“I’ve been trying to help you, Skylar. That’s why I’m here. To help.”
“You can help by staying out of my life!”
He ran a finger gently down the mantel. “If I remember correctly, you invited me into your life. You wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for the power I lent you.”
My lips tingled with the thought of this, of the power surging through me, filling me. Hex it all, he was right. I had let him in. I had taken what he’d offered.
“What are you?” I said. “Claramane couldn’t tell—”
“Having that girl dig inside trying to find me wasn’t very nice. Or very smart. You should know better than to dangle meat over a lion’s den. It’s only a matter of time before the lion manages to hook his claws in and pull it down.”
He gave another crooked grin, one that made my stomach turn. “I do hope the girl survived. But while we’re on the subject, why don’t we make something unmistakably clear?”
I gasped as he suddenly appeared in front of me, his form blurring from the speed of his movement. I stumbled back, but he merely wrapped a hand around my waist and pulled me against him. His body was ice-cold; almost as cold as his eyes as he peered down at me.
“I am yours, Skylar, and yours alone. I can protect those you love. I can ensure that your name becomes as renowned as anyone before. Even your mother’s.”
Despite the coldness of his body, his voice was hot against my ear. His words flowed off his tongue like sweet nectar, but what he promised didn’t have the same effect it used to. I’d seen more than ever before the darkness that came from what he offered.
“What do you want?” I whispered.
“What you humans experience every day. I want to feel. To live. All the joy, the suffering, the sorrow, it’s all so…” he breathed in, and I felt as though he were breathing in more than air. “Oh, Skylar, it’s intoxicating.”
I struggled out of his grasp, quickly putting the couch between us. I’d come here full of righteous anger and wanting answers, but I wasn’t the one in control anymore. I was slowly becoming scared of something inside myself.
“I’m not the one you should be afraid of, Skylar,” the Dark Prince said, sounding amused. “I wouldn’t hurt you. I’m only here to lend you my powers.”
“For a price.”
“Always for a price. Nothing in this world is free.”
“And what’s the cost?”
His smile grew. “Just a taste. That’s all I ask.”
I studied him, the firelight glinting off his blood-red buttons and too-white teeth. If there was anyone who should have worn a sign reading DEFINITELY EVIL, he would be it.
But…as crazy as it sounded, he was mine. I didn’t know how, or why, but he was mine to deal with. As sweet as his words were, as alluring as his eyes and promises, I could handle him. I had to.
“Thanks for the offer,” I said. “But I can do whatever I need to without your help.”
He looked at me through narrowed lids. “You may think that now, but you’ll change your mind. And I’ll be here, waiting with open arms.”
He cocked his head, as though hearing something outside the room. “I believe you’re needed elsewhere. See you soon, Skylar.”
“Wai—”
The edges of the room faded, right before a jerk in my gut pulled me back to reality. A wave of disorientation swept over me. I teetered on the edge of the battlement before catching my balance.
“Skylar?”
I looked over just as Asher stuck his head out the window I’d crawled through. He stared at me, face slowly softening. “Were you crying?”
I touched my cheeks. I didn’t know when it’d happened, but they were damp. I quickly rubbed the tears away, more embarrassed than angry at seeing him here. For some reason, instead of the usual annoyance and nervousness in my gut, I was relieved. After going at it with the Dark Prince, I was sick of fighting with Asher, sick of not having him on my side anymore. Sick of missing what we’d had, both as partners, and as friends.
“Skylar?” Asher said.
“How’d you find me?”
My voice came out cool. I might have been kind of happy to see him, but that didn’t mean I was going to forget how he’d treated me lately.
Asher vanished for a moment, then hefted himself out the window and sat beside me on the battlement, leaving a little space between us. He swung his legs over the edge and let them hang. “This was our spot, remember? And you’re nothing if not a creature of habit.”
