by J. Walker
I began to feel as though I was just going through the motions, day after day. It was like some sort of psychological defense mechanism; I simply did what needed to be done. Like a robot. Like a zombie.
I continued to greet each day’s task in a dreamlike state and tried not to dwell too much on the things I read or the images I saw late at night with Marcus while the children were sleeping. Forcing the frightening images from my mind, I focused on the last minute details that seemed to have no end in sight. The agonizing truth was that I was afraid but didn’t want to admit this weakness to Marcus or John. I knew Amy was frightened as well and that was my only comfort. There had been many discussions and late night texts passed fervently between the two of us.
As the end of April approached, the refuge was in the final stages of completion. Every construction and every refurbishing project was now finished. All that remained were small jobs that John and Amy could wrap up on their own.
Our two families would be safely ensconced within the walls of the compound before long. All we could do was wait for the epidemic to come home. The stories of the outbreak and its ensuing panic had finally hit CNN, BBC and the other major news networks. True fear was beginning to set in on the other side of the globe but still, there was nothing on the home front. Yet.
Since we’d started ferrying goods to the refuge, I’d been packing up sentimental items around the house and bringing them with me. Both farmhouses had come into our possession fully furnished. They’d left behind everything from home décor, kitchen ware, even canning supplies to drawers and closets full of clothing. It was as though the former owners had just awakened one day and walked away, never pausing to look back. Maybe they had known what was coming as well.
Framed photos, books, favorite toys, hand written letters from other lifetimes, special curios that had been passed down by previous generations. All these precious mementoes had been packed up in boxes, wrapped carefully in newspaper and they waited patiently for the world to end in an old Victorian farmhouse hidden from prying eyes.
“Be a robot. Just get this done.” I whispered to myself one night while sorting boxes and newspaper in the basement.
I was constantly exhausted from all of the preparations. Regardless of my body’s complaints, I continued to ready some last minute items to fill up the U-Haul for tomorrow’s trip.
“Mom.”
My heart froze with fear. I hadn’t heard anyone come downstairs and I whirled around to face Ashley. She regarded me warily, her big brown eyes were wide and frightened. She looked as though she’d been crying.
“Mom, can you please talk to me.” She pleaded. “What’s going on? I know something is happening and you’re all being so secretive. I wish you would just trust me and tell me what’s going on.”
I was immediately filled with guilt for having kept her in the dark for so long. She’d been unusually quiet lately, keeping herself busy with school and friends. Her door was always closed and she hardly ever came out, except for school and supper. Her friends rarely came over anymore and when they did, their faces were drawn and serious.
All I could do was hold her tight. I finally let the emotions that I had been denying myself for two months come to the surface. I held my daughter and I cried. We both cried and it felt like hours that we stood in the cool basement, illuminated by a single naked light bulb hanging from the ceiling. We embraced like shipwreck victims clinging to a raft.
Finally, I let her go and holding her at arm’s length, I took a good look at her. She’d grown taller in the last little bit but her face was thin and she had dark circles under her eyes.
“I’m so sorry sweetie.” I said as I wiped a tear from her cheek.
“I’m not stupid, Mom, I know what’s happening. It’s that rabies outbreak. It’s happening everywhere. I’ve seen some videos online and I’m so scared, Mom.” She drew a ragged breath. “They’re eating people. The sick ones, they eat people!” Her voice began to sound frantic.
“Hun, it’s okay, we’re going to be just fine. It hasn’t happened here yet and if we’re really lucky it won’t. Your dad and Amy, Marcus and I, the twins, your baby sister, we’re going to all go up to the farmhouse when we hear word of it coming here. We’ve got everything we need to get through this. Trust us, trust me.”
She fell into my arms again, her head on my shoulder and her frail body shook with sobs. “But what about my friends.” It was more of a statement than a question.
I sighed because I really didn’t have an answer for her. I’d spent many sleepless nights thinking of my own friends, of the twins’ friends, of Ashley’s friends. If we brought everyone with us, how long would our supplies last, would we have enough room for that many people? My conscience wouldn’t let me rest peacefully at night knowing we might very well get through this epidemic while the people we loved struggled and possibly died.
“Okay, okay. We’ll talk to Marcus and your dad. I’ll talk to them. We’ll figure something out.”
“Promise me.” She said between sniffles.
“I promise.” I said to her.
As an afterthought I handed her some flattened boxes and newspaper. “Take these to your room and pack everything you want to have with you at the farmhouse. And I don’t mean every little thing, I mean only what is of absolute importance to you. I want you home from school tomorrow. We’ll drop the twins off at daycare and you can help me with their rooms and the rest of the house. But I want you to pack up your room tonight. The day after tomorrow we’ll take a trip to the compound.”
“The compound.” She rolled her eyes. “You’re kidding right. You guys have a name for it. You could have picked something cooler.” She shook her head and muttered under her breath as she took the boxes and went upstairs.
