by Sarah Noffke
“Uh, yeah, me too,” Zuma said, not understanding the conversation she was having with the older woman. Fanny wasn’t saying something but she hadn’t lied, Zuma knew that.
Fanny raised the two hands in hers and pressed them fondly into her hips. “Well, I must be getting the girls off to their lessons. Feel free to go into my trailer. Jack is in there.”
“Thanks,” Zuma said, not keeping the bewilderment out of her tone.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Of course Zuma wanted to check on Jack. She’d hardly seen him since they had come back to Vagabond Circus. But she also needed to discuss everything from the fake engagement to how they were going to manage the Knight situation. Jack was protected, locked away in Fanny’s trailer. But Zuma hoped he’d have ideas for how to protect the people of Vagabond Circus who weren’t shut away. And she also wanted to talk to Benjamin if she could get a chance. Fanny had forbid them from telling anyone about his shape-shifting abilities and Zuma thought she knew why. The healer was protecting the ten-year-old boy, but what if he could protect the people of Vagabond Circus? Zuma would have to get him alone, which right then was the perfect time.
Zuma rapped on the door to the trailer, expecting Jack to call her in. Instead Sunshine answered the door, her usual unwelcoming look on her face. “Oh, good, now it’s an acrobat party,” she said. “Pink streak is here,” she called behind her. “Just need Jazzy-Afro-head and the party will be complete,” she said in a monotone voice.
“Hey, Sunshine,” Zuma said, not even showing any offense. She was used to this from the girl. “How are you? I know you and Dave were close, I’m so sorry.” And there was genuine sympathy in Zuma’s voice. She knew how heartbroken Dave’s death had made Zuma herself, and could only imagine how it affected the girl in front of her whom Dave adopted at age ten.
Standing in the doorway, Sunshine stared down at Zuma, who still hadn’t entered the trailer and was two steps down. “Why are you apologizing? You didn’t kill him,” she said, narrowing her eyes, and a quick trip into Sunshine’s thoughts told Zuma she knew exactly who had murdered Dave.
“No, I didn’t and that means maybe we should start working together to protect Vagabond Circus,” Zuma said, taking one step up.
“Me work with you?” Sunshine said and almost smiled with amusement. “That might have been a possibility before I learned you broke Dave’s second cardinal rule.” She then stepped past Zuma and out of the trailer. “Guess it doesn’t matter since your fiancé isn’t even in the circus anymore. Nice planning,” Sunshine said.
“Sunshine, listen,” Zuma said.
“No, you listen. I don’t have time to deal with you right now, Pinky. I’ve got to go find Benjamin, who’s currently prowling around this place in the form of Oliver.”
“Why is he doing that?” Zuma asked.
“Because he’s a little boy who can and besides, he’s curious what’s going on around here.”
“Oh,” Zuma said, looking up at the trailer and realizing she probably wouldn’t be able to talk to Benjamin on this visit. “Well, good luck,” she said in another attempt to be pleasant to the girl she’d only ever ignored.
“Yeah, luck, that’s not what I freaking need,” Sunshine said with a grunt and a sigh. “Do you know what’s going to happen if Oliver runs into himself? Or if someone sees the two together?”
“Or what Knight would use Benjamin for if he knew his gift,” Zuma said, the idea dawning.
“Exactly, brainiac. Why don’t you go into the trailer and make your damn fiancé eat something. I’m tired of having that job. Should be yours anyway,” Sunshine said and marched away.
Zuma just shook her head and turned for the door.
Chapter Thirty-Three
“Hey, yoohoo,” Zuma called, knocking on the door frame as she entered the trailer. “Jack, it’s me,” she said and froze when she entered the trailer to find Finley sitting tensely beside Jack’s bed. She straightened, not expecting to find him there. Jack’s bed was angled away from the entrance, but he still managed to turn a bit to peek around the bed at her.
“Oh, hey,” she said, shifting her eyes to the right of Finley. “You’re here. That’s what Sunshine meant by an acrobat party.”
“Yeah,” Finley said, standing. “I was just leaving.”
“You don’t have to leave because I’m here,” Zuma said.
And then Jack turned back and threw his head hard into his pillow. “Does everything here have to be a mess?” he said.
Zuma strolled forward until she was just beside Jack’s bed; just beside Finley. “What do you mean?”
“Oh, I don’t know, the engagement, now you and Finley being awkward, and how about the killers prancing around the circus and none of us can do a damn thing about any of it,” Jack almost yelled, his fists clenching into his covers.
Zuma leaned forward and hugged him, sliding her arms around his shoulders. She was careful not to shift him or press into his legs as she did, although he looked more comfortable than she’d seen him. Zuma pulled back. “You’re not supposed to be frustrated like this. You’re supposed to be calm so you and I can strategize on how to deal with what you so appropriately deemed ‘a mess,’ although ‘disaster’ is a better term.”
Jack smiled at her. “Sorry. I needed to have that outburst. I’ve actually been saving it for you, fiancée,” he said fondly at her. It had always been easy between these two.