I waited for the biting, cutting tone he’d used earlier, but it just sounded like normal Asher. I did remember this was our spot. The best place, where we used to watch the sunsets while dangling our legs above the open air. Or hid from our parents when we didn’t want them to leave and thought that if they couldn’t find us to say goodbye then they’d be forced to stay.
Asher grimaced, shifting to get comfortable. “Used to be a lot easier to get up here, though.”
I looked at him, waiting for him to start talking. He looked back. “What?”
“What do you mean ‘what’? You actually feel like speaking to me again?”
“I was speaking to you before.”
“Chastising me like a child wasn’t speaking.”
Asher didn’t pull his gaze from mine. “I’m sorry,” he said.
“And you think that—wait…you’re what?”
I’d been ready to argue, ready to fight back, but him just coming out and apologizing threw me off more than one of his leg sweeps ever could.
“I said I’m sorry.” Asher took a deep breath, like he was about to take a plunge off a cliff. He ran a hand through his hair. “I haven’t been the nicest to you the last couple weeks. You…know why, don’t you?”
“No, I don’t!” I practically screamed, my earlier frustration at him and that stupid Dark Prince coming out in one violent stream. “We used to come up here. We used to be close. We used to tell each other everything. We lost all that and you won’t even tell me why you’re mad now! I’m—”
My voice broke but I was too upset to care. The tears were starting up again, and this time I let them fall. “I miss what we had, that’s all. I’ve said it. I’m done.”
I turned slightly away from him, but I could still feel his gaze on me. The wind was chilly up here as the sun went down, and I shivered. I expected Asher to leave when it was clear I wasn’t going to say anymore, but instead I felt him move closer. The nearness of his body heat warmed me, and as much as I wanted to stay mad at him I was grateful.
“I believe you didn’t run off on your own in the caverns,” he finally said.
“Oh, gee, thanks, Your Honor. I’ve only told you that, what? A dozen times?”
“Just because you didn’t do something once doesn’t mean you wouldn’t do it if you had the chance, Skylar.”
Something raw and broken in his voice made me look over at him. He was staring right at me, as though nothing else in the world existed except this moment between us. “When you vanished, when I thought I’d lost you…I went crazy. You are…you are…” He took a deep, shuddering breath. “No, that’s not what I mean. When I thought I’d lost you back there, when I thought the Society had gotten you, a part of me went numb. But not from shock. It was almost like it wasn’t a surprise. Like I’d expected it to happen one day, and now it had. That’s what watching you live is like, never knowing which moment is the last one I’ll have with you.”
His voice broke again. He cleared his throat. “You’re so strong, and you don’t even know it. You don’t need anyone. And that’s going to get you killed.”
“I’m not strong,” I said, mind still swirling with what he was saying. “I’ve never been strong. Not like you. Not like my mom or dad, or Lucien, or…anyone.”
“You are. You just refuse to see it, because you think you have to become some unattainable version of yourself.”
“I don’t—”
“You do. I’ve watched it. You put yourself through hell tr
ying to do it. And I can’t—I won’t—care for someone who doesn’t care about themself.”
I turned fully toward him. Up close, the things I found so perfect about him from afar came into better focus, little flaws I hadn’t noticed. But not bad flaws; just things that made him more human: the small nick on his left ear, the slight, white scar on his chin; idiosyncrasies in the perfect image I hadn’t seen—or hadn’t let myself see—before. Except for those eyes, those perfect blue eyes flecked with the same shade of gold as his hair. Eyes I could probably stare into for hours.
I swallowed hard, letting out a deep, calming breath. Focus, Skylar.
“I was scared of losing you,” Asher said.
I think I blustered something unintelligible for a moment before I forced out, “Unshakeable Asher, scared? Please. You’re never scared. Nothing gets to you.”
“I’m scared a lot. I just don’t show it as much.”
I felt my heart beat a bit faster as he gave me a cocky grin. “Though, that doesn’t mean much talking to you. Sometimes your reactions are about as subtle as a jackhammer.”
I gently shoved him as he snickered. But his expression sobered just as quick. “Don’t make the mistake of thinking you’re the only one who has a lot to live up to.”