The following day Ashley and I walked the twins to the school where they attended senior kindergarten every other day and daycare on their off days. It was a beautiful spring day reminding us that summer was just around the corner. The trees were full with vibrant green leaves and there were flowers blooming almost everywhere. Everyone we met on our walk was in good spirits. The sun was shining and the sky was clear and blue.
I couldn’t help but feel good. My happy mood was infectious and it wasn’t long before we were running along the sidewalks, the four of us laughing and playing. For a moment everything else was forgotten, even the outbreaks.
Ashley and I spent the day packing things up. We emptied closets and cubbies, drawers and shelves of everything we wouldn’t be using immediately. We played loud music and danced and sang, laughing at each other’s ridiculous dance moves. Ashley and I hadn’t spent a day like this in a very long time and I was enjoying every minute of it.
Finally finished loading up the truck, we decided to take a break before Ashley left to pick up the twins. We sat on the back of the truck drinking bottled water when Marcus pulled in. We paused to look at each other curiously because he was home so early. His face was tense when he got out of the car and I immediately jumped down from the truck.
“What’s wrong?” I asked him.
He was visibly upset. “It’s my dad; he’s been in a bad car accident.”
“Oh no!” I reached out to hold him and he gripped me tightly.
“It isn’t good. I’ve got to go to the hospital, my mom needs me there but I’ve got to clean up first.”
The momentum faded and the good natured mood of the day was lost. I closed and locked the rolling door of the truck and went inside. Marcus immediately headed for the shower while I made a fresh pot of coffee. Ashley decided it was time to pick up the twins and headed down the sidewalk towards the school.
My phone rang and I recognized the caller as my good friend Brianna. She was a single mother of two children, a boy and a girl that were a year apart. Her son Simon, was the oldest and in senior kindergarten with the twins, he was Liam’s best friend. Her daughter was the youngest and in junior kindergarten. Her name was Tabitha and she was Laken’s best f
riend.
“Hey buddy what’s up!” I answered.
“Have you seen the news on CNN yet?”
“No, why?” My heart immediately began to sink and my belly knotted with fear.
“Just turn it on.”
“Okay. I’ll call you back.”
“No, turn it on. Now.”
“What the hell buddy?” I laughed in a failed attempt to keep the conversation light but I already knew what this was about.
I turned on the television at the same time I started to receive text messages from John and Amy. I ignored the messages for the moment and focused on my conversation with Bree.
“Holy shit Em! This is bad fucking news!” Bree’s voice sounded panicked and scared.
“Just tell me, Bree. I don’t want to see it.”
“That outbreak, that ‘bird flu’, the rabies or whatever they’re calling it now. The ‘fever’. It’s in Europe now. They’re losing control in small towns. Canada and the U.S. are grounding all international flights right now.”
It was starting already.
“But have they said it’s here yet?” I asked urgently.
“No.”
“Good.” I sighed. “Okay listen Bree, Marcus’ dad was in a bad car accident. We don’t know anything yet. He’s just getting ready to leave. Give me a minute so I can say good-bye.”
Marcus had quickly showered and was pouring coffee into a travel mug. He came into the living room and I hurriedly turned off the television. He didn’t need this distraction, he needed to focus on his family for the time being. The rest could wait for now, we still had time.
He leaned in and kissed my forehead, whispering. “I love you.”
“I love you too, babe, let me know what’s happening as soon as you know.”
Brianna was quiet on the other line. When the door closed and Marcus was pulling out of the driveway, she finally spoke. “I’m really sorry Emily, give my best to Marcus.”
“I will sweetie. Now talk to me. What have you seen?”
“The shit is going to hit the fan big time.”
Brianna was like Marcus; she was no conspiracy theorist and needed cold hard facts to substantiate anything. She sounded scared and with good reason.
“I can’t believe they grounded international flights. It’ll really put a halt on the economy. They must be scared.” I tried to say this calmly but my voice took on an unmistakable edge of anxiety that was difficult to hide.
Brianna was quiet on the other line for a few minutes.
Finally she spoke. “You guys knew about this.” It wasn’t a question.
It was my turn to be silent.
“Emily, come on. I’m not stupid. I know you guys have been up to something. This is it, isn’t it? You knew it was coming and you prepared for it.” She sounded close to tears. “When were you going to tell me? Were you going to tell me?”
“Bree, I didn’t think you’d believe me. I was going to tell you….well I was going to tell you and the girls when, if, the outbreak happened here. I only told Ashley last night. The twins don’t know anything at all. They’re too young, it’s too scary and they wouldn’t understand. When the time comes, we’ll just tell them we’re going camping.”
“That’s why you bought the mobile home? You’re going to head into a forest and go camping to escape the outbreak? Shit, girl, I thought you’d have a better plan than that!” She laughed but I could hear her sniffle quietly.
I let out a small laugh too and then I sighed, giving my head a little shake. “Come on, Bree, don’t be an ass. We bought a huge farmstead with John and Amy. It’s all prepped, ready and waiting. I’m going up there tomorrow with Ashley to drop off some more supplies. I’d ask you to come but I think I’d rather have you stay here with the kids and watch the twins. Tonight, I want you to pack up everything you think you’ll need if we have to bug out. When the time comes, you’ll come with us.”