“Thanks, that was kind of you,” she said, leaning forward and kissing his cheek, conscious that Finley was behind them, awkwardly watching since he hadn’t had a chance to dismiss himself.
Zuma then sat on the bed. She took Jack’s hand, doing a great job, she thought, of ignoring Finley beside her. “How are you feeling, Jack?”
“I should be going,” Finley said, his eyes on the space between Jack and Zuma.
“I’m good,” Jack lied in a clipped tone to Zuma and then swiveled his head up to Finley. “No, you can’t go. Strategize. Didn’t you hear Zuma? We’ve got to figure out some things and you are our best resource.”
Zuma swung her head over her shoulder at Finley. It hurt to look at him when his eyes weren’t on her. That pain was excruciating when they were. Now that tortured gaze was on the floor, his hands pressed in his pockets.
“Oh, he’s no help to us,” Zuma said, still forcing herself to look at him. “Finley doesn’t want to fight. He’s given up. Pretty much decided to cower to Knight’s rule.”
“Zuma, that’s not fair,” Finley said through clenched teeth, his chin low as if he was speaking to Knight.
“No, it’s not, and announcing that Jack and I are engaged and pushing me away, well what’s that?” she said in retaliation.
“Necessary,” he said.
Jack tugged on Zuma’s hand to gain her attention. “What’s been going on while I’ve been trapped in here?”
Zuma shook her head. “Well, I didn’t think it could be done, but in only a few days’ time and with one show Knight has made a mess of the circus. He’s instigated so much trouble in such a short period of time that we’ll be cutting each other’s throats in a week. So keep doing what you’re doing, Finley,” she said, throwing her head back over her shoulder in his direction. “This ‘ignore and comply’ strategy sure seems to be working.”
“It could be worse, Zuma,” Finley said.
“Right, worse. Like the best man in the world is murdered and my best friend is paral… Oh wait,” Zuma said dryly.
Finley brought his gaze to finally look at Zuma. It expressed his own frustration and disappointment in how she was punishing him in that moment. “Right, well, I’ll leave you two love birds,” he said, the humor not really registering in the dark joke. “That will give you a chance to discuss privately what a failure and coward I am.”
Jack shot a disappointed look at Zuma. “Finley, I don’t think that about you. If it wasn’t for you I’d be dead. You saved my life by showing up and carrying me out of Knight’s warehou
se.”
“Actually”—Zuma spun around—“Finley abandoned me right when we found you.” She stood and narrowed her eyes at him. “I’d forgotten all about that until now.”
“He what?” Jack asked behind her.
“Well, he showed back up a few minutes later, but you,” she said to Finley, an accusation getting loaded into her speech, “you acted like you weren’t coming back. Like you’d left me for good.” She sized him up, taking her time. “Where exactly did you go and what were you doing?”
“Nowhere, Zuma,” he said, frustrated.
“You’re lying. Tell me.”
He didn’t know how to respond to this confrontation. It seemed like a good idea to run but there was no getting away from Zuma for too long.
“Damn it, Finley! Tell me!” Zuma yelled.
He slowly brought his gaze to hers. “You don’t want to know.”
“Stop saying stuff like that. You’re not the only one sentenced to be punished endlessly anymore. We are in this together.”
“No, Zuma, what you don’t realize is that you’re in your own private hell,” Finley said. “And I’ve been trying to pull you out of it.”
“What? What does that mean? Where did you go and what did you do?” Zuma asked.
He looked at her, really looked at her, so that she sucked in a painful breath. “I’ll tell you if you really want to know,” Finley said, “but please note you’ve been warned.”
Chapter Thirty-Four
Zuma stared at Finley, unsure, as she’d been many times since she met him, if she could trust the acrobat. He had been a thief for most of his life. And she could always tell when someone lied, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t hold back information. Or, as in Finley’s case, take Zuma’s heart and hold it in his hands and crush it. No one had ever had an effect on her, and then Finley strolled into Vagabond Circus, looking very much the way he did now: lean, dark, and mysterious.
Zuma looked back at Jack for reassurance.
“Find out what he knows that you obviously don’t know,” Jack said in response to the unsure look she gave her friend. “Zuma, you will never conquer a challenge unless you have all the information and it sounds like there’s more to know.”
She nodded at Jack and then turned and took two steps toward Finley. And she knew immediately that her sudden closeness made him nervous. It put the restrictions he’d been placing on himself in danger of being frayed. “Tell me what you know. And Finley,” she said, reaching out and touching his arm, gripping it. She waited until he returned his attention back to her and not to the hand pressed into his bicep. “Don’t leave out a single thing. I want to know it all.”
He nodded, but simultaneously stepped back out of her reach. Finley cleared his throat and forced himself to keep his eyes pinned on Zuma’s, although the anger and desire radiating from them were making his soul ache. “You know how you told me you’ve never been happy?” he said and paused.
Zuma squinted at him, like she’d misheard. “What does that have to do with anything?”
“It has everything to do with everything. Your lack of happiness is why the circus is the way it is. It’s why Dave made arrangements with your parents for you to come to Vagabond Circus. Your happiness, or rather lack thereof, has shaped so much,” Finley said.