“I don’t!”
“Then why do you act like you have to do everything alone?”
“Because…” I tried to put into words what I’d been feeling since…ever, really. “Because I have to, that’s why. She never had help. She only had herself to rely on, and I can’t put that weight on anyone else.”
Asher was gaping at me like I’d sprouted a third eye on my forehead. “Do you hear yourself? You’ve been to the Hall of Records, you’ve seen the pictures. What part of any of that do you think she did alone?”
It was as he said it, coupled with my inability to describe why I’d believed that way, why I’d acted the way I did, that hit me almost like a punch to the gut. I’d only ever seen this one image of my parents—of my mom especially: how strong she was. Immovable in the face of danger. Confident in every decision. Her faults and indecisiveness and how she’d even gotten to that point of confidence had been hidden from me. Or else I’d ignored it, refusing to believe my mom was anything less than extraordinary. But somehow that image had become the benchmark against the way I’d lived, whether it made sense or not.
I looked off the battlement to let the revelation wash over me, but mostly so Asher wouldn’t see the struggle my face was probably betraying.
“I know I was wrong,” I said after I could find the words. “And maybe it still doesn’t make any sense, but even if I don’t have to be like her I still want to; I will be the best. As good as my mom. Maybe better.”
I looked at him, daring him to disagree. Asher sighed. “I know you will. You’ll try, anyway, no matter what I or anyone else says.”
I waited for him to say that he was done, that he couldn’t deal with somebody who had a death wish. Instead he shrugged, his shoulders rising like a great weight had been lifted from them, like a decision had been made. “I guess I’ll just have to put up with you until then.”
Elation rose in my chest. It was a faint, fragile, happy thing; a new butterfly that’d just emerged. I knew we were far from done talking about this, but for the second time in recent memory, I felt like we’d regained a little more of what we used to have.
But there was still something bothering me.
“I want to know what happened that summer.”
Almost as quickly as it’d come, Asher’s easy smile was gone, replaced by an expression of…regret?
“You changed so much, and I want to know why,” I went on. “We were together all the time. Then you went away and when you came back you were different.”
“I grew up,” he said simply. “And…” His fingers brushed against the scar on his arm. I wasn’t sure he was even aware he was doing it. “The world suddenly wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows. If I wanted to protect what I loved, I needed to be stronger.”
“Did you get that over the summer?” I nodded to his arm.
Asher realized what he was doing and drew his hand back. “Yeah. A mishap during training. That got me stronger. But I also learned about my expectations as the son of the great Lucien Dunadine. It’s hard being the daughter of Aspen Rivest, and it’s almost as hard as living under Lucien. I’m expected to become great like him. Maybe even take over as headmaster someday.”
“Wait, he said that?”
“Not explicitly. But he didn’t need to. Like your mom, the pressure was there, it’s always been there, and I didn’t know how to deal with it back then.”
He picked up a small chip of stone off the battlement and levitated it, creating a miniature solar system in his hand before letting it fall again.
“I had to be the best, just like you, Skylar. But I wasn’t the only one who changed that summer. When I came back you were different, too. You’d always goofed off before, trying to get attention, and I get that. But you started acting out more than you used to. I told myself being around someone like that couldn’t help me.”
I gaped at him. “Asher…if you had just told me that was bothering you then maybe—”
“I’m not making excuses, I’m just telling you what my stupid younger self thought. But it wasn’t just me.” Asher fixed me with a firm gaze. “You pushed people away, Skylar, even if you didn’t realize it. You thought you were the only one who had to deal with being the best and so nobody else was going to be by your side to help.”
I bit my lip, wanting to deny it. I hadn’t pushed everyone away, had I? Asher had been the one to change, not me…not me…
“As we got older…I got jealous,” Asher continued.
I pulled myself from my thoughts and frowned. “Jealous? Of me?”
“Yeah. No matter how much you expect out of yourself, you didn’t—don’t—care what people think. You do what you want, even if it’s stupid. I admired that. Still do.”
