have realized that all those years ago when we lost Lucas. Don’t make that same mistake, Lawson.”
I nod my head.
But I disagree with him. It might be a dumb thing to do, but I’d rather keep my worries to myself than bare them to Selena. She doesn’t need that right now. I can handle them on my own.
I can cope with knowing I’m not weighing Lena down even more. I know how that woman deals with things. She takes on everyone else’s worries and pretends like it doesn’t affect her while they fester inside.
I’ve got this.
I jump on the bed, my knees bent underneath me. “Today was a good day,” I gush.
He smiles at me from his spot on the bed. “Yeah, baby, it was a good day. London was pretty excited about that new doll house.” He acts calm, cool, and collected, but what he doesn’t admit is he was completely terrified we picked the wrong one. I barely manage to avoid an eye roll.
“I knew she’d love that one.”
“Not thrilled we paid a fucking mint for it, but the look on her face when she unwrapped it made up for it.”
I sigh, raise an eyebrow while giving him a knowing grin. He would have paid every cent we had if that’s what London wanted.
I crawl up the bed and turn myself around.
“Just wait until she’s a teenager,” I snicker.
He is going to be in for a rude awakening if he thinks his princess is going to pass through her teenage years with ease.
Not even a chance.
I was a good kid, but when I hit my teenage years, my parents probably wanted to throttle me on more than one occasion.
He sighs and picks up a magazine from his nightstand table. “Let’s not talk about that until the time comes.”
I bark out a short laugh, and mutter, “Right.”
Grabbing the lotion from my side table and rubbing it into my hands, I attempt to change the subject. “Did you see Benny and—”
“Don’t.”
I stop to look over at Lawson with his back against the headboard and legs crossed as he thumbs through the tattoo magazine.
“What?”
“Don’t you even think about sticking your nose into that business,” he tells me without even looking up from the pages.
“What business?”
“You know exactly what I’m talking about. Ben and Carolina.”
I begin rubbing my lotion again. “Whatever,” I huff. “But did you see how he was looking at her,” I whisper excitedly, remembering Carolina is sleeping down the hall.
Lawson laughs and tosses his magazine toward the bottom of the bed. “Yeah, baby, I saw it. But you need to let that shit play out on its own. Carolina will be going back to New York, so it won’t get them anywhere for you to start meddling around in shit.”
“I wouldn’t be so quick to say that,” I tell him.
“Why?”
“She might be moving down here.”
He rolls his eyes and crosses his arms over his chest. “Fuck. What happened?”
I shrug. “Nothing bad.”
“Lena, why is she coming here?”
I lower my voice a little more. “She’s pregnant.”
“Ah, fuck.”
“The baby daddy doesn’t want anything to do with the baby, so she’s on her own. I might have persuaded her to pack her shit and get out.”
“All right, I won’t be pissed at you meddling in on that situation. She doesn’t need to be alone and that far away from us when she’s going to have a baby.”
I bounce in my spot on the bed. “I told her you would give her a job at the shop.”
“Jesus Christ, Selena. It’d be nice if you talked to me about this shit.”
I smack him lightly on his arm. “Don’t act like you wouldn’t have offered her a job tomorrow morning.”
“Beside the point, babe,” he mutters. I fluff the covers and smack my hands down on the comforter.
“Well, anyway. I want her to move here. I want her to have family around her…even if it’s not blood.”
“Don’t lie, beautiful. You just want her here so you can spoil that baby rotten.”
“So!” I say just as the doorbell rings.
My entire body tenses. Lawson jerks up out of bed. "Don't fucking move," he growls. His tone is feral and leaves no room for argument. Not that I would. I’m stuck in place.
Once he gets his jeans on, he bends down, reaches for something underneath the bed, then spins around, hiding something in front of him. The sound of metal sliding back invades the room and is only overcome when it is locked into place. That sound, it's not a sound you hear every day, but would know anywhere.
That’s impossible. Lawson doesn’t own a gun.
I bring the comforter up and clutch it to my chest. Lawson leaves the room, and I sit paralyzed as he goes downstairs. My belly churns with the need to move out of the bed and follow him.
Seconds later, there’s a shadow coming back down the hallway. My skin begins to prickle as sweat forms on the palms of my hands. I don’t take a breath until I see Carolina standing there. She says nothing, just comes to the bed and lifts her leg to crawl on it.
She doesn’t get that far.
There’s a roar, and then something smashing on the ground. In seconds, I am out of bed with Carolina trailing me. She tugs on my arm and shakes her head no, but I pull my arm from her grip. “Selena,” she hisses. “Don’t go down there.”
“I’m not leaving him.”
The words no sooner leave my mouth when there’s a gunshot.
Oh my God.
Neither of us stalls this time. We both move at lightning speed to get downstairs. Reaching the end of the stairs, I have a perfect view of the front door. Lawson is standing there, the gun aimed out toward the lane of our driveway.
“Lawson!” I scream.
Lowering the gun, he spins around. He kicks something out of the way, then opens the screen door.
/> “Told you not to fucking move, Selena.”
“What happened? Was it her?”
He shakes his head. “I don’t fucking know who it was. But they left another note and more fucking flowers.”
“Who were you shooting at?” I ask.
He sidesteps my question. “Call the police, Lena.”
“Lawson.”
“Call the fucking cops!” he shouts at me.
I whirl around and run back up the stairs. When I hit the landing, London is standing there. My precious baby girl, her teddy snuggled close in one arm, and her other hand raised to her mouth where she is biting her nails.
“Baby, come here,” I tell her.
She unsticks herself from her place and runs to me. Her body hits me with such a force, I rock back on my heels. The second her arms wrap around me, she immediately starts crying.
“Shhh, it’s okay. Everyone’s okay.”
“What was that noise? Why was Daddy yelling at you?”
“Fuck,” I hear growled behind me.
“It’s okay, honey. Daddy was just upset.”
She clutches me tighter around the waist. “Upset at you?”
“No, not at me.”
“Lena, baby.” Law’s hand rubs across my back gently. “Get your phone. I’ve got her.” He moves in to peel London off me.
Carolina brushes past us and says, “I’ll call.”
“Come here, baby girl.”
I watch as Law picks up London and moves back to her bedroom. I fall back against the wall and slide down, my hope shattering as I reach the carpet.
It’s been weeks since our last visit and note. I had stupid hope Aria had decided to move on.
I was wrong.
She had only been toying with us.
Nowhere.
That’s where we fucking are.
This has been going on for fucking months, and we have goddamn nothing on where Aria is. She seems to have disappeared to where no one, not even Benny can get a lock on her, and then she shows back up like she was under our noses the whole damn time. And just when Lena and I get our marriage back on track. Perfect fucking timing to come in and fuck it all up again.