We were both quiet. The silence was louder than any word either of us could possibly say.
“So this is it, eh.” Her voice sounded so small and so very far away. “I’m scared shitless.”
“So am I. Please Bree, you cannot tell anyone. You have to keep it to yourself or the safety of our little sanctuary is at risk. For all of our sakes, we have to keep this under wraps.”
Silence, again.
“Bree! Please.” I yelled at her.
“Abso-fucking-lutely, bestie. Okay. I’ll be packing up some stuff tonight and we’ll be there first thing tomorrow morning.”
“I love you bestie.” I said quietly.
“I love you too.” Her voice hitched for a moment, as though she were fighting back tears. “Be safe and if I see or hear anything more, I’ll call.”
“No, no, no, you know what? On second thought, just head over now. You guys can stay here for the night and pack up some stuff tomorrow night. You can bring it over Thursday during the day and we’ll pile it into the RV.”
Marcus was going to be very disappointed with me for telling Brianna but I didn’t care. These were my friends and that property was as much ours as John and Amy’s. I had every right to want to keep my family and my friends safe from this. Marcus would be telling his family and I knew John and Amy would be informing their families as well. I knew it would only be a matter of time before everyone decided that they wanted to bring all their Facebook friends and neighbors pets to the compound.
Chapter Seven
Within a week the global economy had come to a sudden, grinding halt. Everyone was in a panic about their financial well-being, never mind the deadly epidemic raging across the ocean. The horrifying images did nothing to quell the uproar over the stock market. The unified mind was on the business of money making, not the business of something that was happening ‘over there’. The government was doing its best to alleviate the nation’s fears of an economic collapse with its latest ‘economic stimulus’ plan.
The virus was a mere foot note. The government claimed that they were doing everything possible to ensure there would be no outbreak in this country. The same dialogue was repeated across the border and both governments claimed to be working together closely to alleviate the impact of a stalled economy and the possibility of deadly viral outbreak.
I was thankful that Bree and her children had decided to stay with us since Marcus hadn’t been home much over the last week. He’d taken a leave of absence from work to spend this time with his family. They waited for his father to show some sign of a recovery or pass away peacefully. Marcus had been close to his father and the situation was very difficult for him. I couldn’t blame him for his extended periods of absence. Most of his nights were spent at the hospital so that his mother could go home and rest.
The truth was, I missed him deeply and I was getting more and more frightened by the day. I didn’t turn the television on anymore. We kept abreast of the news via the internet. I didn’t want the younger ones to inadvertently see something on the television that might scare them.
There were still no reports of an outbreak anywhere in Canada or in the United States. The most recent reports from the Western hemisphere denied the various rumors of outbreaks in South and Central America. Every day we took turns searching online for new developments and we never gave up hoping that maybe the outbreak wouldn’t happen here.
I woke suddenly in the wee hours of the morning with a worried feeling that I had forgotten something. Reaching across the empty expanse of Marcus’ side of the bed I grabbed my cell phone. There were no messages and it was only four a.m.
I lie quietly on the bed staring at the ceiling, contemplating the days since the accident. Only ten days had passed but it was beginning to feel like months. So much had changed in those few days. The fear and worry of the household grew exponentially as each day passed. It was becoming a continual but conscious effort to keep my emotions in check every day.
We found ourselves in a constant struggle to keep the four restless children busy but relaxed. Childr
en were naturally very intuitive and all four of them had been experiencing night terrors and bad dreams. Between the three of us, along with Ashley’s friend Sarah, we did our best to keep their inquisitive minds occupied and their attention diverted from our last minute preparations.
Just then the cell phone vibrated noiselessly in my hand. It was a new message and it was from Amy. I sat up with immediate concern. For her to send a text message before the crack of dawn, it must be urgent.
‘Outbreak in New York.’
I sat frozen for what seemed like an eternity, staring at those four simple words. I felt like I’d been punched in the stomach. Realizing that I was holding my breath, I exhaled loudly.
“This is it.” I said out loud to the dark and empty room.
‘Two days’ time.’ I texted back.
It was just enough time to get the very last of our preparations in order. There wasn’t much left to do but pack up what remained of our last minute supplies and load them into the RV. After that, it was nothing more than a waiting game.
In only two short days, we would have to head out to the compound. I hoped we would have enough time to shop for other provisions we may have forgotten. There was always just one more thing to do or to buy and I was certain that there was no such thing as too much toilet paper.
I quickly messaged Marcus. It was time for him to say his farewells and let his father go. The luxury of time was no longer on our side. We had to leave and soon. He needed to talk to his mother and his sister about joining us at our country refuge.
Tick, tock, as John had said to me a little more than two months ago.
I heard the floorboards creak and looked up from my position on the bed as Ashley came into the bedroom. She looked scared and in the hallway behind her I could see Bree standing there nervously.
