He wouldn’t mind at all that her joy was coming not only from the beauty of the morning but from thoughts of another man.
Your love for me isn’t made any less by your love for another. The heart has room for a multitude of loves.
She could almost hear him whispering those words to her on the breeze, and that made her heart feel even lighter. She would scatter her worries like dandelion fluff in the wind. Adria was of age. She must decide on her own whom she loved. If that turned out to be Logan Farrell, nothing Ruth could say would change that.
Love had a way of battering down every barrier. Hadn’t it done so when her mother was unsure at first about Peter, a stranger in town? She couldn’t run after Adria and shield her from every hurt. She’d never been able to do that. The child had come to her knowing how sorrowful life could be. Perhaps that was why Adria wanted to help others who were hurting. The downtrodden. The slave.
Then again, all the stories and poems they’d read together may have given Adria a dreamer’s heart. But didn’t all children look beyond and wonder about what might be? No, Ruth knew that wasn’t true. Some children were dreamers. Others wanted to try their wings and find adventure, and then there were those who huddled in safety under the wings of the familiar. Through all her years of teaching, she’d watched many children grow up and settle into good lives. Adria might yet do the same. Ruth had to give her the freedom to do as she wished. She threw out her hands as though releasing those worries. Best to change them into prayers.
She worried too much. Perhaps she was one of those who wanted to rest in the familiar even when life pushed the unfamiliar her way. Widowhood. Then a child to raise. A living to make. Yet she’d found a way to do it all. With God’s help. And the help the Lord had put in her path. Louis. Matilda. The families who trusted her to teach their children. Even Adria, who gave her reason to get up in the morning in those first months after Peter died.
And now the Lord had put Will Robertson, Pastor Will Robertson, in her path. She couldn’t deny she liked the way the man settled his eyes on her as though he could look at her forever.
Forever. Such a good word when it came to love. Love. That the word had come unbidden to her mind shocked her a bit, but then she smiled. Yes, love. That was the perfect word for how she was feeling this day as she looked forward to being at church tonight. Will would be there with his serious eyes that could sometimes look so sad. Not simply sad, but lonely.
And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone.
Or perhaps the woman either. Humming, she turned to go back in the kitchen to check on her cakes. The words of the song escaped her, but the tune was there. A happy sound rising from a long-forgotten memory. The sweet smell of the cakes mixed with the bread baking lifted her spirits even more.
She had enough orders to take care of their needs. Mrs. Gregory would surely buy Bet. While that wouldn’t give Bet her freedom, it would guarantee her an easier life than she might find in some other situation. The money was coming in for Louis much faster than Ruth dreamed possible. Good things were happening all around. No wonder she had a song in her heart.
The bread loaves were cooled and the caramel on the cake when she heard something and stepped out on the back porch. Louis was chopping a chunk of wood into the right-sized pieces for her stove. The farmer who sold her firewood didn’t split it small enough to fit in her stove’s firebox. When Louis saw her, he gathered up an armload of wood.
“Thank you, Louis.” She stepped back as he came up on the porch to drop the pieces in her woodbox on the end of the porch.
“Looked like you might be gettin’ low on stove wood, Miss Ruth.” He took off his hat and looked down at the porch.
“I was. Adria usually splits some for me before she goes to work, but she didn’t have time this morning.” Ruth smiled at the man. “She has liked splitting wood ever since you taught her how.”
“Missy Adria will try most anything.” He chuckled. “But I recall being some concerned for her toes when she first started swinging that ax. The missy does everything whole hog.”
“That’s for sure.” Ruth laughed along with him. “I guess you’re here for Bet’s order. I wasn’t expecting you. I thought one of the girls would come.”
“I had a few extra minutes.” He shuffled his feet a little but kept his eyes downcast as a slave was supposed to do.
Others sometimes asked Ruth if she wasn’t afraid to have Louis working around her house with no man to protect her. The question always surprised her. She would trust Louis with her life. Now she watched him twist his hat into a spiral. Something was bothering him. Perhaps the upcoming sale. That would be enough to make a man worry.