“How?” Zuma said, almost wanting to laugh at the ridiculous notions Finley was spouting. However, he wasn’t laughing.
“Zuma, you have never felt real happiness not because there’s something wrong with you or because you have a chemical imbalance,” Finley said, slipping his hand through his dark brown hair. This was harder than he imagined.
“Then why?” she said, baffled why he would know anything about her inability to feel pure happiness. And yet he seemed to.
“Zuma, you remain in mostly a state of indifference because since you were born you were cursed,” Finley said.
Zuma did laugh now. “Finley, are you listening to yourself?”
“Yes, and am I lying?” he asked, knowing her combat sense would support his claims.
“Well, no,” Zuma said, scratching her head. “Which means you believe this bullshit and that makes you crazy.”
Behind her Jack laughed. She’d almost forgotten he was there.
Zuma turned to him, more to share the stupidity of the moment than anything else. However, when she looked at Jack he was shaking his head. “Finley’s probably the sanest person in this freak show, Zuma. Give him a chance to explain his case.”
She shook her head at Jack and turned back to Finley. “Okay,” she said, drawing out the word. “Pony up with a reasonable explanation for this bullshit.”
“Remember I told you that Knight cursed Vagabond Circus?” Finley said.
“Yes, because he murdered Dave’s baby, and then discovered the child was actually his because he’d been having an affair with Dave’s wife.” Zuma said the whole thing with only a brief hesitation, as she recalled the details.
“Whoa!” Jack said behind them. “Rewind, say what?”
Zuma held up her hand. “You’ll get details after I get the whole truth.”
Jack gave a frustrated sigh but remained silent.
“Yes, that’s when Knight cursed the circus,” Finley said. “Cynthia, Dave’s wife, was dead and so was Knight’s child. It made Knight go crazy.”
“Because he wasn’t already, having suffocated an infant?” Zuma asked.
“Anyway, you may not believe someone can curse people but—”
“I do,” Zuma cut Finley off. “I heard details of it in some of Dave’s private thoughts. He had the ability to curse people or places but he rarely used the gift.” She had heard the thought by accident once when Dave allowed the wall in his mind to come down.
“Right, yes, Dave possessed and Knight possesses the ability to curse people. They have to use the right words and focus. And in return for the curse to work their power is stolen, taking years off their lives.”
“That’s crazy,” Jack said, astonished and also disbelieving.
“Just ask Titus. He was there the day Knight cursed Vagabond Circus and then Dave cursed Knight right back,” Finley said.
“Wait, how do you know all this?” Jack asked.
“I dream traveled back in time to witness this specific event. I needed to confirm the things Fanny told me,” Finley said.
“That’s right, Fanny was there. She told you this?” Zuma asked.
“Yes, she told me that after Dave’s wife committed suicide and Knight found out he murdered his own child, he made a curse that’s almost impossible to break,” Finley said.
“What is it, Finley?” Zuma said, his words sucking out her breath
“Zuma, Knight cursed that any child born at Vagabond Circus could never be happy,” Finley said, his eyes heavy with regret.
Zuma sucked in a sharp gasp as her hands slapped over her mouth. She stuttered out a moan, but quickly tried to cover it with something less weak sounding. Finley moved, only a fraction but she spied it. He’d almost reached for her. Almost wrapped his arms around her, but even in unveiling this tragedy and being behind closed doors he wouldn’t tempt himself. Finley knew if he took off his restraints, he couldn’t put them back on.
“Zuma, it—”
“I was born under the big top eighteen years ago,” she said, interrupting Finley.
“And I know from time traveling that Knight cursed the circus one year before your birth. I checked,” Finley said.
“You time traveled to the day I was born? You witnessed it?” she said in disbelief.
He smiled a little, but real smiles shouldn’t adorn that much pain. The gesture cut at Zuma’s heart. “Yeah, it was a beautiful moment.” He shook his head, like he was seeing the memory then. “The day you were born… Fanny delivered you, and Dave held you before your own father. He whispered in your ear two words and that’s what confirmed the curse for me,” Finley said.
“What were the words?” Zuma asked,
her hands in her hair.
Finley pressed his lips together. “He said, ‘I’m sorry.’”
And now Zuma did cry, a soft gasp of tears and a fresh pain seeping to her usually stone surface.
Finley didn’t budge this time, but the look in his greenish eyes communicated perfectly the regret he had for her pain.
Zuma slid the back of her arm across her wet eyes, drying them on her sleeve. “You said this was why Dave arranged with my parents to have me come to Vagabond Circus?”
Finley nodded. “He thought that he owed you a life with the highs of a performer, since you could never experience the best thing, happiness.”
“And my parents know?” she asked.
Another nod.
“But you said this impacted the success of the circus,” Zuma said, confused now.
“Zuma, two things happen when a curse is made that robs,” Finley said. “The first is that it steals years of life from the caster, like I said before. But then, because the curse, in your case, takes from you, then the happiness you should have had goes into a bank of sorts. It’s funneled into a place. Like when it rains and the water evaporates and gathers in the clouds. Everything has to have an exchange.”
“So, where did my happiness go?” she asked.