I was starting to tear up. All these years we’d been friends and we were both affected by others’ expectations, some of which weren’t even there. All the days I’d missed that I could have spent with him.
“I was wrong, Skylar.”
I felt Asher’s warm hand cup my cheek and tilt my gaze up to meet his eyes. “We both did things that we wish we could go back and change, things we wish we could have said, so I’ll say my piece: You’re rash and amazing, and you terrify me and piss me off, but there’s no one else I’d rather be partnered with. No one else I’d rather have by my side. You get that?”
I…” His nearness was addling my brains, making me think things I hadn’t let myself think before: like the closeness of his lips, and how soft they might feel against mine…
“Thank you for saying that,” I managed.
His face broke out into an easy smile, a little hesitant, a little happy. “Thanks for letting me say it. To be honest, after how I’ve been acting toward you, I wouldn’t have blamed you for trying to push me off the edge here.”
“You were giving me the silent treatment when you weren’t teasing me. How old are we, ten?”
Asher chuckled, then his expression turned serious. “I wasn’t kidding about you having a death wish. I’ll put up with a lot of your crap, and you’ll put up with mine, but we’re partners now. That means we do things together. We talk to each other, we back each other up, and we don’t consistently try to get ourselves killed. You’ll notice that applies to you as well.”
“Don’t worry, your obnoxious tone gave it away. I’ll try to limit my near-death experiences to once a week.”
He smirked. “You do that.”
“Okay, maybe twice.”
Asher pulled his fingers from my chin, and I immediately missed their warmth. He stood and held out a hand, easily pulling me up when I accepted it, not letting go when we were standing together at the ledge. My breath was tight in my throat. Any coherent thoughts did a full stop as
he peered down at me, looking as though he was searching for something.
“You know,” I said nervously, “just because we understand each other a little better doesn’t mean I’m going to stop giving you a hard time.”
He smiled. A full, dazzling smile. “I can’t think of anything better.”
I jerked awake. For a moment I lay in a half-asleep stupor before sitting up, rubbing the bleariness from my eyes. It was past midnight. Our room door was wide open. Mia’s bed was empty.
I rubbed my eyes again. “Mia?”
No answer. I heard the door to our dorm open and was instantly wide awake. Images of the Society sneaking in rushed back to me and I immediately dashed into the living room just in time to see Mia vanish into the hall. I let out a sigh of relief. No man carrying her off. No Kasia here waiting in the dark.
But what the heck was this girl up to?
Sleepwalking was nothing sinister, but Mia had never done it before. Maybe she was still having nightmares after the kidnapping. Maybe she wasn’t doing as well as she claimed.
I loudly bumped my way through the kitchen as I fumbled after her. Asher’s door creaked open and he sleepily poked his head out, hair a disheveled mess, wearing nothing but boxers and a tight t-shirt.
And dang if the boy still didn’t look good half-groggy.
“Skylar…bit late to be”—he let out a long yawn— “rearranging furniture, isn’t it?”
I stared at him for a full three seconds (not gawking, I swear). I was still trying to make sense of everything we’d talking about earlier today, but one thing had made itself clear: we were partners. And that meant if I had to lose sleep while my friend wandered around at times when no living thing should be up, he had to lose sleep, too.
It was the considerate thing to do, of course.
“Mia’s being weird,” I said. “She’s out sleepwalking and I’m going after her.”
“I’ll be right there,” he said immediately. He stepped back into their room and I heard him waking Colson, followed by a loud thump, like someone had rolled out of bed. I quickly left our room after Mia.
She’d disappeared. I double-checked she hadn’t headed toward the Academy’s front entrance, then hurried the opposite direction. Minor panic was setting in, but I tried to control it. I’d been overprotective of Mia even before she’d been kidnapped. There was nothing sinister here. She probably just couldn’t sleep. I’d catch up to her and we’d talk and laugh and everything would be just fine—
Called by Darkness Page 18