“Is something wrong, Louis?”
“Not exactly wrong, ma’am.” He looked up at her and quickly back down. “I’s just wantin’ to thank you for what you and Missy Adria are tryin’ to do for me. I wasn’t never expectin’ nothin’ like this.”
“It’s no more than you deserve after what you did for all of us twelve years ago.”
“I just did what needed doin’.”
“And that’s what we’re doing now.” When he twisted his hat into a tighter wad, she went on. “Are you worried about it? About being on your own.”
“That ain’t it. I know the Lord will be with me whatever happens.” Again he shot his gaze up to her and then back to the ground. “But I’m some worried ’bout the young missy if her plan don’t work for me. I’s just askin’ you to let her know I’ll be all right whether you get the money or not. I done told her, but she was too full of hopin’ to listen.”
“I understand, Louis, and I will be sure to tell her should that happen.” She touched his arm lightly. “But I don’t think Adria or you have to worry. The Lord is blessing our efforts after you told Adria to pray believing.”
“I ain’t sure I’m believin’ this.” Louis shook his head slowly.
“Believe it, Louis. It’s no more than you deserve, and it is going to happen.”
“If it does, I has you to thank for it, Miss Ruth.”
“Me?” Ruth frowned a little. “No, it’s Adria you need to thank.”
“But without you takin’ her in as a little girl, ain’t no tellin’ where she might have ended up. Could’ve been anywhere and someplace not so nice for her as this place here.” He waved his hand around to take in the house and yard. “Or with somebody so lovin’ as you. If the Lord is rewardin’ what I done like as how you say, then he’s sure to reward your kind heart too. Couldn’t have been easy for you there in the beginnin’.”
“I’ve been rewarded time and time again, Louis. Knowing you and Matilda. A house to live in. And Adria. I can’t imagine not having her in my life now in spite of the doubts I admit I did have that first day you brought her to me.”
“The good Lord works in ways we can’t know nothin’ about.”
“That makes me think of the hymn we sometimes sing at church. God moves in a mysterious way his wonders to perform.”
“That’s a good one.” Louis stepped off the porch to pick up the basket he’d left on the bottom step. “Here’s Bet’s basket for whatever she asked you to make.”
Ruth took it and went inside to pack up the bread and cake and cover it with Bet’s dish towel. Voices drifted in through the window. Will’s voice. Ruth’s heart did a happy little skip. She hadn’t expected to see him until she went to church. She slipped off her apron and smoothed back her hair. She dabbed the perspiration off her forehead with the underside of the apron and was tempted to go check how her hair looked in the hall tree mirror.
She shook her head at her vanity, picked up the basket, and stepped back out the door. Will was there on the stone walkway beside Louis. With a young child in his arms. Louis was talking to the little girl, making her smile without effort. Will was smiling too. Until he noticed Ruth on the steps. Then his smile faded and his face tightened a bit as though the sight of her made him nervous. Certainly not the look
she had been feeling so joyful about earlier in the day.
“I knocked on the front door, but when you didn’t answer, I came on around here. Hope you don’t mind.” Will sounded as though he feared she might.
“Of course I don’t mind. I’m sorry I didn’t hear you knock. I must have been out here talking to Louis.”
The child took one look at Ruth and buried her face in the curve of Will’s shoulder.
“Yessir, Preacher Robertson.” Louis spoke up. “We was talkin’ about how the Lord can move in mysterious ways and work wonders for us. I am thankful to you both for what you’re doin’ for ol’ Louis.”
“You’re not old, Louis,” Will said. “You have many good years of freedom awaiting you.”
“That would be a wonder.” Louis glanced up at the sky with a smile spreading over his face. “If’n that comes about, I’ll be praisin’ the eternal Master the rest of my days, but right now I’d best be gettin’ on back. Bet will be needin’ these.” He took the basket Ruth held out toward him.
After he left, they both seemed hesitant to break the silence between them. Not the comfortable silence they had shared watching the sundown the day she had gone buggy riding with him. This silence was so taut the air almost twanged with it. The child must have sensed their uneasiness, because she peeked around at Ruth and then hid her face against Will’s shirt again.
She had to be Will’s daughter even if she looked nothing like him. With her soft, honey-colored curls and round face, she must take after her mother. Perhaps that was why Will seemed so ill at ease. The child in his arms brought the memory of his wife to stand between them. The joyful promise of new love that had lifted Ruth’s spirits earlier that morning gathered in a hard knot in her chest as she waited for Will to speak.
A few more seconds ticked by. This was ridiculous. He was standing in front of her like one of her older students afraid to confess not doing the work she’d assigned. She wasn’t Will’s teacher or his judge or his anything. A promise was only that. A promise and not reality. Reality was the child in his arms, and if he couldn’t face that, she could.
She pushed a smile out on her face. “Who is this sweet young lady?”
He moved closer to the porch where she stood. “Meet my daughter, Willeena, but we call her Willie.” He shook his head a little as though he’d said something wrong and went on. “That is, my sister and I do. Did.”
“After her father.” Ruth went down the steps, making sure to keep a smile on her face. She leaned to the side to try to catch the girl’s eye. “Hello, Willeena. I like your name. My name is Ruth.”
The child sneaked a look over at her and then quickly hid her eyes again. Will rubbed his hand up and down her back. “She’s had some upheavals and she’s not too sure about things yet. My sister is in the family way and having some difficulties. Her husband brought Willie to me yesterday afternoon after I saw you at Mrs. Gregory’s.”
“I see.”
“I didn’t know she was coming.”
“So I assume she’s not the only one to have some upheavals.” Ruth reached to touch the child but stayed her hand.
“No, I fear not.” A smile slipped across Will’s face.
Ruth’s own smile felt easier. She had no trouble imagining some of the difficulties Will may have encountered with the sudden care of such a young child thrust on him. Hadn’t she experienced something the same once herself? Of course, Adria had been seven. That was a lot different than a toddler.
The child lifted her head away from his shoulder. “What’s a heaval?”
“Upheaval,” Will repeated for her. “That’s when everything changes.”
The child frowned a bit as she considered her father’s answer. She was a pretty child with wide, expressive eyes and a sweet bow mouth. Her mother must have been a lovely woman. Mrs. Gregory said the woman died of childbirth fever. So sad to think she never got to mother her child.
The girl started squirming in Will’s arms. “Want down.” Where moments before she’d burrowed down against his chest, now she pushed against him to get away.
He put her down with a warning. “You can’t run away.”
She peered up at him but didn’t say anything.
Will looked over at Ruth to explain. “At the house while I was hitching up the mare, she got away from me. I was fortunate to catch her before she got out of sight.” He settled his gaze back on Willeena. “She can move faster than I thought.”
As if to prove his words, the little girl ran across the yard to snatch at a dandelion fluff. When the seeds came off in her hand, she giggled and knelt down on the ground beside the stem.
“She appears to have a curious mind for such a young child,” Ruth said.
“Indeed,” Will said. “I’ve been answering questions all morning. What are we going to eat? What’s the horse’s name? Why are you so tall? Where are we going?”
Ruth had to laugh at the look on his face. “Did you have answers?”
“Not enough.” He laughed too, but then the smile completely vanished from his face as he looked from the child to Ruth. “Not nearly enough. I don’t know anything about taking care of a little girl.” He kept his gaze locked on her face. “I need help, Ruth.”
Ruth’s heart gave a little lurch as she waited for him to say more, but he just watched her as though waiting for her to answer a question he hadn’t asked. Did he want her to take in another child the way she’d taken in Adria? Again another woman’s child and not her own. Or did he mean more? They barely knew one another.
“Of course we’ll help you. Everyone in the church will be ready to help.” She kept her voice light. Best not to assume more than was meant by his plea for help.
He glanced toward the child, entranced now by a bird singing in the oak tree. Then he stepped closer to Ruth. “I don’t want everyone’s help. I want yours.”
“I . . . I . . . ,” she stammered, not sure what to say as her heart started racing.
He softly touched her face with the tips of his fingers. “I’m asking a lot, Ruth. Willie needs a mother.” He traced her cheekbone with his finger. “I need a wife.”
“I don’t know what to say.” Her skin tingled where he touched her cheek as the answer yes rose unbidden from her heart. But she pushed it aside. Instead she said, “This is all very sudden.”
“Yes.” He dropped his hand back to his side. “I will understand if you tell me to leave and never come back.”
She didn’t want that. But at the same time she’d never been impulsive. “I need time to think about it. To pray.”
His face lightened then. “I’ll pray as well. That the Lord will send you a sign. Send us both a sign to show us his will.”
Twenty-seven
Why had he said that about a sign? For months Will had despaired of his prayers rising above the ceiling and now he was asking for a sign from the Lord. Next thing he’d be laying out a fleece like Gideon in the Bible. And then doing it again, as though he couldn’t be sure of the Lord’s answer the first time.
But a little help from the Lord would be good. Will had been about to jump out of his skin ever since he stepped into Ruth’s yard. It was good Louis was there to give Will time to settle his nerves. But then he’d been tongue-tied about introducing Willie to Ruth. Even in his worst moments, he generally had no problem spitting out words. But having Willie in his care changed everything for him, and he feared it would change the sweet beginnings of the attraction between him and Ruth. Not for him, but for her.
She had been so lovely standing there, her cheeks flushed by the heat of her kitchen, her lips curled up in a smile that became a bit hesitant as she looked at Willie. Then perhaps it was only his doubt that had put up the wall of silence between them after Louis left with his basket of baked goods. Will was relieved when Ruth spoke first.
That had brought words from him he’d had no intention of speaking. A proposal, of all things. Not that he wanted to take it back. Instead he wanted to see yes in h
er eyes. He wanted to know how she felt in his arms. To touch his lips to hers.
He had raced ahead like a runaway horse with no thought of the fences he might crash into.
Instead of yes he’d seen surprise, followed by uncertainty in her eyes. He imagined the same might be reflected back to her from his own eyes. Even if he was the one doing the asking. It was something he had never planned to ask again. Ever. After Mary’s death, he pledged to live a single life. Loving someone the way he loved Mary opened up a man to too much pain.
For over two years, he had been satisfied with his solitary life, muddling along helping others if he could, studying the Bible to share the gospel and to attempt to strengthen his wavering faith. But then he met Ruth and his life became a lonely desert. Perhaps he was meant to be alone, but could it be the Lord had brought him to Springfield for other purposes? What was it Louis had said? That the good Lord could work in mysterious ways. Had the Lord brought Will here not only to help free Louis but to start a new life with Ruth?
That might be up to the woman standing in front of him, slight furrows between her eyes as she considered his words.
“What sort of sign?” she asked, as if she really wanted to know what he, as a man of God, meant.
“I don’t know,” he answered honestly. “I probably shouldn’t have said that.”
“You don’t think the Lord sends signs?” Her frown grew more pronounced.
“Not every time, any more than he answers every prayer as we wish.” He wanted to pick up Willie, go back out to the street to start over. Knock on Ruth’s front door again and hope he didn’t make such a mess of it all.
“But we continue to pray and hope for guidance.”
“We do.”
She looked away from him, then toward Willie, who paid them no attention as she happily ran about the yard.
After a long moment, Ruth turned back to Will. “Peter saw signs in everything. As much preacher as teacher, he was attuned to whatever the Lord wanted to speak to him. I leaned on his faith and then he died. His death seemed wrong, as though the Lord had somehow played a cruel trick on us. On me.” She rushed on as though worried he would take offense at her words. “I know that’s not right, but it was a desperate time for me.”
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